02x18 - Spy vs. Spy vs. Spy

[bunniefuu]

♪ Hey! ♪

Your Majesty.

What's with all these doofuses?

This is the line to see Queen Bean.

Hey, what a coinkydink.

We're here to see Queen Bean, too.

Then you'll have to get in
back of the line.

In the forest, we don't have lines.

Yeah, well, that's what separates us
from the animals... waiting.

- How many people are in line today?
- I'm guessing, a thousand?

Your dedication makes me wanna puke.

Okay, let's solve some more problems.

We should pick up the pace, it's noon.

- Ooh, what's for lunch?
- I don't know. Casserole?

I'm in the mood for egg salad.

I'd like a single noodle, nine feet long.

Ugh. We've already lost so much time
with your little adventures. Can we get on

with the problems of the kingdom
without any more b*ating around the bush?

Let me ask something, Oddie.

When you get pissed,
do you roll all three eyes?

Quit playing with Odval's eyeballs.

- They have names.
- No, they don't.

Yes, they do.
It's Winky, Blinky, and Soul Taker.

Soul Stealer... Oh.

Elfo, Luci, stop antagonizing Odval.

It's too easy.

Bring in the next whiner.

We're already here.

- Whoa.
- Your Majesty, it is I, King Rulo.

We wee elves
are facing a crisis in Elf Alley.

Conditions are, shall we say,
cramped and we're small.

So, if I say we're cramped...
Ho, ho, boy, it's cramped.

- And?
- Well, we have a modest request.

Go for it.

We want your castle.

- What?
- What?

Wha... What?

Elfo, Luci, conference room, now.

Do you think they know
this castle used to be theirs?

Who cares? Oppression is fun, dummy.

Bean, this is your chance
to do the right thing.

You'll be forever known as the Queen
who gave up Dreamland.

Hmm.

I'm going to say... no.

Oh, you just made a big mistake.

You'll be hearing from Shocko and Fisto.

We're out of here!

The casserole has arrived.

Mop Girl, clean up this mess.

You mean the casserole
or the whole diplomatic situation?

Thank you for waiting!

Your stupidity is most appreciated!

Thank you for waiting!

Your stupidity is most appreciated!

Oh, boy. Here we go.

What is it, Sam Buca?

- Denise left me and she took all the mugs.
- Why'd she do that?

She said you were flirting with me.

- What?
- Just like that.

I never flirted with you.

You're doing it right now.

God, you're annoying.

That's what Denise said
when she walked out the door.

- Bye.
- That's what Denise said.

- What?
- She said she's bi.

- Hey, Sam Buca. How's Denise?
- I don't know.

- How's Oona?
- Eh. Touché.

Beanie, baby, I'm home.

Uh, Dad, I've been on the throne
all morning, and I'm cleaned out.

Can you please take the afternoon shift?

Nah, you don't need me.
You're doin' great.

Listen, there's somebody
I want you to meet. Hey, where'd he go?

Oh. A cute little bear cub.

What do you want me to do, Dad?
Stuff, butcher, or marry it?

None of the above.

He's your half-bear half-brother.
Can't you see the resemblance?

Yeah, I guess I can.

All right, Bear Boy.
Welcome to the family.

Two things you should know about me.
One, I'm a really fun hang.

Two, but I'm busy right now, and I have to
dismiss you. Three, I'm not into labels.

You can choose between callin' me
Queen Bean, big sister Bean

or your sibling Majesty. Any questions?

Are you some kind of giant squirrel?

Okay, take him away, Dad,
before I start to hate him.

Next!

What the hell are you doing?

Oh.

It's called a "bed."

I'm tucking you in.

See, here in Humanville,
we hibernate every night.

That's stupid.

- I miss my mom.
- Oh, me, too.

But this gives us a chance to bond,
and me a chance to be a better dad.

- Finally.
- Pipe down, Derek!

I'm over here
trying to be a better dad.

Hey, where'd you grow up, a cave?

- Apparently not.
- This is my bed.

Shouldn't you be a moth-eating rug
on the floor of a failing cigar lounge?

Shouldn't you be eating flies
in a terrarium?

Eh! Shut your mouths.
I'm trying to get my beauty sleep.

I don't have to listen to a bird.

Don't talk to my pet girlfriend like that.

- Shut up!
- You shut up!

You both need to shut up, yeah?

My name is Derek, by the way.

Not now.
Learn how to read the room, child.

All right, everybody out.

Finally, I'm alone.

Now I can get a good night's sleep.

Bean!

Open this g*dd*mn Dreamdoor right now!

I'm coming!

Hurry up!
Don't make me rattle this doorknob.

Hello, Bean.

- You know what we want.
- You know what we want.

- You know what we want.
- You know what we want.

And it ain't
your fashion sense.

Get out of my castle, all of you!

This is our castle and you know it.
You get out.

- Jesto.
- Oh, yes!

This is our ocean. Get out!

- Hey!
- Hey!

- Watch it.
- Yeah.

- Mora?
- Bean, wake up.

Oh, you woke up
on the first bucket this time.

Buckets don't solve everything, Bunty.

What?

Pardon me. Sorry. Excuse me. Comin'
through. Hello to you, too. Excuse me.

Sorry about your toes.

Court consultation meeting now.

Ooh! Okay, where should we meet?

Inside your shirt like that other time?

- Behind the throne is fine.
- Aw.

So, I had this dream where everyone
who's out to get me was out to get me.

They were all in the castle,
and the elves tossed me out.

- Elfo...
- What did I do?

Sounds like a typical stress dream,
combined with the paranoid delusions

of a tyrant gone mad with power.

Nice work, you dunce.

- The most disturbing part was the elves.
- g*dd*mn elves.

Look, I know you're still kinda pissed off

about all the cute little elf skeletons
we found under the castle.

Could you find out what your friends know
about their ancestors in Dreamland?

You mean be your spy?

Betray my own people
for a kingdom of humans

that's shown hostility
to both elves and ogres?

- Do I get a disguise?
- Yes.

Okay.

I'm starving. Where do they keep
the garbage around here?

Wherever you are I guess. Zing!

Nice one, Derek.
Your first attempt at a joke.

Maybe I should just eat your girlfriend.

I'd like to see you try.

Too late.

He didn't swallow, though.

Come on, Derek. Show 'em what
I taught ya about being a right hard man.

Prepare for an uncoordinated thrashing.

Aw.

What's the deal, Rulo?

Yeah! Did you get our castle back
or die trying?

The next person who asks a stupid question
will feel the wrath of my scepter.

You mean that ball on a stick? Ow!

I'll give it to you straight.

We tried asking politely.

Then we stormed off like angry babies.

Yet Queen Tiabeanie still denied us.

It's time for action.

Action? But we're elves.

What do you have in mind, Leavo?

We'll take it by force.
Though it may cost us many lives.

I have a question.

Why do we want the castle so bad?

You, with the deep voice.
I don't know your name.

You can call me Mustacheo.

Well, Mustacheo, it's not just the castle.

It's what's under the castle.

- You mean the basement?
- No.

- You mean the parking garage?
- No.

You mean the...

It's the very thing...

But it's guarded by
the most hideous creatures

ever to slime their way across a cave...
Trøgs!

Please gasp.

Whoo!

But we don't have to k*ll everyone, do we?

Bean's heart is in the right place.

- Not like that trader Elfo!
- What?

He's always sneaking around,
poking his nose where he's not wanted.

And his incessant bum-bum talk.

Well, maybe he had a childhood trauma.

What are you, some kind Elfo lover?

Worse! You're Elfo!

Please don't k*ll me.
Are you going to k*ll me?

I have an idea.

Elfo, you'll be our spy.

You'll go down to Trøgtown
masquerading as a hideous Trøg

and find out what they know.

How much is my costume budget?

Nothing. Now, go!

Fine. But you get what you pay for.

You can't even find a good wig
for that price, so suit yourself.

It's absurd...

Out of the way, bed lights.
I'm coming in.

Ow.

Who is it?

What's so funny?

- Get out of my castle!
- It's not your castle, dear.

Mom.

Ah.

"How to Stay Calm While Reading in Bed."

"Chapter one. First,
admit you have a problem."

Dad?

Dad, I've been having nightmares again.

Ah, Bean, I wouldn't worry about it.

You probably had some bad clams.

I didn't even have any good clams.

I got some left over if you want some.

No?

So, these dreams, were they recurring?

- Like the same thing over and over?
- No.

Well, then you've got nothing
to worry about.

If your dreams repeat themselves, Bean,
then you got troubles.

Because that means you got
unresolved issues in the old coconut.

Just go back to bed.

- I don't think I can.
- No?

Well, then I got just the thing.

Try some nighty-night knockout tea.

It's my own special blend.

I gently pummel eight rare spices
into the tea leaves.

Then I have Vip and Vap
sleep on it for eight weeks.

Mmm. I can tell.

I'd put some honey in it,

but ever since Bear Boy came,
we keep running out.

Man, I wanna get to sleep quickly.

Can you chug tea?

Hot!

Ugh! It is a recurring dream.

What do I have to do
to make this stop, k*ll you?

I gotta destroy that elevator.

Huh?

Ugh!

So gross.

Small.

I just miss the days of, "Hi, I'm Elfo."

It was just a simpler time back then.

What the...

You goin' to the moon rave tonight?

Yeah, but first I gotta shed my skin.

That's beyond disgusting.

Okay, you can do this. Come on. Okay.

Just pretended it's a Fruit Roll-Up.

Oh, it doesn't smell like a Fruit Roll-Up.

Okay, it's on.

Let's go.

Oh. Okay.

I don't hate that.

Look at that bum-bum.

Hello!

Oh. These bad clams ain't bad.

Guys, we gotta get rid of
the elevator to Hell.

The one that cut off my head? Yes!

It's time to give that elevator the shaft.

Catchphrase, copyright,
Luci, the demon.

Oh. Oy! I'm not done with that.

I'll return it, dude.

What you smiling about it?

It's just going to take longer.

Get ready for an axe-whooping, Mom.

Yes, we escaped from Hell.

Hansel and Gretel?

Oh, no! It's that recurring dream again.

We got to get out of here.

Quick. Press the door close button.

You know the door close button
doesn't do nothing.

You've got to press it again
and again, frantically.

- See?
- It was going to close anyway.

Yes!
We got away from that maniac.

No, we didn't!

Welcome, Bobo.

Welcome, Lobo.

Welcome, Flowbo.

Welcome, Gobo.

Hmm. Stop right there.

I can't remember your name.

Has Sklobo been taken?

- No.
- I'm Sklobo.

Welcome, Sklobo.

Dearly below-ed,

let us bow our heads in remembrance
of those gallant Trøgs

who sacrificed their lives
in our most sacred, secret ceremony.

Sit and spin! Sit and spin!

Hey, there.

Oh, my God. Trixy!

You know my name,
but I don't know yours.

Oh, yeah, I want to say Splobo?

Well, Splobo,
you're not like the other guys.

You have a personality.

Plus, your hat reminds me of this guy
I used to sleep with.

- Elfo?
- No, Superviso.

What? Trixy!

I thought we had something special.

An intruder!

Seize him or her...

- Oh!
- Oh, my God, it's Elfo!

Aw, my least favorite savior.

Oh, mighty Elfo. You rat bastard snitch.

What are we going to do with you?

- Let's k*ll him.
- But he's a savior.

Yes, but historically,
we usually k*ll saviors.

- How should we k*ll him?
- Roll a big boulder on his head.

Roll several smaller boulders
on his whole body.

No, tie him to a giant boulder
and roll him in a pit.

We agree then.
Something to do with boulders.

Stop saying boulders.

Let's not k*ll Elfo.

Let's use him as a spy on the humans.

I can't be your spy.

First, Bean sent me to spy on the elves,

and then the elves sent me
to spy on you guys.

Triple crossing is as far as I go.

Enough jibber-jabber.

Let's flatten him!

Okay, fine. I'll do it.
But I warn you, I get caught every time.

Stupid boot!

Hmm.

My hat puff! Are you nuts?

Elfo, don't scare me like that.
Did you find out what the elves are up to?

Well, they're planning something.
Maybe an att*ck.

I don't know exactly
because I kept getting caught.

But it involves the Trøgs,
who also caught me, incidentally.

The Trøgs? What's their little scheme?

Well, they have a thing for boulders.
I can tell you that much.

Thanks, Elfo. Time for bed.

Think again.

Hmm.

Safety.

Brains!

Brains. That's it!

I've got to use my brains.

Thanks, psychotic dream.

Luci, Mop Girl, listen up.

I know what we need to do.
What is that smell?

It's Luci and his room temperature
clam bucket.

We gotta protect the castle.

Mop Girl, I want you and Luci
to plug up the tunnels.

- How?
- You figure it out.

We did it! What else
can we fill with garbage?

- Elfo's room?
- I like the way you think.

We need something bigger and bolder.

Eh, good enough.

Elfo. Be brave. Go down there and say,
I'm not going to be your spy anymore.

You're not going to back down.
You're cute and delightful.

You got bad taste in women,
but that's true of all great men.

And you're a g*dd*mn ogre.

You're not afraid of anything.

That's the last of 'em.
Let's get drunk.

I have cleaning fluids
that'll make you go blind.

That'll calm the clams
colliding in my colon.

You know something, Mary?
You're too good for this dump.

You're the first person
to call me by my real name.

I'm going to let you in
on my darkest secret.

- I'm nice.
- I know.

My darker secret is
I'm not that good at mopping.

I know.

You know, sometimes I just mop
the same spot for hours,

and no one ever notices.

Hmm? Hmm.

Cloyd? Becky?

- That's right, Luci.
- You're going back to Hell.

Hurry now. Schloop into the bottle.

I gotta warn you, I'm about to spew clams.

Clams?

Thanks. I feel so much better.

Body, over here.

Uh-oh.

Well, well, well.

You've really chosen
the wrong side, Mop Girl.

It's Mary.

We did it, Luci.

Oh, my God. I feel so cleaned out now.
Thank you.

Queen Bean sealin' the whole place up,

like a hundred little corks
in a wedge of Swiss cheese.

She's onto us.

Elfo betrayed us.

Oh, I knew he'd fall
for that big lummox of a queen.

We have no choice.

- We must att*ck, now!
- Yeah!

Yes, the little stabbers.

Humans may be bigger and stronger
and smarter than us,

but we've got the ability
to run under tables.

It'll be a sneak att*ck.

We'll go in beneath the castle
and surprise them.

But not in the fun birthday party way.

We head out at the stroke of midnight.

- To the tunnel!
- Yeah!

Oh, Elfo, when are you going
to learn your lesson?

Stay out of other people's business.

Come on now. You two are brothers, okay?

Remember, blood is thicker than water.

Oh, wow. Wait, that's not just
an old wives' tale. It really is thicker.

Okay, boys. Boys. Boys!

There must be something
you two spoiled brats can agree on.

Wow. I've always wanted to do that,
but never had the arm strength.

If we work together, we could hurt people
much more than we can by ourselves.

Ow!

Huh?

Who is so foolhardy
as to enter Guano junction?

Out of the way, you puny monstrosities!

Hey, we're the same size as you.

So you just turn around
and be on your little way.

This is ridiculous.

If we create some sort of diversion,
we can sneak through that door over there.

Distracto, front and center.

No! Don't go in there.

I mean, unless you want to see
a bunch of old jars.

Who's interested in old jars?
Just grannies, am I right?

- Yeah!
- What he said.

Trøgs can't be trusted.

If they don't want us to go in there,
that's the way to go.

At last, I found it.

No, it's forbidden!

Finally, I've spent my entire adult life,

except for that time in the cult,
searching for this!

Don't drink that.

It's the sacred goo.

- Sacred goo!
- Sacred goo!

I know what it is, you freaks.

It's the very thing.

No, you fool.

It's not what you want,
it's what you deserve!

Ha!

It tastes like every candy
under the rainbow,

with a horrible metallic aftertaste.

But I expected something
with a little more oomph.

What?

What?

What?