01x06 - Imposter Syndrome

[bunniefuu]

[SEAN SIGHS] Man, sometimes
I'm just going about my day

and there's a sound or a
smell, and I'm back there.

And I don't mean like a memory.

I mean I'm really f*cking back there...

hurting those people.

So these types of flashbacks
you're describing, super common.

That's our brain's way
of processing trauma.

Yeah, well, my brain is an assh*le.

Your brain's a whole
boardroom full of assholes.

You got the judge. You got the critic.

You got that guy in the back of the room

who's saying "Eat more hot wings,"

even though you just had a huge
dinner. I hate that f*cking guy.

To ever move forward,
you're gonna have to...

I'm sorry. All I can think
about right now are hot wings.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Morning. What are you guys up to?

Doing the work, like you said.

How's that going?

- It sucked donkey d*ck.
- [CHUCKLES]

I just told my daughter...
[SIGHS] about the Parkinson's.

How did it go?

Well... [SIGHS]

... she's flying down here next week

to make sure I get
the best possible care.

- So it's kinda donkey dickish. [SIGHS]
- [CHUCKLES]

At least you're facing the pain.

It's important.

'Cause if you don't face the pain,

eventually it'll come back and get
you when you, uh, least expect it.

- Are you talking to me or Sean?
- I'm talking to Sean.

- 'Cause you're looking directly at me.
- I can look anywhere I want.

[SIGHS]

You're doing a great job, kid.

[SIGHS] Thanks.

Still Sean.

Oh.

So needy. Jesus.

- But that one was for me, Paul.
- [PAUL] Yep.

[CHUCKLES]

["FRIGHTENING FISHES" BY
BENJAMIN GIBBARD PLAYING]

- Schwing. [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES]

[CHUCKLES]

Sorry. [CHUCKLES] It's
just, Rick, I like you,

but the eye contact
is, like, so dramatic.

- I feel like I'm in a...
- [CHUCKLES]

... like, a perfume
commercial or something.

- It's all good. Um, we can loosen it up.
- Mmm.

- Okay, yeah. [BABBLES] Mmm.
- Yeah. All right.

- [SNORTS, CLEARS THROAT]
- You okay?

I snorted, which I don't
think I've ever done before.

Um, sorry.

Maybe you should just kiss
my neck. I... I love that.

- Just kiss it.
- Okay. Let's go to the neck.

- Mmm. [KISSING]
- Let's go to it. Mm-hmm.

- Do you like it? Yeah?
- No.

Uh, I'm sorry, it's not you.

I was just thinking about how,
like, grody lip bacteria is.

It's actually kinda gross,
when you really think about it,

'cause it's, like, a whole ecosystem.

Well, thank you so much.

Oh, wow. Okay.

You shook hands?

Yes, I know. That's usually something
that I reserve for after sex.

What a nice gesture.

May I say that I'm flattered that
you chose to call me about this?

[GABY] Yeah, well, all
my other girls know Nico.

I can't have him hearing I'm trying to

take all these dudes to pound
town right now, you know?

All I heard was that
I'm one of your girls.

[GABY SIGHS] This guy was so hot.

I just couldn't... [SIGHS]

God, why is there no female
version of "get it up"?

Oh, because "juiced"
was stolen by steroids.

- [LAUGHS] What the f*ck is wrong with me?
- [LIZ] Nothing.

You tried to have morning sex.
Who has sex in the morning?

You're not trying to trick
him into marrying you.

[LAUGHS] Okay.

Liz is picking me up again.

Ah, Liz.

She raw dogged me at the cheese store.

What do you think raw dogging means?

Well, to talk to somebody that
doesn't want to talk to you.

No.

- Hey, Paul.
- Hey, Liz.

I have something for you.

- [PAUL] For me?
- Mm-hmm.

- Gummy bears?
- My Pilates instructor's cousin's aunt has Parkinson's,

and she says these really
helped with anxiety and tremors.

- Well, as long as it's scientific.
- Mm-hmm.

"Stankadelic."

Look, best-case scenario, it helps.

Worst-case scenario,
you get a little high

and you buy another one of those hats.

[ALICE] Just don't
take it after drinking

- or you'll vom.
- [PAUL] Mmm.

- Hey, uh, Liz.
- Yeah.

[PAUL] One more thing.

Don't raw dog me again, all right?

But...

- W... what does he think that means?
- [CHUCKLES] I don't know

- but he says it so confidently.
- [CHUCKLES]

Wow. You finally bought it.

- Mm-hmm.
- [GABY] Tell us.

- We will react correctly this time.
- That's right.

I'm gonna ask Charlie to marry me!

- Yeah!
- [SCREAMING]

I believe you!

- Wow. You little monogamous slut! Wow!
- Yeah. Yeah.

So, how you gonna do it, man?

Okay, I'm gonna invite all
of our friends someplace,

and then I'm gonna pop the
question in front of them.

- [JIMMY] Yeah.
- [GABY] Uh-huh.

If he says yes, surprise
engagement party.

What are you gonna do if he says no?

Then I have all my friends
there to console me.

Either way, I'm the center of attention.

[CHUCKLES]

Unfortunately, uh, our place
isn't big enough for a party.

If only I knew somebody
with a house, you know?

Why didn't you just say
we'd have the party here?

I don't know. This place hasn't
had much of a party vibe lately.

And honestly, I'm not sure I'm ready

to open our house up to the world yet.

But we're doing so much better.

We? Like... [CLEARING THROAT]

Like, "we" like, um,
each of us as individuals

or... or "we" like
a daddy-daughter unit?

I see your face. I
shouldn't have said "daddy."

Uh, father. Father-daughter unit.

Oh, I get it. You don't
like it when I say "unit".

- Nope.
- Got it.

Come on. You and Mom
used to throw parties

all the time. Mom loved parties.

- [GROANS] Pulling the mom card, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

[SIGHS, CHUCKLES]

- Okay, fine. Yes, let's do it.
- Really?

- [JIMMY] Oh, wow. Oh!
- [SQUEALS]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Wait, so how do surprise
engagement parties work anyways?

Here's how it's gonna work.

Charlie thinks the party is because
you won Therapist of the Year.

[SCOFFS] Wow, that's insane. How
would they even judge that, Bri?

- Yeah, that's why it's insane.
- Uh-huh.

He thinks I'm coming over early
to help you set up. Much better.

So, when he arrives, that's your
cue to sit down at the piano.

And then you'll start to play.

- Great.
- And I will sing our song,

- "You Are So Beautiful."
- Thanks, but what's the song?

"You Are So Beautiful."

You were doing a bit, but I missed it.

[INHALES SHARPLY] I'm
off. Should we postpone?

Don't. Hey, you're panicking.

- Ah.
- Breathe, breathe, breathe, Bri. Come on.

[BOTH BREATHE DEEPLY]

Everything goes your way, right?

See? This is why you're
Therapist of the Year.

[BRIAN CHUCKLES]

[FOLK-POP MUSIC PLAYING]

[CELL PHONE ALARM RINGING]

- [RINGING STOPS]
- [MUSIC STOPS]

- [SIGHS]
- [KNOCKING]

- Hey.
- [ALICE] Hey.

Do you think anyone would
care if I skipped this party?

What's your deal?

My deal is old people asking
me what I do for a living.

- [ALICE] So?
- [SEAN] Oh, yes. I'm, uh...

- I'm currently unemployed...
- [CHUCKLES]

... and I'm living in
my therapist's pool house

- because my violent outbursts put me in jail.
- [ALICE CHUCKLES]

But how... how are you,
Alice? How was your summer?

Oh. Uh, my mom suddenly d*ed,
so I spent it scream-crying.

- Sounds very fun. We went to Maine.
- Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGH]

- You should still come.
- [SIGHS]

I mean, if somebody asks
you a tough question,

I'll just change the
subject. I've got your back.

[SIGHS] Okay.

- Go get dressed.
- I am dressed.

- I'll go get dressed.
- Mm-hmm.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, who the f*ck shows
up early to a party?

Hey. [CHUCKLES] You're
the first to arrive.

Wanted to b*at the traffic.

[GROANS] I had to
rush putting up my hair

so I could hear that joke again.

Oh, come on. I haven't
made that joke before.

Have I, Jimmy?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Wanted to b*at the traffic.

Well, someone's gotta
get the party started.

[JIMMY] Yeah. Come on in.

[LIZ] You see? Even
Jimmy hates the joke.

- You gave him sad face.
- Ugh, it's just face. Come on in.

Ugh.

Hey, Dad.

Wow. You look... so beautiful.

Thanks.

Okay, do you think you can
stop before you overdo it?

- You look like a princess.
- Why?

- [DEREK] Let's go get a drink.
- So pretty.

- Hey, Liz.
- [LIZ] Hi!

- Hey, Liz's husband.
- [ALICE CHUCKLES]

- Oh! [EXCLAIMS] You look amazing.
- She doesn't like that.

You look like a princess.

- Oh, my God. Thank you.
- What the f*ck?

So, almost everyone I invited said yes.

Only two noes. Bernadette Peters...

- He's never met her.
- Right.

It still stung.

And the other no is Paul.

He says he has something
important to do tonight.

["SHE'S GONE" PLAYING]

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

[CELL PHONE CHIMING]

[CELL PHONE CHIMING]

[CHUCKLES] How you doin'?

So, what have you been
up to lately, Sean?

Oh, uh...

[SIGHS]

Hey, what was it like in the ' s?

- Really?
- Yeah.

[LAUGHS] Okay, well,
put your seat belts on

- because, uh, this guy had a perm.
- [CHUCKLING]

- [DEREK] I was pretty groovy.
- [ALICE CHUCKLES]

Also, we didn't use seat
belts. It's the truth.

Nobody cared.

The number one candy in the country
was a pack of candy cigarettes.

Kids loved 'em.

It was amazing. I had a motorcycle.

- [GUEST] Hey, Jimmy.
- Hey.

- [GUEST CHUCKLES]
- [ERIC] Jimmy.

- Hey! Oh, my gosh. Hey.
- Hey.

- Oh, it's been forever.
- Yeah. Yeah, no kidding.

Yeah. We haven't seen
you since the funeral.

Eric. I'm sorry. He's
an idiot. How are you?

[STAMMERS, CLEARS THROAT]
I'm doing pretty good.

- Glad to hear it.
- Really?

- You and Tia were such an amazing couple.
- Indeed.

- It's so great to see you.
- [GABY] Oh, my God. You too.

- Is Nico here too?
- Oh, we... Uh, we actually got divorced.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no.

- No, no, no.
- No, no. It's good.

[GABY] Hey, that's a lot of noes.

- That's a lot of noes. We're good.
- No.

She loved you so much.

[SIGHS]

You were so great together.

You two were such an inspiration.

[JIMMY SIGHS]

Look at that. I'm fresh out.

Another tequila, please.

Make it two. I don't think
I was ready for a party.

People are f*cking idiots.

God, you are preaching
to the "choi-choi."

I went out with three dudes
last week, all hot as sh*t, okay?

And I couldn't
lady-get-it-up for any of 'em.

Oh, I've been trying to
think of a term for that.

Last night we had Mexican food

and I came up with "guac the taco."

Oh, no. I don't like that.

Mmm.

Look, maybe I'm just not
a sexual person anymore.

You know you're being
batshit, right? Libidos change.

Here you go, hon.

Derek, remember when I used
to want to f*ck all the time?

Ah, yes. The salad days.

Mmm. Now, my sex window is
between : and : p.m.,

and Derek needs not to
have annoyed me that day.

- [GABY CHUCKLING] Okay.
- [DEREK] It does not happen often.

[KNOCKING]

[BRIAN] I think it's Charlie.

- Oh, should we hide?
- Not that kind of surprise, Liz's husband!

[SIGHS]

Oh, I thought you were busy
tonight. Why are you here?

- I don't know.
- Okay. Well, come in.

- [PAUL] Hmm.
- Come on.

Look who's here, everyone.

- She tried to k*ll me.
- What?

She tried to k*ll me.

Liz, can you, um...

- I didn't... Hi, hi, hi.
- Nah. Uh-uh.

- I didn't try to k*ll him.
- Okay.

All right. Come on. Come on.

- Come with me.
- I'm leaving.

- No. Don't go. Come on in.
- No, you can stay.

- No, I'm... [GROANS]
- Come on.

- Come stay. Let's get some food.
- Get a plate.

- Yeah. We're gonna get a plate.
- Jesus Christ. [SIGHS]

: to : is a really
tight window, Derek.

Yeah, tell me about it. [SIGHS]

Jimmy.

Ben! Hey, Ben, Ben, Ben.

- [BEN] Oh, good hug. Good hug.
- [MOUTHING] Shh. Don't say anything.

Hey, have you met my
new girlfriend, Kiara?

Nope.

Hey. Wow. Hi. Hello. Good to meet you.

How did you guys, uh, make
this meaningful soul connection?

Funny story.

We met in church.

That is a funny story.
You're right. You called it.

Well, it's good to see you,
Kiara, for the first time ever.

Nice meeting you.

[BEN] We're actually
jealous of your marriage.

Truth be told, Kim and I are kind
of relieved this year is over with.

It's... It's been a rough
stretch for us. [SIGHS]

Bet that doesn't happen when you
have a therapist in the family.

[CHUCKLES] You'd be surprised.

I can't believe I used
to do this for fun.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah, well, pot has
gotten much stronger since the ' s.

Who's this f*cking guy?

Let's do this.

- Oh.
- [GASPS]

- Oh, that's much better.
- Yeah.

I am so parched.

What can we get you to drink?

- A Popsicle?
- Go get Paul a Popsicle.

- What if they don't have any Popsicles?
- Then go get one from the house.

One of my good ones?

Fine.

That waiter's a d*ck.

Hey. How's Cheech doing?

Not good.

This is on you too, you know.

Wh... [CHUCKLES] What did I do?

[INHALES SHARPLY] You told me I had
to tell Meg that I had Parkinson's.

And now she's flying down here
tomorrow to take charge of my care.

[SCOFFS, BREATHES SHARPLY]

You know, I've been wanting
to spend more time with her,

but she's so busy.

And then I tell her that I'm
sick, and she drops everything

because she feels she has to.

It's emotional blackmail.

Like you springing this proposal

on Charlie in front of all these people.

- No, my thing is not emotional blackmail.
- Uh-huh.

Is it?

It's not not that.

- See?
- [CHUCKLES] Oh, my God.

- What are you laugh...
- [LIZ] Sorry.

- I'm sorry. I took a gummy too.
- Oh, my God.

[LAUGHS, SNORTS] No.
Remember? We talked.

Ties are for wearing, remember?
We talked a lot about the tie.

I like tequila with Sprite.

- Gas station margarita, huh?
- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

- Gaby! Hey.
- Whoa. Hey.

- Can I freshen your drink?
- No,

I think I need to slow down, actually.

- [KIARA CHUCKLES]
- This is my friend, Kiara.

- Hi.
- Hi.

She helped me through a tough time.

- I used to be a sex worker.
- Oh.

We mostly played Uno, though,
'cause I couldn't get an erection.

Oh, my God.

- We also watched Top Chef.
- That's true.

But I'm retired. Now I
let Ben pay for everything.

Ben? You're trying to tell me you
can lady-get-it-up for that guy?

You mean grease the peach?

Now, that I like. That...

Liz. Grease the peach.

- Love it.
- [ALL LAUGHING]

- Ain't they cute?
- Too far.

I told you, though, old people

love talking about
themselves, it's like...

- [IMITATES POLICE SIREN]
- [ALICE] Um, hello?

Pull over.

- Uh-oh, pull over.
- What the f*ck?

Uh... [SNIFFS] seems
like you're drinking.

- Yeah, it's not that big of a deal, Dad.
- Oh, it isn't?

Oh, my God. Are... Are you
okay? Do you need water? Like...

[EXHALES HEAVILY]

What's up?

I understand that you
are trying to look cool

- in front of Sean.
- I'm not trying to look cool.

I'm not trying to look cool
in front of Sean. [SCOFFS]

Sweetie, angel,

I know that you think
that he is beautiful...

I heard it.

I heard it when you whispered.

Okay. [SIGHS]

- Hey.
- Yes?

What did you just say to her, man?

[SIGHS] I said, "How fast
can you run up the stairs?"

That's cute.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

- Hi.
- What the hell was that?

I don't know. [SIGHS]

What's the problem?

[SIGHS] I've had a lot of f*cking people

come up to me at
this... [INHALES DEEPLY]

... stupid party and tell me that, um...

Tia and I were some
sort of perfect couple.

Gaby, we were not.

At the end, we were
fighting about everything.

When I left to visit my mom, you
forgot to pick up Alice from school.

I did not forget! I was late.
Stop saying I forgot. I was late.

My God, Jimmy, you don't even know
what's going on around this house.

You are so obsessed with your work.

You know, it would
be great if, for once,

I was the person who got to leave.

Are we back here again? Then
go to work, Tia. Jesus Christ.

Keep your voice down.

[JIMMY] I think I'm feeling
like a f*cking fraud, Gab.

[GABY] You're not a fraud.

Now, you and I both know that no
relationship is perfect, all right?

That's how we make our living.

It was shitty for
months before Tia d*ed.

I'm s... I'm sorry that
you're so unhappy, I truly am,

but I'm really sick of being your excuse

for why you're not happy with your life.

Yeah, I'm sick of it too.

[JIMMY] The last party we had
here, she had a look on her face.

I f*cking saw it.

I don't think that she
loved me anymore, Gaby.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm not even sure that she liked me.

She was thinking of leaving me, Gab.

This is all based on some f*cking look?

Are you serious, man?
Really, all of this?

Yes, it's about a look.
It's the worst f*cking look

I ever saw in my life.

Okay, listen, I know you guys had
a rough patch. I know about that.

But she was not thinking about
leaving you. She would've told me.

- She would not have told you.
- Yes, she would have.

She knows you and I were close.
She would not have told you.

You have to listen to me, seriously.
Tia f*cking loved you. I mean it.

Prove it.

Prove it? How the f*ck
am I supposed to prove it?

Exactly.

You are acting like it's a bad thing

to expect your kids to
come through for you.

f*ck that. I'm gonna
text my eldest, Matthew.

"I'm sad and blue, and if you
don't call me, I'll be so, so mad."

Send.

- [CELL PHONE RINGS]
- Oh. [CHUCKLES] Decline.

Baller move.

Look, I wiped their butts,
I looked over their homework,

I went to all their long-ass,
boring baseball games.

I love baseball.

Baseball's awful.

I was there for them, so
they better be there for me.

I've earned it.

Well, I didn't earn it.

[SIGHS] She was so little
when her mom and I split.

I should've been there
for her, but I wasn't.

Okay, it sounds like you f*cked up.

- Mmm.
- She's showing up for you anyway.

If I were you, I wouldn't
be feeling sorry for myself.

I'd be feeling grateful.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Good. Done.

[INHALES SHARPLY] I need something
crunchy and cheese-flavored.

Derek?

- Who's Derek?
- The waiter.

Derek?

["CASIMIR PULASKI DAY" PLAYING]

[KNOCKING]

Hey, wanna talk about it?

- Nope.
- Cool. Neither do I.

[CLICKS TONGUE] Okay. This song
will definitely cheer you up.

[CHUCKLES]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Charlie, you're finally here!

I stopped to buy Jimmy a card.

Oh. [CHUCKLES] So nice.

[INHALES DEEPLY, CLEARS THROAT]

Ooh. Ow. What is happening?

All will be revealed.

Where the f*ck is Jimmy?

Oh! Hey-oh. Here we go. Ready?

Jimmy, now. It's showtime.

I'm here.

[SIGHS] Okay. All right.

[SIGHS] Charlie,

tonight is a celebration,

but it's not what you think.

Mmm, okay. Ready?

- [PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
- [BRIAN] Here we go.

♪ You are so beautiful ♪

Come on. A little
faster. Here we go, buddy.

- ♪ To me ♪
- ♪ To me ♪

- ♪ You are so beautiful ♪
- ♪ You are so beautiful ♪

[SINGSONGY] Not a duet.

- ♪ To me ♪
- [BRIAN] To me ♪

- ♪ Can't you see? ♪
- ♪ Can't you see? ♪

[JIMMY CONTINUES VOCALIZING OFF-KEY]

- ♪ You're everything I hoped for ♪
- [BRIAN] ♪ You're everything I hoped for ♪

[JIMMY HUMS]

♪ You're everything I need ♪

♪ You're everything I... ♪

- [BRIAN] ♪ I need ♪
- [MUSIC STOPS]

- [GUESTS GASPING]
- [LIZ] Oh, my God.

I threw up. [SIGHS]

We know, bud.

- Okay, we're gonna need a minute. We...
- [JIMMY GROANS]

- [LIZ GASPS] Oh, my God.
- Holy schnikes.

Never mind. Everything's ruined.
Yeah, tha... Party's over.

[EXHALES HEAVILY] Wasn't that nice?

Okay. Uh, everybody needs
to look away. Come on.

- [JIMMY] Gaby?
- What?

- I threw up.
- I know. I saw it, and I can smell it.

Let's go, wiener.

- I'm too high for this sh*t.
- I'm not high enough.

[BREATHES DEEPLY, SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

Poor Jimmy. And on his big night.

f*ck Jimmy. This was
supposed to be our big night.

That was supposed to
be a surprise proposal.

[SIGHS] This whole night was hell
to plan. Barely anybody helped me.

Bernadette Peters sent
an obvious form email

that she probably sends to all the
gay guys who invite her to parties,

and then Jimmy turned into the girl
from the g*dd*mn Exorcist.

What a giant f*cking disaster.

Yes.

Yes? Yes, it's a giant
f*cking disaster, or...

I will marry you.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Wait, I was supposed
to show you this first.

It's beautiful.

[CHIPS CRUNCHING]

Put it on.

Congratulations.

You want some advice about how
to keep your marriage together

and keep your daughter
from becoming estranged?

- Ooh, no, I don't...
- You know...

Stay open, stay open.

If your defenses come up, you're f*cked.

But two vulnerable people

will always find a way to connect.

Sean, I'm fine. You don't
have to stay. Go have fun.

I am having fun. This
is fun. I'm with you.

And where is this?

- Alice, whoa. Whoa.
- I'm sorry. It's cool, it's cool.

- I just thought...
- Hey, you're just a kid.

I should go.

- I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
- I'm gonna go.

- It's okay.
- I... I really didn't...

No, no, no, no, f*ck. f*ck. f*ck!

[GROANS]

f*ck!

- [KNOCKING]
- [GABY] Hello?

- [SIGHS]
- [GABY] Hi.

You good?

- Oh, I feel great.
- Oh, good. Okay, good.

- I gargled.
- Yeah.

- I showered and, uh, I took a bath.
- Yeah.

- Good.
- Uh, I might've fallen asleep in there.

I think you did. I mean, you've
been up here for an hour, so...

- Oh, good. Maybe everyone forgot.
- No. Oh, my God.

- It was just a m*rder scene down there.
- [CHUCKLES] f*ck.

Anyway, now that you seem to
be coherent and, uh, better,

maybe you might wanna
munch on this sh*t.

That was my birthday. It was
two weeks before Tia d*ed.

Look at the love in her eyes.
She's, like, obsessed with you.

You're so worried about a
look? How about that look?

And you know what? It's
f*cking baby-bitch bullshit

that you think that she
wouldn't have told me.

I knew it all, Jimmy, and not
just, like, the good stuff.

She told me about how you didn't
pull your weight when Alice was born.

- [SIGHS] Yeah.
- She told me about that couple

you guys almost hooked up with
at that alien-themed bar in Reno.

- Oh, ye... That was... [SIGHS]
- What?

... gonna be fun.

I'm just saying if she was gonna
leave you, she would've told me.

All right? So you gotta
stop torturing yourself

with this sh*t, you know?

[STUTTERS] I honestly think
that this is just another thing

that's easier for you to focus on

other than the sad
fact that Tia is gone.

But Jimmy, she loved you

so much.

This photo's the proof.

- [SIGHS] Thanks. Thanks so much.
- Of course.

- Come here.
- It's all so f*cking stupid.

No, it's okay. Come here. It's good.

[JIMMY BREATHES HEAVILY]

Thanks. You're...
You're an amazing friend.

No, I know. No sh*t.