02x11 - Ed in a Half Shell/Mirror, Mirror, on the Ed

[bunniefuu]

Yeah!

[Boy laughing]

This is so embarrassing.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hee hee!

Huh, what'cha figure, kev?

Gerbil for a day...

Cents for seconds,

And we'll throw in
this free salt lick.

Limited quantity,
better move fast.

Let's check it out.

Watch it! Those sweaty
hands might leave prints.

Kev: no problem.

Ha ha ha!

You dorks get lamer every day.

Hmm hmm huh huh huh!

Kevin's right, eddy.

This is quite possibly your
most preposterous plan ever!

[Crash] ouch!

I don't see you coming
up with anything, da vinci!

Cheep cheep cheep
cheep cheep! Feed me.

[Together] hmm?

[Liquid flowing]

The probability of anyone falling for
this lackluster stunt is to none, eddy.

All right, already! What a nag!

[Whimper] aah!

[Grrrrr]

Ed!

What did I do?

It wasn't me, sarah, honest!

Oh, cheep cheep
cheep cheep! Uh-oh!

Owwww!

Quit roughing up my gerbil,

I'm trying to run
a busin... Ooof!

I have a ballet lesson today

And jimmy needs
someone to play with.

And ed's jimmy's new playmate.

Can we talk?

Get off me, stupid!
Take a hike, sarah!

You're not dumping
the twerp on us!

[Gibberish]

♪ Oh, ed...

Uh, yes, o obnoxious
little sister of mine?

See what I got?

That is my / scale orbital planet
retractor number model rocket!

Take care of jimmy,

Or I'll pulverize
your stupid model!

Have mercy depraved sibling!

I will take care
of jimmy, honest.

Good.

Jimmy: aunt sarah, I beg of you,

Don't leave me in
this den of lions.

Don't worry, jimmy,

If these nimrods
give you any trouble,

Just blow this whistle.

Really?

Have a good day, rotten
to the core cherished one.

Aaaaah!

Eddy: this kid's gonna
cramp our style. Look at him.

Perhaps jimmy would
like to play some games?

Huh, games?

There we go.

Games teach children confidence
and endorse socialization skills

Necessary for human interaction.

I know a game we can play.

Eddy, wait, stop!

Dodge ball has no
educational value whatsoever.

What are you talking about?

It builds character.

Puts hair on your chest.

Hairy chests are so neanderthal.

Dodge ball is fun, jimmy.

Just keep your eye on the...

Aah, ball of pain.

Ha ha ha! You're out, monobrow.

Who's next, jimmy or double-d?

Hey! Where did sockhead go?

Double-d.

Edd: eddy, wait. I-i have a
history with this game. I...

What's that?

I see flashes, eddy,
deep rooted images,

Like tentacles, strangulating
every rational nerve.

Oh, I'm reliving it, eddy!

But it's got your
face on it, double d.

Listen to me, eddy.

Eddy?!

It's gym class all over again!

[Sobbing]

Edd: yaaaah!

[High-pitched wail]

Aaaaaah!

[Angrily] ohh!

Eddy: get over it, shakespeare.

I'm bored. I want a turn.

No way! It's still my turn.

I'm telling sarah.

Ed: wait, jimmy!

Sarah's bad for ed.

Don't hog the ball, eddy.

Let jimmy have a turn.

Goody!

[Eddy groans]

What the...

Static electricity can be
quite humbling, can't it, eddy?

Oh, ed... That's much
too far for jimmy.

A little closer, if you will?

Okey-dokey, double-d.

Here we go, jimmy,

Your turn to hurt eddy.

Oh, this guy's gonna m*rder me!

Somebody please save me!

Aha ha ha ha ha ha!

Yeah, right! Aha
ha ha ha... [Thud]

Got him!

[Laughing]

Good sh*t, jimmy!

I'm the toast of the town!

Ahh, look at them, eddy.

It's pathetic!

Wheeeee!

Whoa!

Ow!

Hey, mister.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Jimmy and ed seem to have
developed a brotherly bond.

Jimmy and ed: rub your head,

Rub your head, rub your head.

Interesting.

Why's jimmy acting like ed?

Edd: well, eddy, like brothers,

The younger, more naive sibling

Tends to mimic and learn
from the older brother,

A mirror image in some cases.

Mirror image?

One exactly like the other?

Like peas in a pod?

Humps on a camel?

A dynamic duo?

A pair of underwear?

A pair of underwear
is one item, eddy.

Same thing!

I, eddy, will take jimmy
and teach him to be

The best prime cut of
meat there is, just like me.

Ha ha ha!

Enough b*ating
around the bush, jimmy.

I think you're ready
for the final lesson.

Let's talk cash.

Edd: theatrics do not
forge good learning skills.

Hey, do you mind,

Mr. I-know-everything-
about-nothing?

Shush.

Where was i?

Oh, yeah!

Cash!

Always remember,

If you have a lot of cash,

You get to spend a
lot of time with me.

But how do I get
more cash, uncle eddy?

[Loving sigh]

You're such a nosy, little tyke.

Come with uncle eddy.

Hurry, ed!

Shush! My yeast is rising.

Nut loaf, ed?

See the kids, jimmy?

No, uncle eddy.

Eddy: they're called pigeons,

And pigeons have lots of cash.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

Pennies from heaven, uncle eddy.

They grow up so fast.

Edd: eddy, shame on you!

You set jimmy...
Ed: shush-a, shush.

You set jimmy's
expectations too high.

He's bound to fail.

Ok, maybe I was a little tough,

But that's how my
brother taught me.

The only way to get it
right is to get it wrong.

Boy: whoa, look out!

Second boy: kevin is
good at wienering.

That's hot-dogging, rolf.

[Ding]

Time's up, kevin.

That couldn't have been
more than seconds.

Take it to the back
of the line, bub.

All right, people,
cough up the dough.

How come we
didn't think of that?

Seems the student has
surpassed the master.

But better!

You got seconds, rolfie-boy.

Has anyone ever told you

Your hair resembles
the backside of a chicken?

You're a chip off
the old block, junior.

Well done, jimmy.

Tell me about the design.

The bouncing mat with
some old, worn bedsheets

Sewn together with synthetic
hair of broken dollies.

I would never have
thought of that.

Of course you wouldn't!

Well... Come here
for a second, junior.

Time to give credit
where credit is due.

Nothing big. % Will do.

What are you giving me?

My cut of the cash.

Ha! Hit the road!

You thankless little...
If it wasn't for me,

You'd be planting posies!

Tell it to the judge!

Oh, he's good.

Eddy: give me that thing,
you little turncoat!

Ha! Hello my little babies,

Did you miss me?

Jimmy: it's mine!

Jimmy's lost it! Help me!

He's a wild animal.

Foul! Offside! Penalty!

You sound like a referee, ed.

Yes, I am.

Ed, don't blow that!

[Tweet]

[Crash bang thud]

Uh!

Jimmy!

Bingo.

Sarah: eddy!

What's jimmy doing
on the ground, huh?

Get lost, sarah.
We're talking business.

It was horrible, sarah.

They made me eat dirt all day.

[Crying]

What!

[Grrrr]

Good.

Who you gonna believe,

That little hummer rat,

Or an honest bunch like us?

[Angry scream]

[Screaming and fighting]

My jar, please, uncle eddy.

Hey!

[Cha-ching]

Candy, sarah? My treat.

Hee hee hee!

Boy, eddy, you truly
created a monster.

No kidding.

Kind of makes me
feel all warm inside.

[Muffled]

Don't talk with
your mouth full, edd.

[Eddy shrieking with laughter]

Ha ha ha! Whoop!

Aah!

Puddles can be so messy.

An ounce of prevention.

Hey, snail boy!
Move it, will you?

I'm not getting any younger.

Eddy, stop!

Hi, guys!

Ed, if you bump
into me one more...

Um, guys... What?

Edd: improbable alert!

[Gasps]

Edd and eddy: come back, ed!

I can jump it, guys!

Edd and eddy: no, ed!

Edd: now what?

Eddy: I'm thinking,
I'm thinking.

Ed: can I think?

No! No!

Yee-ha! Whee!

This is fun! Oh, boy!

Me! Me!

Whee! Ha ha ha ha!

It's my turn!

Luck, be a lady tonight!

Right. Pick, then...
Truth or dare?

Hmm. Dare me, sucker!

That-a-boy, jimmy!

Ooh!

Cool. Let's see...

I dare you to... Skip your turn.

Darn it.

Kevin: what a sap! Ha ha ha!

[Mumbling]

Eddy: what's the word, double-d?

Well, frankly,
eddy, I'm concerned.

The wind conditions aren't
suitable for our trajectory.

The lean is much too
steep for the span.

What else is new?
Let her rip, ed!

[Burps] gravy!

[All yelling]

Ed: ha ha! I think I hit a pipe.

Buzz, buzz, buzz off, jonny!

Buzz... Ow!

You shouldn't have dared
jonny to buzz off, kevin.

Ha ha ha ha!

Ah! The artichoke thickens.

Are those the
better-check-your- wallet ed boys?

Where? Oh, great.

[All groaning]

Them?

The dorks came to ruin our game.

Truth or dare? I love this game!

Who's next? I've
got to warn you,

I'm a pro at this.

Sit down, pigeons. Hmm?

Their social skills
are deplorable.

Ed: ok, my turn to spin!

Eddy... Truth or dare?

Ok, dare, ed.

Ok, I dare you, eddy, to
spread the wings of a bat

And stomp like a zombie

While whistling row, row, row
your boat through a car wash.

Ed, try a more
reasonable dare, please.

[Crow caws]

Ok, I dare eddy to be double-d.

Me? Why, that's...

Stupid, ed. You blew
your chance to...

You know, eddy, it
could be quite intriguing.

Why, I'd be flattered
if you were to mimic me.

Let's see. Where do I start?

[Mimicking edd] the wind
conditions are absurd.

The lean is too
steep for the fat.

Oh, good double-d, eddy!

[Laughing]

[Groaning]

Oh, dear, the insanitary!

My skinny arms
cannot bear the weight!

Oh, oh, I know...

I'll move it with my brain.

Ha ha ha. Very good, eddy.

Hmm!

Can we resume playing?

Oh, dear!

Ha! I dare you to be ed.

Go on... Flatter him.

Well, I suppose I could,
but only if ed will be eddy.

I can do eddy. I practiced.

[Mimicking eddy]
can it, double-dweeb!

What do you mean, you practiced?

Shut up!

[Mimicking edd] please, eddy!

You're invading
my personal space.

[Laughing]

[All laughing]

Ed: well, do me, double-d.

Eddy: we're waiting.

Very well. Um, let's
see, now... Ahem.

[Mimicking ed] buttered toast.

[Laughing]

It's ready, sarah!

Here I come!

Whee! Ha ha ha!

That was fun! Your turn, jimmy!

In a second, sarah.
I'm oiling up for speed.

On your mark, get
set... Out of my way!

Jimmy!

The wrath of destiny
visits yet again.

Rolf has no time for this!

Where is your brother?

What am i... His keeper?

Yes.

Backyard.

Ho ho! There you are,
one-shy-of-a-full-deck ed boy.

Rolf requires your assistance.

Who is there?

Impostor! You are not ed boy!

Gravy!

Hmm...

Pardon me, rolf, but I
have compost a theory.

Once upon an observation
of this small rock,

I have discovered
it actually rock.

Intriguing!

Ha ha ha! Whoop!

Curse ed's horrible posture!

[Ed burps]

[Slurping]

Oh, ed boy!

Rolf requests the presence
of your colossal feet,

As it is time to squash
the raspberries.

I'll help if I give you a
quarter, rolfie boy.

What? Your shenanigans try rolf.

Come, as the
raspberries will spoil!

Oh, dear!

Look at him go, double-d.

That leaves just I and you.

Ed, now that they've left,

Let's make fun of
eddy behind his back.

Like we always do?

Aha! I knew it!

You're so gullible, eddy...

Or, as ed would say, "gravy!"

Ha ha ha!

Wait for me! I'm slow
and out of shape!

Rolf: hurry, as the raspberries
beg to be squashed, ed boy!

Ed: let's sell the
squash for cash.

[Gasps] chicken!

Pet the chicken,
pet the chicken.

This stupid bird
stole my quarter.

Flew away with it. Stupid!

Excuse me, eddy,
may I fuel inject?

Chickens cannot fly,
as they are mammals.

I love chickens, eddy.

[Laughing]

[Raspberries squishing]

Rolf: ed boy!

Ed: wake up, monobrow!

All right, yes. I am ed!

You are not ed boy!

I must have the large
ed boy here now,

So please, ed boy,
raspberries to squash!

Thank you.

Rolf said "thank you."

Isn't it refurbishing
to hear politeness?

Put a sock in it, sock-in-it.

I got a plan.

Hey, burr-head, I will
now inflict pain on you.

What?

[Squish]

Buttered... Toast?

No butter. Raspberries!

Squish the fruit,
slowpoke ed boy!

Rolf needs juice
for his great thirst!

Eddy, i, too, am thirsty...

Quite partial, to be correct.

Parched!

The word you're
looking for is "parched."

Ed: yeah, right, lumpy.

"Parched" is a fish. Ha ha ha!

Intriguing!

You are not ed.

You have cursed my raspberries
to the life of salad dressing,

Impostor with tiny feet!

You know what
they say, double-d:

"If you're thirsty,
take a drink."

Gee, double-d, you're
really letting yourself go.

Kids will pay big
money to ride a blimp.

You're a genius, double-d.

You really think I'm a genius?

Double-d! I'm the genius!

I have caused discomfort,

'Cause I'm eddy. Ha ha ha ha!

[All laughing]

Rolf has never been so confused.

Uh-oh, a fence.

[Laughing]

Gravy!

Aw, come on, double-d.

I don't say "gravy"
all the time.

Buttered toast, then.

Toast is so crude,

As the crust always
gets stuck in my gap.

[Laughing]

I don't even want to know.

Greetings, kevin.

A pleasure to look at you.

May I inspect your nostrils?

Get lost, dork.

Intriguing.

Your ape-like qualities
ensure your smartness.

Let's examine your brain.

Hey! That's it!

You're meat, dork!

Eddy's good, huh, double-d?

Sarah: ed!

Sarah?

Ed?

Ed! Ed, sarah!

I've been looking for you!

Mom said to clean your room!

Edd: ed!

What a tree sap!

Hiya, ed.

Why are you dressed like eddy?

It's a dare, jonny. So
buzz off, melon-head!

Ha ha ha! Been there, done
that, ed... Oh, I mean eddy.

Ha ha ha! Oh... Plank says
he'll give you a quarter

If you do a dare.

Bring it on. I'll do
anything for cash,

'Cause I'm short.

Aah!

I'll be back in minutes
'cause mom said I could!

Deception certainly
is excruciating.

[Fly buzzing]

[Sniffing]

Oh, the inhumanity!

Whoa!

[Gurgling]

Aah!

Ooh, what in
heaven's name is this?

A ladle?

Oh, my... It's a tub of gravy!

[Eddy panting]

Kevin: get out of
double-d's house!

Get out here and
take your lumps!

Bingo!

Kevin: open this door!

Eddy: sucker!

Kevin: that's it! I'm
gonna count to .

Don't bust an artery, einstein.

[Siren and buzzing]

Edd's voice, on recording: you have
invaded my personal space.

Do not touch anything

And leave via the
designated exit.

[Doorknob rattling]

Edd's voice: watch your step on
the way out and have a nice day.

Oh, you can count on it.

[Kevin laughing evilly]

Oh, dear! Aah... Ha
ha ha! Boy, eddy,

Truth to anyone, now, can we?

Right, ed?

I mean, plank.

[Laughs]

What's that, eddy?

Whoo-hoo! What a potty-mouth!

Ed, edd n' eddy!