04x04 - The Uncommon Cold/Farmer-Hunter, Farmer-Hunted

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Courage the Cowardly Dog". Aired: November 12, 1999 – November 22, 2002.*
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Courage is a timid pink dog who must overcome his fear and help save his owners, Eustace and Muriel, from ghosts and paranormal spirits living on the farm.
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04x04 - The Uncommon Cold/Farmer-Hunter, Farmer-Hunted

Post by bunniefuu »

-We interrupt this program to bring you

Courage the Cowardly Dog show!

- Starring Courage, the Cowardly Dog!
-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

Abandoned as a pup,
he was found by Muriel,

who lives in the middle of Nowhere
with her husband Eustace Bagge.

EU ST ACE GRUNT S}
-But creepy stuff happens in Nowhere.

- It's up to Courage to save his new home.
-(SCREAMING)

Stupid dog! You made me look bad!

-(EUSTACE YELLS)
-(COURAGE SCREAMS)

(MURIEL GASPING)

(SNEEZES)

(GASPS)

(EUSTACE GRUMBLES)

What're you trying to do?

Get me sick?

Oh!

I'm sorry, Eustace.

This is the worst cold I've ever...

(GASPING)

(SNEEZES)

Thank you, Courage.

(WHIMPERS)

A wee spot of tea'll fix me right up.

Oh!

(SNEEZES)

Oh!

(GASPING)

(SNEEZES)

Well, hey.

(SCREAMS)

-(GHOST MOANING)
- EUSTACE: We don't want any!

Did someone say something?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Ha...

(SNEEZES)

Oh, my!

This here urgent message
has been pre-recorded,

wrapped in a cold and sent by magic.

(SCREAMS)

(EYES CLINKING)

I knew this wasn't an ordinary cold.

(SNEEZES)

We apologize for your discomfort,
having to send you this cold and all.

But we sure need your help.

We all are prisoners,
slaves in a sweatshop.

We'd be obliged if y'all would
come and set us all free.

And that cold ain't going away

'til you get your sneezing
self down here for the cure.

Here's how to get to where we are.

(SOULFUL HUMMING)

MURIEL: Courage, look.

I think we've found the spot.

-(GULPS)
-(CREATURES GROWLING)

(MOANING)

(WHIMPERS)

Courage...

(COUGHING)

I don't think they're real.

-(CRACKING)
- Huh?

(SCREAMING)

SLUG: Well, hey.

Didn't mean to scare you.

Just setting up
another statue of Big Bayou.

Big Bayou.

He's the snake
got us shackled here.

(SNEEZES)

Lady must be the one
caught the cold we sent.

Glad you could come to free us.

(HUMMING CONTINUES)

Why don't y'all come on inside
and we'll explain the whole mess to ya?

(COUGHING)

(BREATHLESS) Come on, Courage.

Let's see what we can do to help.

(SNEEZES)

(SNEEZES)

(ROARING)

(MURIEL COUGHING)

(SNEEZES)

They've come to save us!

Take it easy, Slugs.

We owe our guests some explaining.

It's like this.

Big Bayou': a very powerful snake.

And very vain.

Loves hisself.

Kept us prisoner here for years,

us making the stuffed statues
of him out of the skins he sheds.

It's t*rture!

Yeah.

And the dental coverage stinks.

Big Bayou's magic put us here,

and only Big Bayou's magic
can break our shackles.

(COUGHS)

(GASPING)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(MIMICKING SNEEZE)

Uh, well, we'd love
to cure her, but, uh...

We don't know how.

We were able to steal
just a smidge of magic from Big Bayou.

Just enough to get
our message out in a microbe.

You've got to find a way.

(GASPING)

(SNEEZES)

Well, all you got to do

is to get your hands on Big Bayou's book
of Big Bayou magic.

He's got all his secrets in there.

- Then you can get cured.
- Yeah.

And free us.

I'll... I'll try.

Or maybe I'll just take a wee nap.

ALL: Get us out of here!

Hurry! Hurry!

Big Bayou's lair through there.

(GASPS)

(DOOR UNLATCHING)

(GASPS)

Hello, me.

Oh, don't I look fine?

I'm so beautiful.

I think I'll go see
how all the other me's are doing.

But first...

Ah!

Oh, yes.

I am pretty.

I love me.

(GASPS)

(STRAINING)

wens)

(EXCLAIMS)

(EXCLAIMS)

Book!

(STRAINING)

BIG BAYOU:
I can't wait to look in my mirror.

I love my look
after I've looked at all my me's.

(STRAINING)

(EXCLAIMS)

(MOANS)

Oh, I am so lucky to be me.

(STRUGGLING)

(CRASHING)

(SNEEZES)

(MOANS)

(PANTING)

(MURIEL GASPING)

(GASPING CONTINUES)

-(SNEEZES)
-(SQUEAKING)

(MOANS)

(SCREAMS)

He's got it!

He's got the book!

Bust us free!

Come on!

Feel free to cure the lady first.

(SHUDDERS)

(MURIEL GASPING)

(MURIEL MOANING)

(MURIEL COUGHING)

(CLUCKING)

(CLUCKING CONTINUES)

(CROWING)

(MURIEL COUGHING)

(BREATHLESS)
Courage, I don't think it works.

(GROANING)

Oh, my!

(LAUGHING)

(TAPPING)

Oh!

Oh, my!

I can breathe!

I feel myself again!

Yay!

- Now us!
- Free us!

(SLUGS CLAMORING)

What the Bayou': going on here?

You messing with my Bayou magic?

(HISSES)

(SCREAMS)

- Oh, boy.
-(GROANS)

Oh, you get it now, child.

You get it now.

(READING) "To make stuffed Bayou snakes

"your obedient slaves,

"use deadly venom
from a real Bayou snake."

Ew!

(HISSING) As we say in the bayou...

"Bye, you." (HISSES)

(SCREAMS)

What the bayou?

Huh?

(GROWLING)

(GRUNTS)

Oh, no!

(HISSES)

(BARKING)

sl*ve snakes, obey!

(GROWLING)

(STAMMERS) Go get him!

No!

Hey, you all are me!

- I can't do this.
-(GROWLING)

No!

No!

-(GROWLING INTENSIFIES)
- No!

- Whew!
- MURIEL: Courage?

I need a new file.

But I got them free!

She's one big bayou mama!

Ah, Courage.

It sure is lovely to sip tea
just for the pleasure of it.

EUSTACE: (COUGHING) Muriel!

I caught your darn cold!

(GASPING)

(SNEEZES)

(SCREAMS)

(GROANS)

(CLUCKING)

(LAUGHING)

In other news, today is
the first day of hunting season!

Time for our annual contest to see
who can blast the biggest deer!

(GROANS)

Argh!

Stupid TV!

(GRUMBLES)

Oh, my!

(MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)

-(LOUD DRUMBEATS)
- Huh?

(FANFARE PLAYING)

(EXPLODING)

MAN: (ON SPEAKER) Hunting season!

Annual contest!

Blast the biggest deer!

Oh, what the...

Stinking, stupid skywriting. (GROANS)

(WAILING)

Eustace, is something the matter?

I'm really getting worried.

He usually likes
big bass drums.

(LAUGHS)

-(LAUGHING CONTINUES)
- Courage? That looks like

Eustace's dead brother Horst!

"Can't I come hunting with you?"

"No!"

"Please, big brother!"

"No!"

"Ah, come on!"

"No, no, you puny little..."

(GRUNTING)

You have to wonder
what's going through his mind.

YOUNG EUSTACE: You sure I can't come
deer hunting with you, Horst?

Just this once?

Of course you can't!

Because you're not man enough to handle

Big Bob!

(LAUGHING)

-(COCKING sun)
- See you later, Useless.

I ain't useless!

I'm Eustace! (CRYING)

(BAWLING)

Eustace!

You've got to do something
to calm yourself down!

I'm gonna do something, all right.

- Oh!
-(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

Courage, you think something's
getting Eustace a tad upset?

EUSTACE: A-ha!

Big Bob!

Oh, my!

(GASPS)

(CHUCKLES)

I'm going hunting!

You had better go along, Courage,
to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.

(WHIMPERING)

(EUSTACE LAUGHS MANICALLY)

(COURAGE SHUDDERING)

(LAUGHING CONTINUES)

-(g*n POWERING UP)
-(EXCLAIMS)

(BEEPS)

Ahh!

(BEEPS)

Ahh!

(CHUCKLES)

(BEEPS)

(SCREAMS)

(LAUGHS)

I'll show that dumb Horst!

- I'll show them all!
-(f*ring)

Ahh! Oh!

'Ah! (G ROANS)
"(G ROANS)

(GURGLING)

"Useless"? Who you calling useless?

I ain't useless!

Ain't Useless!

(GROANS)

(MOANS)

(LAUGHING IN DISTANCE)

(LAUGHING CONTINUES)

Hmm!

(LAUGHING)

Gotcha!

(LAUGHING CONTINUES)

You're it!

(ALL LAUGHING)

You're it!

(LAUGHS)

(BEEPS)

(BEEPS)

(BEEPS)

(LAUGHS)

Ow'.!

(MOANS)

(ALL GASPING)

-(g*n f*ring)
-(ALL GASPING)

You made me miss,
you lousy, stupid hunting dog!

(WHIMPERING)

You're the useless one.

(GRUMBLES)

STAG: Every hunting season
it's the same thing.

We can't take it anymore.

I'm gonna put an end
to our living in fear.

I'm going hunting!

A deer's gotta do what a deer's gotta do.

(STRAINING)

-(THUDS)
'(GRUNTS)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Ouch!

Huh?

(WHIRRING)

(GASPS)

(sun f*ring)

Oh, no!

(COURAGE BREATHING HEAVILY)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Get away from me!

-(g*n f*ring)
- Ahh!

Oh! Ow, ow! Oh, oh...

(GASPS)

(CRASHING)

(WHIRRING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

(WHIMPERING)

What's... Huh?

-(g*n CHARGING)
- A deer's gotta do what a deer's gotta do.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(sun f*ring)

(SCREAMING)

-(THUDS)
- EUSTACE: (GRUNTS) Ow!

What the...
Who the heck are you?

(GROWLING)

(GRUNTING)

(EUSTACE MOANS)

That was truly a traumatic
experience, but I'm over it.

(LAUGHS)

(STRAINING)

'(GRUNTS)
-(THUDS)

(STAMMERING)

(GROANS)

- A deer's gotta do what a deer's gotta do.
-(g*n BEEPS)

(SOBBING)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Hmm.

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Hmm?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(sun BEEPS)

(SCREAMS)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(g*n POWERING DOWN)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

Hmm. It's a deal.

I just hope Eustace gets home okay.

ANNOUNCER ON TV:
And now it's time to play...

ANNOUNCER AND AUDIENCE:
Hunt for Knowledge!

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
- Oh, goody, goody!

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Courage?

-(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
-(ALL APPLAUDING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

(AUDIENCE BOOING)

(GRUMBLES)

Eustace?

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

AUDIENCE: Oh!

(BUZZING)

That would be--

No way, deer. I'm going first.

That there's dots.

A whole mess of dots!

(BUZZING)

That would be the Big Dipper.

(BELL CHIMING)

(ALL CHEERING)

No fair! He didn't give me a chance!

ANNOUNCER: And now,
the question to determine the winner!

(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)

-(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
-(BUZZING)

I know this for sure!

It's a bowling ball covered with throw-up!

-(BUZZING)
-(ALL BOOING)

(BUZZING)

That's the planet Earth.

(BELL CHIMING)

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

(GROANS)

He's just a stupid animal!

- Ahh!
-(g*n BEEPS)

(ALL GASPING)

(GRUNTS)

(ROARING)

(MOANING)

(ROARING)

(FOOTSTEPS THUNDERING)

(WHIMPERS)

Ahh!

Now, who done sh*t my lollipop?

ALL: The hunter!

(LAUGHS)

He's the hunter!

Not me!

My brother was right!
I ain't no hunter!

I'm a deer! See?

(SCATTING)

(g*ns COCKING)

-(g*n BEEPS)
- HUNTER: Deer!

-(g*ns f*ring)
- EUSTACE: Ahh!

ANNOUNCER: (ON TV) And now, let's welcome
the winner of this year's hunting contest,

Mr. J. O. Curwood.

Mr. Curwood has blasted
the oddest deer of the year!

You know, Courage,
that deer reminds me a wee bit of Eustace.

I'm a deer.

Useless the deer!

(SCATTING)
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