04x03 - One Size Fits Ed/ Pain in the Ed

[bunniefuu]

Bl-bl-bl-bl-yeah!

Oh, sarah, come see.

Wowzers!

It's a real wishing well, sarah,

And a bargain at
cents a wish.

Heck, I'll make a wish.

I wish for a...

I wish for my name up in lights.

Fame, glamour, and bodyguards.

I want to be a star.

Just make your
stupid wish, will you?

Ready? Go.

Ahh! Heh heh heh!

[Splash]

Supermarket
tabloids, here I come.

Ha ha ha!

They fell for it.

Did you see that?

The magic of
geometrical drafting.

Note: the brain can be fooled

By what the eye perceives.

A simple optical illusion, eddy.

Uh, did you write that down?

No. Ha ha ha!

Give me the cash!

Eddy, taking notes is an
essential part of learning.

Are you touching my face?

Oh, um, yes. Sorry.

The way to a successful
money-making venture requires...

No notes! Like I need you
to tell me how to make cash.

I was born to fleece, double d.

Do you know who I think I am?

Unfortunately, yes.

Hai hai hai hai!

Ed?

Banzai!

Guess what I am, guys.

An idiot?

Been there, done that, eddy.

Ed, help me up.

Not even close, double d.

Sukiyaki!

I am ed, sumo wrestler.

I saw it on tv.

Ed, did you brush this morning?

Hai hai hai hai hai
hai hai hai hai hai!

Ed, this sumo stuff's cool.

[Gibberish]

Save it for the paying
customers, lumpy,

'Cause I'm gonna make you
the sumo champ of the world.

I'll be rich!

What do you say?

Nah. Hai hai hai!

Hai hai hai hai!

Sushi and cheese.

Oh, come on, ed.

Sumo wrestlers eat tons of food.

Hai hai hai hai hai!

Well, eddy, seems fame and
fortune has passed you by.

Maybe jimmy's wish would
have been easier to fulfill.

Jimmy?

Jimmy! He wanted to be famous,

And he'd look great in a diaper.

I was just kidding, eddy.

Jimmy can't wrestle.

The brain can be fooled
by what the eye heaves.

Come on, edd. Lend
me a gut, will you?

That's "perceives," eddy.

I told you to take notes.

[Gibberish]

Chop, chop!

Whoa, nellie!

[Jimmy humming]

And here's your
autograph, mr. Bear.

Now go pick some berries
or something. I'm busy.

Oh, another groveling fan.

My public adores me.

Ha ha ha! How about
you, little lady?

Go on. You know you want one.

You're such a fathead.

You better be careful
what you wish for, mr. Star.

Hey!

[Whistle blows]

Shiver me timbers!

Ed: go like this, jimmy.

Hai hai hai!

Pardon me?

[Whistle blows]

Go get the food, ed.

Hai hai hai hai hai!

Edd!

What the honorable,
thickheaded trainer

Is attempting to do

Is make jimmy-san a star.

Me? A star?

[Whistle blows]

The road to stardom
starts with catering, kid.

You're gonna be huge.

I'm with you, svengali.

I want to be a v.i.p.

Ready, willing, and able.

Mold me.

Bingo!

Ed: ja! What do you know?

Ha ha ha!

Nothing says loving like
something from the toolshed.

Eddy: that-a boy, ed.

Edd: you took
rolf's meat locker?

Don't wreck the
mood, geisha boy.

I can't eat this slop.

Come with me.

Prima donna.

My own private stock.

Peaches and cream? Ha!

Sure, that'll work.

[Blowing whistle]

[Whistle]

[Belch]

I told you I'd make him big!

He is huge.

He's a ton of fun.

And this is just
the beginning, kid.

You're my ticket to moolaville.

[Crying]

What happened to
my svelte physique?

I look like... Like
a sumo wrestler.

Sumo wrestlers are stars, jimmy.

Sumo wrestlers are stars?

Uh, well, yes.

They're highly revered
within their own culture.

They have legions of fans

Who cater to their every whim.

Really?

You bet, kid.

Step into the ring and, huh?

Look at jimmy waddle.

My tushie's too big.

I thought it would be easier
to bring the ring to jimmy.

After all, he is a star.

Yokozuna ed.

Heavy-san..

Oh, what's ed doing?

Eddy: yokozuna ed
wishes to wrestle you,

As you are now the world famous,

Uh, honorable, uh,
I'm-a-fatso-jimbo.

Edd: boy, that was
very clever, eddy.

Hey, I get around.

You want a piece of me?

[Screaming]

Ed vanished.

Did I win?

Come on, ed. Quit
fooling around.

[Gurgling]

Hey, ed, where are you?

What's going on down there?

Ed?

Hey, lumpy!

I got a wiggly in
my belly button.

Get it out. Get it out!

Just pop him out, I'm-a-fatso.

Pop him. Oh.

Edd: now, jimmy, you be careful.

You could pull something.

This is fun.

You made it, kid. You're a star,

And I'm gonna be so rich.

I'm a star?

Sumo wrestlers are revered.

In japan.

You'll have legions of fans

Who will cater to
your every whim.

In japan.

Ok, double d.

I'll bite.

So your point is...

Sumo wrestlers are
revered, celebrated,

And affluent
only in japan, eddy.

Eddy's the man with the plan.

How are we supposed
to go to japan?

Aah!

Don't give up now, eddy.

The show must go on.

Quit living in the clouds, kid.

There's no way
I'm sending you to...

[Groaning]

Oops! Heh heh heh!

Eddy: ok, ed.

Looks good to me.

Now where's that mailman?

My pudgy pecs burst
the mailbox, eddy.

It didn't work.

Of course it didn't, eddy.

Given jimmy's
immense proportions,

The mailbox was bound to burst.

And postage alone
would cost up to $ .

My sumo scam
didn't have a chance?

I'm afraid not, eddy.

And you knew it!

Did I make you
laugh, double d, huh?

Honestly, um, I just felt

It would be a good
learning experience for you...

Eddy.

I quit! Oh!

No, eddy. Don't quit.

I trusted you. I
believed in you.

It'll take me weeks
to trim these thighs.

You said I was a star.

Can I wear that hat?

Ok. Forget double drip.

It's japan or bust, I tell you.

[Edd screaming]

We'll be eating with
chopsticks in no time.

Jimmy: I'm going to be a star!

[Sigh]

All aboard who's going aboard!

Ha ha ha!

All packed, eddy.

I got my jammies,
undies, sockies,

A toe clipper, and a sponge.

Ask me if I care, ed.

Last chance, double d.

What do you say?

Break a leg.

Big time, here I come.

Let's boogie.

Ready for launch, ed.

Uh, no time for lunch, eddy,

'Cause we are going to japan.

Yahoo!

Rise and shine, gentlemen.

And how are we
feeling this morning?

[Groaning]

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Don't play with the bed, ed.

I hate tea.

You haven't learned a
thing, have you, eddy?

[Blows whistle]

Sarah: move it, chunky!

Is that the best you can do?

I want to see
some sweat, mister!

But I feel like I'm
going to explode.

Move it!

I just learned something
today, double d.

You have?

Tell me, eddy.

We should open up
a weight loss clinic.

I'd be rich!

Hey, jimmy!

Stupid cast!

Jimmy!

Aah!

Oh!

Edd: well, I certainly
learned something today.

That eddy is the
man with the plan.

Help!

Ha ha ha!

[Laughing]

Hey, what's taking you?

I hate it when you do that.

Eddy, I have my doubts

To the success
of using carpeting

As a means of
achieving virility.

[Sigh]

Everyone knows hairy pits are a
sure sign of manliness, double d.

[Slurping]

Wow, eddy.

Is that a carpet?

Ha ha ha!

Well, uh, jonny
seems unimpressed.

[Jonny laughing]

Choice.

Hey, ignoroid, who's
more mature now, huh?

Ha ha ha!

The dork's faking puberty.

Ha ha ha!

Goodness.

Jealous?

He wishes he had fur like this.

Nazz: is that carpeting?

That's so kindergarten.

[Bicycle bell rings]

I hate it when they catch on.

It seems underarm growth

Is a poor excuse
for maturity, eddy.

So now what?

Oh, um, we could call on ed.

Don't bother, double
d. He is not home.

Hey, ed. Check out these pits.

Nice carpet, eddy.

Now, let us see.

Position and pose starts
by fanning your toes

And placing your
left foot right.

Edd: why, ed.

I didn't know you
played an instrument.

In my mom's dreams, I can.

What's ed doing with a ukulele?

That's a violin, eddy.

A hand-carved
musical tour de force

Whose delicate tone
can emit a diverse range

Of emotions.

E!

G!

A little cat and dog, but... B!

With a little practice... D!

F!

Violins are for sissies.

But, eddy!

My mom says I got
to practice or...

Edd: thank you.

Eddy: hey!

I'm sure you'll agree niccolo
paganini is no sissy, eddy.

Go on, ed. Practice.

Revel in the violin's resonance.

Get rid of it, ed!

[Cacophony]

Very good, ed, but more allegro.

Sprightlier, if you will.

[Playing faster]

Whoo-hoo! That's a
real toe-tapper, ed.

You're giving me and
plank goose bumps.

Edd: bravo, ed.

[Sigh]

Ah-ha!

I was right. Ed stinks.

Oh, come on, eddy.

This is a good thing,

And ed needs our support.

It sounds like a trapped cat.

And that's why ed should...

Position and pose starts
by fanning your toes.

Wait, eddy!

Don't interfere with
cultural learning.

[Music stops]

Oh, dear.

It's like an elephant's
off your back, huh, lumpy?

Tell me a story, eddy.

Sarah: ed!

You're supposed
to be practicing.

Mom said so!

I am so confused.

Get out of my room, you twerp.

Move it!

Eddy, sarah's here.

See, I am practicing, sarah.

Hang on to your hat.

[Cacophony]

That's repulsive.

[Whispering]

You're as sly as
a fox, girlfriend.

Call me if there's any trouble.

Eddy: that's it!

I'm smashing that thing
into a thousand pieces.

Aah!

No, eddy!

Quit butting in.

We seem to have company, eddy.

A direct line to sarah,
should anything go amiss.

Really?

Come on, edd.

Let's find a quiet spot
and tune that violin.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Ok, ed. Let me have it.

Man, he's deaf!

Underneath the bitter rind

Lies a sweet and
succulent fruit, eddy.

I hate violins.

Practice I must,

Or sarah, my head will bust.

Ahem!

[Indistinct]

Jimmy: aah!

Eddy!

Eddy: I hate violins!

Don't you dare, eddy!

That instrument has a legacy.

And strings.

Position and pose starts
by fanning your toes

And placing your
left foot right.

Ooh!

Eddy, wait! The walls have eyes!

Eddy: I told you
to stay out of it.

It's toast.

But, eddy... Zip it.
Very well then.

Succumb to your lowbrow tactics.

So shut up already!

But before you
violate the violin,

Eddy, look up into that tree.

[Chirping]

Um, ed, shouldn't
you be practicing?

Look at the size of that bird.

Jimmy: aah!

Oh, it is twitching.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Let's use a chain saw.

No, eddy. Think of
the consequences.

What if an accident
were to befall ed's violin,

And what if accident

Were to happen in plain view

For sarah et al. To see?

Oh, I get it.

What do I get?

[Tires squeal]

[Oink, oink]

What is this?

Why is the lady of liberty

Looming over the cul-de-sac?

What an eyesore.

Oh, come on, guys.

I think it's cute.

This better make
me happy, double d.

We'll all have
our wish come true

After this, eddy.

Ha ha ha!

Position and pose starts
by fanning your toes

And placing your
left foot right.

[Cacophony]

Ed, you're giving
me a headache, dude.

Aah! Save yourself,
double d, old boy,

As the fiendish
fiddler of the mountain

Toys with our mortality.

Hey, jonny boy.

Hiya, eddy.

Hey, porcupine.

I want you to meet
my pal, sawtooth cecil.

Look out, plank!

I'll save you, buddy.

Jonny: back off, sawtooth cecil,

You bully!

Whoa!

Ouch!

Whoa!

Aah!

Quick. Let's go see.

What's with the pig, double d?

It's a surprise, eddy.

Sure. I get it.

Go, baby, go!

Come on, come on.

I made a special
treat for you, wilfred.

A very powerful
magnet... Safe to eat

And chock full of
essential vitamins

For that growing young swine.

It's in the bag.

Go home now, and don't
talk to any strangers.

Yes!

It missed.

Completely, but how could it be?

My computations were precise,
rigorous, and painstaking.

Uh, this goes
beyond science, eddy.

An unfathomable force
has sent us a clear message

That the violin
shall not be harmed,

Uh, that the violin
shall be played

And produce
wonderful... It was you!

Me? Ha!

Why, that's the silliest
thing I've ever heard.

That's it!

The stupid violin's toast.

You hear me?

[Ed playing violin]

Excuse me, ed.

Ok. Fine. I confess.

It was I that
sabotaged the plan.

I had to, don't you see?

How could I just let you deface

This exceptional display
of man's contribution

To the symphonic arts?

Eddy: you double-crosser!

Wait till I get my hands on you!

Oh, dear. Ha ha ha!

What have I done?

Jimmy: egads! I'm telling sarah.

♪ I know what you did

♪ You're in big trouble

No, don't tell, little buddy.

Ah, good riddance.

Violins are for sissies.

Why, if I played an instrument,

I'd get something manly,

Like a kazoo or something.

What? [Knock, knock]

Uh, eddy, sarah's here.

Eddy: pound double d. He did it.

Edd: no way.

You started this.

No, no. Wait!

Sarah: ed, come here!

Run away!

Ed!

Run, ed!

Jimmy: ha ha ha!

Fare thee well, o great violin.

Nevermore to sing the brilliance

Of chopin.

Nevermore to sound
the sonnets of...

Look, baby sister. I
am practicing see?

Eddy: ed!

All: ed, edd, and eddy!

Edd: bl-bl-bl-bl-yeah!