02x09 - The Super-Batman of Planet X!

[bunniefuu]

Just beam us the w*apon energizers and the money is all yours.

The money first.

That's not how we do business, Kanjar Ro.

KANJAR RO: No, but something's not right about your partner, Matches.

I wonder, can he be trusted?

Can I be trusted?

[CHUCKLES]

Hey, does Cygnus Four have seven moons, my main man?

Cygnus Four doesn't have any moons.

Forget it, Dr.

Magnus.

Our cover's blown.

Batman.

Too bad you're still outnumbered.

BATMAN: You might want to do the math again, Kanjar Ro.

Metal Men, att*ck! [ALL GRUNTING]

[YELLING]

Whoa.

[PANTING]

HENCHMAN 1: Grr.

- Ah! [HENCHMAN 2 GROWLS]

Hey, buddy, watch where you're stepping.

Stay back.

[KANJAR RO YELLS]

Someone could use a hug.

There, there, big guy.

That was more exciting than three days in my lab.

So when's our next undercover assignment, partner?

Uh, I'll be in touch.

What's the matter, Batman?

[OVER RADIO]

Your Batrocket can't keep up with my Arrow-orbiter?

This is not about racing, Green Arrow, it's about stopping those pirates from getting away with the Emerald Eye of Ekron.

Oh, no, you don't.

Those creeps are mine.

[CONSOLE BEEPS]

Guess your targeting system is off.

[OVER RADIO]

I could fix it for you later, if you'd like.

Arrow, look out.

[BEEPING]

[GRUNTS]

- What is that?

- The combination of energy from the blast and my shields has created a wormhole.

It's pulling me in.

Figures he'd leave me to do all the hard work.

[GRUNTING]

[BEEPING]

BATMAN: I don't know where this is but it makes Gotham City look like a playground.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

Please, we don't want trouble.

There won't be none, long as the lady hands over her shoulder ring.

But this belonged to my mother.

Have it your way.

Too bad the kid's gonna lose his parents over a family knickknack.

BATMAN: The only thing he's going to lose is the fear of criminal scum like you.

Huh?

BATMAN: What a sad planet.

Plagued by both crime and poor building codes.

Stranger, you just cost me a big score.

And now you're gonna pay the price.

MAN: It's you who must pay the price, for your life of crime.

What?

Déjà vu.

[GRUNTING]

The Bat-radia.

One of my better crime-fighting inventions.

I don't believe it.

Who are you?

Who are you?

I'm Batman of Earth.

I've been stranded here.

Then welcome to the planet Zurr-En-Arrh.

Here, I'm Batman.

Given the infinite possibilities in an infinite universe it's logical two Batmen would come to exist on two separate planets.

Then I assume, as a crime fighter, that you too were inspired by one of these?

Uh, something like that.

It's good to have you here.

I can always use more help keeping Gothtropolis safe.

At least until we can figure out a way to get you home.

[RADIO BEEPING]

GOR-ZONN [OVER RADIO]

: Batman, do you read me?

Go ahead, Chancellor Gor-Zonn.

Rohtul's back.

And his robot army is destroying downtown.

Perhaps two Batmen will be better than one in taking down my arch nemesis?

[CROWD SCREAMING]

[GASPS]

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Excellent, excellent.

Rohtul.

Vilsi Vaylar, reporting for the Solar Cycle Globe.

Excuse me.

In the middle of something here.

What makes you think you can succeed this time when Batman has humiliated you so many times before?

- Because I am a genius, that's why.

[SPACECRAFT WHIRRING]

Speak of the handsome devil.

And he's brought a friend.

No matter.

I'll destroy as many Batmen as necessary.

You just booked your next vacation, Rohtul.

A luxurious stay on the Ceti-Alpha 9 prison planet.

[GRUNTS]

Strange.

[SCREAMS]

Oh.

Hello.

[BUILDING RUMBLING]

BATMAN 2: Vilsi! Are you okay?

Actually, it tickled.

[GRUNTS]

Did you see that?

Looks like I'm robot-proof.

Let's see if they're Batman-proof.

He's incredible.

Hit a stabilizer coil.

Lucky sh*t.

Impressive.

I could get used to this.

Get me out of here.

Freeze, Rohtul! Huh?

Who are you?

[ROHTUL SHIVERING]

Your worst nightmare, a Batman with superpowers.

[ROHTUL SCREAMS THEN GRUNTS]

[ALL CHEERING]

WOMAN: Mm.

That was quite a show.

What's your story?

Just a friend visiting from out of town, miss.

BATMAN 2: A couple of tests will get us to the bottom of your newfound strength.

[GRUNTING]

Uh, sorry about that.

Incredible.

You just lifted the equivalent of 270,000 samilats.

Is that a lot?

ALPHA-RED: If you're done damaging the cave, sir, the physio-scanner is ready.

Thank you, Alpha-Red.

Batman, this is my butler.

- Raised me from a child, actually.

ALPHA-RED: A pleasure, sir.

Now if you'll lie down [BEEPING]

[BEEPING]

Interesting.

Your muscles and tissues have been augmented.

How?

ALPHA-RED: Perhaps exposure to atmospheric elements dissimilar to the subject's home planet.

List Zurr-En-Arrh atmospheric elements, please.

ALPHA-RED: Nitrogen, oxygen, rhodon Rhodon?

That doesn't sound familiar.

Of course.

Exposure to rhodon could alter the subject's tissue to provide the abilities presented.

One mystery solved.

Now we can work on the other one.

Getting me back home.

ALPHA-RED: That must wait, sir.

Master Tlano is expected at work in his civilian identity.

Go.

I'll find a way to keep busy.

Then I'm off to the paper.

VILSI: Well, if it isn't Tlano.

I was thinking you'd fallen off the face of Zurr-En-Arrh.

Oh, hello, Vilsi.

No, no, just locked my keys in my transport.

Uh, oh.

Oh, my.

Sorry about that.

VILSI: Well, you missed the big story.

There's an incredible new hero in town.

He can't be more incredible than Batman.

See for yourself.

Let's give these powers a spin.

- Look, up in the sky.

- It's a zeta-bird.

- It's an air car.

- No it's Batman.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[MONSTER GRUNTING]

[GASPS]

[THUD]

Isn't he amazing?

How does this sound?

"Zurr-En-Arrh's newest champion sets fresh standards for speed, strength and bravery.

" And handsomeness, but I won't write that.

Terrific.

Never thought I'd be fighting for truth, justice and the Zurr-En-Arrh way.

I just wonder how Green Arrow's doing without me.

[GRUNTS]

Wherever you are, Batman, you owe me bigtime.

One meddling Batman I could destroy easily but where did this other one come from?

Which other planets support humanoid life?

Rann, Thanagar, Earth Earth.

Yes.

Why, with rhodon in the atmosphere someone from Earth would have incredible power on Zurr-En-Arrh.

Also, a great weakness.

[BEEPING]

Guard.

I'm done with the room, thank you.

[THUDDING]

[GUARD YELLS THEN GRUNTS]

BATMAN 2: You had quite an afternoon.

I'd call it a good start.

I eliminated organized crime in the city's north end reforested a wildfire area and stopped 37 crimes in progress.

What did you do today?

I, um, wrote a headline about what you did today.

- I understand how you feel.

- Do you?

I wouldn't like it either if an alien with superpowers came to Earth to do my job.

That makes me feel a lot better.

Look, we still don't fully understand these powers.

There could be side effects.

[ALARM BLARING]

Rohtul again?

So quickly?

Don't worry, I'll have him back in jail in no time.

I'll catch up.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

Make this easy, Rohtul.

Surrender now so I don't humiliate you in front of everyone.

As wonderful as that sounds, I think I'll decline.

[GROANING]

Weak as a kitten.

One Batman down, one to go.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

[GROANS]

[GRUNTING]

Is this the end of Zurr-En-Arrh's newest hero?

Before I've Uh, we've even had a chance to come to know him?

Funny thing about rhodon, it interacts with a common mineral to become poisonous to an earthman's physiognomy.

Maybe you've heard of this mineral, quartz?

Stupid.

Too busy enjoying powers.

Hoisted on my own petard.

It's Batman.

Our Batman.

[MAN & WOMAN CHEER]

[GRUNTING]

Rohtul, you forget, quartz only affects one Batman around here.

I don't care which Batman I face no one man can stand against my brainpower.

All alone, against the odds, without superpowers and looking good.

He can b*at one robot, but several?

[BATMAN GROANS]

My energy is coming back but my powers are gone.

You can still help me out, though, right?

Just watch me.

You're seeing it live.

Rohtul cowering like a shaved slime worm in the face of this heroic onslaught.

Ah, Miss Vaylar, always in the wrong place at the right time.

[SCREAMS]

Batman! Looks like your favorite reporter got a little too close to her story, Batman.

Rohtul, you maniac.

Correction.

Brilliant maniac, Batman.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

[IN UNISON]

Don't worry, I have a plan.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Your aim is terrible.

Is it, Rohtul?

[SCREAMS]

[YELPS]

[SCREAMS]

VILSI: Unh.

- I've got you, Miss Vaylar.

You certainly do, Batman.

You sprayed this other Batman with a polymer compound to shield him from rhodon exposure?

Correct, Vilsi.

- Miss having those powers?

- Frankly, it's a relief not to have them.

It's too easy to depend on them and forget What got you where you are.

BATMAN: Speaking of what got me where I am Found you.

Took me a little while to figure out how to create a wormhole, but Huh?

Well, something must've weakened my orbiter's structural integrity.

Actually, Arrow, it's Aah! Huh?

Whoa.

[CHUCKLES]

Hoo-hoo! I can't believe it! I have superpowers?

Oh, yeah, this is fantastic! Whoo! Ha-ha-ha.

Whoo! Wow, right over here, Bats! Loopty-loopity.

Ha, ha.

Hey.

Woo-hoo! Whoa.

Ha, ha.

Oh, didn't think I could do this one, but I got you right there! Ha, ha.

[GREEN ARROW GRUNTING]

Oh, great.

Two Batmen who won't let me have any fun.

Time to go home.