♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
♪ And I am proud to be
♪ Right back in my hometown
♪ With my new family
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
♪ And even a bear
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
♪ It's true love we share
♪ And so I found a place
♪ Where everyone will know
♪ My happy mustached face
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
♪The Cleveland Show 4x04♪
Son, as a rite of passage,
you must now pick one
of these disgusting
creatures to be yours.
We're just like that
father and son on Cathouse.
Uch. That show's only
worth watching
when you're too tired
to get your computer.
Oh! Sometimes I see so much
of your mother in you.
I choose this one, Daddy.
He put his pecker
in my mouth.
Okay, okay.
sh**t it.
What? I'm not sh**ting
this turkey!
k*lling innocent animals
is wrong.
No animals are innocent.
They're all
guilty of something.
Besides, you eat turkey
all the time.
That's turkey the food.
This is turkey
the animal.
Benjamin Franklin thought
turkeys were so noble,
he suggested they be America's
national bird.
Benjamin Franklin was
an atheist pedophile
who flew kites
to meet children.
That's why God struck
him with lightning.
I won't do it! No!
Mama! Mama! This is it!
Over here!
Rallo, what is this
I let you wake me up
and drive me
down here for?
The Thanksgiving Day parade
float registration!
Come on, Mama.
I've been talking about this
since Febu... Febra...
since before March.
Um, are y'all here
for the, um,
Thanksgiving float
registration?
Yeah, give us that clipboard,
you burnout.
And forget everything you know
about floats.
'Cause ours will be the Cadillac
of the 1970s of floats.
It's gonna be
the kind of float
that when it goes by,
people say,
"Huh, look at that float.
Oh, here comes another one."
Everyone's sitting
with turkeys,
and I gave birth to one.
Where is your embarrassment
of a son?
He's probably at home taking
baths with lady products.
But tomorrow, after I take
my bath cinnamon essence,
I am going to take him
to k*ll a turkey!
Yours are a fragrant
and fascinating people.
Thank you.
Oh, Cleveland,
those curly fries
are for fathers and sons
who are bonding, so...
Oh, these?
No one gets them!
And I call
you can't order any more!
Gus, You'll give us
more, right?!
Sorry, fellas, it's been called.
Alfredo, no mas curly fries!
¿Por que?
Por que Cleveland called it.
That's por que!
Okay, d*ck.
Mama, I finished my design
for our float.
It's a turkey.
And that's the sun.
Why is he smiling?
Perhaps it's the good-lookin'
turkey float.
Mm-hmm. That's great, Rallo.
You think we can knock this
out in time for Judge Mathis?
It's a good one
about a lawnmower.
Hi, Donna.
A little turd told me
that you're competing in
the float contest this year.
Rallo was the turd.
It's a contest?!
Rallo, you didn't tell me that,
you little turd!
Don't get too excited.
The same bitch has won
the contest for ten years: me.
There's a boat chasing us!
Listen up, Rallo.
I am not about to lose
to Miss Teddy Suxpin over there.
A'ight.
I can't believe
we're going
to the Pillsbury
Doughboy's house!
I can't believe
you believe it either.
Was that a g*n?
Hmm? Oh, no, I'm not
about to trick you
into sh**ting a turkey.
You know,
it's a long trip.
Why don't you put
your seat back,
take a nap, and I'll wake
you up when we get there?
I'm too excited to sleep.
Nonsense.
Catch some Zs for Pa-pa?
Here's a blanket,
Larry the Leopard,
a eye pillow,
and this.
Good night.
What the...?!
Where's the
Pillsbury Doughboy?!
Dead, Junior!
The turkeys did it!
In cold gobbly blood!
His last words were,
"Avenge me, Junior!"
Then he poked himself
in the stomach,
giggled, and d*ed.
k*ll 'em!
k*ll 'em all!
You sons of b*tches!
Wait a minute.
This isn't the
Doughboy residence!
You tricked me!
I will not m*rder with you!
Why can't you just be more
like the D.C. sn*per's son?
Stop comparing me
to Lee Boyd Malvo!
I'm not him!
Fine. I'll do it.
Please, Dad,
don't do this!
I'm gonna put a duck
in your butt.
And then I'm gonna put a
chicken in the duck's butt.
Ow!
Oh.
I... suspect... fowl... play.
I can live with that being
my final joke ever.
Doctor, you can stop lighting
matches under his elbow.
He's awake.
Aw.
Am I dead?
No, Mr. Brown,
you're very much alive.
Luckily, your many
layers of stomach fat
slowed the b*llet
before it finally lodged
in the part of your liver
that's already dead.
If you were sh*t three or four
inches to either side,
you would have still been
sh*t in the fat.
Ta-da!
Junior, you were right.
Now I know what it feels like
to be hunted and sh*t.
Those poor gobblers.
k*lling turkeys is wrong!
Except in cases
of r*pe and incest.
We need to stop this!
Let's go, Junior!
Aw, yeah, watch out, Arianna!
Someone's making a quaint
and homespun float ovah heah!
Well, if you like it now,
you're gonna love it with some
fluorescent pink splatter paint!
Ah, oh, okay,
a pink turkey, sure.
I know! My poo cray!
Here come the googly eyes!
Googly eyes?
You trying
to make a fool of Donna?!
I mean, what fun.
I know! And I got some
bubble wrap to throw on it.
Ooh, and you know what else
would be cool?
A book of your stamps.
And macaroni...!
Oh, Donna, your float
is inferior to mine.
Burn!
Well, what she doesn't know
is I've got the last word
in taste and design, and I'm
about to pull out the big g*n!
Tim Gunn!
Donna, your float
makes me want to vomit.
Which in the
fashion industry is
like a standing ovation.
So I'm a little
torn here.
Make it work.
Bitch, you make it work.
I also say "wow factor."
What do we want?!
To stop k*lling
turkeys!
When do we want it?!
We haven't really
talked about it yet!
Well, when are you
free to discuss it?
What's your Tuesday like?
Tennis lessons!
Honey, move along.
They're insane.
♪
Gentlemen, I have
two words for you:
Can you... Dig it?
What? No!
This isn't my float!
I don't understand.
Hi, boys.
Aw, I was hoping to
surprise you, Rallo.
Isn't she
magnificent?
But... what about my ideas?
What about the googly eyes?!
Oh, I loved
all your ideas!
So much so that
I took them one step further
and thought, "What if the float
didn't have googly eyes?"
Then I ran with that.
Say what?
Now you can finally get
the revenge
you've always wanted
against Arianna.
Fellas, when's
the last time y'all went
totally ballistic
on a big bird?
It's been a minute.
Yeah, yeah!
Junior, my feet hurt.
I'm tired.
Are we even making
a difference?
I mean, has a protest
ever really effected change?
A little history
lesson, Dad.
In 2007, as President Bush
was preparing
to send another 20,000
brave American soldiers
to fight and probably die in
an unpopular and unwinnable w*r,
protesters like you
and me stood up
for what they believed in and
sent 20 tons of peanuts to CBS
to get Jericho
back on the air.
Did it work?
Did it work?
Why don't you ask
the seven additional episodes
CBS ordered?
You idiots have been
so annoying that
folks hate turkeys
more than ever.
Business is a-boomin'!
In fact, all 27 remaining
turkeys are scheduled
to be hunted down
tomorrow.
Oh, my God! How sad.
No in memumoriam!
We must save Fred!
And Alex! And Marvin!
And Jeff Conaway!
Are those
really the turkeys' names?
I didn't see
whatever you saw.
Okay, we'll break out the
turkeys tonight and hide them.
Then, tomorrow
when everyone's at the parade,
we'll take them to the
Goochland Turkey Preserve.
You and I would
make good cats.
Stay focused,
but I do agree with you.
Meow, meow.
Damn it!
Whew.
Hello, friend.
When you sh*t me,
you saved my life.
And now I shall
return the favor.
Freedom!
Shut the up, man!
You're right.
Let's stick to the plan and get
these guys to the safe house.
And make sure Lester
doesn't see us
or else he'll k*ll us
in the faces.
Oh! Round 'em up, Junior.
But how are we going
to get them to follow us?
You just leave that to you.
Our garage.
Underground Railroad.
We're coming.
Shh. Be quiet.
Mr. Barkington's
sleeping on the porch.
Hey!
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Password?
Knock-knock-a-roonie-doonie.
Exact-a-rooonie-boonie!
Hello!
Whoa!
Let's go!
Safe at last.
Keep these suckers
in here for the night.
Y'all lay low in here
for a little while.
I'll come back
with some pizzas.
Y'all fine with Papa John?
You know what?
We're bringing them peanut
butter and jelly sandwiches.
Them dumb birds...
don't know the difference.
Ooh...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
How are we gonna
sneak out those birds?
I just got an idea...
and lost it,
and now it's back...
and I should write it down
before I forget again...
Damn it. What was it?
Give me a second...
Got it! Wait, lost it...
A-ha!
Rallo! It's almost time
for the parade
and our float's been
completely trashed!
We're screwed!
Oh, yeah, yeah, I trashed it.
Because you trashed my dream
of making a float with my
mother's love and support!
Oh, Rallo, what have I done?
I know! I'm your son!
That should be more important
than any old contest!
No!
I mean,
I set Arianna's float on fire!
Oh, baby, I'm so sorry.
I never should
have let you down.
I'm going to run
to the store
and buy all the
googly eyes they have!
Oh, the bear-manity!
Lester!
Hello, Cleveland.
Did you hear somebody stole
all my turkeys last night?
No. How are you?
Fine.
Midmorning's kind of
a funny time
to be hanging out
near your garage.
Lester, you need to relax
and enjoy Thanksgiving,
because the holidays
go by in a... flash!
Well, I'll be.
I didn't know you were
a flasher, too?
Yeah, I'm trying
to get back into it.
Now! Hurry!
So, Les... you've done
some flashing yourself, huh?
I dabble.
Weddings and
bar mitzvahs, mostly.
Just a little
constructive criticism...
your lengthy flash is
appreciated, but not necessary.
You really just want
to give the people a taste.
That's why they
call it a "flash."
Oh...
...kay.
Welp, me and the boy
better get our float
over to the parade.
Oh, well have fun!
Happy Thanksgiving!
I'll k*ll ya
if you stole my birds!
Never imagined
he'd have gone gray down there.
Reminds me of when I saw
Bill Russell at that urinal.
Mama double-crossed me!
She's taking my float
to the parade
without me or my googly eyes!
Mama, you're a dead man!
Damn it, Walt!
If you gonna borrow
my Big Wheel,
fill it up before
you bring it back!
Kendra!
We did it, Junior!
We saved 27 turkeys.
Uh-oh.
See?
That explains why
I said "uh-oh."
Uh-oh.
Yeah.
♪
Great float!
Go on through.
Damn, people be tall.
Hey!
Whoa, I'm higher
than Woody Harrelson
listening to
Dark Side of the Moon
at Matthew McConaughey's
beach house!
Right in the middle
of these two.
That's where we want to be.
Thanks!
I love your store, Michael.
Come back soon!
And Donna?
You're doing the right
thing for Rallo.
I know.
I really am a great mom.
With a great ass!
Michael...
My baby!
All right, you two,
give me the birds!
Nevah!
Fine, I'll just k*ll 'em myself.
Lester's Turkey Hunt is back on!
Rallo!
I'm here, baby! Don't move!
Mama?
Oh, Mama.
You brought the googly eyes!
You do love me
more than a parade float!
My baby! My baby!
Ma'am, there's
no need to panic.
Those power lines
will stop him.
Cleveland!
Help!
Is that the little kid
from upstairs?
That balloon is outrageous!
Ya happy?
Rallo's gonna die
because you had to save
those stupid turkeys.
They are not stupid!
Ah!
Ah...
Y'all see that?
That poo cray!
Every year we have
this tradition
to pardon a turkey.
This year, I'm pardoning
these 27
for saving this
little life.
We won the float contest!
Well, we did it, Daddy.
We saved some turkeys.
We sure did.
And son, I don't
tell you this enough,
but you're a good,
fat little person.
Hey, let's not go through
the same thing
over our Christmas ham.
Oh, don't worry.
I'll k*ll a pig.
Strangle it with my bare hands.
Watch the life
drain from its eyes.
Mm-hmm.
Eat the sucker for dinner that night.
Tail, gristle, teeth, all of it.
All right.
I'd also like
to k*ll a person.
What?
I could get away with it too.
Get on a bus,
pay with cash,
k*ll him where
nobody could hear,
hop back on the bus.
They'd never catch me,
as long as nobody went
flapping their lips about it.
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!