03x13 - Mean Seasons

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

FEMALE EMCEE: Simone is wearing
the Donna Day spring formal.

The ultimate in stylish prom wear
for the young

or for the young at heart.

Ooh!

The signature Donna Day
youthful lines are accentuated

with just a touch of the classic.

Isn't it lovely? I've got to buy one.

- For who?
- (GASPS)

(GRUNT) What did I do?

Hmph!

This little spring ensemble,
modeled appropriately by April,

is part of the Donna Day
"Crazy Kids" collection.

CALENDAR GIRL: Beware the Ides of March.

- CROWD: The ides of what?
- (GASPS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

(CROWD CLAMORING)

Somebody call security!

(WOMAN CRYING FAINTLY)

(STRAINING)

What's the meaning of this?

Untie me at once, you déclassé.

Sorry, but you and I have
a date with destiny.

Your destiny.

(g*nshots)

(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

(CROWD CHATTERING)

Back off, buzzards. We ain't even
taken pictures of the crime scene yet.

But we heard
the kidnapper left a ransom note.

Nah, just a page from an old calendar.

So, what does it mean?

It means
this Calendar Girl's days are numbered.

- Numbered? What do you mean?
- Give us more than that--

And I'll leave you with the latest spec
designs from Wayne Motors.

If you want, call me tonight
after the auto show.

Auto show. Right.

By the way, I'm supposed to remind you
about Bernie Benson's retirement dinner.

It's this Friday.

Bernie's retiring? Why?

He's , Bruce.
That's our mandatory retirement age.

I thought he was younger.

Well, sooner or later,
we all start touching up the gray.

Some people.

Excuse me, sir. There's a van blocking
both of the passenger loading spaces.

It's just as well, Alfred.

I'm gonna have to be dropped off
someplace a little more private.

Understood, sir.

Check out this bodywork.

(APPLAUSE)

We can't keep the heat
under wraps any longer.

It sizzles. It smokes.
It's the hot new car for summer.

(CROWD CHEERING)

It's the Solstice.

CALENDAR GIRL: Things are heating up
for you, too, Barkley.

(CROWD GROANING)

(FIREWORKS SQUEALING)

Oh, I hope you're insured, Barkley.

Barkley, not staying
for the celebration?

(GROANING)

(GASPS)

No! Please! I'm too young to die.

Honey, you're never too thin,
and you're never too young.

BATMAN: Let her go.

I have no quarrel with her.
She's just another tragic victim.

(GIRL PANTING)

I have what I came for.

(BARKLEY GROANING)

No, help me! Help!

(GRUNTING)

(YELLS)

(SCREAMING)

(ENGINE STARTING)

(GROANING)

CALENDAR GIRL: Trying to spoil
my summer fun?

(BATMAN GROANS)

And I thought everyone liked fireworks.

(BARKLEY SCREAMING)

See you in the fall, Batman.

- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- Ahhh!

Here's all the news items
from both August th and April rd,

- dating back years.
- Make it .

My, we're being thorough today. Okay.

Now I'm cross-referencing
Donna Day Fashions and Gotham Motors

for any common names, places, events...

(BEEPING)

Ta-da!

Who is she? She looks familiar.

She should.

Page Monroe. Her face was just about
everywhere for a few years.

She used to be a spokesmodel

for a number
of major companies, including--

Let me guess.
Gotham Motors and Donna Day.

Right. Until both companies announced
they were dropping her

in favor of a new
youth-oriented campaign.

On April rd and August th.

I do remember. Pretty girl.

Don't you mean "woman"?

She was your age when she made
that commercial, Batboy.

IRV: Don't worry about a thing.

I'll get you the part.
The director owes me big-time.

You'd be surprised the kind of pull
I have in this town.

BATMAN: Irv Kleinman.

Hey, what is this?
Costumes are down the hall.

I have a few questions for you.

Get lost.
Can't you see I'm in a meeting?

(GROANING)

Meeting's been canceled.

I'd run if I were you.

Okay, okay. What?

- Page Monroe.
- Page?

I used to be her agent. What about her?

What happened to her?

She turned . What are you gonna do?

- BATGIRL: So you just dumped her?
- Hey, look, I tried to help her.

After the modeling dried up,
I got her a lead in a sitcom.

But it never flew.
The network wanted younger demographics.

- Where is she now?
- Dropped out of sight.

But there were rumors.

You know, the surgeon nipped
when he should have tucked.

Listen, if you let me go,
I can make it worth your while.

I'm the sole owner of a major company.

Help me, and I can promise you

Gotham Motors will see
that you're taken care of.

Hey, I made the first offer,
company man.

- Rag merchant.
- Junk dealer.

- You know what I want from you two?
- What?

Quiet!

The boss is thinking.

- (GASPS)
- We're ready when you are.

Idiot!

(GROANING)

No one is allowed to see my face.
No one.

Sorry.

(FOOTSTEPS FADING)

(WHISTLING)

Another season,
another reason for making trouble.

(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you for joining us here today

for our network's
"Look Into the Future."

The GWB is staking out
new frontiers this season

with innovative shows like...

Model Students, a hard-hitting drama
about three young women

dealing with the pressures
of modeling school.

Don't cry, Dana.

So you weren't
picked for the swimsuit issue.

It's who you are inside that counts.

Oh! (GASPS)

I love you guys.

You're busted!

FREDERICK: Teen Cop.

Inner-city street drama
with a fresh attitude.

Education rules!

(CROWD APPLAUSE)

And Malibu Vets.

The heartwarming adventures of a group
of young beach-going veterinarians.

We interrupt this program
to bring you some real entertainment.

(ENGINE WHIRRING)

(CROWD CLAMORING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Spring ahead, Freddy boy,

but fall back!

(ALL GRUNTING)

(WHIRRING STOPS)

Your show's just been canceled, Freddy.

(BEEPING)

Don't tell me you're starting
to believe your own publicity?

It's only a TV show. This is reality.

(GROANS)

Garbage pickup, boys.

(CROWD GASPS)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

What's Halloween
without a couple of costumed clowns?

Trick or treat, Bats.

(CROWD SCREAMING)

(ALL COUGHING)

(MIMICKING COUGH)

Over here!

CALENDAR GIRL: You shouldn't have come
this way, Batman.

There's no living in the past,
believe me.

(RUMBLING)

(LEAVES RUSTLING)

(WATER TRICKLING)

(ROARING)

Strange, isn't it?

Dinosaurs have been
dead for millions of years,

yet they still get parts in movies.

It hardly seems fair.

(BATMAN GROANS)

(DINOSAUR GROWLING)

(ROARING)

(ROARING)

(GRUNTING)

(ROPE WHIPPING)

(STRAINING)

(GROWLING)

(BATGIRL PANTING)

(ROARING)

- (LOUD CRASHING)
- (EXPLOSIONS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

Thanks.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come in.

I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Wayne,

but I wanted to hand in
my final report a little early

to get ready for my retirement dinner.

(PHONE RINGING)

One second, Bernie.

- Hello?
- BATGIRL: Bruce, it's me.

It took some digging,
but I just found out that Page Monroe

still holds title
to a defunct nightclub called "Faces"

in the redevelopment district.

I'll meet you there.

I'm afraid I won't be able to attend
your retirement dinner, Bernie.

I understand, sir. You're very busy.

Actually, I've decided to cancel it.

- Cancel?
- I'm changing the retirement policy.

You can work here for as long
as you can do the job.

(DOOR CLOSING)

Yes!

CALENDAR GIRL: Yes, I was gorgeous once.
I had everything.

I used to be a face.
I used to be the face.

Until you destroyed me.
Destroyed my career.

I tried to get it back.

For years I starved,

sweated, subjected my body to surgery
after surgery, and for what?

Days became weeks, weeks became years,

until my time ran out.

(MUFFLED SCREAMS)

Now I only have
one holiday left to celebrate.

The Day of the Dead. And you're going
to celebrate it with me.

(MUFFLED SCREAMS)

Argh!

(ALL GRUNTING)

(BOTH STRAINING)

(CALENDAR GIRL GRUNTING)

(ELECTRICITY ZAPPING)

(CALENDAR GIRL GRUNTING)

(BATMAN GROANS)

This must be my lucky day.

(SIZZLING)

My face.

Argh!

(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

- Did you read her her rights?
- Yes, sir.

Then she knows they don't include this.

(SCREAMS)

No! Don't! Don't look! Please!

(SOBBING) Oh!

No.

- She's beautiful.
- She can't see that anymore.

All she sees are the flaws.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)