01x05 - Invasion of the Big Balls

[bunniefuu]

Whoa!

This is wild!

Nope, this is "Wipeout."
Oh.

Ahh!

The big balls
are back, America.

I’m Nicole Byer.

And I’m John Cena.

We’ll be your guides
as we reintroduce you

to the most insane
competition show known to man.

She got hit hard,

but that’s the game
of "Wipeout."

En garde!

Each week, teams of two
will compete

for their share
of the $25,000 grand prize.

The courses are crazier.

Ahh!

The contestants
are bendier.

That one’s gotta hurt.

And the hosts are sexier.

This body doesn’t happen
overnight.

It also doesn’t happen
by taking shirtless selfies

in the gym mirror
for 45 minutes.

Welcome back,
America, to "Wipeout"!

Hello, America,
and welcome to "Wipeout."

I’m John Cena,
here with Nicole Byer.

That’s me.

We’ve seen so many
amazing wipeouts this season.

Are there any that stand out
to you?

Oh, I really couldn’t
tell ya.

After every episode,
my hypnotist removes

all the wipeouts
from my memory.

Frankly, you should do it, too.

But I’ll pass on the
memory-erasing hypnotist.

Thanks.
Suit yourself, Jeff Cena.

Oh, Nicole.
My name’s John.

Oh, well, suit yourself,
Jeff John.

Let’s take a look
at the qualifier.

Alright, Jeff John.

Ten teams face
the qualifier today,

a five-part obstacle course
behemoth.

First up, players make
their way into the ring

and avoid the mud by clearing
the Spanker Planks.

Then runners go
for the high-risk maneuver

off and over the turnbuckles
in the Tosser Tumbler.

Next up, a "Wipeout"
classic, the Big Balls.

Make it across and grab
Smallsy for a $250 bonus.

After that,
it’s the Body Blender.

Jump the hurdles or get
cut down in the process.

Finally, the players end

with the swinging
and swaying Jigglelator

before a final leap
to the finish platform.

The six fastest teams
to finish the qualifier

make it
through to the next round.

Let’s toss it to our host
in the field,

the great deal-azeel,
Camille Kostek.

Camille, how’s it going
down there?

I can scream
without screaming.

Thanks, Camille.
Great stuff.

At the top of the course,
we have Calista and Chloe.

Bend It Like
Calista and Chloe

here are Division I
soccer players.

Ah, soccer,
the metric system of sports.

And here’s the... kickoff?
Uh, football.

John, are you sure there’s
no kickoff in soccer?

I’m not, but I am sure
that Calista and Chloe

are moving at a good pace
towards the mud pits.

Chloe approaches
the Spanker Planks,

and--oh!

And the soccer star gets
a rude greeting

by some of our athletes.

That alone was more action
than an entire soccer game.

You said it, not me.

Chloe’s teammate Calista looks
like a natural in the ring.

Oh--ooh, about as natural
as my lashes, John.

Come on, you’re fine.
Suck it up!

Our wrestling friends have
made this

a pretty dirty match so far.

It’s nothing these
Sporty Spices can’t handle.

We’ll see.

Here’s Calista
on the Tosser Tumbler.

Oh, no!
Scratch that.

Here’s Calista
on the Tosser Tumbler.

Oh!

That’s why you don’t wear
cleats in the ring.

I shouldn’t be this tired!

Despite a couple
of hard hits,

these athletic ladies are
making pretty good time.

They’ll be in a good spot
if they keep up the pace.

Who’s up next, Camille?

Thanks, guys.

I’m down here
with Jennifer and Jay.

Welcome to "Wipeout," you guys.

Thank you.
All right, thank you.

All right, so tell me
about what you do.

I’m actually a woodworker.
Uh-huh.

And I do pole fitness,
so I’m an instructor.

I really want to see what
you can do!

Yeah, of course.

Not looking, I’m at work!
I’m professional.

Nicole, let me know when
she’s done.

Okay, she’s done.
Thanks

Hey!

What?

And with control
on the dismount, wow!

That’s unbelievable.

What a coincidence!

I’ve been taking pole classes
myself.

Have you?

You know what the key is,
John?

Well, it looks like it’s
in the shoulders.

No, it’s in the pole.

I like a nice long one.

Uh...

You can call me
"big pole Nicole."

Surely, the size of the pole
isn’t everything.

I bet there are plenty
of smaller poles out there

that do very well
for themselves.

-

Well, keep telling yourself
that one, John.

Let’s go back down
on the course.

Jen’s boyfriend,
Jay the woodworker,

is on the Jigglelator.

You know, woodworkers have
a saying:

"Measure twice, cut once."

Ouch!

I think Jay’s saying,
"Go slow, fall hard."

"Woodworking the Pole"
is on pace to finish

a couple minutes slower
than the soccer ladies,

but we’ll see
if they did enough

to poke through
the next round.

It’s been a pretty sexy show
so far, John.

Can’t wait to see who’s next.

both: Moo!

Ahh!
Wake up, Nicole, wake up!

Nicole, Nicole, it’s okay.

They’re just the
Milk Studs, Sam and Zach.

Milk Studs?

Yeah, these twins
really love milk.

Oh.
Why are they so short?

I’m Sam.
I’m Zach.

And we are...
Milk enthusiasts!

Everyone else thinks milk
is disgusting.

They tell me,
they’re like, you know,

"Milk only belongs in cereal."

Milk should be drank
at every meal.

Best beverage on the planet.

The thing about "Wipeout,"
it’s all about, you know,

gravity and having the right
velocity and trajectories.

I bet you I go further
than you do on the Big Balls.

No way that’s true.

I guarantee I’ll get
all the Big Balls.

You’ll probably fall off
on the first one.

Did you know
I’m lactose intolerant, John?

Really? Since when?

Come on, climb faster!
Since watching those two.

Well, let’s see which twin
can back up their tough talk

on the Big Balls.

These are the most identical
twins I’ve ever seen.

Milk Stud Zach bounces
on those things like a pro,

and... yes!

The lactose lover knocks
off Hippie Smallsy

for the $250 Big Ball bonus.

Ooh, he could buy
the whole cow with that money.

Let’s go, bro!
You got this!

I know you can do it, Sam!
Go, go, go!

If one twin can do it,
so can the other, right?

Oh, no!

Maybe they’re not
as identical as we thought.

How am I
so much better than you?

Well, Zach was
the Big Ball king,

but can either
of these Milk Studs

get through the Jigglelator

without getting churned
into butter?

Come on, Sam or Zach,
or Zach or Sam.

Can’t help you there,
Camille,

but whichever one it is--
ooh, boy!

Ooh!

He’s getting a good
old-fashioned,

ice-cold dunkin’,

and I ain’t talking
about doughnuts.

I don’t know which one
this is,

but it looks just like
the other one.

These Milk Studs hold
the fastest time so far

with an impressive 5 minutes
and 8 second finish.

Now someone put them back
in the fridge

before they spoil.

So I brought a few
of my old wrestling coworkers

to help us out
with today’s qualifier.

It’s like being back
at the office again.

The office, huh?

Look, that’s Darryl
from accounting.

Ooh, those hits
don’t seem fake though.

Are you sure
he’s worked with you?

Hey, there’s José from HR.
Ah, he looks tough.

How many times
did he take you down?

Never, but one time he did
give me a citation

for microwaving fish
in the office kitchen.

Never again.
Oh, look, that’s--

Let me guess, Sharon
and Bob, quality control?

You know them, too?
Great people.

I could talk
to them for hours.

I feel their pain.
Man, I miss these guys.

Let’s meet our next team.

You got this, yes!
Oh,.

Oh, great, our drone
is going rogue again.

I’d dismantle that thing
if I wasn’t afraid

of it coming to life
and attacking me.

Well, it’s freaking out
Marcus

from team Space Cases.

They’re alien enthusiasts,

so he probably thinks
it’s a UFO.

Don’t worry, man!
We come in peace.

Ah!
Ooh!

You want to revise that, John?

I’m Alex.
I’m Marcus.

And we are...
The UFO-ologists.

Aliens are so real.
There’s no question about it.

There are literally aliens
everywhere.

The person sitting next to you
on the couch could be an alien.

Today, we’re gonna learn
how to make a tinfoil hat.

We tried to get abducted.
We were in Joshua Tree.

And I was trying to send
those signals with my mind.

And I was yelling at them,
saying, "We are here!"

We didn’t get abducted.

There’s little aliens
in there.

I told you, they exist.

God bless Camille
for playing along.

Hi, guys!
They’re really nice.

Don’t worry.
Don’t be scared.

The aliens have arrived,

searching
for intelligent life.

But instead, they landed
here on "Wipeout."

They came so close.

That’s our alien slime.

We brought it out for you guys
specially.

I thought I knew that slime.

And for Alex, the encounter
is starting

to get a little too close
for comfort.

Ooh, I’d say she made
contact there.

With more teams to go,
the Space Cases finish

with a time of 6 minutes
and 48 seconds,

good enough to slot them
in the third spot for now.

Pretty good
for a couple of earthlings.

Ugh.
Ew.

That’s love right there.

I feel amazing.

I need to get out
of this world.

Wait, take Cena with you!

For the rest of you humans,
stay put.

More crazy qualifier to come.

I’m gonna go make a call
on a payphone.

A payphone?
I don’t know, it’s--

How oddly specific.
-

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

We’re in the middle of watching

our teams battle
through the qualifier,

and the six
with the fastest times

move on to the next round.

Let’s not get ahead
of ourselves though.

We still gotta weed out
a few more of these teams.

If this were a dating app,
we’d still be

in the "making sure they still
have all their teeth" phase.

So if they don’t have
all their teeth,

that’s a dealbreaker for you?

Well, it depends on how
pretty all their teeth are

that they still have.

Let’s see if this next team
can keep all their chompers

in the qualifier.

Question:

Do these two know they’re
being filmed right now?

Unclear,
but this is Alex and Winona,

professional puppeteers
and dating.

I’m honestly more confused
about who they are now.

Me, too; let’s hope
this video clears things up.

There’s no strings on us!

My name’s Winona.
My name’s Alex.

And we are...
The Puppeteers!

I’ve been doing puppetry
for about 13 years.

I went down to the
Bob Baker Marionette Theater.

I saw a puppet show,

and it was the coolest thing
I’ve ever seen.

So we’re here today to do
"Wipeout"

because we want to help save
the theater.

This money would go a really
long way for us.

We’re dating.
We work together.

So I actually am
super confident

that we’ll be able to talk out
there on the course.

This is what we’re gonna look
like after we win.

With two of their puppets,
Yellow Cat and Happy,

showing their support
from the sidelines,

Nicole, what do you say
we save that theater?

Ooh!
Ow, oh.

Ooh!
Owie.

A bake sale might have been
a less painful option.

For the puppets!

Chair to the face,
shmair to the face.

Puppeteers are pressing on.
For the puppets!

For the puppets!
For the puppets!

Maybe if you guys
keep saying it,

it’ll magically happen.

For the--oh!

The puppets?
Yeah, the puppets.

Uh-huh.

We’re gonna save
the puppet theater, babe.

"What the
did she just say?"

Well, this got weird.

I believe in you!

"I believe
in a living wage."

Alex isn’t giving up.

He’s trying to make up
some time on the Jigglelator.

Oh!
Oh!

Ginger Geppetto gets
the hammer

put to him this time!

With a fringy finish time
of 8 minutes and 36 seconds,

we’ll see if this couple
did enough

to keep their theater hopes
alive.

Or they might need to switch
to more age-appropriate toys,

and, listen, I got some recs.

We’ll put you guys in touch
later.

Who’s next, Camille?

Thanks, guys, I’m down here
with Richard and Jenna.

What’s going on guys?
You guys excited?

What’s up, let’s go!
I’m so excited.

What do you guys do?
We’re influencers.

Influencers, just like me.

Hey, Byer hive!

Ooh, how are all my followers
doing today?

Just hosting by myself,
you know--

Come on, let me be in it!
No!

Get out of here!

Welcome to my channel, fam!

We’ve got the dopest collabs
with other influencers,

like Jenna here.

Her travel vlog
is flipping insane.

Come for the big trips,
stay for the beauty tips.

Be sure you hit that subscribe
button before it hits you.

We’ve also got my homegirl
Camille’s fashion tips...

Where’d you get this shirt?
It’s my favorite color.

And her fun dance tutorials.

Bring it around.

That’s the Body Blender
first move.

Be sure to follow her
if you don’t already.

Well, you know, you guys can
follow me, too, at--

We’ve got
the juiciest celebrity dirt.

And of course a "Wipeout"
audience favorite,

Nicole’s meme of the--

Whoa, I feel a John’s meme
of the day coming on.

John, don’t hijack
my segment,

especially
with those shoulders.

Why do you get a segment,
and I don’t?

Because I’m great at coming
up with memes.

If you can come up
with something you’re good at,

then, uh, be my guest.

Pff, easy, I can rip
a phone book in half.

I don’t even know
what that is.

Now if you’ll excuse me,

it’s time
for Nicole’s meme of the day.

And that’s how you go viral,
folks.

Okay, can I do my job again?

Yeah.
Cool.

We’re gonna soar right
over this course!

We are the Aerialists!

Ah, so they’re
nipple experts.

Boy, do I have some questions
for them.

I’m Zoe.
And I’m Aaron.

And we are the Aerialists!

Me and Aaron met

because my family owns
a circus school.

My specialty is the lyra,

which is a hoop that hangs
in the air.

My ultimate goal is to be
in Cirque du Soleil

just like my parents were.

My mom, when she was pregnant
with me,

I was actually in a Cirque show
with her,

and so I hope to be back
on the stage.

Everything we do as circus
artists is preparing us

for "Wipeout";
we just didn’t know it.

From the "Wipeout"
fairgrounds,

it’s the slipperiest show
on Earth.

Step right up, and watch
this circus geek glide

over the Spanker Planks
with beautiful form.

Oh!
Ooh.

Wow, wow, wow!

Well, now you’ve got
a slightly flatter form.

Go Zoe!

What’s a circus without
a big ball balancing act?

Zoe is soaring
over those things.

Yeah, Zoe, knock her off!

And she knocks off
Hippie Smallsy

for the $250 Big Ball bonus.

That alone was worth
the price of admission.

Zoe decides to stay closer
to the floor

of the Jigglelator.

The floor?

Girl, you’re an aerialist,
not a florist!

Ooh!
Okay, stay in your lane.

She flies through the air
with the greatest of ease.

Well, it wasn’t
their smoothest performance,

but with a time of just
under six minutes,

the Aerialists advance
to the gauntlet.

Do you think aerial yoga
prepared you?

No, nothing can prepare you
for "Wipeout."

Not even circus school?
Not even circus school.

Good luck.
Go clean up.

both: Thank you.

And John and Nicole,
back to you guys.

Along with the Aerialists,
the five other teams

moving on will be
the Milk Studs,

Bend It Like
Calista and Chloe,

the Space Cases,
Woodworking the Pole,

and the Puppeteers.

Where else can two grown men
who like milk

and soccer players
get this much air time

in the United States?

-
"Air time." Nice.

The gauntlet is next.

Honestly,
phone books are invasive.

Like, my number is just
in there?

You can pay for it to be
unlisted.

Oh.
It’s an extra charge.

Can you really?
Yeah.

It’s like, an extra 5¢.

Really?
Yeah.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

Six teams have made it
through to our second round

and are one step closer
to the $25,000.

And, Nicole, these guys must be
pretty rattled

after getting whomped, whacked,
and walloped by that qualifier.

John, they got smacked,
slammed, and swatted!

They got punched, pummeled,
and... they got, um...

ah, let’s put a pin in that,

move on to our next test
for tonight’s competitors,

the dreaded gauntlet.

The gauntlet will be done
in two heats.

Each heat, three teams
competing at the same time

will be practically climbing
over one another

starting at the Carous-Hell.

Then it’s a footrace

through
the disgusting mud pits

and slippery slopes
of the Messy Mile.

And finally,
the Pummel Pool,

where the choice between
the revolving french fries

and the giant
spinning lollipop

could make or break it all.

The first team to have
both members

cross the finish line moves on
to the Wipeout Zone.

P...

You know what, forget it.
There are no other P words.

I mean, I can think of one,

but nobody here is getting any
on the course,

and I’m not getting any
in my life.

Well, let’s head back down
to the gauntlet.

The teams in heat one are

the fearless and flexible
Aerialists

those marionette mastering
Puppeteers

and the alien admiring
Space Cases.

You go
to the little doggy door.

I’m gonna go
through the big dog door.

Let the gauntlet games
begin.

Are you ready?

All right, on my count.
Three!

Two!

One!

And they’re off.

Space Case Marcus is
the first to drop.

Ahh!
Ooh.

Hey, look,
an identified falling object.

Aaron the aerialist sticks
the landing for team pink.

Hey, I thought
of another P word.

Oh, what?
Patient.

As in, if we’re patient,

maybe we’ll see the aerialist
do some groundwork.

Well, it won’t be Aaron

because he’s on
to the next platform.

Here’s his teammate Zoe.
Yeesh.

Guess we didn’t have to be
that patient.

Looks like Aaron the circus
performer is sticking

with his comfort zone.

Oh!

And he goes with the ring
for his Carous-hell ride.

And the ringmaster
is the first

to complete the obstacle.

You got it, Zoe!
Whoo!

Don’t get too excited, kid.

Your partner’s still
at the top of the course.

Puppeteer Alex cuts ties
with the top of the course

and holds on to that propeller

like it’s one
of his marionettes.

I almost married a net once,

but being a basketball wife
in Brooklyn

just like wasn’t my story,
you know?

You know, I’m sorry it
didn’t work out.

Baby, you got this!

Space Case Marcus goes
into orbit.

No, no.
No, no!

Oh, but he runs out of space
on the platform.

Oh, so close!

Puppeteer Alex, learning
that hanging

from strings ain’t so easy.

You got it, man.
You can do it!

But it looks like he might
have found a new best friend

in that sweeper bar.

What’s his strategy here,
you think?

I don’t think strategy
is what’s on his mind

right now, John.

Hmm.

That got weird.
Yeah, can we move on?

Yeah.

Space Case Marcus gives

the propeller bar
another spin.

Great job!

And finally, he gets
to explore the other regions

of the gauntlet galaxy.

And puppeteer Winona pays
a visit

to Mr. Gauntlet’s
neighborhood,

which reminds me,
to the children watching,

you’re all very special.

You can do it, Zoe!

Zoe the high-flying
circus freak

finally contorts her way
around the propeller.

Oh, she takes a mean hit
off the sweeper,

but she hangs
on to the trapeze.

Wow, it’s almost like
that’s her job or something.

And on to the Messy Mile
they go.

Pink is advancing.

With the Aerialists taking
flight,

Puppeteer Winona tries to grip
the dangler.

I heard a scream, but
I didn’t see her lips move.

She’s good.

And the Aerialists
are trying

to stretch out their lead
by staying above ground.

Easier said than done.

Winona’s going with the hoop
this time.

Let’s see how she does when
she’s the one in the strings.

Hell yeah, Winona!

And she does what her
partner hasn’t been able to do

and reaches the bridge.

Come on, babe.

We know who pulls
the strings

in that relationship, mm-hmm.

For the puppets!

Puppeteer Alex gets
past the sweeper bar,

and the Puppeteers can still
catch up if they hurry.

Come on, let’s get this.

-
If they hurry.

Come on, keep going, Zoe!

While the Aerialists are
ascending to new heights

on Mount Wipeout,

the Space Cases are quickly
getting left behind.

You got this, honey.

Marcus times his swing
nicely over the sweeper bar

and completes
the Carous-Hell.

Great job.

And his girlfriend Alex...

I just need a minute.

Needs a minute.

Well, give her a minute,
then.

Don’t be rude.

For the puppets!
For the puppets.

For the puppets!
For the puppets!

For Happy, for Yellow Cat.
For Yellow Cat.

For Orange Cat.
For the White Cats.

For the White Cat.

We get it.

You have lots of puppets.

Here’s Alex on the zip line.

Whoa!

Dios mío.

Which puppet do you think
that was dedicated to?

Do they have one named
Filthy Cat?

Well, the Aerialists have
landed in the Pummel Pool.

Aaron and Zoe have made it
into the final round

of the gauntlet,
but it’s anybody’s game.

Camille’s right because
those peculiar puppeteers

are creeping up from behind.

You got it, babe!
It’s pretty slippery.

Slippery.
Ha, that’s cute.

Zoe balancing on that big
ball like a true circus star

lands nicely
on the Tippy Table

and makes it over
to the next platform.

You got it, Aaron!

Now Aaron meets Zoe
on the other side

of the pink ball, and
the Aerialists are a-moving.

Pink is this close
to the Wipeout Zone.

Ready?
Yeah.

But look!

Those pesky puppeteers are
crashing the pool party.

Aaron makes a quick decision
to go lollipop

instead of french fries,
and he sticks it!

Getting on there
is one thing,

but getting off that sucker,
ooh, that’s a different story.

Well, let’s see
if he can do it.

Oh!
He does!

The execution in the final
part of the gauntlet

is unbelievable!

Aaron!

And Aaron the Aerialist
soars

over that final pink ball

and has a soft,
graceful landing

as he glides down
that glistening ramp

on to the finish.

That was beautiful.

You know, looks like
there’s life

on the other side
of planet gauntlet.

Atta girl!

Yeah, well, unless they can
do something funky

about the space-time
continuum,

it’s gonna be tough
to catch up.

You’re almost home now.
Let’s go!

"Almost home"?
What do you think he means?

Oh, I’m not sure.

Great job, baby!
Okay.

What’s she doing?

So does that mean
he’s single now?

Back at the Pummel Pool,

the puppet masters are chasing
the ringmasters

as puppeteer Alex reaches
the big ball,

just one obstacle behind Zoe,
who--

ooh!--can’t make it
onto the lollipop.

John, unless the Aerialists
close out this high-wire act,

the Puppeteers could steal
the show.

Zoe, they’re catching up!

Zoe looks hesitant to try
the lollipop

for a second time.

I don’t know if I can do it!

Do it!

And the aerialist makes it
on.

Go, go!
She’s going.

She’s going for it.

She jumps off the lollipop,
and--

Ooh, ooh, hang on, hang on!

Yes, she makes it
onto the platform!

Whoo!
Whoo-hoo!

Puppeteers making
one final push.

Ahh!

But Winona goes down.

Can Zoe close the curtains
right here?

She does it, and
the Aerialists are flying high

as gauntlet winners.

Congratulations,
Aaron and Zoe,

you guys are going
to the Wipeout Zone!

Back to you guys.

The Aerialists punch
their ticket

to the final round

and now await
their Wipeout Zone challenger.

We have one of our most
competitive gauntlets ever

up next, plus a Wipeout Zone
you have to see to believe.

And you might not even
believe it then.

He’s going all out!

I’m so vain.

I look in the mirror,
and I’m like,

"Oh, my God, I’m so cute."

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

One team has already
conquered the gauntlet,

advancing to the Wipeout Zone,

and the winner of
this next heat will join them

to compete
for the $25,000 prize.

John, what about them?

The camera operators?
The audience, John.

That’s what these contestants
should really be competing for:

America’s respect.

And don’t you give that up
too easily, America.

Know your worth, queen.

Know your worth.

Well, let’s see if these next
three teams are ready

to change their ways for you,
America.

Head back down to the gauntlet.

The teams in heat number two
are

badass ball kickers Bend It
Like Calista and Chloe.

I’m gonna grab for the circle
or the T-bar for a grip.

The sexy and splintery
couple, Woodworking the Pole.

And those gosh darn
udder-loving Milk Studs.

Let’s rock, let’s roll,
let’s gauntlet.

One round down,
two more to go.

Get ready for your next
big test, the gauntlet!

All right, here we go!
On my count.

Three!

Two!

One!

And heat two is underway.

Here we go.

Woodworker Jay
from the purple team

tries to nail the landing.

Ooh, and he gets nailed
instead.

One of the Milk Studs
in green gives it a go.

Oh, no, and he takes
a messy spill.

That definitely did not
do his body good.

Ouch.

Oh, my God, you’re so good!

Milk Stud Sam is the first
to get a good drop,

and his team, by far, had
the fastest qualifier time,

and you can see why
as he makes his way

over to the Carous-Hell.

Now pole instructor Jen
wraps herself

around a much thicker pole
than she’s used to--yikes!

To be fair, that mustache
twin probably spilled milk

all over it.

Milk Stud Sam now taking
a ride

on the hanging handlebars.

You got this!

The sweeper tries to spoil
it, but he makes it over

successfully to the end
of the Carous-hell.

Yes!

Still, he can’t move on
to the Messy Mile

until his dairy doppelganger
joins him.

Yes, Zach!
You got this!

Here’s Milk Stud Zach
hoping

to join his other
half and half at the end

at the end of the Carous-Hell.

Some kids just don’t know
when to let go of the udder.

Don’t get discouraged!

No use crying over--
Eh, don’t say it, John.

Here’s soccer star Chloe--

Holy.

Yellow card for language!

I’m gonna go on that one.
You’re my.

And another.

Don’t test me, blondie.

Uh, how many yellow cards
does she have--?

-!

I don’t know,
but this is fun.

Find one, and focus on it.

Woodworker Jay sticks
the landing on the propeller,

but can he make it off?

Duck, duck, duck!

The handyman can!

His team finished fifth
in the qualifier

but could surprise us here
in the gauntlet.

Nice, Chloe!
Thank god!

Looks like Chloe’s had
enough of the sidelines,

and now the soccer star is
in the game.

Oh!

Woodworker Jay takes a big
blow from that sweeper bar

but uses those strong hands
and big arms to hang on.

Oh, he sure does.

Come on, Jen!

Now pole instructor Jennifer
getting in the action.

Can she meet her boo
on the bridge?

Come on, baby!
It’s gonna hurt.

Don’t lift your legs!
Take it, take it!

That’s what they always say

right before I get
my bikini wax.

Jay and Jennifer are taking
the lead.

Come on, Calista.
We gotta go!

Good!

Before the scoreboard gets
too crooked,

Calista convinces the coach
to put her in the game.

Yes, Chloe!

And her teammate Chloe takes
the dangler

for a friendly ride to the end
of the Carous-Hell.

Being nice to the obstacles
pays off.

Get the off of me!

Hey!

Use the wrecking ball!

Wait, did you just see that?

Chloe left my milky man Sam
hanging

with the unreciprocated
double high five.

Ooh, that might be the most
painful thing I’ve seen today.

Woodworking the Pole
keeps building on their lead

as they start to climb
Mount Wipeout.

And it greets them
with a nice wet hello.

I see some faces coming
over Mount Wipeout!

Chloe and Calista better
kick it into gear!

This is the hardest part
right here!

This is it!
Legs over the ball!

Legs over the ball,
legs over the ball!

Hold on, hold on!
You’re right here!

And the teamwork pays off

as Bend It Like Calista
and Chloe move on

to the Messy Mile.

And the good sport that he is,
Sam gives his opponents

a high f--oh, no.

Not again.

Sam, Sam, Sam,
this is just getting sad.

I mean, how is he ever gonna
recover from that one?

I don’t know.
Can we move on?

This is too hard to watch.

Over at the Pummel Pool,

pole instructor Jen is
teaching her man Jay

all the right moves as she
hustles past the pink ball

and the Tippy Table.

Let’s see if he was paying
attention.

You got it!
Wait, and come.

Now that’s a good boyfriend,
mouth closed, ears open.

Purple is moving!

Yes, yes, that’s really good!

Zach finally reaches his bro
as the milk twins move on

to the next obstacle,
but they’d better moo-ve

because Bend It Like Calista
and Chloe

are channeling one
of the soccer greats.

Beckham?
Messi.

Blech.

It’s decision point right
now for Jay

at the Pummel Pool.

What are you thinking, Jay,
fries or lolly?

I’m going for the lolly!
Going for the lolly, okay.

The woodworker thinks
the lolly

is the more stable structure.

Stability isn’t really
our thing.

I mean, a lolly is a sucker.

Ha, good one, Camille!
You never laugh at my jokes.

Here come Calista and Chloe.
This could get interesting.

Yellow is in purple’s
territory.

It gets heated now.
Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Pole instructor Jen giving
the french fries a whirl.

Oh, my God.
Ahh!

Ooh!
Ooh!

Oof.

Okay.

Oh!
Ooh.

More poles than she’s used
to working with, I’d say.

Chloe shows some of that
great footwork with the ball,

and makes it over
to the next landing.

That should be it!

Not even close, girl.

What, I’m supposed
to go through that?

I mean, only if you want
to win.

Zach, we got this!

Sam and Zach, they’re coming
for the prize.

It’s getting crowded
in the Pummel Pool, folks,

with all three teams now
in the running.

Bend It Like Calista tries
to bend the fates her way.

She bends it a little
too far there.

Ooh, so close.

Bro, come on, you got this.

Milk Stud Sam makes quick
work of the pink ball.

And you can see
from this replay,

he really has the technique.

No, no, no, no,
that’s not a replay.

That’s Zach.

Oh sh**t, you’re right!

What?

Look at them coming back
from behind.

Milk Stud Zach now leaps
onto the lollipop.

You sure that’s Zach?
Yeah.

Bet you five bucks it’s Sam.
Make it ten?

Deal.

Yes!

And now with the final jump,
Zach--

Or Sam.

is the first player
to complete the gauntlet.

Oh, my God!

Congratulations,
you’re finished!

Yeah.
We just need your twin.

That’s easier said than done
as Sam--

Or Zach.

Finds out the french fries
prefer to be dairy free.

Let me take a guess,
are you Zach?

No, I’m Sam.

Damn, I had a 50/50 chance,
and I failed.

Ha, where’s my ten bucks,
Cena?

Damn.
Wanna go double or nothing?

Is that a twins joke?
Maybe.

Now Calista goes
over the pink ball

and tippy table, but can
she stay on that bridge?

She can, and gauntlet glory is
still very much up for grabs.

Pole instructor Jen gives us
a lollipop lesson.

Ooh.
Ooh!

She better not charge us
for that.

Well, her boyfriend Jay
seems

to have gotten the hang of it,

and he dives nicely
onto the final platform.

And with one final hop
over that big ball,

now two separate teams have
someone waiting for them

in the winner’s circle.

And Sam finally got
that high five.

Nice.

This is a real nail biter,
folks.

Which teammate will cross
the finish first?

Yes!
Hang on!

Will it be Milk Stud Zach?
Oh, oh!

Oh, and he overshoots it.

So close!

Now Chloe tries.
Yes, yes!

Chloe just landed.

Moves on over
to the pink ball.

And we are all even, people.

This is stressful, John.

Here, take my hand.
Ugh, no thanks.

It is anybody’s game
in the gauntlet!

Here we go, Calista!
Come on!

Pole instructor Jen
challenges Calista

to a lollipop duel.

Who’s gonna jump first?

Come on, this is us,
Calista!

It’s Jen!

Oh, but the pole instructor
falls short.

Do not hesitate!

Can Calista do it?

Yes, she can!

You got it!

Get across this freaking ball!

-

Yes!

And in "come from behind"
fashion,

Bend It Like Calista
and Chloe

kicked the gauntlet doors shut
for the win.

Congratulations, team yellow!

Chloe and Calista,
you’re going straight

to the Wipeout Zone.

Good job, guys.

Back to you guys.

Now that was a gauntlet.

Bend It Like Calista
and Chloe

are headed to the Wipeout Zone
to compete

against the Aerialists for
the $25,000 prize.

John and I are moving
over to the Wipeout Zone

to see who’s got the edge,

the soccer ladies
or the circus babies?

You don’t want to miss this.

Will she make the leap?

Welcome back to "Wipeout,"

your mom’s favorite show
featuring big balls.

Well, that’s not true for me,
Nicole.

Yes, it is.
No, it’s not.

Carol Cena loves many different
shows about big balls.

Okay, listen, I am sorry
I went there.

No, I’m sorry I snapped.

I just--I get very defensive

when it comes
to my mom’s viewing habits

regarding big balls.

I get it.
You do?

Not at all, but we’re here
in the Wipeout Zone,

where our two remaining teams
are about to compete

for a $25,000 grand prize.

Let’s get into it!

We’ve made it to the top
of the mountain,

the Wipeout Zone.

This colossal course is made
up of four stages

done relay-style
with each contestant

attempting two obstacles.

The first team member will
get sh*t out

from our speeding
Silver b*llet

into freezing cold waters
below.

From there, they’ll swim to
the giant spinning Vertigo

where they’ll attempt
to maneuver from peg to peg

without losing their grip
or their lunch.

They’ll need to press
the button in the middle

to lower the bridge before
they can leap to safety.

That’s when they’ll tag
their partner

to take on the Leap of Faith,

where they’ll have to launch
themselves

onto one of the spinning arms,
maintain their balance,

and jump to the narrow
platform on the other side.

It’s tough.

If they successfully make it
across,

they’ll arrive
at the final challenge.

The Triple thr*at.

If a contestant can somehow
make it

from one spinning hexagon
to the next

and safely leap
to the final platform faster

than their competition,
they’ll take home $25,000.

The two teams competing
for "Wipeout" immortality

will be savage soccer stars
Bend It Like Calista and Chloe

and the Aerialists

who I assume are
pretty bendable, too.

Chloe’s putting her game
face on here

in the Silver b*llet.

She and her teammate Calista
here have made it here

through a combination of grit,
athleticism, and passion,

but will it take them
all the way?

Three, two, one...

Chloe is
in the Silver b*llet.

Away it goes,
and she is launched

into Lake Wipeout.

Splash and now makes her way
to the Vertigo,

swimming strong so far.

We’ll see how long that lasts.

You just know those soccer
legs are kicking like crazy

under the surface.

Yeah, Chloe!

Chloe has to jump
on to Vertigo,

make it to the middle,
hit the button.

That will allow the gate to
come down on the other side,

and then she can leap
to the gate,

and then allow Calista
to finish the course.

I always think it sounds
easy,

but it’s not easy.

It is hard because it spins
you up, down.

You don’t know which way is up.
Moving all around.

Moving all around.

Oh, my God.
Okay.

You got it!

You’re kidding me.

There’s that potty mouth
we’ve grown to love.

Go a little slower,
go a little slower.

She’s yelling
at the obstacle, and it helps!

Okay.
It helps.

The Vertigo doesn’t like
to be yelled at.

It’s big, but it’s sensitive.

Get a touch!
Just get a touch!

All right, here we go.

You’re so close.
Good.

Hits the button,
the ramp comes down.

Rather quick.
Yes.

And now the confusion
begins.

Stay upright!

She’s quick on her feet
though.

All that soccer is
paying off.

Get to the outside blue.
You got it!

Ooh, she’s in a position
to make the jump.

Will she make the leap?

-!

Oh.
So close.

Nope, doesn’t work.

"Wipeout" is a game
of inches.

If only she played a sport
that let her use her hands.

Just wanted to taste
a mouthful of Lake Wipeout.

Mm-hmm

Which, as we know, is filled
with by-products

of competitors from years past.

Mm-hmm.

It’s really hard.

I need a sec.

For you at home,
this is very difficult.

This Wipeout Zone is
the most difficult Wipeout Zone

in the history
of Wipeout Zones.

People do this for fun.
People do this for fun.

Who are those crazy people
she’s referring to?

I think she wants to get set
to make that jump...

I think so.
As soon as possible.

Okay.
She’s ready to jump.

This is the chance.
Will she make it?

She made it!

All right, Calista on.

She’s been tagged in.
Okay.

You got it, dude.
You got it, come on!

And here is Calista
at the Leap of Faith.

She has to leap
on that swinging arm.

She’s in sort of
a superhero crouch.

Yes, yes, yes, yes!
She made it!

She’s gotta flatten out,
or she is gonna get pancaked.

There we go, there we go,
there we go.

She made it and now she
just has to time her jump

and hang on--

which she does!

Yes!

That’s what I’m talking
about!

And now the Triple thr*at.

All these objects moving,
all at their own pace,

all in their own direction.

Oh, she’s gonna go in.
And she knew it.

She knew it.
It’s on that face.

You could see the mistake
in her eyes.

Yeah.
Yep.

Calista once again lining up
the Triple thr*at,

and she’s gonna make
that first jump.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
Okay.

She seems to have her footing.
She figured it out.

She figured it out.
She’s got the second one.

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

They’re actually making
very good time.

Yes, come on Calista.

And her third one.
Yes, Calista.

One more leap
to that finish platform.

Yes.
$25,000 in the balance.

She’s mounting to leap.
Yes, Calista.

Yes!
And she makes it!

Great job!

Fantastic.
Hell yeah!

Nice!
That was exciting!

Okay, those girls were fast.

Great job, ladies,
great job.

That was insane.

What a real treat.
Congratulations.

You guys k*lled it.
Thank you.

Yeah.
Oh, my gosh!

Bend It Like Calista
and Chloe complete

the Wipeout Zone in a slick
6 minutes and 41 seconds.

Will those high-flying
aerialists be able

to top their time and take
home that 25K?

Find out next.

Welcome back to "Wipeout."

Tonight the $25,000 prize
is coming directly from me,

John Cena.

Whoa, are you sure
about that?

No, regretted it the moment
those words left my mouth.

Can we just cut that
and take it from the top?

No, we can’t?

Come on!

Earlier we saw crutch kickers

Bend It Like Calista
and Chloe finish strong

with a time of six minutes
and 41 seconds.

The only team standing
in their way now

are those courageous carnival
kids, The Aerialists.

This young circus duo
displayed

some impressive acrobatic
prowess

in the first two rounds,

but can they rise
to the occasion

in the main attraction?

Three, two, one...

Zoe launched
from the Silver b*llet,

and here we go,
off into Lake Wipeout.

Yeah, Zoe!

And Zoe and Aaron have
their work cut out

as they need to b*at
a tremendously fast time.

Yeah.
And the course is difficult.

I’m hard, the course is hard,
we’re all hard.

They’re aerialists,

so this could be right
in their wheelhouse.

Yes, being upside down,
being up high--

Cirque du So-Wipeout.

Speaking of wheelhouses--

she’s approaching our own
wheelhouse, the Vertigo.

Yes.

She needs to mount it,
press the button,

the gate comes down, and then
she gets to the other side.

Yes.
Okay.

Take your time, honey.
Take your time.

Take all the time you need.
-

All right, she’s on.

And already moving
so gracefully.

Yeah, Zoe!
Get to the middle!

Quick, quick, quick!

She’s at the middle.
Dang!

There’s the button.
The gate is down.

Zoe’s moving from one peg
to the next with ease.

Wait it out!

She looks great!
Truly!

You’re doing good, Zoe!
Keep it up!

Is she gonna make this jump?

Is she going?
She’s going!

She’s preparing to jump.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.

She’s ready to jump.
She made it!

That is the fastest we’ve
ever seen anybody go

through vertigo,
and it’s A-A-ron’s turn

to make the leap of faith.

-.

That was fast.
That was fast.

Aaron already jumped,
and he hangs on!

And he hangs on
to the platform!

They’re on fire!

On pace
for the fastest Wipeout Zone

in the history of "Wipeout."

Wow, wow, wow.
Ooh!

Aaron in the drink.

That’s gonna cost him
some time,

but they’re off
to a great start

with one obstacle to go.

Half the battle is 50%
of the fight.

Yes, that’s correct math.

A triple thr*at
and the finish platform

in their way separates them
from greatness...

Ooh.
Them from history.

Them from Wipeout immortality.
Okay, okay, okay.

He’s going all out!
Wow, wow, wow.

Oh, keep moving!
Can he pull himself up?

This is the greatest thing
I’ve ever seen

in my entire life!

Dang!
My eyes are burning!

It must be the fireballs!

I’m speechless
yet I keep talking!

We did it, Zoe!
Whoo!

Ahh!
I can’t believe we did it!

Good job!
We did great!

Zoe, Aaron, that was
our fastest time by a landslide

that we’ve ever seen
in "Wipeout" history!

You guys have won "Wipeout."
Oh, my God!

You’ve completed
the Wipeout Zone

in 2 minutes and 45 seconds.

It’s unthinkable!

It’s gonna win you $25,000!
Congratulations!

Wow, congrats!

Congratulations, we did it!
Congrats!

The Aerialists with
an absolutely astonishing

performance
in the Wipeout Zone.

What a show they put on
tonight, Nicole.

Make no mistake about it,
John.

These two acro-badasses are
the real deal.

And that does it
for another episode.

What was your favorite part,
Nicole?

Mm, this, John.

Being here by your side,
doing this together.

Are we falling in love?

No.

Cool, okay, just checking.

Well, we’ll be back next week
with a bevy

of brand new teams ready
to compete for a $25,000 prize.

Till then, I’m John Cena.

And for Camille Kostek,
I’m Nicole Byers,

saying goodnight and big balls!