03x06 - A Boy Named Sue/Lab on the Run

[bunniefuu]

[Thunder]

[Evil laughter]

Oh, yeah.

How did I become
so deliciously evil?

Oh, yeah, I remember.

The seeds
of my glorious villainy

were sown
a long, long time ago.

Aah.

It all seems but a faint
and distant revery now.

But as I recall,
the basis of my evil

can be traced back
to my birth.

Back to the tranquil village
in which we lived.

Ah, the tranquil village
of flowertopia,

an idealized world
of peace and Harmony,

a place where man and beast
live side by side,

a place where unity
and goodness prevail,

a place where even the wind
smelt of happiness.

Bleah! It makes me sick
just to think about it!

But there amongst
the fragrant flowers
and radiant landscape,

I became
the firstborn love child

of wind bear and ocean bird.

A.k.a. Mother and father.

That's it,
sweetheart.

Find your center,

breathe,
and release.

Mandark: And with that
last maternal exhalation,

I, mandark,
monarch of darkness,

came to be.

Oh, wind bear,

isn't he just
the most beautiful
creature ever?

Why, he's as groovy
as moon dust,

and as exquisite
as golden starlight.

He's as pure and lovely

as our terrestrial
sphere itself.

With the head to match.

Therefore I, wind bear,
shall bestow unto you

a name beyond
the conforms of society.

And I, ocean bird,
request a name

without preconceived
gender connotations.

A name that's
whispered softly

through
the canyon winds.

You shall
be named...

Susan.

Waah! Waah!

Mandark: And so by some
cruel and twisted cosmic joke,

I, mandark,
crown prince of dark forces,

had been born into a world
of warm-hearted tenderness.

I was the direct
genetic descendant

of gentle, loving,
happy pacifists.

But no amount
of compassion and humanity

could dampen
my true nature within!

[Evil laughter]

As the size
of my colossal cranium
increased,

so did my ever-evolving
evil intellect.

[Evil laughter]

Mandark: And even in my most
infantile state of mind,

I knew there was something else

beyond the peaceful life
my parents provided me.

Then suddenly,

it seemed to have
appeared out of nowhere.

Its icy-cool mechanical casing,

its complex composite
of twisted circuitry,

its tangled web
of expertly engineered
cybernetics.

This object,

with its calculated,
methodically designed
exactness,

this object was a revelation.

It was a part of me.

It was...It was...

Science!

I knew that
if I could only master

this thing called science,

and combine it
with my natural wickedness,

I could control the world!

But my plans
for total global domination

would have to wait,

for it would seem my parents

had a different idea
for my development.

Waah! Waah!

Yes, the days of my infancy
were filled

with one tedious activity
after another.

And all of them
so very, very UN-sciency.

Happy annual name day
celebration!

As the guest
of honor,

Susan gets to wear
the festival wreath.

Oh, how precious!

And I bet I know
who wants some

tofu squares
and rice cakes.

No!!

No more tofu!

No more flowers!

I want meat!

And I want science!!

Oh, wind bear,
whatever are we to do

about our little Susan's
unnatural request

for beef and technology?

Rest easy,
ocean bird.

This is probably
just a stage

he's going through.

Well, perhaps
we have neglected

some of the boy's needs.

Both: Hmmm.

Let's drop out!

Groovy!

Mandark: So we packed up
the incense and herbal teas

and set out to see the world,

in the hope of my parents
that the experience

would squelch my dark desires.

[Coyote howls]

Yes, we traveled the world over,
and then some,

but it made no difference to me.

I still longed to commit

acts of science
in the name of evil.

But trapped in the prison
of mere boyhood,

and forced to endure
every whim of my parents,

I was afraid I was never
going to get the chance.

Eventually our travels
came to an end,

and my parents decided
it was time

to take root once again.

So we settled down
in a nice little community

in a nice little home

in complete nowheresville.

Little did I know
I was about to encounter

the moment that would
alter my life forever.

[Humming]

Yes, that should do it.

And once again,

thanks to my magnificent
and astounding genius,

science can
hold its head up proudly.

Let's turn it on!

Ah! Oh, hey,
what happened?

Hey, what gives?

Hey!

Hey!

Science. Wow.

Wow. Mmm.

Hey, hey, hey.

What is that
that you are
doing there?

Stop that,
stop that.

This here is
very complicated

high-tech scientific
type of stuff

of which you cannot
possibly comprehend.

I love science.

It's just that
my parents, well,

and the moving around,
and the love, and--

yes, yes,

I am sure
your life story

is endlessly
entertaining.

But if you'll
excuse me,

I, Dexter,
boy genius,

have much work
to be doing.

So to you,
I bid adieu.

Good-bye,
little girl.

Oh, I'm not
a little girl.

I'm a little boy,
just like you.

Hmm. What is the name
by which you are called?

Uh, my name is...

Susan.

[Laughing loudly]

Mandark, voice-over:
Oh, that laugh,

that annoying chuckle,
that irritating chortle.

At that moment,
something within me snapped.

And it was as if all the evil

that had been suppressed
inside of me for so many years

had suddenly been unleashed

to every fiber
of my organic structure,

and I could feel the power.

I knew what must be done.

I was going to build
the biggest, most astounding,

most incredibly evil
scientific laboratory ever!

Putting anything
that insignificant Dexter
had ever made to shame!

Voice-over:
But to achieve my goal,
I could no longer be

a long-haired girly-named
boy anymore.

No!

Voice-over: I would assume
a new, evil identity.

And now I only needed
a new name,

a name to match the darkness
that flowed through me,

a name that told of the man
I knew I could be.

I was now--

mandark!

And my sole purpose,

to be the greatest,
most evillest boy genius
scientist

the world has ever known.

And to destroy
Dexter's laboratory!

[Evil laughter]

And today is my day!

The future is now!

[Evil laughter]

Wind bear: Ahem.

Now Susan,
you know
how we feel

about using
implements
of destruction.

My name
is mandark.

No, it's Susan.

Now put that away
and come join

our bonding chant
ritual, Susan.

Yes, mother.

[Sighs]

I'll get you one day, Dexter.

One day.

Ok, let's see how p-
and p- are doing.

[Electronic beeping]

Looking good, guys.

Now for the l- - - .

Hmm. Your productivity
has increased %!

You go, girl.

Ok, next robot for review.

Ah, the q-t- .

Be be be bop.

Be be be be be
zu zu.

Wow, q-t. Much better
than yesterday.

Thank you,
Dexter, sir.

[Glass shatters]

Ooh. What do we have here?

Well, see you later,
q-t. Bye-bye.

Um, Dexter, sir,

I'm really sorry.

[Smash]

[Screaming]

Let's see. Hmm,
who have we got left?

The fast response executing
droid and the m.A.R.- .

Just two more robots to check,
then sleepy d checks into bed.

[Music playing]

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, boy!
Shake it, me.

Shake it! Yeah!

Woo! Yeah!

Yeah! Woo!

Yeah!

Excuse me.

Hello?

Excuse me!

[Music turns off]

Whoa! Hey, what the...?

Who turned off the...?

Oh, hi, cutie.

Why aren't
you two working?

To set the record
straight,

I was. I was working.

No, you were dancing.

See, i--i can tell that
you're the type of guy

that needs some
reassurance

that work
is getting done.

Am I right here?
Yeah, I am.

Let me just start by saying
that Fred and I

have been working
the whole time.

But what happened, you see,

was our tools broke
from being overworked.

So we got this guy
to get us some new tools.

So, in the meantime,
Fred and I

have been on this really
UN-unneeded work break.

[Beeping]

Those must be
your tools.

No, tiny.
Don't you remember

I said tools, not--
not drinks. Tools.

Actually, m.A.R.- ,

you did ask tiny
to bring you a drink,

then you asked me
if I wanted one

and I said yes,

because you know
how parched I get

after I dance.

Well, you two
are stupid.

No, all of you
are stupid.

And if your cute little
attitudes and productivity

do not change
by the time I get back,

you will be
little cubes of steel.

See you guys later.

I'm outta here.

M.a.r.- ?
M.a.r.- , wait up!

[Beeping]

[Crash]

What do you mean
you're out of here?

You think I'm gonna
stick around here

and get turned into
a cube of steel?

Ha ha ha. Right.

You could
try working.

Yeah, good idea,
Fred.

I'll see you
tomorrow morning.

Fred: What the heck
is that crazy thing?

Oh, it's my
escape tunnel, Fred.

My very own darned
escape tunnel.

Where's it go?

It goes to
freedom, Fred.

It goes to america.

In america, the streets
are paved with parties,

and there never is a party
where you can't find m.A.R.-T.

Oh, I have to remember that.

See you later,
Dexter's lavatory.

Pull the chain, pal.

Oh, guys.
It's beautiful.

Oh, you gotta
check this out.

Fred: What?
What is it?

Is it freedom?

What does it
look like?

Well, hold on.
Hold on. Hold on.

Let me see. Let me see.

Oh, whoa!

Freedom looks like a woman.

Move over,
move over. Let me!

Holy moly!

Look at those curves.

Look at those lines.

She has got to be
Italian.

Oh, dear me,
she's hot.

Hubba, hubba, hubba.

Oh, I love you.

[Car alarm sounding]

What the...?

Yeah!
She wants to party!

Quiet!

Ah, that's my car!

Get away from my car!

We're history.

You come back here.

I'm-a calling
the cops.

I'm-a gonna get you so bad.

[Tires screech]

Move it, dum-dum.
Move it!

[Horn honking]

Now i'm-a gonna call
the cop of your butts. Ha ha.

Hello, cops?
You get-a these guys.

Car ?
Calling car .

Yeah, here chief.

Whoa!

[Crash]
[Siren stalling]

[Laughing]

Classic.
Whoa!

[Chattering]

Well, this looks
like a fun crowd.

Whoa, yeah.

Oh ho ho.
Yeah.

Ok. Righty,
righty, righty.

Hey, sweetie.
You wanna dance?

[Glass shatters, silence]

You think I'm a woman?

I think you got
yourself some trouble.

Let's get 'em, boys.

Oh, ha ha ha.

You know, it looks like

there has been some
miscommunication here.

Just like you guys,
you see, I'm a biker.

I'm also a comedian,

and that's why
it's funny, you see,

that I called you a girl,

because it is so obvious
that you're not.

That was not
a funny joke, m.A.R.- .

Thank you, Fred.

Listen, I am with you guys,
down with the man, I say.

Let's just ride our bikes
into the night.

What do you say,
fellas? Huh?

Freedom blowing through hair,

the excitement of maybe
a coyote,

or hey, a rabbit--

stealing our food
as we sing by the campfire.

Whoa. You are a big boy,
aren't you?

Could I borrow this
for just a second?

Thank you.

Yes, gentlemen, it's true.

I do play the guitar.

And as exciting as that
may sound to you,

there is one thing
more exciting.

And that is--

♪ riding down the highway

♪ wind blowing
through my hair ♪

Fred:
♪ man, we'll put
our shades on ♪

♪ the sun could
give a glare ♪

♪ the sun could
give a glare ♪

Come on, harmonize.

♪ The sun could give a glare

all righty, now that
I've wet your whistle,
so to speak,

with that musical interlude
I just gave you,

and I know you're
kind of excited about that,

so, what I really think
we should do

is find the energy trapped
down deep inside those
leather chaps of yours

and get this party going.

So, why don't we all
just stand up--

that's it, stand up.
Stand up.

Oh, now you in the back,

I see you all sad
and scared and timid.

"Oh, what will
my friends think?"

Stand up!

It's gonna be ok.
Everyone's gonna like you.

Everyone's gonna like me.

We're all going to have
a really good time,

but what I'd like you to do
is follow what I say,

and the band behind me,
follow what I'm gonna do,

and we're gonna have
a really good time. So...

♪ Put your wrists in the air

♪ rev around like you
just don't care ♪

♪ swing your hips
like you do when you jog ♪

♪ now look at y'all

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ yeah

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ you're riding that hog,
get it, Fred ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ oh, yes

♪ ride on down the highway

♪ you're riding that hog

where the heck
are my robots?

♪ Oh, ho, ho

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ ride that hog

♪ oh, oh, oh

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ smoking

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ I can't get off,
I hear sirens ♪

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ yeah, just can't stop

Dexter: Ooh,
there you are!

Where have you been?

I've been worried sick.

Get inside of
this robot right now!

But...
But...

No buts!

Say good-bye to
your little friends

and get in here
this instant!

Well, we gotta
go now.

Yeah, bye, guys.

[Jeering]

You are in so much trouble
when we get home...

Well, you know,
we wouldn't have left

if you weren't
such a sl*ve driver.

Oh, you could be right.

I know, you guys only
have to work hours a day,

but twice as hard.

Yeah!
Yeah!

I can live with that.

Fred: Ooh,
can I drive?

Dexter: Get your hands
off the controls.


♪ you're riding that hog

♪ yeah

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ you're riding that hog,
get it, Fred ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ oh, yes

♪ ride on down the highway

♪ oh, oh, oh

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ you got it, you got it,
you got it ♪

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ oh, yes

♪ oh, oh, oh

♪ you're riding that hog

♪ what I say