02x13 - The Cabinet of Dr. Chazzzzz

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hey ♪

Freedom!

Welcome to the Twinkletown Insane Asylum.

Your new home.

I don't believe
we've met before. I'm Chazzzzz.

It's very pleasant here
except for the psycho ward.

Ooh, boy!
You don't want to end up in there.

That's where I live.
I can't believe they ever let me out.

We've got you in a nice cozy little room
with your very own bucket.

And your roommate will be...

Ooh!

This will be good.

Get in there, boy.

I'm sorry, that was rude.

I mean, right this way, Your Majesty.

Oops. I almost forgot,
King Zøg, meet Giggles.

Giggles, be nice.

Huh?

You both still alive?

I'll come back later.

Good morning, screwballs.

Okay, Zøg, it's time for you
to have your first therapy session.

The head doctor
will chazz your head real good.

It's gonna be you, isn't it?
You're gonna be the guy, aren't you?

Look at you, talking in full sentences.

This place is helping you already.

Wait here.

Come in.

Hey, Zøg. You can go right in.

What are you looking at?

Here we go.

Chazzzzz!

Welcome. Come in. Zøg, is it?

- I'm Dr. Fulton.
- Chazzzzz!

How many times have I told you
not to sit at my desk?

It's more shock therapy for you.

- Ha! I like shock therapy.
- Get out!

- See you in the cafeteria.
- What?

- It's Taco Tuesday.
- Very well.

Welcome. Come in. Zøg, is it?

I'm Dr. Fulton. I mean, Mulberry.

Dr. Fulton is dead.

My, what a limp handshake.

Why don't you drag
a chair over here and have a seat.

Attaboy. You're a strong one.

Confidentially, they
call this place an insane asylum,

but to be honest,
that's dated and derogatory.

I like to think of it
as more of a loony bin.

Wait, that's offensive, too.

How about a bughouse? No. Booby hatch?

Funny farm? Laughing academy?

I could go on, but you get the point.

Tutti-frutti whack-shack.
How does that make you feel?

Rancho delos nutos?

Don't interrupt! Bozo's bunkhouse.

The panic pit. Yo-yo inspection unit.

Stop it! You're making me nuts!

Very good. Our time is up for today.

Did you see
Dr. Chazzzzz in there? He's dreamy.

After tacos, the inmates are free
to roam the courtyard till lights-out.

Lights out!

What are you doing?

Your chalk outline's over there.

Honk quieter.

That's too quiet.

Giggles? Giggles, you up?

I'm always awake, King-a-ling.

Er, Giggles, you ever miss your family?

Sure. I regret what I done to them.
What about you?

Some of 'em, yeah, a lot.

Bean, Derek, Oona, Freckles.

I don't miss Dagmar.

I don't miss uncle Clayton.
He struggled too much.

Hey, Zøg. Do you struggle too much?

Don't worry, there's no right answer.

No. Don't bury me alive.

I ain't no corpse.

At least toss a sandwich in here.

Hold the mustard.

I can't keep dying like this.

Afraid of the old
premature burial, huh?

♪ Hushaby King-a-ling ♪

♪ You're just having a nightmare ♪

♪ But when you awake
Revenge I will take ♪

♪ Now that I know your worst fear ♪

We're talking about
our fears and things.

Whoo!

Yeah, keep on honkin', Zøg.

Welcome. Come in.

Zøg, is it? I'm Dr. Bronson. I...

I mean, Pullman. I mean, Mulberry.

Dr. Fenster is dead.

- Uh... Yeah. We met yesterday.
- Ah! Wonderful.

Step over to the crazy couch.

Feel free to lie down.

No, the other way.

No, face up.

There you go.

What I like to do with my new patients
is start out by playing a little game.

Do you like games?

- Uh, not really.
- Good.

I say a phrase, then you say
the first thing that comes to mind.

Got it? Okay. Here we go.

When I wake up in the morning,
the thing I most fear is...

- Nothin'. I ain't afraid of nothin'.
- Mmm.

For breakfast, I like to eat...

Oatmeal. Cornflakes are too scary.

Then as I start my day,
my biggest challenge is...

Buttoning my pants.

And the people
I encounter each day want me...

- Dead.
- Mmm.

And they are going to k*ll me by...

Poisoning me, sh**ting me,

shovin' me down the stairs,
feedin' me to the crabs.

I've had these
delusional paranoid fantasies for...

Ever. But, ah, I ain't paranoid, Doc.

Really. Everyone is out to get me.

Ooh! And sometimes, I hear voices.

Hmm. I see.

Let's go on.

Being confined in this asylum
for the rest of my life makes me feel...

What are you talking about?

The realization that
I'll never ever, ever, ever,

ever leave the asylum
till I die makes me feel...

Never ever leave the asylum till I die?

You can't tell me what to do!

I'm King! I control everything!

I don't die until I say I die.

But you're gonna die! Come here, you!

Chazzzzz, Giggles, get in here!

Zøg's flipping out!

You go high, I'll go low.

Welcome to the rubber room.

Look at him bounce.

Bouncy, bouncy. I'll do the sound effects.

Excellent. I'll check back
in the morning. Carry on.

I can't
take it no more, Giggles.

I got to get out of here.

You can escape from here.

But you can never escape from here.

Look at me, I'm perfectly normal,

then I k*lled everyone in my family
except for my grandma.

Then I escaped, and I k*lled my grandma.

I dug my way out of this joint
with my grandma's skull.

- It's good for scooping.
- Wait a minute, Giggles.

You just said, you k*lled your grandma,

then you said you used
your grandma's skull

to dig your way out of here
to k*ll your grandma.

How's that possible?

Guy can have two grandmas.

I gotta get out of here.

Hand me that candle, will ya?

The hell?
This tunnel only goes a few feet.

Oh! Did I forget to mention
there was a cave-in?

- Huh?
- You know,

that thing you were
talking about in your sleep.

- What?
- Being buried alive.

Yeah, it's happening to you right now.

Oh! Not again.

This is my worst death ever. Help!

Help!

Help!

- I hear shouting.
- It sounds familiar.

Very deep and gravelly.

Aw! That poor building's crying for help.

Jerry, if we stop at every building
that yells at us, we'll never get home.

Just because you're beautiful
doesn't mean you get to be mean.

Exactly.

Help!

I'm gonna die alone.
No one's gonna even know.

I'll know.

And will you do me a favor?

When you die,
could you leave your skull on the shelf?

Oh! Grandma's skull. Grandma's skull?

Hey...

You're okay, Zøg. You're okay.

You're diggin' your way out of
a nuthouse with an old lady's head...

You're okay.

Not honkin' or nothin'.

Just like this skull fragment,
my life is in my hands.

I'm having a breakthrough,
and I'm about to break through.

Hey, are you dead in there yet?

No, Giggles. I ain't dead.

And I ain't afraid no more.

I can't believe you think I'm cruel.

- I didn't say cruel, I said mean.
- And stubborn, too.

- And a little stuck-up.
- Argh!

Hey, looky there.

A poor horsey's stuck up on that mountain.

We should save it.

Forget it. Not with
Princess Meanie Beanie at the wheel.

Set grasping claw to horse.

No, no. Arma-what-o?

Ooh! That's the one!

- Okay, lower it down.
- Faster.

- No, that's terrible advice, Luci.
- Well, go diagonal at least.

You can't 'cause it's
only up or down or left or right.

They say diagonal is the move.

Once you go diagonal,
you never go... biagonal.

If I could go biagonal or diagonal,
I would, but I can't

because it just goes
one direction in either side.

This is boring. Can you hurry up?

I'm trying, but you're talking so loudly.

- Hurry up.
- Okay.

Claw opens, and then... Got it.

Oh, crap. I think I k*lled it.

All right, let's move out, y'all.

No, wait, it's still alive.
It just jerked.

Okay, repositioning.

Okay, and upwards.

Now leftwards then centerwards.

He's doin' it. He's got it.

- Yay!
- Yes!

- You're the best, Uncle Bean.
- That's right, guys.

Who's hateful and heartless now?

- Hey, it's Laughing Horse.
- God damn it.

Yay!

- Everybody, shut up.
- Yes! Bean's mad.

Midnight roll call.

Giggles?

- Here.
- Check.

Zøg? Zøg? Zøg?

Oh, no. Chazzzzz has been chazzed.

Ain't nothing gonna stop me. I'm free!

Free as an abandoned baby!

Wait a minute, I ain't free. I'm freezin'.

It is a good thing they have taken
a vow of silence because... wow.

Wow!

Er... Yeah, but I'm real sorry
to burst in on Your Holiness,

but, see, I'm a king and...

Titles shackle you to the material world.

We don't use them here.

I am the Venerable Rinsemaster,

brother of the late Washmaster.

He was a jerk, but he was my brother.

Yeah, see, guy, I've been lost.

I've been lost my whole life,
but now I'm really lost.

And I got this weird feeling in my head...

Just a second.

Sorry,
that's a spider from the tunnel.

I hope she didn't lay eggs in there.

But anyway, can you help me...

- Find yourself?
- Yeah!

Well, where was the last place you looked?

Huh?

That's a monk joke.

The monk joke.

There is only one, and it is perfect.

I don't get that highfalutin humor.

I'm more into broad physical comedy.

Like when you pull the lever,
and the guy falls through the trapdoor.

And the punchline is, he says, "Oh, no,"

with a little self-pitying laugh
on the way down.

The first step is to rid yourself
of worldly attachments.

Now, hand over your leather coin pouch.

What are you, some kind of wise guy?

Just kidding. That's the other monk joke.

The second step is to shed your vanity.

This is my cousin, the Shavemaster.

Big Jo?

At your service, King Zøg.

What will it be today?

The cue ball, the snow globe or the Porky?

Ah...

The cue ball, I guess.

See, Porky? No one ever chooses you.

Sorry, my head's kind of lumpy.

- I've fallen down a lot of stairs.
- Indeed.

Now, hold still.
I don't want to nick your throat

I thought you were shavin' my head.

Oh, right.

This is your room

where you will contemplate
the universe and your place within it.

Sounds lonely.

You've never been to
a monastery before, have you?

Dear, one true God,
brother of the other God,

I hope you exist 'cause otherwise...

What, are you
trying to make a jerk out of me?

Anyway, can you keep a secret?

Told your pal,
the Rinsemaster, I was lost,

hoping he would give me a map,

but all I got was my head shaved.

I guess I'm on a spiritual path now.

I'll stay here
and go along with the program

as long as you don't let 'em
put me back in the insane asylum.

So think about it.

I'm going to go now.

Guess I'll see you here tomorrow,
same time, same box.

Okay, bye.

Your friend, Zøg.

Oh, yeah. Amen.

Don't worry, Porky.

Rumor has it that the Lord
only answers every 25th prayer.

So those are pretty good odds.

We'll get him under the cloak of darkness
when God's asleep.

Look, boys, Dreamland.
Home sweet home.

That reminds me, Bean,

the last time you came home
they sh*t you down.

- Yeah. I do.
- Remember, Bean?

- Come on, you remember that, right?
- Right.

- They thought you were a witch.
- Mmm-hmm.

- Then they put us on trial.
- I know.

- They found us guilty, remember?
- I was there.

And then they tied us to a stake,
and then they b*rned us alive.

- That's enough.
- Don't you remember?

Thank you! Well, this time
I'll make sure they know it's me.

Attention, Dreamland!

It's me, your mighty queen, Bean.

Are you ready to welcome us?

Oh! Look out. Flaming arrows.

What the hell?

They're aiming
right for your forehead, Elfo.

Just lean towards
the windshield, just a skosh.

Don't worry. There's no way
they can hit us from this high up.

- Abandon ship!
- Way ahead of ya.

Slide into the escape pod, dummies.

Brother Zøg, you have advanced rapidly
from levels one through nine.

And of course, we appreciate
your generous financial pledge.

The old barn out back is now
the Zøg Center for Outstanding Humility.

Money don't mean that much to me no more.

I've given up everything but masturbation.

Oh! You can't give that up.
Look what happened to Big Jo.

- Eh. What about the other guy?
- Porky? That's a whole other story.

Now, this is our holiest room.

You can tell by the candles.

Please be seated.

Move over a couple of inches.

You're now sitting
in the very center of the known world.

I'm sorry, one more inch. There you go.

- And now, you're ready.
- For what?

- Less asking, more trusting.
- Mmm.

- Less sweating, more bathing.
- Hmm.

- Less yelling, more loving.
- Oh!

Less pie, more vegetables.

- Less honking, more hugging.
- Ah!

- Less hurting, more helping.
- Mmm!

Wait, is there any final bit
of eternal wisdom?

I don't know, look for a sign.

Oh!

Oh!

Om...

Lord, it's me again.

I appreciate you're trying your best,
but I just want to say,

you're the one who made me loud
and large and gave me big fat hands.

But now, I'm not that guy.

I don't know who I am,

but if you could just show me
the path forward.

A bean?

A single bean?

Wait, a bean, and it's single.

And my Bean? And she's single.

My kids!

Bean! Derek! Do I got any others?

No, that's it. Well, Freckles.

What am I doing here trying to
save myself when they're in danger?

I'm not afraid of dying
'cause kids, I would die for you!

Er... I'm still hungry, but I got to go.

Hey, Rinsemaster, you was right.

I'm more enlightened now.

Hi, I'm Chazzzzz. We're from
the insane asylum down the road.

We got a crazy
on the loose, and it's not me.

Have you seen this man?

He's not here.

Phew!

But we can't go back empty-handed.

You're right, Dr. Chazzzzz.

What about that guy?

You go low, I go lower.

No! What are you doing?

Keep your greasy mitts off me!

Sorry, we've been eating carnitas.

Help! Porky! Porky!

Where are you, Porky?

Porky, help!

Land over there.

No, over there.

Shut up! I'm the blimp queen.

- Go, go up!
- No, down!

Faster!

- Don't listen to him.
- Go left.

Bean, honestly, please,
just listen to me. Okay?

I have over 10,000 hours of flying kites.

Maybe I will crash us.

Exit stage right.

Set her down by this cave.

Ease her in.

Easy.

Ten more feet to the left.

Got it, and...

Perfect.

Quick, hide this thing.

Yes, sir, Uncle Blimp Queen.

Thanks for
not being a squealer, Your Holiness.

And thanks for showing me the true path.

Ah! Yes, it is right over there.

- Mind if I give you a final platitude?
- Yeah.

The journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single kick.

Ow!

Vip! Oh, and Vap!
What are you two doing here?

Ooh! What are you guys doing?
Making a bear trap?

Oh, jeez. My cape...

and my crown.

It still fits!

Aw! Thanks, guys.

You know what? Climb on.

Heh-heh.

Now, which way is Dreamland? This way?