03x05 - Holiday Tree-dition

[bunniefuu]

[imitating plane engine]

♪ Come with me to the Inkwell Isles
It's just off the coast, maybe miles ♪

♪ Where there's good and there's bad
And then there's in-between ♪

♪ With Cuphead and Mugman
You'll see what I mean ♪

♪ Ice cream and rockets
Trouble never ends ♪

♪ Watch these ding-dongs
As they make new friends ♪

♪ They'll need some help
Just to stay on track ♪

♪ Oh no, there's that guy!
You better watch your back! ♪

-♪ So if you're looking for fun ♪
-♪ Yes, we're looking for fun ♪

-♪ And a dash of heebie-jeebies ♪
-♪ We've got the heebie-jeebies ♪

♪ Pack your bags and let's go
Welcome to The Cuphead Show! ♪

♪ Welcome to The Cuphead Show! ♪

[plays mellow coda]

[holiday music plays]

♪ When I think of Christmastime
This is what I know ♪

♪ It's all about tradition
Stockings, gifts, and snow ♪

♪ But nothing else says Christmas
So very clear to me ♪

♪ It just quite isn't Christmas ♪

♪ Without a big ol' Christmas tree ♪

♪ O Christmas tree, Christmas tree ♪

♪ Shining oh so bright ♪

♪ Plug you in and watch you glow ♪

♪ Adorned with colored lights ♪

-♪ O Christmas tree, Christmas tree ♪
-♪ Ho-ho! ♪

-♪ We shout it out with glee ♪
-♪ Hee-hee ♪

♪ It just quite isn't Christmas
Without a big ol' Christmas tree ♪

-Whoo!
-[door slams]

-Hey!
-Hey!

Yes, boys?

Elder Kettle, aren't you coming?

No, boys. No, I'm not.

I've done the tree all these years,

but now keeping the tradition alive
is up to you.

[both gasp]

You two head down
to Porkrind's and pick out a tree.

He'll ask for ten,
but don't offer more than five.

Given half a chance, old Porkbutt
will take you for all you've got.

But, if you stick to your g*ns,

you might even come home
with change in your pocket.

It's very important that you come home
with change in your pocket.

Then you get to haul
the tree home and decorate it.

Sounds like a lot of work.

Yep. Merry Christmas!

[Mugman] Elder Kettle, wait!

How will we know what tree to pick?

When you find the perfect tree,
you'll know.

[spout squeaks]

[door slams]

But what does that even mean?

I don't know.

[nose squeaks]

Ten bucks, folks.
All my trees are ten bucks.

Tree dies before Christmas?
Not my problem.

Find a squirrel in it? Not my problem.

Ten bucks.

Merry Christmas, Porkrind.

-Whatever.
-[cash register dings]

Nice trees you got there, Porkrind.
How much ya askin'?

Ten bucks.

I'll give ya five. Firm.

Price this year is ten bucks.

Price last year was ten bucks.

Price next year? Ten bucks.

[chuckles coolly]

Uh, listen, Porkrind.
How about I give you a crisp five,

you give me a tree, and then
me and the kid get out of your hair.

I'm the kid!

What do you say, Porkrind?
Let's close it up at five.

Ten.

Okay, okay. Six.

[snorts]

You're doing great!

Seven! I'll give you seven bucks!

Did you say ten?

Eight?

Tell you what, here's my final offer.

Fifteen.

Fifteen?! What happened to ten?

Fifteen now.

You've got a lot of nerve, Porkrind!

[man] I'll go fifteen.

Sold to the lucky light bulb.

Oh boy.

What's the big idea?

All your trees cost
ten bucks not ten seconds ago!

Welp, if you wanted a ten-dollar tree,

you should have bought one
ten seconds ago.

Please be gentle.

[glass shatters]

[both] But, Porkrind!

Save it. That was my last tree.

Yep, better luck next year.

[door slams]

No tree? But no tree, no presents!

No presents?

[weeping]

[both wailing]

You know, you could cut down
your own tree.

But we don't have an a*.

You could have this one.

[both gasp] Really?

For ten bucks.

[trombone plays sad sting]

Whoa! [Mugman laughs]

Whoa! [laughs]

Whoa! [laughs]

Whoa! [laughs]

Whoa! [laughs]

Whoa! [laughs]

Whoa! [laughs]

We're gonna find the best tree out here.

Kettle's gonna be blown away.

["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" plays]

Too short.

Too tall.

[Mugman] Too fat.

Too sparse.

Too weird.

Too desperate.

Ugh.

-We'll never find the perfect tree.
-[strings play melodramatic tune]

-[shoes screech]
-[Mugman gasps]

[Handel's "Messiah" playing]

The perfect tree!

-Well, time to get choppin'.
-Hand me the a*.

-But I'm clearly--
-Clearly what? Give me the a*!

[both grunting]

Let go!

[continue grunting]

[both groan]

Hey, we did it!

Kettle's gonna love it!

Oh, it's so beautiful,

all bathed in the warm spirit
of the holiday season.

Yeah, even as it rockets down that hill.

Wait. What?

["Messiah" plays, stops]

["Messiah" plays, stops]

["Messiah" plays, stops]

-[lively holiday music plays]
-[both yell]

[groans]

[groans]

Where's the tree?

I don't know!

[both yell]

[both] Whoa!

[bears snoring]

[bears roaring]

-[blows landing]
-[Cuphead and Mugman screaming]

[lively holiday music resumes]

[both groan]

[both panting]

[chuckles] Wow!
Those bears were really mad.

Yeah. And we barely escaped
with our lives.

-Get it?
-[saws whirring]

-What?
-I said--

-[shouts] What?!
-[shouts] What?!

[shouts] I can't hear you
on account of all these buzz saws!

[both scream]

[cackles]

[both scream]

-[saws whirring]
-[wood cracking]

-[spits]
-[both scream]

[both] Ow.

-[lively holiday music resumes]
-[both screaming]

Our tree! It's all m*nled!

This can't possibly get any worse!

Uh… Wanna bet?

[both screaming]

What in Sam Hill is taking those boys so--

[screams]

[crashes, clatters]

Boys?

[groans]

[gasps]

Now then, I think you boys
should do the honors.

[all gasp]

-[electricity crackles]
-[boys gasp]

[boys wailing]

We ruined Christmas!

We ruined the tradition!

[both] We ruined everything!

[boys continue wailing]

Now, now. The tradition isn't
just about the tree.

It's not?

No. It's about being together,
doing things as a family.

As long as you boys are here,

whatever tree we've got is just perfect.

Even if it is burnt to a crisp.

♪ O Christmas Tree, Christmas Tree
We shout it out with glee ♪

♪ It just quite isn't Christmas ♪

♪ Without a big ol' Christmas tree! ♪

[closing theme music plays]