03x16 - Animal Act

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Batman: The Animated Series". Aired: September 5, 1992 – September 15, 1995.*
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Based on the DC comics, The Dark Knight battles crime in Gotham City with occasional help from Robin and Batgirl.
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03x16 - Animal Act

Post by bunniefuu »

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

NIGHTWING: Hey, it's a free rooftop,
isn't it?

Nightwing. What're you doing here?

Oh, just following
a pattern of obsessive

behavior instilled
in me at an early age.

You should work
on your stealth skills.

I heard you coming
halfway across the roof.

- Good to see you, too.
- ROBIN: Hey, look.

Somehow, I doubt anyone's
doing repair work at this hour.

All right, now.
Let's climb down nice and slow.

(GROANS AND GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

- ROBIN: Not so fast, big fella.
- You heard him.

All wrapped up and no place to go.

Hey! (GROANS)

- You okay?
- Yeah. Who is that guy?

(GROWLS)

(GASPS) Peaches?

ROBIN: It's a monkey.

- (GROWLS)
- (ALL GRUNTING)

(GORILLA GRUNTING)

I know that gorilla.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

Go ahead.

(SNIFFS) Whoa!

- You could have warned me.
- Where would the fun be in that?

(STRAINING)

- Hey, d*ck Grayson. Long time no see.
- Hi, Bruno.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETS)

You finally put on a little weight.

- Hey, Connie.
- Dickie. Couldn't stay away, huh?

MAN: You kidding?

Kid's got circus in the blood.

(AXES THUD)

Nice to see you, too, Pete.

This must've been such
a cool place to grow up.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETS)

(TRAPEZE CHAINS CLAN KING)

It was.

There she is.
Hello, Peaches. Hello, girl.

- You sure that's the one?
- (PURRING)

She seems kind of different.

- I thought it was her.
- (PURRS)

- (WHIP CRACKS)
- Hey!

MIRANDA: This ain't no petting zoo.

- Miranda?
- Yeah?

Miranda, it's me, Dickie.

Ta-dah!

Dickie Grayson?

- You've grown.
- So have you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

- Tim Drake. Friend of Dickie's.
- Miranda Kane.

So you knew d*ck when you were kids?

We grew up together. Two circus brats
from two old circus families.

The Kane Family Wild Animal Acts!

And the Flying Graysons.

So, uh, where are your folks?

- (SCOFFS) Retired to Sarasota.
- Jeez. I have been away a long time.

- So you train the animals?
- Some. Like Peaches here.

(GRUNTING HAPPILY AND PURRING)

- She remembers me.
- Circus policy.

No one touches the animals but me.

Insurance premiums
have just gotten too high.

We're setting up the cages, Ms. Kane.

Sorry. You're gonna have to leave now.

Some of us have to work for a living.

(PEACHES PURRING)

You could knock.

I did a little computer tracking

of the Haley Circus tour
for the last six months.

Seems that each town
the circus played in

was visited by a series
of inexplicable robberies.

Electronic items, like chips,
microtools, circuitry.

There's no way Miranda had anything
to do with these robberies.

BATMAN: She had the time, experience
and access to train the gorilla.

- I know her.
- You knew her.

A lifetime ago.

(BEEPING)

What?

Computer just picked up a silent alarm

at the Sharp Alert
car locator factory.

That's only blocks away.

BATMAN: Coming?

(GROANS)

- He should be all right.
- (OBJECTS CLATTERING)

Hello.

(BEEPING)

Not exactly your quiet type.

(BEAR GROWLS)

(GROWLING)

Not real big on neatness. (GRUNTS)

(BOTH GRUNT)

(ROARS)

(BEARS GROWLING)

You take the brown one.
I'll take the other brown one.

(ROARS)

Wonder where you learned that.

(ROARS)

- (ROARS)
- (GRUNTS)

- (GRUNTS)
- (ROARS)

(ROARS)

(ROARING)

You gotta have a soft spot somewhere.

(ROARS)

(SCREAMS AND GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

Guess not.

You all right?

Yeah. What's a couple of ribs?

(GROWLS)

Okay. Now!

(GROWLS)

(GROWLS)

(BEAR ROARS)

(ROARS)

(WHIP CRACKING)

(SNORTS)

(DOLLY GROWLING)

Come on, Dolly. Dolly! (EXCLAIMS)

(GROWLING)

- (GROWLS)
- (ELEPHANT TRUMPETS)

- (WHIP CRACKS)
- (DOLLY GROWLS)

You, too, Polly.

(POLLY GROWLS)

Good girls.

BULLOCK: Be sure
it's locked this time.

We got enough yahoos
running around this city

without having to deal
with Yogi and Boo Boo too.

Look, I don't know how they got out

but I can assure you,
I have these bears under control.

Swell. Because I'll be back in the
morning to make out a police report.

And by that time, toots,
you better have something more to say

than, "I don't know."

(BEARS GROWLING)

Okay, Mr. Happy, off the car.

I ain't laughing, Clarabell.

I'll give you to the count of three.

Three.

(GRUNTS AND GROANS)

I hate clowns.

(SIGHS)

- (GASPS)
- Whoa!

What are you doing here?

I heard about the bears on TV.

I figured they must be yours.

And that gives you an excuse
to break into my trailer?

I... I didn't break in.
The door was open.

(SCOFFS) Seems like
I'm having problems

with locking doors these days.

Is that what happened?
You forgot to lock the cage?

No, I didn't forget.

I may not be as careful about my own
door, but I locked those cages.

- Then how?
- Someone's messing with my animals.

That's how.
And I'm gonna find out who it is.

I'm thinking of having
an alarm installed.

Good news.
I managed to get the security video.

Wanna see what those bears were after?

Smart bears.

BATMAN: Too smart.

CLOWN: There's my girls.
I'm so proud of you.

You performed brilliantly.

Now bend down.

(BEEPS)

Wouldn't want any
snoopy-snoops finding

these control chips, now, would we?

(GASPS)

What are you doing with my bears?

"'I can't explain myself, '
said Alice,

'because I'm not myself, you see.'"

- Who are you?
- A lonely wretch named Jervis Tetch.

Also known as...

The Mad Hatter.

At your service.

(GASPS)

(HISSING)

The time has come, the Walrus said,
to talk of many things.

Of bears, and snakes, and clever
crimes that spring from circus rings.

(HISSES)

- Awfully quiet.
- Which way is her trailer?

This way.

MIRANDA: (SCREAMS) Help! Somebody!

On the other hand,
that way might be good too.

(SNARLING)

- (GROWLS)
- (MIRANDA SCREAMS)

(BOTH STRAINING)

Help me! I can't control them.

(LOCK CLICKS)

(GROWLS)

- (ROARS)
- Get the whip.

- (WHIP CRACKS)
- Ahh!

Back, Jamba! Get back!

(STRAINING)

(ROARS)

- Stay behind me.
- Get her out. Now.

The Mad Hatter. He manipulated
my animals. He's--

- We're way ahead of you.
- Where is he?

I saw him head for the big top.

MAD HATTER: Do cats eat bats?
Do bats eat cats?

Good evening, Batman. You'll excuse me
if I don't tip my hat.

- BATMAN: It's over, Hatter.
- And I was so close.

- Close to what?
- Perfection.

My mind control with animals
had progressed

to where I could control them
from great distances.

See what they saw.
Direct their every movement.

People, though, that's another story.

With people, I still need proximity.

(GROANS) Hey!

(STRUGGLING)

(STRUGGLING)

- Miranda.
- It's no use, Nightwing.

She can't hear you.

(STRAINING)

BATMAN: She's under
Mad Hatter's control.

Exactly right, Batman. Like everyone
in the confines of this tent.

(CHUCKLES)

I suppose that makes me
the true ringmaster.

Sorry.

(GROANS)

(GROANS)

Nightwing, look out!

They are unaware of pain or fear.
You can't defeat them, Batman.

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

(YELLS)

(GROANS)

(GRUNTING)

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

(GRUNTS)

Want some jam with your toast, Batman?

(CACKLING)

(GASPS)

Ahh!

(GASPING)

CIRCUS PERFORMERS: Huh?

CIRCUS PERFORMER : What?
CIRCUS PERFORMER : Hey!

No!

Good girl. You're my
ticket out of here.

Ahh! (SCREAMS)

Hats off in the presence of a lady.
Right, Peaches?

Ha!

I hate having to resort to such
a base, pedestrian form of v*olence.

But you leave me no choice.

Ahh!

(SCREAMS AND GROANS)

(ROARS)

(WHIMPERS)

Get her off! Get her off!

Get her off! (CRYING)

You, uh, gonna stop her?

- (DEVICE BEEPS)
- Eventually.

(MAD HATTER CONTINUES SCREAMING)

(GASPING AND GROANING)

(GRUNTING TRIUMPHANTLY)

(CIRCUS MUSIC PLAYING)

Tim said he wanted to see
what circus life was like

so I arranged for him to spend
the rest of the week with Miranda.

- He's going to help train animals?
- Not exactly.

When you're done there,
I still have the bears' cage.

Great.

- (SIGHS) Man, I miss it.
- What?

Show business.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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