02x05 - Dee Dee Locks and the Ness Monster/Backfire/Book 'Em

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dexter's Laboratory". Aired: April 27, 1996 – November 20, 2003.*
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A child genius, whips up dazzling, world-saving inventions in his secret laboratory.
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02x05 - Dee Dee Locks and the Ness Monster/Backfire/Book 'Em

Post by bunniefuu »

Dexter's mother:
Dexter, Dexter honey?

Dexter: Yes?

Oh, I'm sorry.
You're reading.

Yes.

Oh, you just
look so cute

in your little
story corner.

Dexter,
I came to ask you
a little favor.

Yes?

Your sister's
feeling
a little puny.

Seems she caught
a little bug.

So,
I was thinking

it might make
Dee Dee feel
a lot better

if you went
and read your book
with her.

What?! If she has got
the creeping crud,
count me out!

I'm not going nowhere near

that infectious,
plague-ridden sack of cooties.

Dexter!

Well, I don't want
to get it on me.

[Angrily]
Be nice and read a story

to your sick sister!

Dearest Dee Dee
is ill, you say?

I must away
to her bedside

to comfort her
in her time of need.

[Breathing echoing]

Dexter,
is that you?

I have come to read to you
during your incapacitation.

Really? Dexter,
that's so sweet!

[Snort]

Uh-huh. Now let's
get this over with.

You silly,
you need to come
up here with me.

Aah!

Now I want you
to be all comfy cozy

because you're
the bestest brother
I ever had.

Ooh! I love you
so very, very much!

Aah! Whew.

Comfy?

Comfy?!
I have been
contaminated!

I got to get
the heck--

back to reading
this whimsical fable

to my
precious sister.

Let's see now.
Ah, yes.

"Once upon a time,
a remarkable amount
of information

"was deciphered
from photos taken
with a spectrograph.

"The dark fraunhofer lines
in stellar and solar spectra

"are caused
by low-pressure gases

"in the upper layers
of the sun and stars,

absorbing
discrete wavelengths."

[Plop]

Hey, hey, hey!
Sleep time is over.
Story time is now!

I'm sorry.
You just read
all boring-style.

Here, why don't you
let me show you
how to read a story?

[Clears throat]

"Once upon a time,
there was a pretty little girl

"that everyone loved named

"Dee Dee locks!

"Dee Dee locks was on her way
to grandma's house,

"so she decided
to take a shortcut
through the dike.

"As she skipped
along the lake bed,

"she came across
a little cottage.

"This seemed like a nice place
to take a nap,

"so she went in,

"tried the bed,
but it was too hot.

"She tried the chair,

"but it was too cold.

"Then she tried the porridge.
It was just right!

Just then the residents
of the cottage came home."

[Scottish accent]
Hey, somebody's been
sleeping in my bed.

[Scottish accent]
Someone's been
sleeping in my chair!

Someone's
been sleeping
in my porridge,

and she's
still here.

"So, the monster ate her,
and she was very sweet!"

Mmm. Mmm.

"Inside the monster's tummy,
Dee Dee locks met pigs:

"A straw pig,
a stick pig,
and a brick pig.

"These pigs were very glad
to see Dee Dee locks

"and wondered
if she could help them escape.

"Dee Dee locks thought
and got a great idea.

"She let the pigs braid a rope
out of her long golden locks,

which they used to climb down
out of the monster."

Hey, haggis, you got
something dripping
out your chanter.

Oh, my!

[Bleat]

Aah! What
was that?

Ooh, excuse me.

[Dutch accent]
Yes, excuse you
very much for eating us.

Dee Dee, voice-over:
"The monster apologized
and introduced themselves."

We're the ness monster.
I'm silly-ness.

This is
grumpy-ness...

Harrumph.

And that's
sleepy-ness.

[Knocking]

"Suddenly, there was
a knock at the door."

I'll get it.

[Inhales deeply]

[Groans]

"Then a second knock
on the door."

[Inhales deeply]

"And a third knock
on the door."

[Inhales deeply]

[Inhales deeply]

[French accent]
Ok, I can't keep up this
huffing and the puffing, huh?

I blow his block off
unless you can guess
my name.

Uh, uh,
the little
bad wolf.

Thewhat

the small bad?

[Growls]

The medium?

[Growls]

The big...

Ah.

Bad wolf?

Ha ha ha.

Ja? Everyone, it's

thebig

stop!

This is ridiculous.
I don't even know
what's going on.

There's no kind
of structure,
no plot.

Ah, i'm
getting to it.

So, anyhow...

"Everyone was
a-rub-a-dub-dubbing
in a tub when...

"A magic goldfish
jumped out of the sea

"with some magic beans
he wanted to trade."

Ja? The only thing
we could trade

is that
bad wolf.

I say, he's a big
bad wolf,

isn't he?

It's a deal.
Here are the beans.

"The goldfish thanked them
and went on his way."

Finally,
some beans.

"The ness monster
swallowed the beans..."

[Stomach rumbling]

"And spit up a magic lamp.

"And when Dee Dee locks
rubbed it, a beanstalk
started to grow.

"It grew and grew,
high into the sky.

"They climbed the stalk up
to the tops of the clouds,

"where they found
a giant boot.

"They went in to see
if there was anything to eat,

"but what they didn't know
was that this was the home
of the blind mice,

" giant bone-crunching,
marrow-sucking blind mice."

Fee, fi,
fo, fum.

I smell the blood
of something
I'm going to eat.

Aah!

[Growls]

[Grunts]

Dee Dee, voice-over:
"Dee Dee locks

"decided now was a good time
to use her magic powers,

"so she told a lie."

Ja, I ate
an elephant sandwich.

"And her ears
began to grow."

Ja, I visit
my brother's lab purely
for its educational value.

"And they kept on growing.

"Then everyone jumped
on her back and took off.

"And so, the brick pig,
Dee Dee locks,
and the ness monster

"flew away happily ever after
over the rainbow.

The end."

Thank you so much
for reading me
that wonderful story.

I feel
so much better.

[Playing bagpipes]

[Teeth chattering]

Dexter: At last,

I have discovered a way
to shorten the suffering

of those long family road trips
trapped in the car with Dee Dee.

By blasting the car
with antimatter,

it can accelerate
to near light speed,

shortening the trip
to an increment of time

so small...

Even I could stand
to be around Dee Dee that long.

And just in time, too.

It's sunrise.

The family road trip
begins in hours.

Dad's car--

the gilded cage.

My antimatter will transform
this simple vehicle.

It consists of antiparticles,

with positron-surrounded nuclei

composed of antiprotons
and antineutrons.

It will allow the car

to travel an infinite number
of universes simultaneously,

or in other words,
really, really fast.

[Buzzing]

[Gasps]

Don't you realize
the dangers
of antimatter?

[Buzzing]

If you were touching the car

when the antimatter
touched the car,

who knows what
might have happened?

Do not interfere
with my experiments again!

The coast is clear.

Dee Dee: Dexter,

have you seen
my Dolly? Maybe
I left her in the car.

Dee Dee!

No!

[Humming]

Dee Dee?

Dee Dee,
where are you?

Dee Dee:
Right here.

Where here?

Here here.

I don't see you.

[Click]

[Engine starts]
Uh-oh.

Dexter: I think

Dee Dee's become thecar!

Ah! My experiment
has gone
horribly wrong.

You must stop
at once, Dee Dee.

I demand that you
let me out.

Dee Dee:
No. This is fun.

Whee!

[Dee Dee laughs]

[Groans]

[Dee Dee chuckling]

If we are not home

when mom and dad
want to go
on the road trip,

you are going
to get into
a lot of trouble.

I don't care.
Sit down
and be quiet!

I know.
Let's listen
to some music.

No, Dee Dee,
not the girly station.

Please,
anything but that.

There it is.
[Pop music playing]

No!

Dee Dee:
Horsies!

[Bell ringing]

Dee Dee:
Wait for me!

A hundred bucks
both ways on the car!

Dee Dee:
Ice cream man!
Ice cream man!

[Smack]

Beep beep!

Mr. Ice cream man,
wait!

I want
a chocolate vanilla
fudge swirl sundae.

You are a car,
Dee Dee. Remember?

You don't even
have a mouth.

You just
want it all
to yourself.

[Tires screech]

[Tires screech]

[Tires screech]

[Smack]

Dee Dee:
Ooh, a fair!

[Teeth chattering]

Dee Dee: Whee!

Aah!

Help!

Dee Dee: Whee!

[Dee Dee laughing]

Woo!

Look, Dexter,
toys!

Please, can we
go down now?

I don't feel
so good.

[Stomach grumbling]

Sure!
Aah!

[Dexter moaning]

Stop!

Dee Dee:
I want one of those
and of those.

Please, Dee Dee,
we have to get home.

Dad will be
furious with us.

No more ballet lessons.

[Tires screech]

Ok.

[Siren]

Dexter: Oh, no.
We are being chased
by the coppers.

[Yawns]

Rise and shine, honey.

It's Sunday,
and it's almost time

for the family road trip.

What if dad
finds out about this?

Dee Dee, go faster.
Don't pull over,
no matter what.

But, Dexter,
we'll get arrested!

That is nothing
compared to
what dad will do

if he finds out.
We'll be grounded
for weeks.

Honey,
I am making
extra sandwiches

in case the kids
get hungry.

Father:
Good idea, muffin.

Mmm. Pepperoni
and jelly--my favorite.

[Sirens]

Dee Dee,
you are almost out of gas.

There is only minutes left
before the road trip.

[Panting]

Oh, too late.
It is : .

Father:
There you are, Dexter.

[Gulp]

You just can't wait
for our trip, can you?

But--but, dad,
I have to explain.

The antimatter
and then Dee Dee

and then the car
and there was
a big flash and then--

Dexter,
have you seen
your sister?

It's time
we got going.

But that is what
I have been trying
to tell you!

She's in the car.

Well, good.
You hop in, too,

and we'll take off.

[g*ns being cocked]

All right, everyone,
come on out
with your hands up.

[Pop]

[Pop]

[Gurgling]

[Pop]

Ouch!

Excuse me.
I guess I wasn't
out ofgas

hee hee.

[Dexter laughs]

[Laughing]

[Laughing]

Ah. Time now
for a nice sit.

Hey, what do
I look like,
a chair?

No. "I"
looks likethis.

Hi, Dexter!

[Whispering]
Dee Dee, what
are you doing here?

I gots me
a book on ponies!

Want to see?

[Whispering]
I have no time
for pretty ponies.

I am reading
for science.
Now b*at it.

What?!

Dee Dee,
will you stop
being so loud,

and get your book
and get lost?

What?! Speak up!

Dee Dee, will you
quit yelling?

This is a library.
You must keep quiet.

Now, Dee Dee,

the head librarian
is checking out
books today.

So you please
show some respect.
Keep your yap shut.

Oh, yeah?
Well, why should I?!

Because, Dee Dee,
I have a reputation
to uphold.

For, you see, I have been
the library patron
of the month...

For the past months.

So if you would
just shut up, clam up,
button your lip,

close your cake-hole,
and please be quiet,

everything will be
hunky-dory, ok?
Now come on.

Ok!

[Whistles]

Dexter: Here are
my selections
for today, miss l.

My, my, Dexter,
what a big stack
you have.

Why, Dexter,
you're quite
the little scholar.

Ah, shucks.

Oh, brother.

Miss l: You know,
if you keep
this reading up,

you'll be
the patron of the month
all of next year, too.

I don't think
even Einstein himself

was such an avid reader
as you, Dexter.

No television
and donuts for you.

I bet it's just
all study, study, study
day and night.

Well, Dexter,
I think you're all set.
There you go.

Thank you,
miss l.
Come on, Dee Dee.

Hey, Dex,
there's no pictures
in this book.

Dee Dee,
come on!

But you forgot to--
Dee Dee!

You forgot
to check out!

Move it
or lose it,
sister!

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

[Yawns]

Hey, Dexter!
Here's a book
you forgot!

Why, thank you,
Dee Dee.

Ah, more
learning material.

Oh!

No stamp!

This book has been
illegally checked out.

Oh, Dexter,
how could you?

Your actions
have brought shame
upon this library.

For this,
you shall
be punished!

You're banned

from
the library...

Forever!

Aah!

Deflected!

It's awfully hot
where you're going,
Dexter.

[Slap]

[Laughing]

Welcome
to library heck.

Ha ha ha...

The book
must be returned.

Just do it!

Vision goggles,
bibliograph,

ultra-suction grappler.

[Thunder]

Are you quite finished?

Now I'm going in.

You just lower me
down on this rope,

and I'll return
the book.

Remember, this
is a library mission,
so keep quiet.

Okey-dokey!

[Sighs]

Hold this.

Fat porkster.

Ooh.

Dee Dee?

Pretty.

Dee Dee?

[Thud]

[Humming]

[Beeping]

[Chuckling]

[Whistling]

Whew.

Hi!

Ah! How did you--
what? How'd you get--

that's it!
I've had it with
your monkey business.

But--

quiet!

[Dexter's voice echoing]

Computer, quietly:
Warning.
Noise level exceeded.

Oops.

Intruders.

Sic 'em, boys.

Cripes. Run!

[Whistles]

[Growls]

Dexter: Yep, just books.

Judge us only by looks

because we're
just plain old books.

I think
we lost them.

Dexter, I'm tired
of this game.

I quit playing.

Quit? What do you mean quit?

It is too late for quitsies now,
woman. We must fight.

[Groans]

Dee Dee: Hey, librarian,
we quit. You win!

Dexter: Traitor!

What?
Why, Dee Dee,

thank you
for apprehending

your loudmouth brother.

I see good things
in your future.

And as for you,
mister Dexter...

[Growling]

Dexter: "...And so
after prince goodheart

"asked mean Mr. Grumpster
to leave nicely,

everyone in snuggleville
gave each other a warm,
fuzzy hug."

The end."
Blechh.

enter
at your own peril

past
the vaulted door

where impossible
things may happen

that the world's
never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's
laboratory ♪

♪ lives the smartest boy ♪

♪ you've ever seen ♪

♪ but Dee Dee blows ♪

♪ his experiments ♪

♪ to smithereens ♪

♪ there is gloom and doom ♪

♪ while things go boom ♪

♪ in Dexter's lab ♪
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