02x20 - Don't Be a Baby/Dial M for Monkey: Peltra/G.I.R.L. Squad

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Dexter's Laboratory". Aired: April 27, 1996 – November 20, 2003.*
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A child genius, whips up dazzling, world-saving inventions in his secret laboratory.
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02x20 - Don't Be a Baby/Dial M for Monkey: Peltra/G.I.R.L. Squad

Post by bunniefuu »

Dexter's mother:
Oh, how precious.

Dexter's father:
Hey, look,

there's you
pregnant with Dexter.

Ah, his first
spaghetti dinner.

Ha ha.
How adorable.

Ahh.

Isn't life grand?

Mm-hmm.

Dee Dee and Dexter:
Mom, dad,

can we have
some money
to see a movie?

What?

Now, I know you two
have fallen a bit
behind the times,

but opening today
is a very important
work of cinema--

violance
robot vigilante.

Together: Hmm.

I'm sorry, kids,

butviolance
is too violent
and mature for you two.

What? Absurd!

But I'll
tell you what,

you can see it
when you'reolder
than your mother and I.

Voice-over: Hmm.
That shouldn't be
too much of a problem.

Dexter:
Ok. You win.
You're the parents.

Well, I'm glad to hear
it's finally sunk in.

Ha ha ha ha!
Uh, kids?

What now?

Simple,
my dear Dee Dee.
To the lab!

Behold,
the acceler-ager!

I will set
the resulting age
at over the hill.

All right.
Let's get this
over with.

I don't want
to miss the matinee.

Dee Dee, please use
the utmost caution

in proceeding
to step over
these wires.

Ok.

Oops.
Whatever.

Dexter:
Come on,
Dee Dee.

All righty.

[Rumbling]

Hey, I don't feel
any older.

There seems to
have been a slight
malfunction.

I'll just
need to make
a few adjustments.

Probably just needs
a good lube job.

Hello, baby monkey.

Now, where did I put
that big old wrench?

Baby monkey?!

Einstein's ghost!
What has happened?

Computer,
what the heck is going on?

Computer: Goo goo. Ga ga.
Goo goo. Pee pee.

Hmm. Yes. Pee pee.

Computer,
you, too?!

Oh, no!
That could only mean one thing.

Everyone in the world
has been turned into...

Eek! Babies. Babies.

Babies!

Dexter,
what's the matter?

Ah, oh, my golly.

They're so cute.

I cannot believe
mom and dad are babies.

What a mess I've made.

Oh, but wait,
we are still older
than they are.

Maybe I can
still catch the flick.

Dexter, you're not
leaving me to take care
of mom and dad!

This is your fault.

You're not
going anywhere until
the acceler-ager is fixed.

Now you get back
in that laboratory
and fix, fix, fix.

But I'm willing
to take care
of the babies, too.

Nonsense.

Boys don't know
how to take care
of children.

Yes, we do. Watch.
Let me hold mom.

Well, ok. Here.

[Crying]

[Nervous
laughter]

I'm going
to go fix
the thing.

[Crying]

Ah, there, there.

Baby want her bottle?

That's better.

Hi, dad.

[Crying]

Oh, don't cry.

Here's your pacifier.

That's better.

Dad, you come here
and apologize
to mom right now!

Well?

Dad, stop
being a stinker!

[Sniffs]

Ooh, speaking of stinky--

time to change your diaper.

That's better.
Now a little powder.

[Coughing]

All done.

I think it's time
for nappy-bye.

♪ Go to sleep

♪ go to sleep

♪ go to sleep

♪ mommy and daddy

♪ go to sleep

♪ go to--

[snores]

Work, work, work--
that's all
I ever do,

while she just
plays with the kids
all day.

What a world.

[Giggling]

[Crying]

Babies? Babies? Babies?!

Come out, come out,
wherever you are!

Dad, where are you?

Mom?

One more should do it.

[Groans]

Whew. All fixed.

Dee Dee:
Dexter!

I lost
mom and dad.

You lost
the babies?

You lunkhead,
can't you do
anything right?!

Well, don't just
stand there.
Help me find them.

Dexter:
Well...

We have systematically
checked every place
in the house,

except my bedroom!

Together: Ahh.

Shh.

[Yawns]

What a good night's sleep.
I feel great.

What say
we get a baby-sitter

and go see
a movie tonight?

I don't
feel so good.

Dexter:
After countless experiments,

all testing
proves negative.

No instabilities.

No physical mutations.

No nothing.

It seems you
shall never become anything more

than a mere monkey.

Monkey, this is agent honeydew.
Help us.

Man: Object entering
earth's atmosphere.
kilometers.

kilometers
and closing.

, , ,

, , ,

, , .

[Growling]

Fire.

[Laughing sinisterly]

Nothing can cr*ck
the hide of meteor.

Honeydew,
any word
from monkey?

No. He doesn't
seem to be--
no. Look, there he goes!

What the--

[groaning]

Oh. Oh.

Hurrah for monkey!

Nice work, monkey.
Really topnotch.

Yes! Smashing!
A real bang-up job.

Ha ha.

[Both laughing]

[Chattering]

Join you for
a banana split?

Oh, I'd love to.

Merci.

Woman: Mmm.
Look at him.
He's marvelous.

And his fur,

it's even more luxurious
than I imagined.

I simply must have it,

for I...

Peltra, the most fabulously
fur-festooned femme

in the universe,

will wear nothing less
than one of a kind

coat or designer,

intergalactic,
endangered species...

Originals.

And, uh, now,

we is about
to endanger
that monkey species.

[Laughing]

Man, that
was downright clever

the way
you boondoggled
that meteor feller

into flushing out
monkey fur.

Of course. I always sucker
some half-witted clods

to do my dirty work for me.

Together: Uh-huh.

So, now that
we have the target
in our sights,

are we all ready
for phase
of my little scheme?

Tanner?

I is going to tan his hide

and stretch it out
real good-like.

Skinner?

I'll skin him.

Oh, now,

if only I could decide
what to make.

[Applause]

[Dance music playing]

Snatch me that monkey!

Man: One super-duper
root beer

banana split float

for the Mac daddy monkey
and the lovely limey.

Howdy, monkey.
We were sent
to come and get you.

Got to find my--
aha!

Oh!

[g*ns are cocked]

Together: Ow!

Tanner:
Yee-ha!

Now reel him in.

[Bam]

Yow!

Oh.

[Both groan]

Peltra: Oh, monkey,

I'm sorry
you won't accept my invitation,

but if you
don't come with us,

I'm afraid

I'll be forced
to disintegrate
your little friend.

[Growling]

Ah, ah, ah.

Oh.

[Monkey whimpering]

No, monkey!
Don't listen to her!
You can't give up because of me.

The world needs you,
monkey!

The needs of the many
outweigh the needs
of the few or the one.

Go on without me.
'Tis a small price to pay
to ensure the earth's safety.

Just give her one for me,
right in the--

[mumbling]

Thank you.
She was working
my nerves.

Now, monkey,
remember,

your manacles
are cybernetically
linked with hers.

If you try
to break your bonds,

she will be
automatically electrocuted.

Now let's
get skinning.

Agent honeydew:
Hey, miss smarty knickers.

Paint? That
will never wash out!

This fur is
totally worthless now.

[Imitates cat growl]

Meow.

[Snarling]

Ow! Aah!

[Imitates accordion notes]

You'll pay
for trashing
my new coat!

Your

excuse me,
but I think monkey
is still wearing it.

Some nerve
you've got.

Just who
do you think you are,

stealing
other people's fur

just because
you've got
none of your own?

Why don't you try on
some synthetic fabrics?

[Screeches]

[Chatters]

Yes. Yes,
I'm all right.

[Chatters]

Ha ha. Well,
you're very welcome,

but you've saved my life
more than once.

I owe you.

I'm just sorry
I had to dump
paint on you.

[Screeches]

Oh, yes, I suppose
it would come off

during a shave.

Good morning, monkey.

When you are
done shaving,
we will begin the...

Dexter,
what's that?

Where?

Very funny.

I'm sorry.

Dexter,
what's that?

Where?

Will you
cut it out?

Ok.

Dexter,
what's that?!

Oh, no.

I'm not falling
for that again.

Good afternoon.

My name is mcbark,
the crime hound.

Today, you will all
learn how to spot
a neighborhood criminal.

I realize
how very excited you all are

to have me visit
your school here

and to speak about
crime watch

but I would like to ask

that you try to refrain

from any emotional outbursts

and to hold all
of your questions and comments

until after the presentation.
Now let us begin.

Projectionist?

First of all,
can anyone tell me
who this person is?

Dee Dee:
I can! I can!

No. You cannot.
You don't know him.

Therefore,
you cannot trust him,

which brings us
to our next point.

What do you call
a person you cannot trust:

A--your best friend,

b--a contributing member
to society,

or c--grandpa?

I know.
I know.

A person
you cannot trust

is called
a stranger.

Is everybody
with me?

Good.

Now, suppose
you're walking home from school,

and suddenly,

a stranger
offers you a ride home.

What should you do?

Ooh! Me!
Me! Me!

I'll tell you
what to do.

Run.
Run far away

because
that stranger could be

a neighborhood criminal,

so remember, kids,

report
any suspicious activity

to your local police department,

and together,
we can lick crime.

[Girls cheering]

Wow,
that was great.

You said it,
Lee Lee.

Yeah. I'm ready
to start licking crime

right now.

Me, too.

Me, three.

Announcer: G--glamorous.

I--investigators.

R--ready to...

L--lick crime.

G.i.r.l. Squad.

A criminal.

Freeze,
jaywalker!

Stop.
All right, all right.

Uh! I'll never
jaywalk again.

Lee Lee:
Uh, Dee Dee?

I don't think
mcbark meant

you should actually
lick the criminal
with your tongue.

Well, if this isn't
the way to lick
crime, then what is?

Let me go.
Let me go!

There's only one man
who can help us.

[Computer beeping]

Girls:
Hi, Dexter!

Dee Dee: The girls
and I formed
a crime watch squad,

but they're
confused about
how you lick crime,

so I
was wondering...

Say no more.
What you need is...

My underwater lotus,
my moonraker,

my thunderballs,

and my latest,
the teleporter.

[Laughing sinisterly]

Now what?

We find ourselves
a criminal!

But where?

It's crime licking time.

Announcer:G.i.r.l. Squad.

Lee Lee?

Here.

Mee mee?

Here.

Quickly, tie your shoes
and beverage containers...

[Gulping]

Ahh.

To that bumper
so we can tail the Van!

Who-oa!

Together:
What a drag.

Announcer:G.i.r.l. Squad.

Mee mee?

Here. Lee Lee?

Here I am.

Hurry, tie
your shoes
and cans

to his feet
this time

so we
can tail him.

[Laughing sinisterly]

He's getting away!

We'll ring doorbells
in an effort
to warn the neighbors.

Darn kids!

Yes?

Has someone
come to visit?

Guess not.

Then we'll gather evidence
from every house

and bring it to headquarters
until further investigation.

Evidence.

He could be
a cat burglar.

Good job,
g.I.R.L. Squad.

I believe we've gathered
a sufficient amount of evidence.

Now to apprehend
the suspect.

Oh, no, Dee Dee.
Look!

Oh, hi there.
Do come right in.

[Laughing sinisterly]

[Dee Dee screaming]

All right,
where is he?
Where's the k*ller?

Oh, he's out back.

He's found
the g.I.R.L. Headquarters!

And he's trying
to sabotage it.

Let's get him!

Together: G.I.R.L. Squad!

Fluffy?

Fluffy!

Oh, fluffy!

[Sobbing]

Hey, normy,
don't you know me?

My a*t*matic-timed
sprinkler system.

Crowd: Those girls are
neighborhood criminals!

We're not criminals.
He is.

Oh, hello.

Just your friendly
neighborhood gardener
at your service.

[Sniffs]

[Sighs]

[Siren]

[Tires screech]

[Car door slams]

Girls:
Mcbark, the crime hound?

Uh, at this time,
I'd like to thank

all of the neighbors
for their cooperation.

As for
the g.I.R.L. Squad...

[Slurp]

This crime
has been licked.

Captioning made possible by
Turner entertainment group
and U.S. department of education

past
the vaulted door

where impossible
things may happen

that the world's
never seen before.

♪ In Dexter's laboratory

♪ lives the smartest boy
you've ever seen ♪

♪ but Dee Dee

♪ blows his experiments

♪ to
smithereens ♪

♪ there is gloom
and doom ♪

♪ while things
go boom ♪

♪ in Dexter's lab
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