02x17 - The Mask of Matches Malone!

[bunniefuu]

Batman, now that I'm the Queen
of crime in Gotham City,

who better to be my King than the guy
who puts the A in Alpha Male?

You may call yourself
a Queen, Poison Ivy,

but to me you're
just a common crook.

You dare mock me?
Very well...

Flower Children,
feed him to Georgia.

You'll make a tasty appetiser...

Before I serve her the main course,
your precious Gotham!

We will stop you,
you herbaceous hussy!

- "We...?"
- Yes, me...

And the Black Orchid.

Hop at her,
my broken blossoms!

Georgia, my baby!

I'll give you one last chance
to choose me over oblivion.

What do you say?

"Leaves are free,
let them be."

Thanks for the assist,
Black Orchid.

Black Orchid...?

Now I know how
Commissioner Gordon feels.

BATMAN:
THE BRAVE AND THE BOLD

Transcripted by Reef
addiced.com

THE MASK OF MATCHES MALONE!

CLOAK OF NEFERTITI

Just like catnip to me.

The two-sided cloak of Nefertiti,
given to her by the cat-goddess Bast.

They say it gives each person
who wears it nine lives.

Of course you'd try for it,
Catwoman.

Batman. Couldn't let the cat have
a yawn for one minute, could you?

Surrender, and save me the trouble
of putting a leash on you!

Now, what fun would that be?

Ahem, are we interrupting
something?

'Cause it sure looks like
we're interrupting something...

Huntress, Black Canary.

I was just...
We were just...

I can handle Catwoman
on my own.

So we see, Romeo. But, uh,
we're not here to stop Catwoman.

We're here to stop Two-Face.

Looks like there's too many guests
at the party...

And not enough favors
to go around.

Get 'em!

Hands off, tall, dark
and gruesome.

The cat cloak belongs to me.

Actually, it will belong
to the highest bidder...

After I auction it off
to Gotham's criminal elite.

I'd let you bid on it, princess,
but you're about to get put down.

Catwoman!

Oh, terrific.

Because of your little playday,
Two-Face got away with the cloak.

Perhaps I can even things
by helping you track him down.

Not from Blackgate Prison,
you can't, sweetie.

Let's hear her out.
She may be evil, but she is resourceful.

I got a tip about a top secret
underworld summit

happening at the Double-decker Club.

Put two and two together
and you get...

Two-Face. That's where
he's holding the auction.

OK. So, what's the plan?

DOUBLE-DECKER CLUB

I still don't get why Batman's letting
her tag along on this mission,

when he's got me.
Uh... Us.

Jealous much...?

Ooh, same dress.
Awkward!

Huntress, don't be silly.
There won't be any problem.

After she changes!

Hardly an option, dear.
Besides, I wear it better.

Kitty, I'm about to put you out
for the night.

Cats eat birds, remember?

Meow...

Listen up.

Everything depends on us
playing our parts perfectly.

From this moment on, I am Matches
Malone, and you are my bodyguards.

Now, let's get this show
on the road.

Anything you say, Boss.

- Hate her.
- Hate her.

You say there's not enough time in one
life to pull all the jobs you want.

What if you had nine lives?

Here it is, folks,
The cloak of Nefertiti.

Bidding starts at mill.

Actually, me and my boys
will take that fancy poncho.

Too bad you didn't keep it
for yourself.

A double cross.
You're a crook after my own heart.

Cover me.

Take this, punk!

Touch it and they'll be
calling you "Lefty."

- You all right, Boss?
- Get your mitts off me.

- The day I need a dame's help...
- That's funny...

Considering they are
your bodyguards and all.

These ain't my bodyguards.

They're the stinking Birds of Prey.

Whoops...

Matches is right. It is
the Birds of Prey. Get 'em!

Two double crosses
in one night.

Let's make it three.
I'm taking the cloak.

This room full of Gotham's
most dangerous mobsters

might have something
to say about that.

How would you like to work
for the new top crime boss in Gotham?

I'll match whatever Two-Face
is paying and double it.

Well what are you waiting for?
Rub him out!

We'll join you, Matches.

Argh!

FIRST BANK OF GOTHAM

GOTHAM NEWBIE MAKES
SAP OUT OF TWO-FACE

CITY TERRORIZED BY
'INVINCIBLE' MOB BOSS

TWO-FACE WHO? GOTHAM'S FINEST
HAVE MET THEIR MATCH

MATCHES ON FIRE!

OTHER CRIMINALS
ON THE RUN!

WHERE IS BATMAN?

Where is the bat
when you need him?

Guess it makes sense
Gotham's greatest hero

could also become
its greatest crook.

And with him using every criminal's
favorite night spot as his hideout,

it makes it impossible for anyone
to get close to help him.

I bet he'd let me
get close enough.

- I still don't trust you, Cat.
- Look, Miss.

Something that belongs to me is in there.
I don't want it getting ruined.

Are we talking about
the cloak or Batman?

You two are useless.

Oh, yeah?
Well, you are... useless.

Nice comeback there, chief.

NO ADMITTANCE
BACKSTAGE

Whoops...

Oh, big whoops.

- Any ideas?
- Just one.

Hit it!

Good evening,
all you, gentlemen,

Mobsters, creeps and crooks.

Men in tights come after you,
and still, you're off the hook.

For those who scare and terrorize,
it's the dawn of a brand new day,

You scum can just simply call us,
the one and only Birds of Prey.

Green Lantern has his special ring
(Pretty strong, that little thing)

Blue Beetle's deeds
are really swell,

But who will bring him
out of his shell?

Flash's foes,
they finish last,

Too bad sometimes
he's just too fast...

While all the boys
can always save the day,

No one does it better
than the Birds of Prey.

The one and only
Birds of Prey...

While all the boys
can always save the day,

No one does it better,

No one does it better
than the Birds of Prey.

Green Arrow has heroic traits,
that is when he's sh**ting straight...

- Hey.
- I'm just sayin'...

Aquaman's always courageous,
his little fish, less outrageous

Plastic Man can expand,

Becomes putty
in our hands!

While all the boys
can keep you punks at bay,

No one does it better
than the Birds of Prey.

The one and only
Birds of Prey...

While all the boys
can always save the day,

No one does it better,

No one does it better
than the Birds of Prey...

Hey!

Batman throws his bat-a-rang,
what a w*apon, what a bang.

Check out that utility belt,
sure can make a girl's heart melt.

He's always right there for the save,
I'd like to see his secret cave.

While Batman does things
in his special way,

He'd do it better with the Birds of Prey,
The one and only Birds of Prey...

While Batman always seems
to save the day,

No one does it better,

No one does it better
than the Birds of Prey.

Birds of Prey...

Meow.

Bravo. You, sirens,
sure know how to whale.

Too bad this is gonna be
a limited engagement.

- We didn't reach him.
- Then it's time for our next number.

Feisty.

You know how I like my birds?
Plucked and caged.

Ladies, you're just in time
for their nightly feeding.

On the bright side,

at least we don't have to hear
Canary sing anymore.

I love you too, dear.

Don't worry,
it's Batman I'm after.

I sent word out all over town that you
three are gonna be chip flavored chump

by the end of the night.

He'll come to rescue you,
I'll whack him

and badaboom badabing,
I'll have complete control of Gotham.

And what happens if Batman doesn't
show up, Mr. Crazy Matches person?

Well, then I guess these sharks
are gonna need some toothpicks.

Lovely.

Matches Malone.

You're the... weed of crime,
so...

Prepare to be plucked for...
Twenty years in Iron Heights Prison...

You loser!

- Batman!?
- Batman?!

Wait a minute.
If Matches is Batman...

Then who's the guy
with the blue cape?

Old school fist fighting, Gotham style.
It should be a fair fight.

Fair is good,
but g*ns are better.

- Hey, Cat, can you reach my crossbow?
- Give me something hard to do next time.

Your crossbow's not gonna
do much to that crane.

Then it's a good thing
that's not what I'm aiming for.

Nice sh*t. My turn.

Batman don't like g*ns.
Whoever you are, you ain't him.

We gotta go save the cloak.
I mean, Batman.

Gotta save Batman.

- Two-Face. Figures.
- Truth is, Matches, you did me a favor.

Now that I know
that the cloak actually works...

I'll keep it for myself.

And as for g*ns,
I always carry a couple of spares.

Seven, eight...
Uh, ladies...?

According to the newspapers,
this was his last free life.

Everything was going great
till you, dames, showed up.

You ruined my night.
Now I'm gonna ruin you.

Listen to me,
you are not Matches Malone!

You're...

- I hear cats always land on their feet.
- Urban legend.

Sayonara, kitty.

Wait.
Don't I get a last request?

- What is it?
- This.

- Catwoman, what did you do?
- I knew we couldn't trust this witch.

- She k*lled Batman!
- Did I...?

At ease, ladies.

But... how?
You already used your last life.

It was Matches Malone's last life.
I absolutely believed that's who I was.

When I landed, Matches d*ed for good,
but Batman is alive and well.

Poor Harvey. Arkham has its ward
cut out for him.

All in all, not a bad mission,
Batman.

You eliminated half the crime
in Gotham, you stopped Two-Face cold...

And you get your life back.

Well, I had a little help.
That was quick thinking, Catwoman.

Catwoman...?

- Look like she's gone, Bats.
- And she took the cloak with her.

So much for redemption...

We'll call this even,
Catwoman.

Until next time.