02x07 - To Sir with Ed/Key to My Ed

[bunniefuu]

Yeah!

[Dog barking]

[Humming]

Eddy, you're such a dog.

[Imitates jimmy] I want to
grow up to be just like jimmy!

Jimmy! Yeah, right!

Ha ha ha ha!

Hey, mom, is it dinner yet?

Hey, mooom!

Anybody home?

[Echo] home... Home...
I'm all by myself!

Aah!

[Ringing]

Huh?

[Ring]

Cool bone, double-d!

[Ring] hmm...

Ed, can you please
answer the phone?

Chain me, double-d!

Arf! Arf!

For all our sakes,

Let's hope you're
housebroken, ed.

Double-d's room.
Double-d speaking.

Eddy: hi, double-d. What's up?

Hello, eddy.

Just revisiting my files,

Dillydallying with
alphanumeric categorization.

Thrilling. Yeah, uh, listen,

Why don't you guys come on over?

Gosh, eddy.

A tad late, don't you think?

I mean, ed was
finally going to...

Please let go of my leg, ed.

Oh, look!

There's a huge spumoni
snake crawling under my bed!

Help me!

[Choking noise]

[Doorbell rings]

Bingo!

Hey, guys, what took you?

Sorry I'm late, eddy.

I guess your mom and
dad already went out.

Poor eddy.

I'll just get your
dinner started, ok?

The snake! Where's the snake?

Be gentle with it, ed.

[Knock knock]

Hi, eddy.

[Crash]

Eddy seems a little groggy.

The snake bit eddy!

I must extract the venom

Before it spreads
through his veins!

Like in the movies.

[Slurping]

Huh?

Eew! What are you, ed?

[Rummaging in kitchen]

Quick, come here, quiet.

[Humming]

Look who's grating
cheese in my kitchen!

So... Dinner at :,
and in bed by :.

Easy.

[Whimpers]

Quite a pickle.

What may I ask is nazz
doing in your home?

What do I know?

She just swaggered in and
started making me dinner!

Culinary delights?

Eddy, you don't suppose
that this could be a...

Date?

Of course! A date!

[Thud]

Nazz finally gave in
to eddy boy's charm.

I got a date with nazz.

I've read about
these encounters.

Its maneuvers are quite tricky.

At least, that's what I've read.

No time for kid games, double-d.

I have to go get
ready for my date.

With nazz.

Aww... It says a date begins

With witty and
humorous conversation

In order to discover
compatibility.

In your dreams!

My brother told me that chicks
are wild about only one thing:

Cash.

Edd: that's so
superficial, eddy.

Females admire more
meaningful things.

Like sincerity, respect,
and good grooming.

And potato chips!

Do I look like bucks or what?

"Or what" is a good question.

But I feel the
pipe is a bit much.

Yeah, you're right.

It'll distract her from
my devilish good looks.

Eddy, may I suggest
writing nazz a poem?

An ode comparing her eyes
to bottomless pools of beauty!

Or a sonnet detailing your boundless
admiration of her personal hygiene!

Haircut?

You guys are clueless.

Everyone knows I've
got that old black magic.

Supper's ready, eddy.

Wha?

Eddy: you guys got to help me!

What is wrong, eddy?

Nazz scares me. The date's off!

Forget it. I ain't moving!

[Ding ding]

Hope you're hungry, eddy.

It's my fave.

Huh?

Aah!

No dressers at the table, eddy.

You're so funny.

Psst!

You heard her, eddy. We
have to lose the dresser.

Ed: I will close my eyes.

Help me!

"A" is for helping,
which comes from a tree.

Uh-oh.

"B" is for lifting edd and eddy.

"C" is for grapefruit,
which I don't like one bit.

Except with cranberry
relish and a sprig of...

Ed: she's coming back!

I hope you like my
macaroni and cheese.

I made it especially for you.

Why doesn't he say something?

Psst! Eddy...

Compliment nazz on her cooking.

Go on... Say it!

Uh... [Gibberish]

Hmm?

[Giggles]

Oh, dear! A faux pas!

Why-may m-ne, I say, edd.

Hmm?

Cool!

Weird.

Remember your
manners, ed. Be confident.

Small fork, then napkin.

Pause, then chew, then napkin.

Hmm?

Eddy, look at
you! You're a mess!

[Nervous giggle]

[Giggles]

I think it's time
someone had a bath.

[Doorbell rings]

Huh?

I'll get it while you get ready.

Bath time for eddy!

Look at that macaroni
behind your ears, mister.

I'm ready to embrace a
stalemate, gentlemen.

Rolf: good day,
mrs. Eddy's mother.

We represent the urban rangers.

As you can see, we are
proud to offer you...

A block of ice!

Yes, it's unbelievable.

Let us demonstrate its uses.

Huh?

Hi, rolf.

Hmm.

Ranger jonny, bring me the map.

You claim this
is eddy's house...

Yet I see go-go nazz
girl at the door.

No badge for you!

Kevin: hey, rolf... Can
I be an urban loser?

Ha ha!

Why do you mock
us at every turn?

Hi, kevin!

Whoa! Hey, nazz.

What are you doing at eddy's?

I'm baby-sitting while
his parents are out.

No way!

Where is the little dork?

Edd: just a slight adjustment...

And your bath awaits.

Get over it, double-d.

But eddy, nazz
expects... But nothing!

I ain't getting in the bath!

I'll let you borrow my loofah.

You actually carry around a...

Nazz: I hope you're in
that tub, young man.

Oh, dear... She sounds annoyed.

Please, eddy, immerse yourself.

Nope.

Excuse me, but is that a word?

Eddy, don't forget the
foundations of courtship.

Need a bath!

Date!

At least I can get one!

[Gasp]

Touche, eddy.

But I have an ace up my sleeve.

[Snap]

[Grunt]

Skip to my lou, my darling.

Eddy: hey, what are
you doing? Stop that!

Whoa, ed! No!

Ed: and this little
piggy went home.

I left your clothes
on the counter.

Good luck.

Don't forget to write!

This is going just like
my brother said it would.

Rolf: look, learn, and
be amazed, kevin boy.

Only in the urban rangers will
you learn the craft of ice sculpture.

Behold! A chicken!

Ooh, a chicken!

Stop! Do not touch the ice fowl!

I l-l-love ch-ch-chickens.

I'm going to put on some tunes.

I'd better check on eddy.

Oh, dear... She's
skipping a chapter.

Mood music! I'd
better... Nazz: eddy!

How you doing up there?

Fine! Fine! I'm ok.

[Footsteps]

Wait... She's coming up.

I'm naked!

My clothes!

[Grunting]

Aah!

Just one minute!

Eddy, look!

Rolf made a chicken!

Ed?

Aah!

Anyway, i... Aah! Aah! Aah!

[Moaning]

Chicken head!

Oh!

What's everybody
doing in my house?

This is not cool!

Bedtime now, mister!

Bedtime?

You have to do what I say.

That's what your
parents hired me for.

My parents hired you to date me?

Date? They hired me
to baby-sit you, dude.

Baby-sit? Baby-sit?

Dorky thought he
had a date with nazz!

[Laughing]

Is rolf's nana next?

[Laughing]

Boy, eddy, I would
be so embarrassed.

Aaaah!

Ah, yes, good.

Rolf's thirst is only comparable

To the dryness of
papa's chafed elbow.

Cluck cluck cluck!

[Rock and roll playing]

Has anybody seen my egg?

[Sounds of partying]

Grrr!

Grrr!

Yo, nazz!

Can I crank these tunes or what?

I figure I'd better
ask the baby-sitter.

Ha ha ha ha!

Sure, hang on.

Let me just close eddy's door.

Yeeeow!

We have woken the baby!

Ok, back to bed, m-m-mister!

Augh!

Open the door! I'm stuck!

You're right. It's
probably a gas bubble.

Spillage emergency!

Huh?

Baby made a mess.

Eddy: open the door, ed!

[Bubbling]

Hmm...

What are you? Some kind
of troll or something?

Eddy, turn out that light!

This mixture is very sensitive.

Thank you, eddy.

By multiplying the isolated
bubble of carbon gas,

I've invented a soda that
will never lose its fizz.

Yummy!

Give me a taste, will you?

I love pop!

No, wait, eddy!

Like a sponge, thirsty I am!

You don't understand!

I haven't tested its stability!

It remains unpredictable!

[Burp]

Was predictable. Ed, you pig!

Freeze, mister!

Don't make any sudden movements.

Just the slightest
twitch may set off

The mixture's volatile nature.

And we wouldn't
want that to happen,

Now would we?

Ha ha ha ha!

Quit it, eddy!

Stop!

Halt! Abstain!

Desist!

Enough already!

Don't have a bird, double-d.

[Rumbling]

Gassy!

You got to blink sometime,

You rascal, you!

Gesundheit!

Aah! Oh! Oof!

Hey, funnel-face!

Double-d said don't move!

Did I go somewhere?

Nah. Just rest that
empty little head, ed.

Edd: look! I found a key!

Keys have quite a history of
unlocking the mysteries of time.

Why, just think how
tangled one's life becomes

By losing something
as primitive as a key.

Poor soul.

Let me see that key, double-d.

I bet that key unlocks
big gates of molten lava,

Releasing the demons
from a box of oat bread

On the shelf of a
mutant truck stop!

Oh, ed... Go get the key!

Table for two!

[Giggles]

I be this key could
open king tut's tomb!

Or al capone's wallet!

Or some exploited cartoon
character theme park!

It's ours for the picking, boys!

Pardon my english,
but get real, eddy!

I suggest we return the
key to its rightful owner.

Of course you do!

It's the key to the
oyster, double-d!

Let's find the pearl!

Why, thank you, ed.

Does al capone's wallet
have pictures, eddy?

Lovable oaf.

I hope this sand doesn't
get in my loafers.

Hey!

Honest, mister, I'm just a kid!

I'm broke!

Hold still, squirt! I
need to see something!

Eddy!

Mmm! Aah!

For pete's sake,
eddy... Jimmy's retainer?

Too tight! Too tight!

Sarah!

This key's useless.

Oh, I know!

Let me try, eddy!

[Cow moos]

Here we go!

[Moo]

Tricky.

I think ed's on to something.

Don't you, eddy?

Come on, eddy.

Someone is really
missing this key.

Ha ha!

Eddy: it's a key!

It's supposed to open something!

That's right, eddy...

Something dear and personal,

Like a box of photographs.

Or a diary with pages
of truth and duration.

Or as simple as
a locket of love.

It's our responsibility to see this
key returns to its forsaken owner

So life can...

Mortified? Yes.

But I won't let myself fall prey

To such shallow emotion.

Not now.

There's a fellow
human crying for help,

Trying to mend the
unraveled ball of yarn

Handed to them.

Maybe that's the kind
wish to live in, eddy...

Where the unyielding
and the indifferent

Supersede the benevolent.

I say... Shut up, double-d!

Ed, you understand
anything double-d said?

Pass the mustard.

There's no need to
raise your voice, eddy.

You're right, double-d.

I'm sorry.

Apology accepted, eddy.

Ed, eddy's made a very
important first step, and...

Eddy!

My foot apologizes,
too, double-d!

Careful, as the dogs have had
their way with that water pump.

Did you see that case?

I bet this key is for that case!

So I feel mankind
should reassess

Its position on the darwin graph

Before total social abandonment.

[Grunt]

You need to eat more fiber,

Head-and-sock ed boy.

Hmm?

You want to see, yes?

Um... Yeah, sure, rolf.

It has been passed
down many generations.

Behold! It's a whatchamacallit.

Not even close, square-peg-in-
round-hole ed boy.

A kazoo!

No. The accordion, yes?

[Playing polka]

I'm out of here!

Polka time!

♪ You're too fat for me ♪

♪ I'm too fat for you ♪

What? No flowers?

♪ You're too fat for me

Everybody now!

Hmm?

Ed... Boys?

Ha ha!

This key's got to
open something!

Eddy, let's return the
key to whomever lost it.

Then we'll know what it opens.

What? And ruin all
this frustration?

Think of it, eddy.
There may be a reward.

Huh? Huh?

Like cash?

Booty, eddy.

Hee hee hee!

I wish I had a turtle shell.

Follow my lead.

[Whispering]

[Camera clicking]

Jimmy: the fall collection
screams, "color me bright".

At the house of sarah's design.

Yes, well, I'm
tired of this, jimmy.

Don't stop now. You're famous.

I am?

My eye!

Who's the wise guy?

It's a note.

Huh?

"We have what you lost..."

"If you want it back,

Be in the lane at :..."

"And bring a bag
of jawbreakers."

Swindlers!

Holding the key for ransom
isn't what I had in mind, eddy!

Got that right. It's better!

Oof!

What's with jonny?

Must be :.

Jonny always naps at :.

Isn't jonny scared the
vultures will get him?

The guy's a hazard.

Come on, we're wasting time.

Ed!

Aw, he's drooling.

Ha! It's kevin!

This must be the
key to his bike lock!

Rolf: so! It is you!

Rolf?

You have broken the trust

Of a solemn shepherd!

Me? Get over it!

You blew it, man!

Confess to your crimes,
stale end piece of white bread!

Return my eggplant cups!

Look who's talking!

It's an international incident.

Cough up my headphones!

Sarah: hey!

Who's the one that
took jimmy's shampoo?

Whose bright idea was this?

Jimmy: wait a minute.

[Sniff sniff]

What are you doing?

Your hair smells
suspiciously herbal fresh.

Use it or lose it, missy.

Holy mackerel!

[Shouting]

What the heck are they doing?

Hey, hey, hey!

I'm the one with the key!

Who cares about that stupid key?

Rolf: toe jam!

Well, eddy,

It seems your key
did open one thing:

The paranoia and hostility

Festering beneath the surface

Of our formerly calm cul-de-sac.

Do you ever turn off?

It's a curse, I'm afraid.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Kankers.

A neighborhood rumble,
and we weren't invited!

Aah!

Hi, eddy. Want to fight?

[Nervous laugh]

Hey! What you got back there?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Nothing, see?

Give him the lip-lock, lee.

Take your best sh*t!

Eddy!

[Pant pant]

Does this guy sleep
through the whole show?

Look what they're doing
to poor, defenseless ed!

I knew him well.

Aah! Augh! Ugh!

Cough it up, ed.

This boy's got a big appetite.

It's a key, lee!

My key!

[Yawn]

Hey, kankers!

Trade ya!

Heads up!

I got the key!

Get this thing off me!

Look at the size of his head!

Move it, marie!

Yeah, yeah, quit
flapping your yap!

Yuck!

Gross!

Is it real?

[Grunt]

Thank you, ed!

[Shouting]

Open the door, double-d!

This is my favorite part.

[Giggling]

Edd: it's locked!

Come on, will you?

It's locked, I tell you!

Out of my way,
you're doing it wrong!

[Grunt]

Ed, your door's locked!

Get the door, ed!

No problem, I have a key.

I think it fell out of
this hole in my pants.

Huh?

Ed! You idiot! Key!

Have we got plans for you!

[Giggling]

May: you're such a slug, marie.

You boys are in for
the ride of your lives.

A naked foot?

I'm too young! And handsome!

Ready, girls?

You wouldn't dare!

Don't even feel!

Have mercy!

No!

Footsies! Footsies!

Aah! Aah!

Clammy.

Ed, edd, and eddy!

Yeah!