02x01 - Long Arm of the Law!

[bunniefuu]

[SNORING]

[GASPS]

[GRUNTS]

Shh.

Shh.

[GULPS]

Shh.

Shh.

[SQUEAKS]

[GROANING]

[CHATTERING]

Shh.

[SNORING]

Shh.

[BUZZING]

- Achoo.

- Oh, gesundheit.

[ECHOING]

[ALL SNARLING]

[BOTH PANTING]

ALL: Shh.

PLASTIC MAN: Do you swear allegiance to the side of goodness and right?

WOOZY: I do.

Will you strike terror into cowardly and superstitious criminals everywhere?

WOOZY: I will.

Will you pit your prodigious strength and keen intellect against the forces of darkness as my crime-fighting apprentice?

Sure, Plas.

Whatever you say.

PLASTIC MAN: In that case, Woozy Winks by the power I've invested in me, I make you my duly deputized sidekick.

- Hot dog.

- And now to the Plas Cave.

Wow, boss.

You disguised it all up so it looks like your garage.

Ah, ha, ha.

Exactly, Woozy.

I learned from Batman himself the importance of guile.

Not to mention gear.

The Plastic-rang, the Plastic-shield, plastic bags.

Wow, Plas.

You're just like Batman.

Aw, I'm trying, Woozy.

Bats is the epitome of self-discipline and control.

I'm hoping that following his example might help with my own problems in those areas.

You?

Self-control problems?

Ha! Get out of here.

Let's go over the secret danger-alert whistle, shall we?

[PLAYING TRUMPET CALL]

[BLOWING RASPBERRY]

Close enough.

Now let us two do-gooders do some good.

If you boys are all done playing Batman and Robin it's time to take baby and Schnitzel to the museum.

Oh, Ramona.

Don't you "Oh, Ramona" me, Edward O'Brien.

You promised.

Baby needs to be exposed to culture and class.

[COOING]

Yeah, but we have crime patrol.

And you be careful.

Babies don't grow on trees, you know.

Ugh, I wish we had that plastic bag now.

Take note, Woozy.

The great crime-fighters multitask.

We'll expose baby to this classy long-hair stuff and go on crime patrol at the same time.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

Watch where you're going.

This is what passes as art nowadays?

It's pretentious, uninspired And worth about a million bucks.

A million bucks?

Now you're getting that look in your eyes, Plas.

Remember, self-control.

[SCHNITZEL BARKING]

Whoa! Schnitzel! Oof.

Stupid wall.

[GROWLING]

[BLOWING RASPBERRY]

[GUARDS GRUNT]

What is it now?

[BABBLING]

Great gadzooks.

Rubberneck.

What's that ogre-sized latex leviathan doing nosing around the museum?

You watch baby and Schnitzel while I go catch this criminal red-handed.

Can't see nothing.

Can you, baby?

Baby?

Aw, nuts.

[CHUCKLING]

Aha! Rubberneck, I've caught you red-handed.

[YELLING]

You double dribbled, Rubberneck.

That's a penalty.

Ten to twenty years in Blackgate Prison.

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS]

Baby! Schnitzel! Oh, my Baby! Schnitzel! Get down here! Oof! Woozy's coming.

If you don't mind, Batman, this big maroon is all mine.

The only way out of here is through me.

Ha, ha.

Check and mate.

Aah! Oof.

Hey, that's city property.

Oh, dear, an untied shoelace.

That could be dangerous.

That's better.

[GRUNTING]

[GASPS]

- Woozy.

- No, Bats, I'm fine.

Thanks to you.

- No, I meant, you're Woozy.

- No, really, never been better.

BATMAN: Sidekicks.

That dumb oaf almost hurt my family, now he's gonna pay.

Now is not the time to let your emotions get the best of you, Plas.

[GRUNTING]

Thanks, Bats.

Couldn't have done it without you.

MAN: Thank you, Eel.

This is just what I needed to obliterate you once and for all.

- You know the plan, right, Woozy?

- Of course.

If Ramona asks where we took baby don't mention Rubberneck, and change the subject.

Oh, baby.

Where were you?

I was so worried.

Ha, ha.

Nothing to worry about, sugar.

Just a stimulating evening at the boring old museum.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, I wonder what's on the old telly tonight.

- Obtained security footage of the disturbance at the Museum of Art.

- But even more disturbing - Uh-oh.

Lost infant and adorable, helpless dachshund in imminent danger.

Oh, boy.

Makes one wonder where the adult supervision is here.

Uh I got nothing.

[GROWLS]

[CHUCKLES]

You just couldn't control yourself, could you?

You have screwed up again and again [DOORBELL RINGS]

and I have stood by you, but so help me, this time I am through! WOOZY: Plas, it's for you.

Sorry to interrupt.

Batman, come in, come in.

Honey, it's Batman.

Gotta talk with Batman.

He's on a schedule, it's Batman, very busy.

[BABY COOING]

[BEEPING]

Just as I suspected.

You're missing 2.

2 grams of yourself.

Mm-hm.

I thought you looked thinner.

[GASPS]

Wait, what does that mean?

The robbery at the museum was just a ruse.

Rubberneck followed you in there.

It was all a setup to get to you.

But why, Plas?

Can you think of anyone who has an a* to grind with you?

Hmm - No, can't think of a soul.

- I can.

Shh.

PLASTIC MAN: Hey, two bits.

[ALARM WAILING]

It was him, Your Honor, or my name isn't Eel O'Brian.

Kite Man was behind the whole caper.

I'm going to follow a few leads.

- Let's do this.

- No.

Kite Man is trying to draw you out.

Until we know what he's up to, it's best for you to stay here with your family.

Oh, okay, Bats.

KITE MAN: With this piece of Plastic Man's body I've decoded his molecular structure and developed a theta ray that will not only affect him but anyone it hits.

Finally, Plastic Man will pay for those years I spent in prison.

But first, I need an industrial power module to strengthen the beam.

That is your job, Rubberneck.

Do not fail me.

What was the middle part?

[GRUNTS]

I told you to stay behind.

But we wanted to help.

We?

[MUNCHING]

Hi.

It seems like our friend Rubberneck is at it again.

Get us to the East Side.

Pronto.

Gotcha.

[PLASTIC MAN SHOUTING]

Ooh, somebody's got a lead foot.

Huh?

[GRUNTS]

[WOOZY GRUNTS]

- You see, Bats?

L - You should've followed my orders and stayed with your family.

They could be in great danger.

[BARKING]

Here comes the plane in for a landing.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, so you forgot your keys when you ran out on us, huh, Eel?

[GASPS]

Hello, my dear.

Oh, no.

Come on, Bats.

Maybe we're not Too late! Soon, I'll have the retribution you owe me, Plastic Man.

Consider this just a down payment! What have I done?

Ramona! Baby! Schnitzel! [RAMONA SCREAMING]

My fault.

This is my fault.

I have no self control.

Why didn't I do the thing when l?

Get a hold of yourself, O'Brien.

Pull it together and let's go.

You really think I can help?

After everything?

I never waste my time on screwups, O'Brien.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[WOOZY GRUNTS]

- Where are we?

- The Franklin Museum.

Founded by the most famous kite flyer of them all Benjamin Franklin.

Very good, Batman.

Where's my family, Kite Man?

Plas! Look! You are one sick individual.

Perhaps, but it wasn't always that way.

As a boy, I was obsessed with Ben Franklin.

I even recreated the famous electricity experiment.

But I was brash.

I cut corners, ignored safety precautions.

[SHOUTS]

The resulting lightning strike caused a psychological trauma that forced you into a life of kite-centric crime.

Ben Franklin was a fraud.

What did this so-called great man ever give us?

- Bifocals.

- The Franklin stove.

- Daylight-savings time.

- Never mind! The only thing that matters is that tonight I will have my vengeance.

Those years in jail kept me from achieving my own greatness.

But when people hear how I used a kite for my fiendish revenge I'll be the most famous kite-related person in history.

[GRUNTS]

Now that I've taken care of any unwanted interference Eel, step out here where I can sh**t you more easily.

- O'Brien, you don't have to - But I do, Bats.

Thanks to me, my family's in danger.

I have to make this right.

[SCREAMING]

All right, Kite Man, you win.

Of course, I do.

My ray will turn you into a petrified statue for my mantle.

That is, if I don't smash you to bits.

[SCREAMS]

[GASPS]

Okay, Kite Man, now release the hostages.

As you wish.

[LAUGHING]

[SCREAMING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[GASPS]

What are you doing, you fool?

Get away from that.

Impossible.

[WOOZY GROANING]

Yes! I am back, baby.

Whoo! Woozy, turn that thing off! I'm trying, I'm trying.

Oh, you cannot be serious.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

Stand back.

Huzzah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! You did it, Plas.

Hey, what happened to?

Looks like they got a taste of their own medicine.

Now that's what I call a couple of hardened criminals.

[LAUGHING]