03x03 - Cup-Staged

[bunniefuu]

[imitating plane engine]

♪ Come with me to the Inkwell Isles
It's just off the coast, maybe miles ♪

♪ Where there's good and there's bad
And then there's in-between ♪

♪ With Cuphead and Mugman
You'll see what I mean ♪

♪ Ice cream and rockets
Trouble never ends ♪

♪ Watch these ding-dongs
As they make new friends ♪

♪ They'll need some help
Just to stay on track ♪

♪ Oh no, there's that guy!
You better watch your back! ♪

-♪ So if you're looking for fun ♪
-♪ Yes, we're looking for fun ♪

-♪ And a dash of heebie-jeebies ♪
-♪ We've got the heebie-jeebies ♪

♪ Pack your bags and let's go
Welcome to The Cuphead Show! ♪

♪ Welcome to The Cuphead Show! ♪

[plays mellow coda]

[fanfare plays]

[singing "La donna è mobile"]

[holding final note]

[one spectator applauds]

-Bravo! Encore!
-[spectators snoring]

Yes! That's my boss!

[snorts] Huh? Mmm.

[resumes snoring]

[shudders]

Wha…? Don't any of you
appreciate the theater?

I appreciated the nap. [laughing]

I am tired of being unappreciated
by you cultural numbskulls.

I hope you all enjoyed yourselves,
because today's performance

shall be my last.

[strings play melodramatic tune]

Oh!

Hmph.

[grunts]

Hmph.

[groans]

Surely someone somewhere
must appreciate what I have to offer.

I deserve an audience.
I deserve to be adored.

Ugh!

"Cup Rogers vs. The Meteor.
A New Space Opera."

"Auditions open!"

[gasps, yelps]

This is my big break. I'll be a star!

Cup Rogers is the role…

I was born to play!

That's right, Cuphead. Today's the day.

The first stop on the road
to Mugman's stage debut!

Oh yeah? What about your stage fright?

Oh, I have a little trick for that.

-[doors slam open]
-Ooh! It's time.

Ah. Just look at these amateurs, Henchman.

-That lead role is mine.
-[banging on door]

-[suspenseful music plays]
-[banging continues]

[snarling]

[all gasp]

[growling and snarling]

-[cackles]
-[crowd] Oh!

That is Sally Stageplay?
What on earth is wrong with her?

She's got rabies!

[snarling] Yes! Yes!

[normal voice] No!

[crowd gasps]

[chuckling and murmuring]

Then why are you foaming at the mouth?

Why?

Because… acting!

[all] Ooh!

Welcome to the theater!

[crowd applauds, cheers]

Wait. So acting is just lying?

Wow! Turns out
I've been acting my whole life.

I should get in on this.

I, Sally Stageplay,

your brave, fearless, humble director,

have gathered you here to cast
the theatrical masterpiece that is

Cup Rogers vs. The Meteor!

First up, Cup Rogers.

[both] That's the part I want!

And the role of the evil Catman.

[yowls]

I don't want that part.

Uh, but what if you don't get
Cup Rogers, boss?

[groans] Henchman, the way to get
the audience to adore you

is to play the hero.

And I need to be adored!

Uh, I adore ya, boss.

Not you.

Strangers.

Now, the character of Cup Rogers…

He's brave, relentless,
and kicks bad guy butt!

-A hero down to the very marrow!
-[wind blows]

-To the very marrow.
-Huh? What was that? What?

He jumps through flaming hoops!

Flaming hoops?

-Dodges death at every turn!
-Dodges death?

And last, but certainly not least,

he flies with a jetpack.

-[squeals]
-[teeth chattering]

Cup Rogers is the most daring role
in the history of the stage.

[Cuphead] Oh!

Well, that settles it.
Cup Rogers is the role I was born to play!

[gasps, sighs]

This was supposed to be my thing.

[performing vocal warm-up]

[Cuphead] Pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew!

-Some kind of brother you are.
-Some kind of actor you are.

Not even up for
a little friendly competition?

-Pew, pew! Pew, pew, pew!
-Hey! My script!

Not so fast, Catman.

-Not so fast, Catma--
-Pew, pew! Pew, pew--

[groans]

[both] You! What are you doing here?

Ugh. Gonna be curtain boy or something?

[scoffs] You're looking at
the next Cup Rogers.

[chortles]

Cup Rogers is my role.

Nope, it's mine.

-Mine!
-Mine!

-Mine!
-Mine!

Would you two stop it?

Okay. It's obvious all three of us
wanna play Cup Rogers.

But only one of us can.

So let's keep it professional,
and may the best actor win.

Agreed?

Good.

[both] You're going down.

[Sally] Let the auditions begin!

-[piano plays "Flight of the Bumblebee"]
-Ha!

Ha!

Hm!

[pitcher shatters]

Hup, hup, hup, hup.

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup.

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup.

Hup, hup, hup, hup, hup, hup.

-[music stops]
-[shouts] Next!

It's showtime.

[drum roll]

[jazz plays]

Whoa! Oh no! Whoa!

-[crashes]
-[clattering]

Whoopsies.

[shouts] Next!

[Devil] Stupid cup.

Great. Now we're both out of the running.

Eh, I ain't too worried about Mugman.

He's got… [whispers] …stage fright.

[Mugman] That may be true.

But, if you recall,
I have a little trick for that.

Hmph!

[both] A trick?

Friends, Romans, countrymen,
lend me your ears.

I have come but to bury Caesar,
not to praise him.

He is… perfect!

So let it be with Caesar…

A blindfold? That's his big trick?

We'll never get the part now.

Well, if we can't be Cup Rogers…

Then no one can.

[Mugman] …for Brutus is an honorable man.

…my friend, faithful and just.

Ha! Oh!

Ha!

Bravo!

Ah, thank you. Did I get the part?

-[Devil grunts]
-[groans] Ouch.

That is it!

[grunting]

You three are an insult to acting
and an abomination to the theater.

[fanfare plays]

[applause]

[piano plays mysterious music]

Do not fear.
Cup Rogers shall save the day.

[piano plays upbeat tune]

Not so fast, evil Catman.

[chuckles]

[Catman voice] Nice try, Cup Rogers,
but you are too late.

I've already launched my meteor.

[spectator coughs]

[normal voice] I said…

[Catman voice] …I've already launched
my meteor!

Ugh.

[audience gasps, applauds]

[chortles] So amazing!

What a genius!

[gasps] Oh.

The strangers, they adore me.

Nice work, curtain boy.

That's curtain boy understudy.

I had to fill in last minute
for the, uh, actual curtain boy.

Don't tell me he has stage fright.

He's not even onstage.

What? You never heard of backstage fright?

[comedic sting plays]

[closing theme music plays]