♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
♪ And I am proud to be
♪ Right back in my hometown
♪ With my new family
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
♪ And even a bear
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
♪ It's true love we share ♪
♪ And so I found a place
♪ Where everyone will know
♪ My happy mustached face
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
♪The Cleveland Show 4x08♪
Cleveland Brown here.
There are 15,000 countries
in the world,
and The Cleveland Show
is adapted to air
in every single one of them.
See if you can spot
the subtle cultural differences.
Cleveland!
Doña! Mí amór!
No hace mucho frio.
Hace mucho calor.
Mmm...
Stop practicing your Spanish on me
and tell me whose
dress this is!
Are you cheating on yo?
Doña, I swear,
I've never seen
that dress before.
Perhaps it's...
R-R-Roberta's!
Uh-uh. I don't shop
at J.C. Peso!
Turn those organ stings down,
you soccer-loving
Chiclet chewers!
Como se dice,
"Whoa...!"
Whose dress is it, Cleveland?!
It's my dress!
Catorce years old.
I'm turning 15, silly.
And Miss Choni and Cecilia
are coming over
to make my birthday
a special occasion.
I'm having a quinceañera!
You are an embarrassment!
And what is
a quinceañera?
It's a traditional 15th
birthday party for girls.
Okay. Have a baby,
right here on the spot.
Which you could do if you
were a girl, but you're not.
So no quinceañera!
You don't understand me at all!
Las Noches Gordas de Cleveland
will return, con queso.
No.
♪
No.
No.
No...
by Consuela.
Product formally known
as Lemon Pledge.
Cecilia!
Next muchacha hit me in
the face gonna get it.
Ow! Choni,
that was my penis.
Hunior texted me
many faces of frowning.
So we brought over
my aunt,
who flew all the way
from Hollywood
to hah-ner Hunior.
iTia Sofia!
Sofia Vergara
is your aunt?
Yes, Señor Brown.
And while you might know me
from my Screen Actors Guild
Award-winning role
on a hit TV show,
you may not know that I myself
was once 15 years old.
Oh, did you say that
in a People interview
that was in my
dentist's office?
That sounds about right--
I do like to mention
the ages I've been.
Maybe a song will convince you
there's more to a quinceañera
than just some girly party.
Sorry, wasn't listening.
I have a lot of two things
on my mind.
But go ahead and sing.
♪
♪ As soon as boys,
they turn fifteen años ♪
♪ They never want
to come out of their baños ♪
♪ When they get hair
in strange places ♪
♪ And refried-bean faces
♪ We dare ya to throw
a quinceañera ♪
♪
♪ When Aztecs
turn fifteen years old ♪
♪ Quinceañera meant
they were now warriors ♪
♪ So many centuries ago
♪ Before whitey stole
♪ California
♪ So celebrate
♪ Your son's fifteen años ♪
♪ And don't just take it
from all us Chicanos ♪
♪ There's plenty of blacks
who'd bring over six-packs ♪
♪ Don't let it scare ya,
throw a quinceañera! ♪
So it's like
a Mexican bar mitzvah?
Well, why didn't you just say
that in the first place?
♪ Quinceañera
over here! ♪
For real, Papi?!
Happy birthday, son.
You are now a man.
Or... something.
You look beautiful
in your dress.
Feliz quinceañera!
We love you, Latino viewers,
fastest-growing segment
of the television-viewing
audience.
Our international spectacular
will return with more countries.
But first, let's hear some
of the different catchphrases
I have all around the world.
And boomerang goes the dynamite.
Oy, caramba!
Donna, I'm stoned!
Delivery!
Goal...!
Oh, here's a pretty flag.
Which country is this?
That's the gay flag.
Ah. Greece.
Welcome back to our
international spectacular,
where we show you actual footage
of The Cleveland Show
as broadcast overseas.
Next up, the Jersey Shore
of Europe-- Italy.
DiGiorno!
♪
You want to slow down on that
spaghet, Kendra?
Please? Even in a yard full of slobs
you're standing out.
Shut up, Lester
Krinklesacramoni.
Look at you!
You're wasting away!
Eat! Eat!
Everybody eat!
Thank you all for...
coming.
Sorry. Garlic mashed potatoes.
Next week I go on trial
for 36 counts
or m*rder and racketeering,
and let me just say,
these charges are totally unfounded.
Everyone knows I'm in
the "cable business."
What company?
Crime Warner?
Eh, heart att*ck.
While I'm away
battling these detailed
and accurate charges,
the family business
must continue.
Therefore, I have chosen
my successor.
This is it, Ernie!
The day I've been
waiting for my whole life!
Oh, Larry, when I'm boss,
you can finally quit dancing,
and I'll buy you a car
similar to the one you want
that I can get through
a business connection.
He is my son,
and I am so proud of him.
Come on up here...
...Rallo.
What? Get the
outta here!
This kid here,
he's got the street smarts,
the charisma
and the meatballs
to lead this family.
To Rallo!
♪
He's not fat enough
to be crime boss!
And he doesn't even have hair
on his Rocky Balboas!
Opera...!
♪
Dad, can I talk
to you for a minute?
Anything you say to me,
you can say in front
of my captains,
Tim, Lester
and Tiny p*ssy.
Okay.
Why, Dad?
Why Rallo and not me?
All I ever wanted
my whole life was to be like you.
I can install cable! Watch!
Whoa!
Whoa-ho!
Junior, you nut!
Even when you're whacking a guy,
you're just too cute.
I am not!
I'm a k*lling machine!
Aw...
Aw...
I'll show you
I can be the head
of this not-representative-
of-all-Italians family.
Fine. You versus Rallo for
the head of the family.
And two tickets to Tony
and Tina's Wedding,
starring Lorraine Bracco
and The Situation.
Soon I will announce
my decision.
Thanks, Daddy.
Sorry, Tiny p*ssy.
Damn, I look good!
Probably gonna die
in this suit one day.
Ay, Rallo, when
you're the boss,
you think you could rub out
the Men's Warehouse guy?
The fanook with the beard?
He's gonna like the way he looks
without a head.
Sure, I'll do it.
♪ Buca di beppo,
di buca di beppo, di bu... ♪
Walt, what are you doing,
you knucklehead?
That's my Big Wheel...
Jeem-ba-lucci!
Junior.
We got to get you out of here!
Put this on!
You took care of it last night?
Good. You're
a good soldier, Ernie.
I love you.
Larry! Larry!
Talk to me!
Daddy! Daddy!
Rallo drowned
Larry the Leopard!
Just put him
in the dryer.
He had my friend
Walt k*lled!
So you're even.
Now, go on outside and play.
No! He shouldn't be
head of the family!
I'm your son, not him!
He's just a big
mouth-breathing canoli sucker!
Salami, pesto,
and spaghetti and meatballs, pasta...
Silencio!
Boys, I've seen
all I need to see.
I've made my decision.
Let's take a drive.
Mama?
Hey, I'm just b*ating a rug.
♪
Please don't turn into the
woods, please don't turn into
the woods, please don't
turn into the woods.
Aw, he turned into the woods.
They got no show
without us, right?
♪
Good-bye.
This wasn't a hard choice.
Oh, my God, he k*lled...
Which one did he k*ll?!
They're not gonna tell?!
Oh, I'm going on a message board
to complain
because I've got nothing else
going on in my life,
and I invest too much
in TV characters.
Coming up,
more Cleveland Show
in other countries, dorks!
Where's your dressing room?
I'd like to try
these flags on.
What?
Here, there's six.
Start a room for me.
There's seven.
Now, let's see what
The Cleveland Show looks like
in the birthplace of evil--
Germany.
Heil... arious!
Our next stop is India.
So let's... Huh?
Are you sure?
Got a big red dot on it.
I've been informed that
this is not the Indian flag.
Instead,
our next stop is Jap-in.
Juh-pan? Juh-pan.
♪
I am sorry to be seconds late
for breakfast.
It was difficult
to pull myself away
from my joy of schoolwork.
Yet tardins is inexcusable.
A great conflict you faced.
Miss Donna-san.
Daddy-san.
I honor
your truth.
There is only this moment.
Now there is only this moment.
The other moment is gone.
Now there is only this moment.
Uh, there it went.
Okay, here come another.
The is only this moment.
You are wise,
esteemed husband.
And you bring great honor
to this family.
And here in Japan,
nothing is more important
than honor.
And I shall bring
even greater honor
with my new scheme.
Tonight, at Waterman Cable,
when everyone else leaves,
I will stay and work
eight additional hours.
For no pay!
Strictly for honor!
But Waterman-san
will catch you
and look at you
silently for a moment!
He will not.
For I shall
disguise myself
as pile of shoes
outside the door.
That is
perfect!
We'll be
rolling in honor!
Rolling
in it!
Hi-ya! Hi-ya!
Hi-ya!
Donna, please.
Big mouth, little honor.
Father, please do not forget
to attend my match tonight.
This is night
of your sumo wrestling match?
What? I'm not
a wrestler.
I'm a competitive eater.
This is my diaper.
Regardless, I cannot attend
your competition tonight,
for I must work long hours
to bring great honor to family!
But Cleveland, to miss
Junior-san's event
would dishonor family.
Uh-oh!
Don't worry, Father.
Work is more
honorable
than number-one son's
dumb old eating contest.
I'll be in my room
salting my rice with tears.
I am your new neighbor,
Mr. Zilla.
I am required to tell you that
I am a registered sex offender.
Was it the bad kind?
Oh... yeah.
Esteemed friends,
I've really got
my vending-machine panties
in a bunch here.
I can't be at work
and at my son's match
at the same time.
Why don't you build
a Cleveland robot
to attend fat son's eating
competition while you work?
That's the best idea
since the courageous att*ck
on Pearl Harbor!
This version doesn't air
in the U.S., right?
Gus, may we dismantle karaoke
machine for robot parts?
Hush, friend!
I'm trying to watch a game show
that could turn into p*rn!
There it
goes! Yuck!
35 minutes.
We could have finished faster
if we had worked harder.
We should all
be ashamed.
Clevetron, activate!
I am Clevetron,
Guardian of
the Universe!
I will do anything you say.
Anything.
Damn writers are gay.
Well, that's, uh...
I don't, uh...
Good to know.
Clevetron, I need you
to attend Junior-san's
eating contest as me.
That's it?
Yup. Yup, that's it.
What is with
this guy?
Go, Clevetron!
Show cold
and distant affection to son!
Wow, he's a
bad driver.
Like many
Asians.
Whoa!
Yeah! Yeah!
Eat!
Eat!
We have a winner!
Clap respectfully
for the God of Gurgitation--
Cleveland Jr.!
Great job, son.
Daddy-san, you came!
Yes. You make
Clevetron...
I mean, Cleveland Brown,
your human father,
very proud.
Wait a minute.
"Copyright 2008
Fun Time Karaoke Company?"
You're not my dad!
You're a robot!
I am better than father!
I'm just a robot...
standing in front of a boy...
asking him to love me.
But I don't want you.
I want my dad!
Why can't Clevetron
be enough?!
Malfunction.
Malfunction.
♪ The careless whisper
of a good friend... ♪
You suck!
It picks up!
It's a chick song!
It is a song
for getting chicks!
Clevetron angry!
♪ Tonight the music
seems so loud ♪
♪ I wish that
we could lose this crowd... ♪
All right, children,
robot att*ck drill!
Run screaming
past the camera!
Ah. Now to work
eight additional hours
to bring further honor
to family.
♪ Honor in the morning,
honor in the evening ♪
♪ Honor at suppertime.
Honor.
Oh.
Ah, Fukiyama!
I'm going to that match.
Sorry. Sorry.
Junior-san,
I am here for... you.
Clevetron?
Huh?
Prepare for battle!
Hi... yah!
I win.
I... would... have...
done... anything.
Even... butt stuff.
Oh.
Come on.
Let's go home
and wang chung tonight.
Everybody?
Yeah, everybody.
Thank you, United States. Thank
you, rest of the world. Bye!