02x14 - Star Check Unconventional/Dexter Is Dirty/Ice Cream Scream

[bunniefuu]

Dexter, voice-over:
Captain's log . .

We are en route to
the galactic federation
conference on celos .

Chief science officer spork,
ship's surgeon Dr. Mcboy,

as well as myself have been
chosen as space fleet delegates
of the zeta quadrant.

So, Jimmy boy,
you think this conference
will be as good as last year?

That all depends on
the alurian ambassadors.

Hoo-wee! They don't
call 'em green animal women
for nothing. [Purr]

Captain irk,
we are approaching
solovian space.

Excellent. Ensign,
set course for celos ,
warp factor .

Aye, aye, captain.

Dexter, voice-over:
Space, a great big area
of unknown stuff.

Nobody knows all the stuff
that's out there.

That is why our mission is
to check it out.

[Woman humming]

[Humming]

Well, here we are--

westside
convention center.

Now, you boys
have fun at your little
star check convention.

Oh, and Dexter, honey,

don't get att*cked
by those nasty grab-ons.

Ha ha ha!

Hee hee hee!

They are called
hang-ons, mother!

The ruthless
hang-on empire!

Now, maintain a synchronous
orbit above our position

and meet back here
at hours!

Mcboy: Grab-ons.
Hee hee!

She's a mom.

Spork: I admit, my mother
is equally ignorant
of the hang-on empire.

Mcboy: We saw plenty
of hang-on treachery

on last-night's episode,
huh?

Indeed. Episode ,
"seeds of fear,"

was most intriguing.

Yeah, but I still
really like the one

where the captain
gets bit by the magachu

and the witch lady
used that wiggly root
to suck out the poison.

Yeah, but the best one
was when the transporter
accident

creates
two captain irks.

What the...

This does not look like
a federation conference.

Mcboy: And since when
was celos so pink?

Spork, where are we?

Sensor readings confirm

that this is not
the galactic federation
conference on celos .

And what's
your analysis, doctor?

Well, they're not green,
but, uh...[Purr]

Skin!
Snap out of it!

We are on
an alien world with
mystery at every turn,

so stay alert
and keep together.

We need to figure out
where we are

and how to get back
to the federation
conference.

And in the meantime,
I'll see about
rustling up some grub.

I would like a large tranya
and some cerarium candy.

That'll be bucks.

Ah ho ho!

We federation members
have evolved beyond
archaic concepts

like capitalism
and the use of currency.

Well, then I guess
you've evolved beyond
concepts like eating.

How about a trade?

Woman: choros!

It seems we are dealing
with a barbaric,
capitalistic people

driven by greed.

I'll say. Have you noticed
the larger of the species

buying and selling
the small ones like
blasted sl*ve traders?

Indeed. I have also

observed a great deal

of totemic idol worship.

It is obvious.
This is a primitive
and backward society,

so try to play along
so as not to arouse
their suspicions.

Woman: So, are you boys
gonna block my booth
all day,

or are we gonna
do business?

Well, ahem.
I don't know.

Spork, is there
anything we need?

Our reserve power
is running low.

The warp reactor
could use a new
bilithium crystal.

Bicentennial kristal?

Ok, you want
the nrfb or mnb?

What?

Nrfb--never
removed
from box.

Mnb--mint condition,
no box.

If the containment field
has been tampered with,

the kristal would become
contaminated,

thusly unsuitable
for our needs.

Nrfb.

Of course.

Thanks. Hold on
to this, skins.

You mentioned
a trade...

Spork, voice-over:
This woman seems to be
suspended in cryogenic stasis.

And by the look of her attire,
she's been in hibernation
for centuries.

I've got to revive her.

[Rip]

You've ruined
the collector's value!

Never remove from box!

Nrfb.

Nrfb.

[Gong]

A box was opened.

There must be
retribution.

I am
the commanding officer.

I take full responsibility
for my crew.

Then you shall bear
the punishment.

Bring forth
the turpoles.

You're dead, Jim.

Grr!

Hmm?

Argh!

Hyah!

[Crash]

[Panting]

Ah!

Seize them!

[Everybody yelling "nrfb"]

We're safe for now.

But how do we
get out of here
without drawing attention?

Hmm...

I have got a plan.

Get ready.
Here comes one.

There it is--
the federation conference.

At last! We've made it!

Oh, my gosh!
Original irk, spork,
and mcboy dolls!

Never removed
from their boxes!

Nrfb?
Nrfb?

Nrfb?
Nrfb?

Nrfb?
Nrfb?

[Excited murmuring]

Yech! I am a mess!

I might as well
get this over with.

Keep the change.

[Ratcheting]

[Ratcheting]

[Hammering]

Phew.

I am growing weary
of all this washing business.

[Burp]

[Tools clattering]

[Electrical zap]

[Sizzling]

Dexter, Dee Dee,
lunch is ready!

Oh, boy,
oh, boy, oh, boy!

Wait for me!

Ok, you two,
let's see those hands.

Very good, Dee Dee.

[Buzzing]

Ah!

Dexter, you're a mess!

You march in there
and wash up this instant!

But I'm hungry.

March!

[Grumbling]

Dee Dee:
Thanks, mom!
That was great!

Ooh...

Dex, it's time
for your bath.

But I'll miss my show!

Don't argue with me,
young man! Just do it!

[Grumbling,
stamping feet]

Dee Dee!

Hey, Dexter,
are you gonna get
squeaky clean like me?

[Ears squeaking]

[Pop]

[Screaming gibberish]

I must figure out a way
to eliminate bathing
from my life forever.

But how?

[Bubbling]

Hello, o disgusting
dirty one.

You dropped this
downstairs.

Hey, it is my laminated
lab access card!

Hmm. The water
just slides right off.

That's it!

[Feet squeaking]

Eureka!
I'm laminated!

Woo! I'm so shiny.

[Squeaking]

Whoa!

I am free!
No more cleaning for me!

Now, back to my work.

[Shoes squeaking]

Hmm.

A minor inconvenience.

[Shoes squeaking]

[Squeak]

[Squeak squeak]

[Snap]

[Squeak]

Hi, Dexter!

Woo, Dexter, you're
so smooth and shiny.

Well, don't
just stand there!
Help me up!

[Squeak]

Dee Dee, you are so stupid!
Can't you do anything right?

I ask you to do one thing!

You are so incompetent!
Blah blah blah!

♪ Oo-Dee-lay-hoo-hoo

[echoing]
♪ oo-Dee-lay-hoo-hoo

[crash]

Dexter: And furthermore...

I'm tired of y...

Ah, Dee Dee, why are you

looking at me like that?

Aah!

Dee Dee, stop us!

Ha ha ha!

Dexter: Aah!

[Crash]

Dexter!

Just look how clean
you are!

[Mmwaa]

Whatcha doin'?

Reading up
on animal biology.

I bet I know more
about animals than you!

Ah, you think?

Yep.

Ok, why are
storks' legs so long?

So their feet
can reach the ground.

Why do kangaroos
only live in Australia?

So they can be
near their families.

Did you know deers
don't have uncles?

They just have antlers!

♪ Cha cha cha cha
cha cha cha cha ♪

[Metal creaking]

Argh-ya!

Whew! That is enough
for today!

I need a break.

[Ice cream truck bell jingles]

The ice cream man!

Oh, boy!
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

Ice cream!

That is not money.

Dad, money,
ice cream--now!

Hmm? What?

Well, let's see here.

Hmm. No.

Ok--

whoa, there!
Hey, what's this?

Oop!

Hey, you've got
money coming out
of your ears, son!

Ta-da!

Ha ha ha!

Mom!

Mom, money,
ice cream--now!

Mmm? What?

Mom, give me some money
for the ice cream truck!
Hurry!

Oh, let's see.

[Humming]

[Ice cream truck bell jingles]

Hmm.
Here's a nickel.

And here's
another nickel.

Oh!
Here's a quarter.

No. Wait.
It's only a nickel.

Come on, mom!
Move it!

Dexter!

Sorry!

[Slurping]

How come I always--

[drip drip]

Mmm!

[Slurp]

Huh?

Hey, I've got drips
coming out of my popsicle.

Ahh...

[Cash register rings]

Hey, there's a quarter!

It's a--

mmm...

Yee-ha!

Woo woo woo!

I do not think money
is going to be a problem today.

Huh?

Give me
a chocolate kronksicle.

I have to make it
to the ice cream.

Wait!

Wait!

Aw, drat!

[Clang]

Presto!

Yoo-hoo!
Mr. Ice cream man!

Yoo-hoo!

Yes. Hello.

And now that I finally have
your undivided attention--

hey! Hey!

Well, sooner
or later--what?

Ah, very clever.

Here's your paper!

Wah!

I've got some good news,
and I've got some bad news,
Mr. Ice cream man.

Aha!

Good news is,
today I get the ice cream.

The bad news is...

Father:
Hey, the ice cream man!

What the...

Wait! I've got
some money!

Dad, no!

Father: Whoa!

Father: Hmm. Never seen
this place before.

Is this a converted den?
Strange.

No more mister nice guy.

Halt!

That is what I thought!

Bang!

Argh!

Man: That you, Dexter?

Um, you mind letting me
drive my truck?

Ah ha ha! Whoops!
Sorry, mailman Mel.

I thought this was
the ice cream truck.

Well, what do you know.
It's not.

Look! There it is.

Get alongside him.

You're kidding, right?

[Tires squeal]

Oh, no!

Whoa!

Why won't you
stop for me?

[Tires squeal]

You are wanting
to know why?

You mean you
do not remember?

Remember what?

April ,
one year ago.

It is first day on job.

Everything is going great...

Until you come.

You wanted
most expensive ice cream.

I make suggestion
of cheaper ice cream.

But no.
You want expensive one.

And after
I am giving you ice cream,

you pay with pennies.

Do you know how long
it took me to count
those pennies?

Um, at an average
human rate,

I'd estimate about
hours and minutes.

Precisely.

And when the counting
was done,

it is time to put
pennies in safe,

when I am noticing
my shoelace is untied.

Now, I couldn't very well
stop to tie my shoes

since somebody had given me
heavy jar of pennies to hold

and the ice cream man rules say
to keep any amount of money
over a dollar in the safe.

So I trip, and I break my tooth.
The pain, it is so bad.

My girlfriend left me.
I lose apartment. I lose car.

I'm forced to live under freeway
with wild animals.

I can't even
eat ice cream
because of the pain,

all because of
your stupid pennies!

Argh!

[Gasping]

Ah heh heh.

You know, I still have
all of my baby teeth.

Um, I'm sorry.

I'm really, really,
really, really sorry.

Forget about it, kid.

Well, in that case...
Can I order my ice cream now?

Sure.

I'll just have
a chocopop, please.

At last. Ice cream treat!

$ . , please.

You got change
for a hundred?

Aah!

Enter into your own peril,

past the vaulted door,

where impossible
things may happen

that the world's
never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's laboratory

♪ lives the smartest boy

♪ you've ever seen

♪ but Dee Dee blows
his experiments ♪

♪ to smithereens

♪ there is gloom and doom

♪ while things go boom

♪ in Dexter's lab