03x13 - Don't Rain on My Ed/ Once Bitten, Twice Ed

[bunniefuu]

Bl-bl-bl-bl-yeah!

Welcome to ed's
peek into the future.

See what marvels await you

In the world of tomorrow.

Only cents.

Each, that is.

Plank wants to know
if we'll live on mars.

Maybe, maybe not.

The answers, my friend,

Are blowing in the wind.

Ooh.

Wow, plank! The floor is moving!

Edd: that's
modernization, jonny.

Everyday tasks such as walking

Will be a thing of
the past in the future.

Why, even the instinctive
exertion of eating

Becomes effortless, my friend...

All with a mere
push of a button.

Let's see, uh, hygiene,
grooming, rest, launder...

Ah, here we go.

Food!

That's me.

[Beeping]

Ha ha ha!

Ed: you're welcome!

Not a problem.

The future knows no stain.

[Beep]

Aah! Ouch!

Lounge... As
futuristic ingenuity

Removes any evidence
of unmanageable edibles.

[Buzzer]

Right on!

I'm a sap for you. You
know that, don't you?

Yeah, yeah. The line
starts over there.

Hey! How about I
stick my foot right...

Hello!

What's with the
stylin' clothes, eddy?

Where'd you get that
jawbreaker, nazz?

"Bazooka chin" kevin, right?

No way.

It's customer appreciation
day at the candy store,

And they're giving
away jawbreakers

For free!

Free?!

Yee-ha!

But you better hurry.

The store closes in minutes.

Tv shoes?

For viewing on the go?

Well, I didn't say the
future was practical.

Eddy: forget this!

Ed: yes, I will.

Jawbreakers! Free!

Only minutes left!

Free jawbreakers?

Minutes left?

[Panting]

Hurry up, before they're all...

Sarah?

Sarah.

Mom says... Pull, plank! Pull!

Mom says you got
to clean up that mess,

Or you're in big trouble.

But, sarah, if we don't
get to the candy store,

We don't get jawbreakers!

Clean it up, or I'm telling mom.

No time! The
store's closing in...

I got to get me a jawbreaker!

Oh, sure!

Why help clean up, eddy?

After all, we don't want
free jawbreakers, do we, ed?

Help me, double d!

The gall of that eddy...

Leaving us stranded.

Edd: coming, ed.

Oh, my.

Jawbreaker, double d!

Hardly noticeable, ed.

[Panting]

Come on! My nose runs faster!

Kevin: hey, watch it!

Eddy, look out!

Gracious.

No, really. I'm
pounding you, dork.

Serves you right, eddy.

I think you owe
ed and I an apology

For leaving us with
that mess to clean up.

No time! Candy store!

Hey, I ain't done with you!

Jawbreaker, double d!

Wait!

Curse promotional giveaways.

Eek!

Putt, putt, putt,
putt. Vroom! Vroom!

Beep! Beep! Putt,
putt, putt, putt. Vroom!

Oh, my. Hightail it, gentlemen!

At this rate, we'll never
make it there in time!

Oh, who am I kidding?

Eddy: uh-oh!

Ha ha ha!

Gentle as a kitten in a tree.

Eddy, look!

Yee-ha! Oof!

Mommy!

Aah!

Unh!

Aah!

I got it, eddy!

Ha ha ha ha.

Where'd this wagon
come from, hot sh*t?

Necessity, eddy...

Fabricated from
everyday suburban litter

In order to
increase our velocity

Within our ever-shrinking
window of opportunity.

Yawn. Just kick this thing
into high gear and let's...

Whoa!

[Gasping]

Ed! Eddy!

Blockade!

Hey, look. It's our husbands.

Just in time to play house.

Cankers!

Extreme closeup!

Edd: retreat!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Mom was wrong.

Men amount to a pile of dirt.

Free!

Jawbreaker!

Pardon us, ladies.

Time is not on our
side, gentlemen.

Aah!

Whoa!

Edd: ed! Eddy! Help me!

No! Wait! Please! You
don't understand!

You missed two of them, may.

Yeah, but at least
we got the cute one!

Double d! Eddy!

No time, ed! Jawbreakers!

Edd: help me!

Stop! What are you two doing?

Aah! Ooh!

[Jimmy singing]

Shortcut! There's
got to be a shortcut!

[Singing]

Bingo!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

[Singing]

My garden in the sky!

Missed me!

That's for gobbing
all over my bike, dork!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ed: coochie coochie coo.

Double d, get me
out of here, will you?

Well, it seems the shoe is
on the other foot, huh, eddie?

[Ticking]

Your selfishness and greed
are really getting on my...

[Ticking]

Time's running out!

You snooze, you lose, double d.

We've only got seconds left!

Stitch. I've got a stitch!

There it is! I see it!
Come on! Hurry up!

Sore. I can't go on.

Jawbreaker, double d!

We're almost there!

I'm drooling, I tell you.

Come to papa, my babies.

[Thunder]

You got to be kidding me!

Edd: it was never meant to be!

Fate has conspired against us!

Jawbreakers!

Whoa!

Quick thinking, lumpy.

You see, eddy?

Any obstacle can be overcome

When we work together as a team!

[Chickens clucking]

Eddy: now what?

It's a chicken drive.

Rolf: hyah-ha! Hyah!

Get along, lazar. Hyah!

Ch-ch-ch-ch-chickens!

Don't look at them, ed!

Ed, what are you doing?

Wait!

Aah!

Eddy: aah!

Edd: eddy...

Help me! I'm submerged in a
preponderance of poultry!

Eddy!

[Coughing and gasping]

Help me!

Free jawbreaker, double d!

[Edd coughing]

Oh, thank you, ed.
You're a true friend,

Unlike others whose sole purpose

Is seeking self-gratification.

Hey, one of them's moving,

And it's covered with fuzz.

It's jonny!

Jonny, let me in! Open the door!

Plank says to blow
it out your nose, eddy.

Grrr! Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Good
one, huh, double d?

That plank cracks me up.

Edd: there's a moral
in this... Somewhere.

Yep. Two chickens
are better than one.

Jonny!

Ed: all pistons
are ready for a go.

Astronauts are prepared and...

Uh-oh. The ship
is being devoured

By a mutant fat belly!

Quick! Turn on your perpetual
micronorbital rocket!

Run away!

Oops. Ha ha ha ha!

Eddy: hey, you.

Me?

Yeah, you. Approach me, mortal,

For I am the great
baron o'beef dip.

Baron o'beef dip?

Do not perplex me.

Obey my commands.

Commands?

Is there an echo in here?

Quick. Bend over.

Pull your feet.

Unh!

Now eat your mattress.

Yum!

[Knock knock]

Excuse me, ed,
but is this your...

Good lord, man!

That hit the spot.

Ed, what have I told you
about the needless taxing

Of one's digestive system?

I must obey my master
baron o'beef dip.

Groan.

Dear ed, someone seems
to be pulling your...

Don't let him touch me!

Obey me, mortal.

Wolf down the nonbeliever!

I shall obey!

Um, ed, don't you
look at me like that.

Must eat nonbeliever!

[Chuckling]

I knew it! You make him stop!

Make him stop!

Take , mortal.

Gotcha, baron guy.

Ha ha ha ha!

Hook, line, and sucker.

Ha ha ha, and what's
this prove, eddy?

That you can dupe anyone
at any time with the right bait.

Put that on a
t-shirt and sell it.

Oh, please!

Hey, get me a
sandwich. I'm starved.

I shall obey, master!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Your hypothesis is flawed, eddy.

This is ed we're talking about.

Gee. You know,
double d, you're right,

And when you're
right, you're not wrong.

Pity my measly soul,

For lost in the stench
of loserville I am.

I didn't mean to hurt
your feelings, eddy.

Uh, shall we...

Try it out before you
open your big fat mouth?

Baron o'beef dip is pleased now.

Jimmy: I got you,
you little scamp.

Eddy: hey, you.

Me?

Yeah, you.

You?

My name's marty mailbox.

I got some inside info
on the hootenanniest,

Most countrified
barn blast in town.

I don't know what that means.

Just bring your friends
down to the woods.

Move it or lose it!

Ok, mr. Mailbox!

Hurry, sarah! Come quick!

Not too shabby, huh, nazz?

If you say so.

Jimmy: marty mailbox told
me it was in the woods.

Sarah: I bet.

What's with jimmy?

The gosh darn mailbox, sarah.

It just prattled on.

Ew! Look! Is that a possum?

You believe me, don't you?

It talked! It did! Honest!

Get real, jimmy.

A mailbox told you to come here?

Holy cow, plank!

Look at the size of the raccoon!

Looks like a bloated squirrel.

Raccoons are so cute.

They wear little
masks like robbers.

Howdy, and welcome
to raccoon roundup.

And for a cottonpickin' quarter,

All you cottonpickin' city folk

Can cottonpickin' catch
your very own raccoon.

To keep!

Rolf: ed boy, rolf
will pick the cotton.

And accept this challenge.

Um, shall we mosey
on over, neighbor?

Edd: in order to bag this
nocturnal verminous mammal,

You have chances
at slinging the critter

With these marshmallows.

Marshmallows?

All: marshmallows!

Not the marshmallows!

Not to worry.

They're past their expiry date.

Rolf wishes to use his lucky
great nano kidney stone key chain.

What did he say that was?

That-a boy, rolf.

Keep your eye on that bush

Because raccoons are quick.

Whoa!

Rolf sees it.

Good-bye, pinocchio.

Stop!

Don't even think about hurting
this poor defenseless creature!

Hey! Get out of the way!

No! Get off!

No! Let go!

No!

Nazz: jonny's right.
Where do you get off?

What a couple of clucks.

Jimmy: oh, look, sarah.

I think it likes me.

Would you like a
bite of my baguette?

Sarah: for pete's
sake, jimmy, wake up!

It's just my stupid brother!

Ed: come again!

Wait! Don't go!

He had me fooled, too.

Honest.

At least he stank
like a filthy vermin.

Real smooth, farmer dork.

E-i-e-i-o.

Ne'er-do-well.

Edd: you know
what they say, eddy.

You can fool some of
the people some of time,

But you can't fool all of
the people all of the time.

That was triple-a, double d.

A -star scam.

Let's chalk this down

To experience, eddy.

No more raccoons. Uh, agreed?

That's it!

It was the stupid raccoon.

I was right as usual.

We'll just tweak
the scam a little.

They won't know what hit them.

This should prove monotonous.

Eddy: hey, you.

Me?

Yeah, you.

You?

My name's teddy treebark.

Tired of being the
neighborhood poltroon?

Want to save the
world and be a hero

For the first time
in your stinking life?

You betcha!

Just bring your friends
down to the woods.

What are you waiting for?

I'm on it, teddy!

Teddy said it was
this way, everybody.

Ooh, look, plank! A mutant!

Get real, jonny.

We've been here before.

I think.

Holy cow, plank!

Look at the size of that alien!

Is that a raccoon?

Kevin: pathetic.

Aliens are icky, sarah.

They ooze slime, don't they?

Greetings, and
welcome to mutant land.

And for an interstellar quarter,

All you brave
interstellar toxic soldiers

Can catch your very
own brain-sucking mutant.

Where's teddy treebark?

Uh... How about it, toxic rolf?

You like challenges.

Lucky for you, rolf
cannot deny a challenge.

One more try.

I believe you're familiar
with our facility.

In order to capture said mutant,

You have attempts with
these antimatter marshmallows.

Kevin: forget the
marshmallows, rolf.

Use my dad's lucky
ball-peen, man.

Ha ha ha ha!

Whoa!

Rolf sees it.

Say bye-bye, scourge
from the beyond.

Jonny: don't even
think about it!

Mutants have
feelings, too, you know?

What? Again?

Sarah: this is the
same as the last one!

Let's go, jimmy.

Wait! Don't go!

There's a twist. Check it.

Eddy: aaaah!

Unh!

I come in... Peace,
earth dwellers.

We were so close!

"They won't know what hit them."

Weren't those your words, eddy?

Good memory, elephant brain,

Because this time,
they really won't.

Let's tweak it some more.

Oh, he's so stubborn.

Eddy: hey, you.

Yeah, you.

Come on down and get
your very own hunk of meat

At meat mania.

Sarah: oh, brother.
Kevin: dorks.

Nazz: this is stupid.

Eddy: hey, you. You
heard me right.

Be the first one on your block

To own your very own pest

At cockroach country.

Welcome to...

Eddy: hey, you. Yeah, you.

Ever wonder at the amazing
world of freezer burn?

Welcome to fridge land!

Oof!

[Snoring]

Fine! Run away!

It's your loss because
this scam is gold.

"A" number one, baby!

Or at least it will be

After we tweak it some more.

Aw, come on, eddy!

I really need to
go to the bathroom!

[Groaning]

Eddy: hey, you.

Miffed as to how
to scrub a bowl?

Then flush on down
to bathroom world!

[Toilet flushes]

Ed: ready for tweaking, eddy!

Ed, edd n eddy!

Bl-bl-bl-bl-yeah!