04x02 - Rumpledkiltskin/Housecalls

[bunniefuu]

-We interrupt this program to bring you.

Courage the Cowardly Dog show!

- Starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog!
-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

Abandoned as a pup,
he was found by Muriel,

who lives in the middle of Nowhere,
with her husband, Eustace Bagge.

EU ST ACE GRUNT S}
-But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere.

- It's up to Courage to save his new home.
-(SCREAMING)

Stupid dog! You made me look bad!

-(EUSTACE YELLS)
-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

(EUSTACE STRAINING)

(MUMBLING)

Blech!

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Eustace, would you be
a dear and see who that is?

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

Argh! Go get the door, dog.

POSTMAN: Telegram for Muriel Bagge!

Ooh!

It's from my Great Uncle
Angus in Scotland.

I didn't even know I had
a Great Uncle Angus.

It seems the last relative
who knew the secret pattern

of our family's tartan Kilt just d*ed.

(GASPS)

It looks like I'm the only one left
who knows how to weave the family kilt.

Big deal.

Where's my breakfast?

Oh, dear!

Angus says he needs us
to come to Scotland at once!

We'll be needing the secret pattern
for the kilt then, won't we?

I ain't going.

I hate Scotland!

Suit yourself.

Oh, my!

Hoots, man!

Is that you, Muriel Bagge?

Why, yes.

Great Uncle Angus?

Um, right.

It's me!

Your Great Uncle Angus!

I see you've brought
the secret kilt pattern with you!

Very good!

Well, we had better be
getting to the castle

before the fog rolls over the moors.

ANGUS: Here we are, lassie.

This bedroom is for you and the wee pooch.

I don't mean to be ungrateful,

but there's no bed.

(LAUGHING)

How could I forget the bed?

Meanwhile, I'd love it if you could
commence weaving the tartan kilt,

you know, for family tradition and all.

Of course, Uncle Angus.

Why, it'd be an honor.

I'll be needing some wool, though.

Oh, we've got plenty of that.

(BLEATING)

(WHIMPERS)

Now, you just roll the wool
off the sheepie's back,

and hand it to me as I weave.

Good.

I'll leave you two to your work.

(HUMMING)

So, how are we doing?

We've got one tartan kilt,
woven with love for my dear Uncle Angus.

Now all we need are
4,999 more of these babies

by the time the sun peeks
over the moors.

Sure.

After a wee nap
and a nice cup of tea, I can get start--

Are you daft, man?

I've got outlet stores breathing
down my neck for more kilts!

-It's supply and demand.
-(QUIVERING)

I demand, you supply.

(SOBBING) But... But how can
you do this to me, Uncle Angus?

(CACKLING)

You're nothing to me!

Because I'm not your Great Uncle Angus!

What's more, you don't have
a Great Uncle Angus.

And you never did!

But then, who are ya?

Who am I?

Who am I?

Never mind who I am.

I'm not telling you!

Now, start your weaving, baby!

And what if I don't?

Then you'd leave me no choice
but to...

(SPEAKING GIGGERISH)
...shepherd's pie!

(SCREAMS)

(GASPS)

You'd make shepherd's pie out of us?

Aye.

Why, you're nothing
but a wee monster, Mister...

Uh, what's your name again?

Never mind my name!

You just do your work!

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Ooh!

What a strange, nasty little man!

And just where am I supposed
to get the wool to weave 4,999 kilts?

Ooh!

(BLEATING)

(BLEATING)

(BLEATING APPROACHING)

(f*ring)

(BLEATING CONTINUES)

Remember!

Be finished by sunrise!

(CACKLING)

-(f*ring)
-(BLEATING)

Oh, dear.

Whatever are we going to do?

- There must be a way out of here.
-(ALL SHEEP BLEATING)

(CACKLING)

Oh, no.

That's way too far for me to jump.

It's up to you, Courage.

You've got to go
out the window and get help.

I'll lower you down
with my hair, just like Rapunzel.

(WHIMPERS)

(HAIR SNAPPING)

COURAGE'. Ahhh!

(CRASHING)

(MOANING)

(SPLASHING)

(GROANS)

Ow'.!

You're fired!

Take your things and get out!

You know the rules, and you broke them.

No one utters my name.

Anyone who dares even to whisper it gets
a sure boot out of my castle.

Now, off with you! Be gone,

Mum!

(CACKLING)

Hmm!

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Argh! Now what?

(WHIRRING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: (ON STEREO)
Congratulations, friend!

You've just won our grand prize,

$1,000,000!

And all you have to do
is just tell us your name

so we can complete the check.

Let's just make it out to "cash."

(GASPS)

(CACKLING)

(WHIMPERS)

Three thousand, two hundred and six.

(YAWNS)

Oh, what kind of world is it

when a mother gets treated
like a bag of dirt?

And all 'cause she didn't name
her son "Tony" or "Frankie" or "Myron."

But, no, I gave him
a perfectly lovely name.

(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)

Yes!

(GROANS)

(PICKING APPROACHING)

Whew.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

What's that you're saying?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

"Wrinkled Pimple Skin"?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

-"Pumpernickel Stilts Fin"?
-(BANGING)

Time's up!

Do I have my 5,000 kilts?

All I could manage to weave was 4,237.

Please don't grind us up, Mister, uh...

What did you say your name was again?

There you go again with my name!

It's none of your business!

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

"First word is"?

Uh, buttocks?

Bottom?

Tush? Heinie!

Rump?

Uh-huh! (CHUCKLES)

Second word!

Om!

"Rump old..."

(GASPS) "Rumpled"!

Oh, isn't this fun?

Next word?

You're a girl!

Aye! You're a girl!

(HowLS)

(BANGING)

Kilt skin...

"Kilt skin."

"Rumpled kilt skin"?

(EXCLAIMS)

No!

"Rumpled Kilt Skin"?

What in heaven's name is that?

It's my name!

I told you, no one utters my name
and stays here under my roof!

Now, get out!

Out!

(GROANS)

Rumpledkiltskin?

Well, I think it's a darling,
precious name.

Don't ever say it again,
woman, or I swear I'll... I'll...

(WAILING)

There, there...

But if you hate your name so much,
why don't you just change it, dear?

Change it?

What do you mean, "change it"?

You know, maybe something
more along the lines of...

Rumpelstiltskin.

Hmm! It does
have a certain ring to it.

I like it!

I feel like a new man!

Say, how about you and me going
into business together as full partners?

You've got yourself
a deal, Rumpelstiltskin.

(PLAYING BAGPIPES)

GERHARD". So, what's for dinner tonight?

How about sardines?

Yes, I love sardines.

The perfect way
to celebrate my liberation

from loneliness.

Finally, after years of being
alone in this... This house...

I have the answer to my prayers.

(HOUSE WAILING)

Complain all you want.

I'm tired of being alone with you.

(HOUSE GROANING)

It's taken years, but I've
perfected my latest invention.

By this time tomorrow,
I, Dr. Gerhard Von Orbison,

will finally have neighbors!

(WAILING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

-(MUSIC CONTINUES)
-(BARKS)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(CRACKING)

Woah!

ALL: Ahhh!

(EUSTACE GRUNTS)

(SCREAMING)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Someone's moving the windmill!

'Tisn't the windmill moving!

It's us!

EUSTACE: Ahhh!

(MOANING)

(MUSIC CUTS OUT)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

I wonder who that could be.

Be right there!

Courage, we have a visitor.

Welcome to the neighborhood.

We have neighbors!

Why, thank you.

Don't wait for a tip!

(CACKLING)

That was so rude.

I'm sorry.

Can we help you?

I am Dr. Gerhard Von Orbison, and--

A doctor!

Eustace, we have a doctor for a neighbor!

Wherever we live now.

Yeah? Got a doctor Kn*fe
to open this with?

I'm sorry, sir, but, uh--

Then what good are you?

I'm terribly sorry, Doctor.

Call me Gerhard.

Gerhard.

Would you like to come in?

Why, thank you.

(WAILING IN DISTANCE)

Ahhh!

MURIEL: Would you like some tea, neighbor?

That would be delightful, neighbor.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(GULPS)

(STRAINING)

(WHIMPERS)

You don't wear those glasses
when you operate on your patients, do you?

-(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
- Actually, I am a doctor of sound.

A sound doctor.

How unusual!

Do you know how to play pinochle?

No, but you could teach me.

And I could teach you to play sitar.

Oh! (GRUNTS)

(LOUD KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Oh, my!

More neighbors!

(WAILING)

Doctor, I don't want
to seem un-neighborly,

but your house seems to be very upset.

She's doing it again!

"She"?

I've been so lonely for so long.

Years ago, I used music
to bring my house to life.

Eh, to have a friend.

Oh, my!

But she's never been very good company,

and she's very jealous.

(HOUSE WAILING)

She wants me to come home.

(WAILING CONTINUES)

GERHARD: No, don't!

Please!

Why can't I have neighbors?

(GROANING)

- ALL: Woah!
-(CRASHING)

(BANGING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Get off my property, you big stupid--

(GROANS)

Ahhh! (GROANS)

(CROWING)

Ahhh!

(CRASHING)

Please! Stop it! Stop it!

Ahhh!

Ooh!

(STRAINING)

(GRUMBLING)

Ahhh!

(BANGING)

Poor Dr. Von Orbison.

What about us?

His house must be
so jealous of our little farmhouse.

After all, our home is so lovely.

And his is... Well, it's a mess.

I bet a little sprucing up
would make it feel better.

Hmm.

(f*ring)

(YELPS)

(SCREAMING)

(HOUSE GROANING)

(GROANING CONTINUES)

(PANTING)

Who's out there?

Oh, why, hello, neighbor.

I don't know what you're doing,
but she's starting to calm down.

(WAILING)

(GASPS)

Yes!

Painting is an excellent idea.

(SCREAMING)

I should have done this years ago.

(HOUSE EXCLAIMING)

(WHIRRING)

Courage, you made this house beautiful.

She's the happiest I've ever seen her.

Listen.

(HOUSE SIGHING CONTENTEDLY)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Don't come back!

Shh, Eustace.

I think the noise is stopping.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

-Huh?
- Oh!

Come in, neighbors.

Come in.

Oh, my-

Welcome to my humble abode.

I must say that your home is
one of the most beautiful I've ever seen.

Got more sardines?

Amazing what a little tender,
loving care can do for you.

It's such a friendly place now.

Mmm-hmm!

-(WHIRRING)
- Huh?

What's all that racket?

MURIEL: Oh, my!

Houses!

Everywhere!

(DOORBELL RINGING)

Neighbors!

Hello, neighbor!

I'm the Mayor.

Is that your farmhouse?

Yes, it is.

Sorry. We're not zoned
for farmhouses.

Move it or I'll have
the boys knock it down!

Oh.

I'm going to miss you, Gerhard.

But I want you to be my neighbor.

True neighbors can't be
separated by miles.

Yes, that's right.

Thank you, true neighbor, for everything.

(HOUSE TALKING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(THEME some)

EUSTACE'. Stupid dog!