01x02 - Dexter Dodgeball/Dial M for Monkey: Rasslor/Dexter's Assistant

[bunniefuu]

[Rooster crows]

Hey!

♪ Doo doo doo
doo doo ♪

♪ hmm hmm hmm

well, well, well,
if isn't dorkster

with his
stupid excuse.

If you need me, I will be
in the science lab.

Man:
What's this crap?

Who are you?

I'm your
substitute coach.

But, but,
but, but, but...

Quiet!

But my excuse!

What excuse?

Now suit up!

[Tweet]

Dodge...

Ball!

Aah!
Aah!

Dexter, help me!
Please, help me!

Ugh! I'm hit!

Good-bye, Dexter.

[Thud]

Hey, dorkster!

Where's your
excuse now, huh?

Let's get him, boys!

[Clink]

See you out on
the playground, dorkster.

Hey, guys, watch this.

Waaah!

Ooohh!

Aaaah!

Aaah!

Dodge...

Ball!

[Ball bounces]

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Uh!

Uh!

Uh!

Uh!

That's it.

Hey, where's dorkster?

We must have
scared him off good.

Yeah!

You looking for me?

Let's get him!
Let's get him!

Now it's my turn.

Who wants some?

Aah!
Aah!
Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

[Running footsteps]

Ya-ha!

Ppplll!

Yaaah!

Ohh...

You're out!

[Crash]

Dexter:
After countless experiments,

no enhanced abilities,

no physical
mutations,

no nothing!

It seems you
shall never become

anything more
than a mere monkey.

Monkey, this is
agent honey q.

Help us.

Man: Yes, justice friends,
I have total confidence

that victory
shall be ours.

So, everyone take
minutes, powder,

and assemble
at the quad jet in--huh?

Huh?
What?

[Sirens]

Smash bad guys!

Huh?

Say, what's
going on here?

Where are we?

Who dares kidnap
the likes of we?

[Eek]

Silence,
earthlings!

I, probodor,
have brought you here

aboard the cosmic colosseum
vessel, the shipodrome.

You are to be guests
of my master, so bow--

bow down before
your gracious host,

the spirit of competition,
the embodiment of victory,

the eternal champion...
Rasslor!

Welcome,
heroes of earth.

You have been chosen to receive
the most glorious of gifts:

The opportunity to face me,
the great rasslor,

in a contest
of strength and skill.

For eons, I have scoured
the cosmos,

searching for the one adversary

who could provide me
with suitable sport.

But lo, I have yet to find
such a noble foe.

Each creature, each race
more pitiful than the last,

so I spare them the disgrace
of their weakness

by destroying
their worlds.

And now my quest has
brought me

to this timid little planet
you call earth.

So, terrestrial heroes,
can one of you quench my thirst

for the divine conflict,
the supreme struggle,

or will your planet be
doomed to the same fate

that has befallen so many?

What?
What?
What?

Fight me,
or I destroy the earth!

Now...let the games begin!

That's what we're
here to find out.

Live from the shipodrome,
I'm Mike mann.

And I'm the fly guy,
probodor.

Let's go to the action.

In the ring,

spawned from
the very essence of
the cosmos itself,

weighing in
at , megastones,

my boy, the champ,

rasslor!

And in
the opposite corner,

weighing in
at golden apples,

the viking god of rock,
vol holen.

[Cheering]

Yo, villain man,

if 'Tis truly
a thrashing you seek,

then thrash upon a riff
of my mighty a*.

Rock on, ye of
flaxen tresses.

Probodor: Mike, this
kid needs to turn down
that rock music,

get a haircut and a job

before he even thinks
about getting in the ring

with the champ again.

... ... .

Mike: Next in the ring,

definitely a hometown
favorite, major glory.

U.s.a.!

So, alien, you dare
step foot on American soil
without a green card?

Well, Iam
mister.

Do you really think
you can b*at america?

The speed of america?
The strength of america?

The constitution
of america?

Well, here's
my John hancock.

Major glory,

you speak boldly,
and your breath
is minty-fresh.

For this,
I salute you.

Man: Enough of this,
rasslor.

You must face I.

I am hunter.

I am me.

Sam...ur...ai!

I do not like
your kick so high.

I do not like it,
Sam...Ur...Ai.

Next!

What is this?

Crowd: Monkey! Monkey!

Mike: The crowd knows.
Weighing in at pounds,

the super-powered
primate, monkey!

Away with this jest!

[Crowd booing]

Bring me
a challenge!
Bring me sport!

[Roar]

[Eek eek eek]

[Ooh ooh ooh]

This is ridiculous!

Is this the last
opponent this puny
planet can offer me?

Sorry, babe.
He's popular
with the kids.

Yay!
Yay!

I will not
soil my hands on
so lowly a creature.

What?

Huh?

... ...

Oh, no,
little beast.

You shall
not make a fool
of me this day.

[Eeeek]

It seems you
leave me no choice.

Probodor: The champ,
applying a devastating
submission hold.

Uhh.

Monkey...monkey...

Monkey...monkey...

Mike: Oh,
but what's this?

Unbelievable!
Monkey's pulling free.

It's a takedown,
into a beautiful headlock!

You will learn
your lesson, monkey,

once and for all!

Again and forever,
I am the champion,

and so it
falls upon me

to pass judgment
on your contemptible world.

Mike: Wait a minute!
I don't believe it!

Monkey refuses
to stay down!

Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

Incredible.

I could crush your body,
I could smash your bones,

but I could never
break your spirit.

You are a marvel,
little monkey.

Any world that could
spawn one as noble as you

is truly blessed.

I spare your earth!

Yay!
Yay!
Yay!

[Ooh ooh ooh]

[Eek eek eek]

Oh, yeah!

[Parody of music from
: A space odyssey

Dexter: Dee Dee!

Get away from
my planetarium.

Ah, my most
prized possessions:

My science fair trophies!

Each year, I enter,
and each year, I win.

Hello. What's this?

Oh, this must be the place
for this year's trophy,

which I will undoubtedly
win with my...

Spectro mechanitron!

Ah, what heavenly bliss.

And now for the mechanitron's
final run-through.

Computer sequence,
begin test.

Computer: Engage
josular switch.

Check.

Release
transputic pressure.

Check.

Dexter, press
spectro button
for completion

in ... ... ...

Spectro button?

... ... ...

No!

... ...

Sequence terminated.

Drat. Computer,
lights on.

Hi.

Dexter, I've lost
my marbles.

Have you seen them?

There's a blue one
and a red one

and a green one
and a pink one

and a purple one,

and some
of them have
spiral cool stuff.

This is quite a dilemma.

The button is at the bottom,
but I am at the top,

but to press the button,
I need to be at the bottom,

but if someone
were to...

And there's
a round one...

No, no, no, no.
That would never work.

Ah, heck. I need
a good laugh right now.

Dee Dee, will you
come here, please?

Will you please press
the button for me?

Ohh...

Ok, ok.
Thank you, dear.

But I want to press
the button.

Just as I thought.
I will have to make
myself an assistant.

I've got the brain.
Now for someone
to put it in.

No, no. Too small.

No, no.
Not at all.

No, no. Too big.

Oh, no. I must be
flipping my wig.

I will use Dee Dee.

Hmm...

Whew!

And now to start
the synapses f*ring.

It appears that
your brain transplant
was successful.

Congratulations,
Dexter.

Eureka! It worked.

And now,
my dear assistant,

it is time for
the final run-through.

Dexter: Dee Dee,
are you ready?

Dee Dee: Dexter, I don't
think this will work.

Quiet with
your foolishness!

Just press
the button.

Ok.

Computer, engage
test sequence.

Computer: Engage
josular switch.

Release transputic
pressure.

Press spectro button
in ... ... ... ...

... ... ...

Press it!

... ...

Sequence engaged.

It's working!

Wait. S-S-Something
is wrong!

Computer:
Experiment terminated.

I'm sorry, Dexter,
but according to
my calculations,

your calculations
were incorrect,

but I will kindly
guide you to the problem.

Computer, lights on.

This way, Dexter.

Nobody commands
my computer.

Computer,
lights off!

Easy...

Easy...

Dexter, I wouldn't--

quiet, woman!

But that's not
going to--

assistant?

Yes?

Will you please
assist me

by shutting up?

You are interrupting
science.

It takes
a steady hand.

My hair is on fire!

My hair is on fire!

My hair is on fire!

My hair is...

There, there, Dexter.

You can use my
hair-restoring formula.

Rrrr!

Hmm...this must be
the wire i--

Dee Dee: Ahem.

[Clearing throat]
Wrong.

Take note,
dear assistant.

By simple process
of elimination,

I have
disregarded that
which is wrong,

and I am left with
that which is right.

How could
this happen?

To put it simply,
Dexter,

the right answer is that
they were all wrong.

How dare you
interfere with
my computations?

I created you.

I command you!

That's it, Dexter.

I'm far too intelligent
to lower myself

to your
incompetent level,

but here is an assistant

more suitable
to your needs.

Good-bye, Dexter!

You won't question
my computations.

Will you?

Announcer: The competition's
been unusually close

at this year's
annual science fair,

but the judges
finally made their choice.

The winner is...

Dee Dee!

Woman:
Oh, splendid!

Rrrr!

This is all your fault!

enter at
your own peril,

past
the vaulted door

where impossible
things may happen

that the world's
never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's
laboratory ♪

♪ lives
the smartest boy ♪

♪ you've ever seen

♪ but Dee Dee blows
his experiments ♪

♪ to smithereens

♪ there is
gloom and doom ♪

♪ while things
go boom ♪

♪ in Dexter's lab