04x02 - Is There an Ed in the House?/ An Ed is Born

[bunniefuu]

[Whistling]

Yeah!

[Spits]

Let's pick a theme, shall we?

Would you like to
pose with the beachball

Or this sumptuous lollipop?

No sump. As rolf prefers
his churn of soft spreads.

Eddy: there. He picked.

Get out of the way
so I can take a picture.

Me, rolf, order
one -by- closey

With many wallet-sized
photos for his relations?

Whatever you want, rolfy boy.

I'll just put it on the bill.

Ok, rolf, look at me.

Smile for the tawdry
sock puppet. That's it.

You can do it. Yes, you can.

That-a boy!

Heh! Heh! Heh!

Is it finished yet?

[Clock ticking]

[Ding]

Well, I'll just check.

On those prints, shall i?

I am done, guys.

Edd: um, ed, what
is that behind rolf?

Rolf's head is about
to be crunched

By a -legged mutant bus driver.

You're supposed to
draw a picture of rolf.

No monsters. Just rolf, stupid.

Oh, yeah.

Rub it out. Rub
it out. Rub it out.

Where do you keep
your hot water bottle?

Hey, jimmy, take
a hike. Ed is busy.

Under the sink, jimmy.

Rolf: hello?

How long must rolf wait

For this portrait of self-love?

Anytime, now.

Rolf is becoming
impatient, eddy.

Jimmy: how about the
vaporizer, stretch?

Top shelf, shorty.

Hey! Go bug sarah,
you little pest.

For your information,
crabby pants,

Sarah is sick, and I
must take care of her.

We should all be so lucky.

Sarah is sick?

Wait! Big brother's
coming, baby sister.

[Horse neighs]

Ed, get back here.

Oh, dear. I hope
it's nothing serious.

I best get my medical bag.

One can never be too sure.

[Chuckling nervously]

Uh, gee, rolf, you got a face

Only a mother could love.

Rolf: ed boys!

There, there, little frail one.

Jimmy will take care of you.

Ed is here to make
you all better, sarah.

I feel hot.

Oh, let me soothe you.

Thank you, jimmy.

[Ed inhales deeply]

Big brothers take
care of baby sisters.

[Ed blowing]

My pillow needs fluffing.

There you go, sarah.

No! Let me, sickly sister.

Ahh!

Am I a good fluffer, sarah?

Yes, you are, jimmy.

What a load of...

Pardon me, eddy. Please
step aside, everyone.

[Heart b*ating]

Well, your pulse is normal.

I bet it is.

Sarah has got a
fever, mr. Smarty pants.

Ed: yeah, mr. I wish I
was a smart pants.

Hmm. Your temperature
seems normal,

As well.

What do you know?

A minor cold at best, I'd say.

Ha!

Gentlemen, I suggest we leave,

As a cold at any grade
can be quite contagious.

Yeah! Get lost!

I will show them the door,

Dear debilitated one.

Come on, ed, what
are you gonna do,

Wipe her nose all day?

Sarah: I need a tissue, jimmy.

Oh! I'll fix it for you, sarah.

Nice and soft for
that cute little nose.

[Vacuum starting]

What a sap.

We're wasting the whole day.

Ed is just fulfilling his duty

As a caring brother, eddy.

You're so understanding.

Perhaps we could
set up a paging system.

That way, ed could be free

To do your bidding

And still be in
contact with sarah.

Eddy: I like that.

[Snoring]

[Clanking]

Double "d"!

What the heck are you doing?!

Uh, trying to help you?

Oh, ok, double "d".

[Giggling]

Being confined to one's room

Can be quite frustrating,

So I found a way to ease ed's...

I mean your burden.

Just pull this handle,

And someone will assist you.

It's too high.

No. It's too low.

Too high.

Too low.

Nope. Too high.

Way too low.

High.

Low. High, high.

Enough, already.

You may not be feeling well.

I can sympathize with that,

But I'm trying to...
[Pppbbblllffttt]

Sarah: serves you right.

Why, you... No, double "d"!

If I catch your
cold, I'll... I'll...

Just give me minutes

With that germ-spreading brat.

[Bell ringing]

Coming, sarah, dear.

Can I get you anything, sarah?

Yeah, can I get you
anything, sarah?

[Softly] would
you guys be so kind

As to let me finish sleeping?!

Ed: sarah needs to
rest because she is sick.

Ed, how can you be so stupid?

I watch cartoons, eddy.

Yeah, well, grow up.

Forget stupid sarah.

Follow me to your future, lumpy.

We blew it with the photo
scam, so on to plan "b"...

The triple "e" free
driving school...

Only it's not free.
We'll charge them.

Double "d", you're
the instructor.

Me? But i... Ed,
you're the motor.

I have achieved greatness.

[Bell ringing]

It's sarah.

I'll be back, guys.

My paging system seems
effective. Don't you think, eddy?

[Imitating edd] "my paging
system seems effective.

Don't you think, eddy?"

How are we supposed
to get any work done

With ed answering your
stupid paging system?

Okey-dokey. I'm ready, eddy.

What took you?

I got students waiting.

Where's the obstacle
course, eddy?

Plank is itching to
tear up some pavement.

Coming right up, jonny boy.

Here we go.

Jimmy: no, stop.
That tickles. Ooh!

We aim to please.

Let plank wrap his bumper

Around this obstacle.

Let's try to sound
convincing now,

Shall we, double "d"?

Let's see, now.

Good day, pupil.

Welcome to the triple
"e" driving course.

My name is eddward,

And I'll be your
instructor for the day.

Nazz: hi, eddward.

Ready when you are.

Well, um, shall we begin with...

Well, first we must
buckle our safety belts,

Shall we?

Not cool. They're
stuck, eddward.

Could you give me a hand?

Oh, I suppose so.

[Grunting]

Like that?

Very good.

Um, once safe to do so,

Please proceed onto the course.

Awesome!

Put. Put. Put. Vroom! Vroom!

Edd: not too fast, now.

Easy on the corner.

That's it. Nicely done.

[Bell ringing]

I'm coming, girlfriend.

Ed: what a weasel.

She's my sick sister!

Ed?

Hey, you're the
motor! Get back here!

Why aren't we stopping?

Oops.

Go left. Go left.

Brake! Brake!

What brake?

You forgot to put in a brake?!

[Panting]

Ugh!

[Crash]

Uh-oh.

[Horse neighs]

Heh! Heh!

A -cheese grilled sandwich.

And see? No crust.

[Crash]

Take your pick, unwell
baby sister of mine.

Don't listen to him, sarah.

Cheese is good for a cold.

You know it's your favorite.

She's my sister,

And my sister likes
fruit and vegetables.

Isn't that right, baby sister?

Here, sarah. Let
me help you chew.

I will help her chew.

[Grunting]

What's that? A book,
you say? I'll get you one.

"In the void of space,

Zorba the -headed mutant..."

"Silly little jilly
frolicked in the daisies."

"Spewing slime
from its tentacles..."

"I'm so silly, said jilly."

"As zorba sucked its brain..."

"I wish I were a potato so
that the prince would like me."

"He gagged on its bones..."

[Bell ringing]

See the ball?

Yes, I do, sarah.

Yup. It's a ball.

Go get it.

Certainly.

I'll get it.

Of all the... That's
scams down the tubes.

You know what they say, eddy.

Is the charm.

Jimmy: mine. Mine. Mine.

That's it!

Ed!

What's with you?

Sarah is sick. Get ball.

Then jimmy... I got to.

You got to nothing.

I got to nothing?

You're the big brother.

That means you're the boss.

Get over there and show
her what you're made of.

Get mean.

You are right, eddy.

I am the big brother, sarah.

Oh, I know.

Whoa! You're a tough guy, ed.

You sent him
into the lion's den.

You know that, don't you?

Yup.

[Laughing]

[Crash]

Too late. Jimmy
already got my ball.

You work hard all your life,

And what's it get you?

Ed, go get my ball!

No ball! Get in bed! Rest now!

Please get my ball?

Don't you fret,
sarah. I'll get it.

Here. Let me help you.

Pass the tape will
you, double "d"?

Jimmy: my head!

You threw my friend out, ed.

How could you do that?

He was just trying to help.

Wah!

Oh, I am sorry, baby sister.

A big hug will make
you feel all better.

There, there.

Ed: get it off! Get it off!

It seems sarah has made
the road to recovery.

Ah... Ah-choo!

Say it. Don't spray it.

Ah... Ah-choo!

What's with you?

Oh, I knew it.

Curse you, common
cold microorganisms.

Oh, it's all part of the
big plan, don't you see?

They wait and strike

When you're the most vulnerable.

Ah-choo!

Jeepers. You sound
sick, double "d".

You shouldn't be outside.

You need some t.l.c., Mister.

Don't just stand there.

Do something.

Eddy!

[Crashing]

Ed: oh, pain! That hurt!

I wonder what's on tv?

Have mercy, depraved sibling.

Hiya, rolf.

What you doing there, guy?

Silence! Rolf must brood.

[Screaming]

Edd: ed, this is so wrong.

Rolf is sure to discover
his chickens are missing.

Here we go. Jump.

You there, upsy-daisy.

Uh, I think you have
to go home, chickens.

Please excuse ed. He meant...

Let rolf understand this.

I suppose disgracing rolf

Is ok to you, ed boy.

Walking off with rolf's chickens

Like a fine howdydo?

It was their idea, rolf.

As they wanted to be the
best chickens they could be.

Bless their little giblets.

Is that so, ed boy?

You have squeezed an
orange rind in the eye of rolf!

Return the chickens,
or rolf will... Uh!

Aah!

That concludes our
lessons for today, ladies.

Ta-ta. Same time tomorrow.

Guys, look at what my
brother sent me... That big lug.

Your brother sent you this?

I think his brother
sent it to him, double "d".

Check it out. I bet it's
a car or something.

Why, this seems to be addressed

To a "pipsqueek," eddy.

A pet name for his
baby brother, I assume.

Ha ha! Hee hee!

Yeah. So?

That means head
honcho in our house.

Why else would he send me

The keys to a new truck?

Ha ha! Ha... Ha ha! Ha ha...

Baby stuff.

What's he think I
am, a year old?

Cool.

What are you looking at?

I'm sorry, eddy.

But don't you think
it's rather amusing

That your brother still thinks
of you as his baby brother?

No! I hate being a baby brother!

Ok, then.

Listen.

[Rattling]

Hold your horses.

I'll just show
him how big I got.

Ed, take me to the
mailbox pronto.

Gotcha, eddy.

Flew right over my head.

Wouldn't it be easier

Just to mail a letter
describing yourself, eddy?

Why, if I were you,
I'd write a book...

A biography of sorts.

You don't get out much, do you?

If I were me, I would
make a whole movie.

Ed, that's it. We'll
make a whole movie.

Double "d", you're
the cameraman.

But, eddy, we don't have...

I'll be exec. Producer,

Exec. Director, exec. Writer,

And, of course, the star.

We can't sh**t
a movie without...

And ed can be... Ed.

We'll show my brother
that eddy is all grown-up.

You're forgetting
something, eddy.

We need a... Ed:
camera... Static-free.

Edd: why do you keep a
camera in your drier, ed?

What?

There you have it.

Well, we do have a camera.

Let's make a movie.

Can I lick the bowl?

Ed, do you have a
manual for this?

Somewhere.

Hiya, bro. What's
up? It's me... Eddy...

All grown-up
and living the life.

Who'd have thought, huh?

Check out my mustache.

Edd: ok, cut.

We'll need to get
a closeup, eddy.

How was that?

This thing's giving me a rash.

Action.

Looks like I
inherited your genes

For the face fur, huh, bro?

And you know what?

Now?

Action.

And you know what? I'm loaded.

Been investing for years...

Real estate, stocks, bonds.

Might even buy me a
couple of more planets.

Yup, already own
saturn and pluto.

Oh, come, now, eddy.

Boy, being rich really stinks.

What the heck are you doing?

Don't film that.

Sorry, eddy.

The planet baron
story threw me off.

Cut, cut.

How's my brother
supposed to think I'm cool

When you guys keep... [Rattling]

Action.

Unlike myself,

The old neighborhood's
still the same

As you left it, bro.

Did I tell you? I'm
mayor now. Right, ed?

[Horn honking]

Hi, kevin!

See that loser? That's kevin.

He's the neighborhood dork.

I have to slap him around
every now and then

Just to remind him who's boss.

Eddy.

Neighborhood dork, huh?

Hey, double dweeb,
you getting this?

He collects underwear
and gives it to the poor.

Pretty stupid, huh, bro?

Help!

Slow down, kevin!
I was just kidding!

Stop, please!

Uh!

Look at him bounce,
eddy's brother.

Eddy, are you all right?

[Ed laughing and eddy groaning]

Boy, eddy, you deserve
a shake for that.

Whoa! Uh!

I must say, if I
were your brother,

I'd be very impressed.

Eddy, where are you?

Over here, spielberg.

There you are.

Jimmy: race you to
the swings, sarah.

Hey, bro, remember how you
used to own the playground?

Well, it's mine now.

Check this out.

Out of the way, horse-head.

We want to play on the swings.

You know the drill.

Cough up some dough, then swing.

What did you say?!

Ok, cut.

Hold your positions, please.

Edd: ready now.

Oh, jimmy, a little
closer, if you will.

Fine, and cue...

Oh, dear.

Ed, get your stupid
friends out of the way!

No use pleading
for mercy, sarah.

Ed obeys only his
supreme leader.

That's me, bro.

Ok, sarah.

Um, ed here is showing sarah

What I'll do to her.

If she doesn't take a hike.

There you go, baby sister.

Swing to your heart's content.

Ok, people, a big smile
for eddy's brother.

Hello. My name is ed.

I'm running out of
ideas, double "d".

Think of something
that'll make me look good.

Ed, you be careful with that!

Oh, what do I care?

It's his camera.

Man the helms! Dive! Dive!

Aah!

Ed, what have you done?

Open it. Open it.

Aah!

You should know better
than to eat the camera.

Just think of what it could
do to your digestive tract.

I can't wait to see
that part, double "d".

Yes, well, let's not
and say we did, ed.

Eddy: come on! Come on! I got.

An impression to
make here, remember?

[Nazz humming]

Edd: oh, my.

Look. It's my girlfriend...

Painting her nails for me.

I think I'll go give her.

The pleasure of my company.

Heh heh heh.

Aah! Uh!

Um, double "d", are you guys,

Like, making a
movie or something?

Nazz... [Mumbles weakly]

Not to worry, eddy's brother.

I'll just dry him off.

Jonny: hey, buddy,
what you got there?

Is that a video camera?

Jonny, please. We're
trying to make a movie.

Back off.

Jonny, please.

Why, you little...

He scares the birds
away. What can I tell you?

Shall we continue
with my charmed life?

What do you know?

It's our international
jet-setter... Rolf.

[Rattling]

Heh!

Hey, rolf, tell my
brother how important I am.

Ed: I forget.

Ed boy!

Come back, chicken thief!

Run away! Run away!

Edd: no backs to
the camera, please.

It's rude, you know.

Shut up and roll.
Remember this place, bro?

The junkyard...
Your old hangout.

All the kids are
chicken to come here.

Who... Whoa!

See? What did I tell you?

But not me.

Show yourself,
mutant scab laborer!

Yup, uh, ed is just
fixing my old car.

It's not quite ready yet.

Moving right along.

[Snaps fingers]

You'll never guess
what I'm building.

It's an ultimate
hard-boiled egg boiler.

I've got big bucks
invested into this gold mine.

What?

Edd: go on.

By simply tossing your...

The combustion soon...

Look natural. Stay with me.

Uh, thus rendering the egg...

For all to enjoy.

I'm creating dynamics, eddy.

Don't get arty
on me, double "d".

What are you doing?

Edd: k-k-kankers!

Kankers: hiya, eddy.

[Eddy screaming]

I got you, eddy!

Pull, ed.

Get me out!

All: run away!

We know where you live.

Eddy: help me!

Aah!

[Music playing]

Hiya, bro.

So, anyways, here I
is all nice and safe

In my cozy bachelor pad,

Where all the kids show
up to get my autograph.

Yup, I'm that big, bro.

Look, it's kevin.

The usual spot there, dork?

[Imitating kevin] "sweet,
eddy. You're cool, man."

Edd: oh, please.

And there's jonny.

Sign your shirt there, curly?

They're hungry again, eddy.

[Angrily] so, feed
them over there.

So, bro, as you can
see, I'm a big sh*t now.

No more b*ating up little
eddy, eh, big brother?

Psst. Rolf.

Rolf? Did I forget to sign rolf?

There you go, stretch.

You have vandalized rolf's face,

And you have... And
you have stolen

Rolf's chickens yet again?

[Clucking]

Are you stealing rolf's
soul with your film box?

Edd: why, of course not, rolf.

What gave you that impression?

Rolf will release his rage now.

Eddy: wait. We
can work this out.

[Rolf yells]

Aah!

Return rolf's chickens!

Aah!

Return them!

Edd: shoo! Go away!
Don't touch me.

[Ed and eddy screaming]

Stop! I must punish you!

Eddy: mommy!

I think your brother's
got the picture, eddy.

Aah!