♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
♪ And I am proud to be
♪ Right back in my hometown
♪ With my new family
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
♪ And even a bear
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
♪ It's true love we share
♪ And so I found a place
♪ Where everyone will know
♪ My happy mustached face
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
There's no way, Cleveland!
I'll never make it!
You're not missing
Thanksgiving, Holt!
Sir, I'm gonna
need you to...
Late for a plane!
There's no time!
Late for a plane?!
We need backup at Terminal 2.
A passenger is late for a plane.
♪The Cleveland Show 4x03♪
Out of the way!
They're late for a plane!
Swear to God you're
not a t*rror1st?
I swear to Allah.
Go, go, go!
God, I hope they make it.
I need to commandeer
your vehicle.
Someone's late for a plane!
Are you Mr. Richter?
Oh, my God, I am
so sorry, y'all.
Y'all's flight
already went.
I told them to wait.
We did wait a
little while,
but then we didn't
know what to do
'cause everyone already
on the plane wanted to go.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry you won't
get to spend Thanksgiving
with your family, Holt.
What?! I wasn't going
to see my family.
I signed up for the Entourage
Thanksgiving in Hollywood.
For 6,000 bucks, Johnny Drama
cooks you a Thanksgiving omelet,
then leaves the room
so you don't
have to look at him
while you eat it.
But why didn't you want
to be with your family?
Did. Wasn't invited.
Mom has three boyfriends
in Florida.
Says I cramp her style. I do.
Probably shouldn't
call them all "Dad."
That's sad.
That's sad.
Come on, Holt.
Why don't you
buy us all a drink?
This airport is stupid.
There's no bar here!
I'm gonna blow this place up!
I swear to God, I'm gonna
blow this whole place up!
Or we could, uh,
just go to The Stool.
All right.
You're all lucky
to be alive!
Boy, I can't wait to spend
Thanksgiving with my fam-- Oh.
Don't worry
about it, guys.
I'm used to it.
Not close to
my family.
Haven't been
for years.
Wish I was.
You know what we need to do?
What, Cleveland? What?!
We need to open a bar
at that airport.
People need a stiff drink after
being gate-r*ped by the TSA.
You know what?
One of Cleveland's
can't-lose schemes
is just the kind of thing I
need to get me out of my funk.
I'm in.
Oh.
I guess we could
include you, too.
Gus, we have a business
proposition for you.
Sorry, guys, I got
all the llamas I need.
What majestic creatures.
Yes, you are.
Who's majestic?
You.
You are.
Good majestic llama.
I feed them garbage.
Okay.
Gus, I want to make a
Stool in the airport.
Daddy's got business.
That's right.
The Broken Stool
Number Two.
If you're willing to
assume all the risk,
then we're willing
to take time
from the jobs we never
go to to make it happen.
What do you say?
Well, you know, the truth is,
I've always wanted to franchise,
and I could use the money.
I promised my niece Cheryl
I'd put her through college.
Ooh, college.
I'm smart.
President Cheryl.
Yes, I know
it's crazy.
Count me in,
Cleveland.
And now back to Mystery Science
Magic Johnson Theater 3000.
Damn!
The flying saucer just
crashed and , son!
Oh, snap, now the alien is
all leaving the spaceship, yo!
Now he sh**ting
at the alien, kid!
He sh**ting at him!
Y'all shut up!
I'm trying to watch a movie!
♪ Hark the herald turkeys sing
♪ Gobble, gobble, gobble,
gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ♪
Cleveland.
Gobble?
I need you
to watch Rallo today.
Gobble.
Because it's almost
Thanksgiving, that's gobble.
I got to hunt the turkey,
sh**t it, cut its head off,
drain it, gut it,
pluck it, stuff it...
All right, I'll watch him.
But I'm not gonna
watch him good.
Ow!
What the hell, Rallo?!
How come you felt that one
and not the first four?
What?
One, two, three, four.
Okay, we'll leave
that one in there.
Enough of this
bull rassum!
You need a big boy task that'll
keep you busy and over there.
So go help Holt sort
through those screws.
But...
Do it and you can have
all the vermouth
you want.
All right!
I don't know
what that is.
Hey, Rallo.
What's up,
little man?
Too bummed about Thanksgiving
to make a pun about screws.
Eh, screw it.
Huh, even at my lowest,
I'm funnier than everyone else.
I'll tell you, Rallo, this time
of year's the worst for me.
Mom ditches me to go to Florida,
never even brings me back
a baby alligator, even though
I'd totally take care of it.
Ah, who am I kidding?
No baby alligator's
gonna love me.
You're not a
bad little man.
You just need
a friend.
I got a friend. C-Bro.
He can't even sort
the damn screws!
Why don't we get
some fresh air.
Come on. Jungle gym
always cheers me up.
This is kids' stuff, man.
You call that
kids' stuff?
Whoa!
Talk about
Parks and Recreation.
I'd Amy Pole-her.
Holt Richter.
But you can call me
Fred Flintstone.
Oh, boy.
'Cause I can
make your bed rock.
I don't get your references
or anybody's references.
That's my big buddy, Holt.
We watch cartoons together.
He takes care of me
'cause my daddy
lights the spoon on fire.
Aw.
You know, I judged you
way too harshly before.
I'm hot, so I'm a bitch.
Here's my number.
I'll see you
at 8:00.
See? Maybe all you need to
take your mind off Thanksgiving
are those breasts
and thighs.
Get it? Turkey and
lady similarities?
Aw, yeah!
When I'm done with her,
there's gonna be
plenty of leftovers
for, uh... sandwiches.
Anyway, thanks.
How can I repay you?
With money and things.
Cue the lights!
Cue the beer!
Cue the music!
♪
Here they come!
And there they go.
Wha...? What's going on?
This is the only place to get
alcohol in the entire airport.
Why is everybody going into
this stupid grape store?
Welcome.
I drive a very nice car.
So we lose
the blue state crowd.
We'll be fine.
What's on the other side of us?
"Bier Garten"?
What does that mean?
Sounds German.
All right, I'm gonna
start with "garten."
Okay, "garten" is... garden.
That's fine.
Nothing to worry about there.
Okay, "bier," "bier"...
Oh, it's pronounced "beer."
And it means beer.
Uh, guys.
Boy, are we dumb.
Uhp, other people's money.
Hey, fellas.
Can't help but notice that
there's no one in our bar.
Nope.
Cleveland, six
months before
the federal government
relocated me to Stoolbend,
my dying sister
turned to me and said,
"Gus, will you promise me
one thing?"
And I said, "Anything, Courtney.
"You did, after all, raise me
after Dad k*lled Mom
and then himself."
She said, "Gus, promise me
that Cheryl will attend
Drake University."
Your sister's name
was Courtney?!
"And if anyone gets in the way,
cut off their nose and lips!"
Okay.
And you won't be
welcome back at my bar.
But where will we go
when we don't want
to talk to our wives?!
We can't come here;
this place sucks.
Make this work,
Cleveland.
Got your nose.
Oh, God!
How'd he do that?!
Give it back, give it back!
He means business.
Where's Tim?
I'm right here.
You look like
Rutger Hauer.
Why do you look
like Rutger Hauer?
I'm hiding from Gus.
No bear here!
Just a surfer dude
from California
that Gus would have no interest
in making into a rug.
Great.
This bar is a failure,
Gus is going to k*ll us,
and I got ham'roids like a muh.
Boys, we got trouble
with a capital...
G?
Well, since no one else
is gonna be drinking this...
beer me, brah.
Although being from L.A.,
I really prefer, uh, cocaine.
There you are.
What took you so long?
Sorry, man.
Crossing guard thinks
just 'cause I'm black,
I can't have a
scooter this nice.
Look, if you want
to keep living large,
you better get
your head in the game.
There's today's target.
Twins, huh?
Probably gonna
have to skin a knee.
Merry-go-round.
When I turn on the waterworks,
bring me this.
Time for me
to get paid.
And me to get laid.
Uh, by women.
♪
♪ We've got an arrangement,
it works like a charm ♪
♪ He puts toys in my room
♪ I put girls on his arm
♪ He gets me chicks
♪ He writes me checks
♪ I'm paying a
young boy for sex ♪
Uh, I don't think...
♪ Who knew I could
bag a babe ♪
♪ That's not a blow-up doll?
♪ All you had to do was
buy me half of the mall ♪
♪ I scored a D-cup
♪ I scored a T-rex
♪ I'm paying
a five-year-old for sex ♪
Seriously, man,
that sounds...
I love kids so much.
I can't wait to have
one of my own.
Me, too.
That's why I love being
a Big Brother to Rallo.
I get to rediscover the world
through a child's eyes.
That's so sweet.
I mean, I guess I'm supposed
to be teaching him,
but really, he's
teaching me.
Aw!
♪ Don't need no roofies
with a wingboy this nice ♪
♪ I'll help you seal the deal
for the right Fisher-Price ♪
♪ He's ABC's
♪ He's triple X
♪ I'm using this young
boy's face for sex ♪
Okay, that sounds
the worst.
♪ Paying a young boy for sex.
Say, that's catchy.
This place is deader
than Lil Wayne
before his 30th birthday.
Want to call it?
It's nice out.
Let's hang for
a little bit.
All right.
Give me another push.
Higher.
Higher.
Higher!
Whee!
Aah, too high! Too high!
Ah, there you go.
Hey, why don't you hop in
and give it a go?
Oh, no. No,
I... I can't.
I... I don't know
how to swing, Rallo.
What? How come?
Never learned.
Mom said swinging
was too dangerous.
Dad was always
too busy.
Cat's in the cradle,
silver spoon.
Ricky Schroder.
Then Rick Schroder.
Now back to
Ricky Schroder.
My dad's busy
a lot, too.
When's the last time
you saw yours?
Man, it's
been months.
What is it,
November?
Yeah, it's been
154 months.
Well, I taught myself
how to swing,
and I can teach
you, too.
All you got to do is
kick your legs forward.
Now tuck them
when you go back.
See? Kick and tuck.
Kick and tuck.
Don't let me go.
I think I'm getting it.
I've got it!
You can let go of me.
I already did.
I'm swinging!
I'm swinging!
Look at me,
every daddy!
I mean, everybody.
Why did I say "daddy"?
Don't care about him.
Just like he
didn't care about me.
I-I mean, whee!
Oh, what a night.
I totally forgot
that we're all screwed.
We should get drunk
on the tarmac
like this more often,
like every single pilot
for every single airline,
without exception,
allegedly.
I'm surprised no one
tried to stop us
when we built our
lost luggage burning man.
Ain't nobody here but the beer.
It's Thanksgiving Day.
Everyone's gone
where they was going.
Nobody's flying
these planes today.
Hey, they left the keys
in this one.
You're not supposed
to fly drunk, Cleveland!
Not drunk--
just had beer.
How hard could flying be?
Worst case scenario,
I hit a goose,
land in a river, I'm a hero.
Clevey Clevenburger.
I like the sound of that.
Adios,
Thanksgiving turkeys.
Have fun getting
m*rder*d by Gus.
Does he, uh, know how
to land that thing?
Sure. He used
to be a pilot.
I think that
was Quagmire.
Oh.
Well, at least
he's going to die
doing what he loves--
burning in a fireball.
I got to thank
you, Rallo.
Banging chicks, hanging
out, watching TV,
drinking chocolate milk
with a five-year-old--
this Thanksgiving's
been pretty sick.
Well, it's about
to get even sicker.
Holt.
Dad!
What did you
call me, maggot?
General Richter, sir!
That's right, maggot.
Now, who's this
maggot here?
I'm Rallo.
So you're the maggot
who called me.
Always good to put a maggot's
face to a maggot's name.
Now, both of you maggots
drop and give me 20.
20 push-ups?
For what?
For being maggots.
Thanks for ruining
my first good Thanksgiving.
I take it we
won't be hitting
the stores together
on Black Friday?
I don't know
your holidays.
So you one of those
classic hard-ass,
tough-guy generals
who are more comfortable
barking orders
than they are with emotions?
You're damn right I am,
you pathetic little panda turd!
Now, drop and give me 20.
Yeah, this is going to be
a good Thanksgiving.
And as for you,
you limp-wristed panty model,
where is this oil you struck?
You told him about my
limp-wristed panty modeling?
When you're 60,
you'll look back
and be glad you got
those pictures.
I didn't strike any oil, sir.
My friend just said that
to get you here.
I left
an unwinnable w*r
to come see my son
for no reason?!
Good-bye, Holt.
Tell your mother
I still don't forgive her
for cheating on me.
And she owes me
20 push-ups.
Good-bye, sir.
General Richter, sir.
Would you accept a thank-you
for fighting them there
so we don't have
to fight them here
by joining my family
for Thanksgiving?
Rallo, I don't
think that's...
Shut your meat hole!
Why, I'd be honored
to spend Thanksgiving
with a young patriot
like yourself.
I bought this wine from some
fart sniffer at the airport.
I'll bring it.
Take that, Red Baron.
Oh, what's this thing going on?
All right, I hear you.
This autopilot's pretty sweet.
Auto land.
Auto land.
Is Beetle Bailey
as lazy as he seems?
Well, I'm afraid
that's classified, son.
Whoa.
News anchor Dwayne Meighan
just tweeted,
"It had had been
there was plane on the sky
"had flied itself,
but update had said not so.
"Man fly plane
name of Cleveland.
He in there. Crash soon."
Oh, wait, no, he was just
re-tweeting Gary Busey.
Oh, my God!
Cleveland!
I wondered why he wasn't
here at Thanksgiving dinner.
Oh, yeah.
Someone's got to save my daddy!
And get a move
on those sweet potatoes.
I'll handle this.
Hot plate! Hot plate!
Now, follow me
to the airport.
There's not a second
to lose.
19, 20.
Listen up,
maggot people.
Here's what's
going to happen.
We're going
to fly up there
and dangle
someone from a rope
down to the
other plane,
just like
catching a fish.
Now, which one
of you maggots
wants to graduate
to worm?
Do it, Holt.
Holt Ann Richter,
reporting for duty.
You? They won't even let you
ride a roller coaster.
Some places do.
As soon as you clip
the African-Ameri-maggot
to your harness,
I'll pull you both back up.
I was born ready!
What?
Sorry.
Thought you asked
if I was ready.
It's really
loud in here.
This isn't funny like Airplane.
It's a disaster
like Airplane II!
What?
I'm here to rescue you.
Dad, you've got
to get me closer!
Well, that's as close
as I can get!
He's kicking up
too much tailwind.
Mission over.
I'm pulling you back up.
No, Dad.
I can do this.
He's doing it.
He's swinging.
How can you
see that far?
I'm not seeing it with these.
I'm seeing it with this.
Kick and tuck.
Kick and tuck.
Kick and tuck.
Kick and tuck!
Sorry. Sorry.
Well, fellas,
we had a good run.
Oh, not my nose!
Take my ugly ears.
Relax, Cleveland
and other guys.
Lucky for you, Cheryl
passed away last night.
Oh, thank God.
So you're off
the hook.
What do you think of your
son now, General Richter?
He swung on a rope
like a maggot.
You know what?
You're a maggot.
I am a human being.
Look, your son
just did 120 push-ups
and saved a man's life.
Where I come from,
that means something.
That's enough.
What's your problem?
You want to know what
my problem is?
I'll tell you
what my problem is!
My son couldn't follow
in my footsteps!
Why?
You've got to be
five feet tall
to join the Army.
Five-foot-two in heels.
Not helping.
You're just like
your mother--
short and useless.
You want to know
something, Dad?
I'm proud to be short.
I get to buy my clothes
in the tweens section,
which keeps me hip.
I'm always on
my tiptoes,
which gives me
great calves.
And, General,
my tiny hands
make my privates
look huge,
which they are not.
Good-bye, General.