- [Announcer] It's time
for Commander Cash!
- I hate breakfast.
- Hey, kids, we're here to rescue you
from breakfast boredom.
- With Commander Cash Super Flakes.
They're chocked full of-
- [Commander Cash] Super sugar power.
Hey, and look what's inside.
Free ultra specs.
- So you can read the
secret message on the back.
- The cereal is selling like
hot cakes, Mr. Chairman,
and the secret message game
in the ads and on the box,
well, the children are just eating it up.
- So be a super hero.
- Eat Super Flakes.
- You love Commander Cash
Super Flakes, don't you, kids?
- I eat it every morning.
- Me too, Mr. Atwater.
- Atwater, are these your children?
- No, they're your grandchildren, sir.
- My what?
Look here, Atwater-
- Don't worry, Mr. Chairman,
they're just young actors playing
your lovely grandchildren.
It's the perfect symbol for OCP.
- And if you act now you'll
also receive Bag 'O Guts.
- Wow, looks like a real w*r wound.
- Grandpa, can I get a Bag 'O Guts?
- Me too, Grandpa, me too!
(Mr. Atwater chuckles)
(dramatic music)
(siren wailing)
(horn honking)
- Step out of the truck.
I repeat, step out of the truck.
- Don't tell my dad, okay.
- Me neither.
- [Children] Wow, Robocop!
(children conversing)
- [Man] Go ahead and sharpen the flat line
and then let's quit.
- [Woman] Okay, everybody, clear.
- Officer Alex Murphy sh*t to death
in the line of duty.
- [Charlie] Legally, he's dead.
We can pretty much do what we want.
- There's a new guy in
town, his name's Robocop.
(triumphant music)
- Murphy, it is you.
(g*n sh*t)
- Wow.
(g*n sh*ts)
(upbeat music)
- [Announcer] Give us three minutes
and we'll give you the world.
This is Media Break with Bo
Harlan and Rocky Crenshaw.
- Our top story, a brand
new set for Media Break.
Rocky, how do you like it?
- Well, you know, Bo, it's
so big and impressive,
I can't help feeling well, special.
- You are special, Rocky.
Everyone is.
Now the news.
The chairman of Omni Consumer Products
finalized contracts today,
initiating construction
of a nationwide chain
of mid-price day care centers.
- Speaking of kids, seems
like they'll do anything
for Commander Cash toys and
merchandise, even steal.
That's right, Bo,
yesterday police arrested
a dozen eight year olds in connection
with over 20 toy store break ins.
We talked to the genius
behind the Commander Cash
marketing phenomenon
about this crime wave.
OCP's VP of children's
marketing and entertainment,
Simon Atwater.
- I created Commander Cash for
all the good boys and girls
of the world.
And they love him back,
because he's a hero.
He's a hero of the economy
and everybody loves a hero.
- So says Simon Atwater.
When questioned by police,
the marauding children
refused to cooperate until
they and their attorneys
were given Commander Cash chocolate bars.
- Bad idea, Rocky, you know
how hyper attorneys get
when they eat too much sugar.
(both laughing)
(soft music)
(machine beeping)
- Non-lethals check out.
You're ready for the kids, Robo.
- Thank you.
- I'm never having kids, ever.
Ever, you guys wanna know why?
- Why?
- 'Cause I just spend the last four hours,
got it, four hours, processing
whining, screaming juveniles
and then calling their
whining, screaming parents
who swear that little Bobby and Susie
couldn't possibly have thrown a trash can
through a toy store window
and cleaned the place out
of Commander Cash toys.
No, and if they did, whose fault is it?
It's mine, yes.
They blame me, they blame OCP,
they blame Commander Cash cartoons,
they blame everybody but themselves,
and if you even suggest or even hint
that maybe, just maybe they're
not properly supervising
the little monsters, they
get right in my face.
What do you know about kids,
how many kids do you have,
what do you think I should do
based on your own barren existence?
One of them actually called me barren,
can you guys believe that?
- [Both] No.
- Your shift is over, why
don't you go home and relax?
- Yeah, you know, take
a bath, rent a movie.
Adult, maybe.
- Oh yes, I'd love to, but I can't.
See, Sarge is at the Chicago convention
and I promised him I'd take Gadget
to the opening of the new OCP Omni Mall,
so she can see Commander Cash.
- I'll be there as well.
Crowd control.
- Great, if things get out of hand,
sh**t some parents for me.
- Hey, look what I got.
(liquid sloshing)
It's Little Miss Bag 'O Guts.
It came with my Major Market doll.
Cool, huh?
- I changed my mind, if
things get out of hand,
sh**t me.
(playful music)
(crowd conversing)
(train whistle blows)
(bell ringing)
- Wave, everybody, come on.
Wave to the chairman.
- It's great to get out
and meet the consumers,
isn't it, Mr. Chairman?
- There are certainly plenty of them here.
You know, we could consider franchising
these amusement centers,
Europe perhaps, France.
- Can't miss.
Great idea, Mr. Chairman.
(children yelling)
- [Child] Do you know Commander Cash?
Can we have your autograph?
- Yeah, can we?
- Always obey your parents and the law.
(children groaning)
- Excuse me.
Oh, I'm sorry, precious.
Oh, Mr. RoboCop, my name is Brittany,
I'm Simon Atwater's assistant,
and the chairman would like
to see you right over there.
Wow.
(ominous music)
- Mr. Chairman, how can I assist you?
- We would appreciate it
if you could take the time
to pose for pictures with Commander Cash.
Two heroes together, so to speak.
I understand if you have
other duties to attend to.
- Oh, but the children would love it.
I mean, imagine their
little eyes just lighting up
with excitement.
We don't wanna disappoint
the children, now do we?
- I am on duty.
- You know, you are so dedicated,
and that's just one of the things
that really separates from
all the other OCP products.
- You can't do this, I'm Commander-
(man mumbling)
- [Children] We want Commander Cash!
We want Commander Cash!
- I now declare the OCP
Omni Mall officially open.
(crowd applauds)
- [Children] We want Commander Cash!
We want Commander Cash!
We want Commander Cash!
We want Commander Cash!
We want Commander Cash!
- Glad to see the little darlings
haven't sold you for scrap.
- There he is.
(triumphant music)
(children cheering)
- He was supposed to come
in the front entrance.
Didn't you tell him that?
- Yes.
- RoboCop, always glad to
meet a fellow superhero.
- I am just a police officer.
- What humility.
So important when setting a
good example for children.
But then, that's cartoon law.
- [Children] Commander
Cash, Commander Cash,
Commander Cash, Commander
Cash, Commander Cash,
Commander Cash, Commander
Cash, Commander Cash,
Commander Cash, Commander
Cash, Commander Cash!
- Hello, young citizens.
- [Children] Hi, Commander Cash!
- Now did we all eat our
Super Flakes this morning?
(children agreeing)
Good, good.
Do we always do what Commander Cash says?
(children agreeing)
Well, Commander Cash says
everything is free today,
take what you want.
(children cheering)
- What's he doing?
- [Child] Give me that, that's mine!
- Children, children, now behave yourself.
Listen to me, listen to Grandpa.
What am I saying?
(children arguing)
- Gadget!
Gadget, where are you?
Gadget?
(dramatic music)
- That's right, boys and girls,
do what Commander Cash says.
Take what you want.
- Children, children, the
merchandise is not free.
Your mommies and daddies have to buy it.
It's not free, stop this immediately.
- Go kids, do what Commander
Cash says, it is free.
And all the rides are free too.
Simon Atwater, you are
an enemy of all children.
(Simon exclaiming)
(dramatic music)
Officer RoboCop, arrest that villain,
he's a violation of cartoon law.
- Arrest that lunatic before
he does any more damage.
- Take my advice, RoboCop,
keep an eye on that man.
- You are under arrest
for inciting a riot.
(Commander Cash laughs)
- You can't arrest me, I'm Commander Cash.
I'm a superhero, and
superheros don't commit crimes.
(rockets whooshing)
It's cartoon law.
Goodbye, young citizens.
- [Children] Goodbye, Commander Cash.
(glass shatters)
(children exclaiming)
- Well, Mr. RoboCop, that
didn't go very well, did it?
Just out of curiosity,
why didn't you blow his sorry butt away?
- Wow.
- It's mine, leave it alone.
- I'm not giving it back.
- I don't care.
- Gadget, where are you?
I'm a police officer.
Gadget!
- Here I am, look at all the stuff I got.
What?
- You are so busted.
- What, what'd I do, what?
- Mom and Dad out on the town again?
Well, here's your home alone buddy.
- [Major Market] Commander
Cash's Nitey-Nite Pal.
So soft and comforting.
- Of all the kids there, Gadget,
you should have known better.
Hey, are you listening to me?
Do you hear what I'm saying?
Do you know how disappointed
the sarge is gonna be
when he finds this out?
- Oh, I need a Nitey-Nite Pal,
can we go and get one now?
- [Announcer] Mom and Dad,
don't leave them home alone
unless they have Commander
Cash's Nitey-Nite Pal
available at toy stores and
armament shops everywhere.
(machine beeping)
- Catching up on your reading, huh?
- Charlie, what is cartoon law?
There is nothing in the database.
- Cartoon law, nice way to put it.
Well, you ever watch cartoons, Robo?
- Watch this, Dad,
he'll come back and win,
the superhero always wins, always.
- The superhero always wins.
- Yep, and he never lies,
he never breaks the law,
and he never rests until the
villain is brought to justice.
- A simple matter of right and wrong.
- Justice in its purest form.
- Robo, check this out.
Oh wait, will this work?
- Yeah, yeah, he can
polarize to that color.
- Read that.
(dramatic music)
(Brittany moaning)
(elevator dings)
- Hi, Detroit Police,
I'd like to speak with
Mr. Atwater, please.
- Do you have an appointment?
- I'm with the police.
- Uh huh, do you have an appointment?
(elevator dings)
- Thank you very much, gentlemen,
you've done an excellent job.
- You're welcome, sir.
- Hi, Mr. Atwater, can I
speak with you, please?
- Of course.
I always have time for
the brave men and women
of our wonderful police department.
Brittany, hold some of my calls.
- Looks like the evidence
room at Metro South.
- I am very sorry these bad boys and girls
are taking up so much
of your time, detective.
Commander Cash would be very upset.
And I'm not talking about
that criminal at the mall.
- That's exactly
what I wanna talk to
you about, Mr. Atwater.
- Have you caught him?
- No, but I would like to pick your brain
about what you were thinking
with your Super Flakes
packaging and commercials.
Obey Commander Cash.
Now that's pretty much the
way that Commander Cash
got the kids going at the mall, wasn't it?
- They were just excited
about meeting their hero.
- Excuse me.
I also checked your secret messages
on the Commander Cash commercial spots,
you need Commander Cash toys,
you must have the new Eliminator 3000,
get a Nitey-Nite Pal now.
Those are pretty strong
statements to little kids,
don't you think?
- It's just a little
game for the children.
Something special just for them.
We've made no attempt to deceive anyone.
- I think it would be wise if
OCP were to withdraw the ads
and the cereal until this
whole thing calms down.
- It's always so easy
to blame us, isn't it?
And yet, it is the parents
who won't take the time
with their little Bobby and Susie,
who won't take the time
to say it's all right
to want and need things, it's natural.
But you can only have what Mommy and Daddy
can afford to buy you,
and if Mommy and Daddy won't work as hard
as other mommies and daddies,
and can't buy you what you want and need,
then it is up to you
to work hard in school
and to eat a balanced diet,
so that you grow up strong and prosperous,
so that you can buy your
little Bobby and Susie
what they need and want.
(dramatic music)
The ads and cereal will
remain as they are.
And if you are looking
for something to do,
I suggest you get out
and find this lunatic
before he burns my butt.
- RoboCop is on the case.
- RoboCop?
RoboCop?
He was at the mall
and that lunatic made a clean getaway.
No, no, just as parents
shouldn't look to OCP
to raise their children,
I'm not going to rely on
robots to keep me safe.
(machine whirring)
I think we're through here, detective,
have a very nice day. (laughs)
- It is so nice to have
somebody to eat lunch with.
Simon doesn't like me associating
with the other employees very much.
He says I have a big mouth.
Yeah, well secrecy is power,
that's what Simon says.
- Simon also says he doesn't like kids,
so what's he doing in the
children's marketing division?
- Oh well, he wasn't always there.
He's actually a chemist.
He used to work for Security Concepts
Tactical w*r Division, in
psycho pharmaceuticals.
- Psycho pharma?
So why did he leave?
- Well, nobody liked him very much.
They said he stole all their ideas,
but they were just jealous.
And besides, chemist
don't get nice big offices
and nice big cars,
and Simon likes those things a lot.
- Wow, he's doing pretty for a chemist
with no previous
marketing experience, huh?
- Simon is so smart.
He actually invented Commander Cash.
- Oh, he must be pretty proud of that.
- Actually, he's prouder of Super Flakes,
he made them up too.
- No kidding?
- Mm-hmm, he says that Super Flakes
is gonna take him to the top.
Have you ever tried them?
Oh, they're really good.
I usually have them for lunch,
a great big bowl full.
Simon lets me have all I want for free.
Oh, guess what, Simon is
gonna let me be Major Market
at the opening of the children's
day care center tomorrow,
isn't that fantastic?
I'm really an actress.
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
It's the first time I
get to wear the costume
outside of Simon's apartment.
(dramatic music)
(children conversing)
- [Commander Cash] It's time for-
- [Children] Commander Cash!
- Hey, OCP didn't say
nothing about a promotion.
Are you sure you're supposed to be here?
- Well citizen, Commander Cash goes
wherever he is needed.
Wherever there is injustice.
Trust me on this one, citizen.
Hey kids, did you all have your
Commander Cash Super Flakes
this morning?
(children cheering)
Do you always do what Commander Cash says?
(children agreeing)
Well, Commander Cash says,
take what you want, it's free.
(children conversing)
(dramatic music)
- No, stop, no, don't touch that.
It's not free!
You moron, what the hell are you doing?
Listen, you stop those brats right now,
or I'm gonna sue.
(Commander Cash laughing)
- Stop.
- Do you like the Eliminator 3000?
- Yeah, sure, Commander Cash,
it's a real strong seller.
- Well, this one's mine.
And here's use number 351.
Step aside, citizens.
(Eliminator 3000 whirring)
(children exclaiming)
Hated to do that,
but there's no room in this
world's economy for imposters.
Here, son.
Don't forget your Nitey-Nite Pals.
Can't enjoy a good night's
sleep without them, you know?
(Commander Cash laughs)
Take care, sleep well
knowing Commander Cash
is ever vigilant.
(dramatic music)
Whoa, take it easy, young man.
No need to rush.
(g*n cocks)
No!
(g*n sh*t)
- Is he dead?
- He can't be, he's Commander Cash.
- Mommy, that man just
sh*t Commander Cash.
- Robo, please help Commander
Cash, someone hurt him.
- I will do what I can.
- He's dead?
No, he's not dead.
- Geez, that really hurts.
- You're under arrest, come with me.
- Boys and girls, Commander
Cash says stop RoboCop.
- Don't touch him, he's our friend.
- Stop, he's good, you're bad.
- Stay right there.
- Until we meet again, RoboCop,
I salute you, fellow superhero.
- [Children] Bye, Commander Cash.
(dramatic music)
- Until we meet again, Commander Cash.
(intense music)
(scanner beeping)
- Hey!
- Sorry, Gadget, I'll explain later.
Here, have something more nutritious.
- Chocorama bar?
- Do what Detective
Madigan says, okay, dear?
I'll see you later.
(radar beeping)
Charlie, I need you.
- You do?
(dramatic music)
- Welcome to the Commander
Cash Citadel of Solitude.
(RoboCop whirring)
(dramatic music)
(RoboCop thuds)
(machine beeping)
- Atwater secretary, better
known as Major Market
spilled it all, man.
This guy is a chemist.
His specialty is psycho pharmaceuticals.
- Really?
- Yes, hallucinogens and hypnotics.
Remember when I told you Gadget phased out
during that commercial?
She was eating that cereal.
- So you think that-
- Super Flakes it Atwater's pride and joy.
On the basis of this stuff,
he has turned a nothing division
into this huge money maker.
How?
I checked the national
juvenile crime files, right?
This jump in crime only
happened here in this area,
the only place in America
where they're test marketing Super Flakes.
- Madigan, there's nothing in the cereal.
- What?
Well, check the box.
Right, check the box,
it's gotta be the box.
- Okay, I'll check the box.
(dramatic music)
(intense music)
- Commander Cash, come
out with your hands up.
(wall crashing)
- Don't struggle, RoboCop.
This will all be over before you know it.
(machine beeping)
I would never hurt a fellow superhero.
You have to trust me.
- Cartoon law?
- Exactly.
(RoboCop whirring)
- I'll need your spike.
This will explain everything
much better than I can.
Enjoy the show.
- [Narrator] It all began at the offices
of Mili-Tech Concepts,
where mild mannered
audio-visual research scientist,
Tex Jones worked.
- [Tex] Geez, this is great.
With my new phase pulsing projector
and these special glasses,
why I could literally
burn our secret messages
into the brains of our operatives.
Our brave spies would never
miss an important message again
and I'd still have time
for you, Commander Cash,
he'll reach out to kids everywhere.
Oh, he'll inspire them
to make our work a better place for all.
- [Narrator] But little did
the clean living Tex know,
just outside his door evil lurked.
- [Simon] Howdy, Tex, I'm Simon Atwater,
marketing chemist in
psycho pharmaceuticals.
I've heard all about your
research with pulse images
and I've got a proposition for you.
I've just stolen...
I mean, created a psycho hypnotic
that can make people
do just about anything
we want them to, and it's undetectable
until mixed with a common calcium
phosphorus based chemical.
- [Tex] Why are you telling me all this?
- [Simon] Because I'm busting out
of this nowhere tech job
and climbing the corporate
ladder all the way to the top.
Imagine making people buy
a product, any product.
Consumers bent to our
will, unlimited power
at my disposal. (laughs)
- [Tex] But what do you want from me?
- You've created the perfect
message delivery system,
and the perfect salesman,
an icon that everyone,
even kids can trust.
- [Tex] Never, I won't
let you corrupt my work
and my dreams with your
filthy schemes, get out.
- [Simon] Hey, no problem, buddy.
I'm not even gonna try
to change your mind.
(b*mb beeping)
Have a nice day.
(dramatic music)
- [Tex] No!
(b*mb explodes)
- [Narrator] Tex was
supposed to die that day,
but he didn't.
It took a long time for him to recover,
but in the end, he was reborn,
he was no longer a mild mannered scientist
with a flare for art.
- [Announcer] And in the business news,
OCP's Simon Atwater has
been promoted yet again.
- [Narrator] His dreams had been stolen,
so he had no choice
but to be those dreams,
to become Commander Cash.
- Because when evil takes
everything away from you,
what choice do you have
but to become a superhero?
(machine beeping)
- Well, we checked the cereal, the box,
the ultra specks, we even
checked the 20% off coupon
on OCP cat food that came in the box,
there's nothing in any of it
that could turn kids into
zombies for Commander Cash.
- It's gotta be there, it has to be.
- It is.
The hypnotic is dormant,
until mixed with a
calcium phosphorus base.
- What?
- Just add milk.
(shoes clicking)
- Thank you, Mr. Chairman,
I'm very pleased.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I have to go to my office
to get some sales figures for the press,
will you please stop feeding your face
and act like a super heroine, thank you.
(dramatic music)
- I've come for you, Atwater.
- Jones.
- Jones is dead.
- Jones is insane.
Now why don't you get out of
here before I call security.
- You perverted my image.
I could have sold your toys
without the mind control,
but no, you had no faith in me.
You exploited innocent children
to line your pockets
with ill-gotten games.
- Is that what you
think this is all about?
Toys?
Money?
In 10 years, those little brats
are gonna be running everything,
and guess who's gonna be running them?
Me.
- World domination?
(Simon groans)
You villains never learn.
- How about a little
product testing, Jones?
Nitey-Nite Pal.
(toy explodes)
(Commander Cash groans)
(Simon laughs)
- You won't get away with this, Atwater.
- Spare me your comic book morality.
- Simon Atwater, you are under arrest.
- I've had it with you guys.
(machine whirring)
(electricity buzzing)
(dramatic music)
- [Commander Cash] Hold
on, Robo, I'm coming.
(Commander Cash groaning)
- You are a hero.
(shoes tapping)
- Excuse me, how long does
Mr. Atwater expect to be?
I can't wait all afternoon.
- I'll go find him, Mr. Chairman.
- [Cow] Here, let me top
you off there, Chief.
- Simon?
Simon, where have you been?
The chairman is getting really fidgety.
- [Simon] Yeah, well you
can tell the chairman-
- Hold it, Atwater.
Keep your hands where I can
see them, you're under arrest.
- Can you see them now, officer?
Can you see what they're holding?
Don't try anything.
There are a lot of
innocent child around here
and we wouldn't want
to hurt them, would we?
- Simon, this is scary.
- Shut up, Brittany.
- Simon Atwater, you are coming with us.
- No, I'm not, she's coming with me.
- Atwater, have you lost your mind?
- No, but I've lost everything else,
and I'm not very happy about it.
- Major Market, Commander
Cash says stop that fiend.
(dramatic music)
- Wow.
Am I ever in character.
- You've ruined everything.
Everything!
But this is not the end of me.
I will be back!
(triumphant music)
- In the name of justice
and a strong economy,
Commander Cash says you're finished.
(crowd applauds)
Once again, good triumphs over evil.
- Yes, cartoon law.
♪ In the heart of the darkness ♪
♪ A light still burns ♪
♪ It takes you back there
to a memory you've heard ♪
♪ In the heart of the darkness ♪
♪ She's still there ♪
♪ She's always holding
on to what you share ♪
♪ Is anybody out there
gonna take your hand ♪
♪ Hold you close, help you understand ♪
♪ There's a future to this life ♪
♪ And it burns in the night ♪
♪ There's a future to this life ♪
♪ It's like a sign in the sky ♪
♪ There's a future to this life ♪