05x04 - A Bird in the Hand

[bunniefuu]

Hey, uh, is Sophie around?

SOPHIE: You can't just do this.

My friend isn't even
here to get what he needs.

Previously on
"A Million Little Things"...

Greta's back?

Yeah. I was thinking of
asking her to move in.

If that's okay with you.

I think that's great.

I gave Colton your list
of potential guest hosts,

but I guess he already found someone.

Her name is Dr. Jessica Bruno?

She's Gary's therapist.

You'll never be as good as Maggie Bloom.

Your dad has been
having memory problems.

I am perfectly fine.

We won't know anything for
sure until we get the MRI.

There's something else
I need to tell you.

The results of your MRI came back.

They're thinking it's Alzheimer's.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

[SINGSONG VOICE]
How's my favorite father-in-law?

Oh!

Still in your underwear.

Didn't you get my text
saying I was coming over?

I'm allowed to be
comfortable in my own home.

- Well, glad one of us is.
- [CHIMING CONTINUES]

Walter, what's this alarm for?

I don't know.

Why the hell is this thing not working?

It's a universal remote.

It's supposed to make my life easier.

- Here. I can help you.
- I don't need help.

Oh. No. Of course you don't.

I was just stopping by
with a breakfast burrito.

Made it this morning.

Extra sour cream, just
the way you like it.

Maybe it's the batteries.

Guess what.

Rome and I are interviewing
home healthcare workers today.

And who knows?

Maybe we'll get lucky and meet someone

who appreciates your dress
code even more than I do.

I don't need your
home healthcare worker,

and I don't need your
butter-me-up burrito.

For your information, I already
made breakfast minutes ago.

Honestly, Gina, I find
all this ridiculous,

and I'm a little surprised
you let Rome drag you into it.

I've taken care of myself for years.

I raised two kids, served in Vietnam.

What else do I have to do

in order for you and Rome to trust me?

Fire!

I remember what the alarm was for.

Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic ed.com

GRETA: Hey, T, to celebrate
our first morning together,

just you and I, I made
smiley-face pancakes.

The eyes on this one look
just like Tammy Faye Bakker's

after a good cry.

Hey, Theo, come on.

Your dad's gonna be here
any minute to pick you up.

Okay. I just need to make sure
Mom got to work safely.

I texted her twice, but
I haven't heard back,

so I'm a little worried she...

- [TABLET CHIMES]
- Oh, hang on.

Oh, she just sent me a thumbs-up.

We're good. Hit me with those pancakes.

Oh, uh, but first, I
need to put out the...

Tuna for Scott?

- Right here.
- Oh, you're good.

Thank you.

[SIGHS] I am good.

[BIRDS CHIRPING, CAT MEOWING]

Here.

There you go, Scott.

[BIRD SINGING]

[WHISPERING] Greta.

Hey, Greta. Check it out.
The bird's back.

You mean the one you
mistakenly claim is a sparrow?

No, the one you
crazily insist is a blue jay,

even though no part
of that thing is blue.

I don't see a bird.

Wait a minute. Is
this a "made you look"?

Because I thought we
promised we were not bringing

Gary and Maggie's
shenanigans into this house.

No. He's right there.

Oh.

Well, he was.

[BIRDS CHIRPING, WINGS FLAPPING]

- Where did he...
- [WINGS FLAPPING, CAT YOWLS]

- Oh, my God. Scott! Scott!
- Oh, no.

How do they expect me
to remember anything

from last week's birthing class

when I have full-blown pregnancy brain?

I don't even remember
taking these notes.

Is this...

Is this even my handwriting?

Don't sweat it, preggers.
I remember everything.

Graham is awesome.

You and Brie really hit it off.

Oh. You mean about the baby stuff.

No, I don't remember any of that crap.

Gary.

Relax. That's why we hired pros.

It may be your first birth,
but it is not Dr. Lipman's.

[CELLPHONE BUZZING]

- Wow.
- Oh.

I cannot believe that she has
the nerve to call you right now.

Nope. We don't talk about Bruno.

Would you stop looking
at those notes, you nerd?

The point of this class
is for us to meet people

that are having babies
within days of ours.

This is not a social event.

You're right.

It's a social opportunity.

You see, dear Magdalene,

most parents make the
very stupid mistake

of waiting to see who
their kids hang out with,

and then they befriend those
kids' parents, but not us.

No, no, no.

The goal for today is to
put a brunch on the books

with out soon-to-be
besties, Graham and Brie.

And to find out how
to dislodge something

from our baby's throat if he's choking.

Yeah.

Yeah, that... that, too.
Sure. Fine. If there's time.

When he bent down to
help me with the dustpan,

I saw parts of that man
his doctor's never seen.

Oh, wow. Thank you for the visual.

Oh.

I think this is the place.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS,
SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

How do you know Joseph's here?

I don't, but the woman from
the sanitation department

said that when they do a sweep,

usually the people they displace
end up within a few blocks.

- Mm.
- So if he's not here,

maybe someone will know where he is.

Uh, hi. Excuse me.

Um, we're looking for
someone who might be here.

Joseph?

I don't know any Joseph.

Uh, we have a video of us playing.

- ♪ Oh, that salted cured meat ♪
- [HARMONICA PLAYING]

♪ Ooh, it's sublime ♪

♪ Regina's pastrami... ♪

No. I-I never seen him before.

Are you sure?
'Cause it... it seemed like...

I can't help you.

Okay. Thank you.

Okay. Let's... Let's go.

MAN: Here. Would you like one?

A word of advice.

The people living here
look out for each other.

They'd probably be
more likely to help you

if you didn't show up empty-handed.

REGINA: Thank you.

- It's a sore wound sort of a thing...
- Hey, T!

- It's like a...
- You ready to go?

Yeah, we have some tissue
paper under his neck

so he doesn't strain it.

[WHISPERING] He's over there.

Hey, pal, you ready to play laser tag?

I can't go anywhere, Dad.

We need to save this bird.

Oh, no.

Hang in there, pal.

Hey, T, great news.

My vet can see him in like minutes.

So I'll take him over there.
You two just go have fun.

No. We're coming with
you. I'm not leaving him.

I'll go get my shoes.

What's going on?

Uh, when we were feeding
Scott the cat this morning,

he decided he wanted more than tuna.

Oh.

Well, that's... terrible, but I mean...

do we really need to take it to the vet?

I mean, should we even be touching it?

Maybe it has diseases or something.

Oh, I have to get this right.

It's my... It's my first
morning just alone with Theo,

and... and that bird is
not gonna die on my watch.

And then you bring the blanket around,

over the other arm.

And... voilà.

Swaddled baby.

Okay. You guys try it with
the dolls in front of you.

Yeah. of course, if your
real baby is this still

while you're doing it,
you got bigger problems.

Oh, you are dark.

I like it. [CHUCKLES]

I mean, don't get me wrong.
I'm excited to have a kid.

But I am thrilled to
have a built-in excuse

to get out of things.

Yes! "Oh, my God, your..."

Your one-man show sounds interesting.

I'd love to go. When is it?

Oh. Darn it to heck.

That's right in the middle of nap time.

"Well, break a leg."

If you guys are done
fake-canceling plans,

I could use some real help over here.

BRIE: Yeah. Graham, stop goofing around.

This is a two-person job.

I'm sorry I'm not "all in"

on this stupid birthing
class you signed us up for

on the one day you knew I
had my fantasy-football draft.

Yeah, you're right.

It's my fault for assuming
that you would care more

about what it takes to raise your son

than coming in last place
in your fantasy league

for the fourth year in a row.

Hey, here's an idea.

Why don't you embroider
your list of complaints

on one of your Etsy
pillows no one wants to buy?

That... That thing you need
is back there, I think.

If you grew a pair and
actually asked for a raise,

- I wouldn't need a second job.
- You know what? You're right.

I see it. I see the thing I need.

BRIE: If you put as much effort
into your lineup as you do work,

maybe we wouldn't be in this situation.

GRAHAM: Maybe if you
could hold down a job

for more than a week and a
half, we'd be on Easy Street.

We didn't set a date for
brunch with them, did we?

No. It was very much up in the air.

Oh, thank God.

I'll get some more water.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Wow.

Man, that dude's fantasy-football league

has a better chance
of going the distance

than that marriage does.

Yeah.

But they're gonna have a kid soon.

That should really help things.

[LAUGHS] That's nice.

Evan.

Gary.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you too, bro.

Be careful. Try not to move his neck.

We'll take good care of him.

Don't worry.

Thanks, Doc.

Sure.

Okay. I just need a little information

to get you checked in.

- Name?
- Eddie.

And when did you first
notice Eddie was injured?

Oh. No. I'm Eddie.

Oh, thank God. I thought...

I thought you were asking
about his wheelchair.

Oh, my God.

No, no, no. I-I am so sorry.

I-I meant...

What's the bird's name?

The bird doesn't have a name.

He... He was injured in our yard.

And the bird really means a lot to him,

so if there's anything you can do...

We'll do everything we can.

Thank you.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

That bird's been out
there every morning.

Why didn't I put the
tuna on the back porch?

T, it is not your fault.

Do you think he's gonna be okay?

I know he is.

The nurse just said they're
gonna do everything they can.

You just gotta think positive.

So, Molly, what made you want to
become a home healthcare worker?

Well, I used to take care of my Gaga.

When I was a kid, I
couldn't say "grandpa,"

so I said "Gaga," and it kinda stuck.

That's so cute.

And when he got older,
he moved in with us,

and I was with him for the
last five years of his life

pretty much every day,
making him his meals,

getting him dressed,
taking him on walks,

just making sure he was
living his life to the fullest.

Lucky Gaga.

He was the first person
to ever encourage me

to follow my dreams, and I am
passionate about being a nurse,

because it allows me to bring
joy to the people around me.

And if I can make a living doing
that, that's what I want to do.

You seem perfect.

Delightful.

- We can't do this to you.
- We can't do this to you.

Oh.

Well, Celeste, you certainly
have a lot of experience,

and the nurse in
Walter's doctor's office

had great things to say about you.

That's great to hear.

I've been fortunate enough to
work with such wonderful people.

Yeah. About that.

I just need to reiterate that...

Walter can be a bit of a handful,

and I want to make sure
that doesn't faze you.

You keep saying that, but he's
been nothing but delightful

the whole time we've been sitting here.

Wait. W-What?

[LOUDLY] I said you'd
been nothing but delightful

the whole time we've been sitting here.

Let me get this straight.

You... You think that
I'm the -year-old man?

And you look amazing.

Huh? [CHUCKLES]

It certainly is amazing.

[CHUCKLES]

Okay. Um, did you want any references?

So, the agency was a little unclear

about the drug-testing policy.

Thank you for coming in, Lucian.

We didn't even walk that last guy out.

Because he came in
here eating his lunch.

Who eats a sandwich during an interview?

Now I gotta get the smell
of egg salad out of here.

How much longer till
the next dud shows up?

Not for another minutes.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I guess he's early.

Or maybe Lucian forgot his bong.

Hey, you greet him.

I gotta take this deli
to the trash chute.

If it seems like he's on
dr*gs, eating liverwurst,

or thinks I'm a senior citizen,

can you have him gone
before I'm back, please?

Get him off your lawn. Got it, Gaga.

Stop doing that.

No.

- Hi.
- Hi.

You must be Regina. I'm Terrence.

Uh, sorry I'm a bit early.

My dad, he was in the service.

He always taught me if
you're on time, you're late.

- [CHUCKLES]
- This is Rome.

Hi. You taking out the trash?

I did see the chute on the way up.

Let me grab that for you.

Be right back.

Is this guy as good as he seems?

Either that or we got
a contact high from Lucian.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Would you like one? Hi.

You want...

- There you go.
- Thank you.

Thank you. Have a good day.

Hey.

Do you want a water?

Thanks.

Look, I-I-I really don't
want to cause any trouble,

but any information you have
about Joseph would be helpful.

You know, when the cops came through

and trashed all his
stuff, uh, we found this.

I just want to find
him and give it back.

Joseph's his last name.

His first name's Alex.

Thank you.

But he's not here.

Couple days ago, the EMTs
took him out on a stretcher.

I haven't seen him since.

Okay, everybody. Let's
take a five-minute break.

All right. [EXHALES DEEPLY]

I will be using my break to urinate,

'cause your son is kicking my bladder.

Well, just a heads-up...

The whole "I'm pregnant, so
I'm gonna cut the line" thing

probably isn't gonna work here.

Huh.

It worked.

Yo, Gary, you mind if I join you?

Man, get over here with your...

what you have,
peanut-butter-filled pretzels?

As soon as Claire hit
her third trimester,

peanut butter was outlawed in our house.

Yeah. Maggie's smell-sensitive, too.

That's why I'm out here
eating this hallway jerky.

When the instructor put
that coconut lip whatever on,

I thought my lady was gonna pass out.

I don't even blame her. It was intense.

Hey, I could smell "Gilligan's
Island" from two rows back.

Dude. Deep pull.

I love that show.

You remember the episode
where Gilligan did something

that kept them from all being rescued?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Wait. Here's the thing
I never understood.

Give it to me.

Why didn't they just tie him up,

like on the far side of the island...

- Way on the other side.
- Get him out of the way.

Like, "You know what, little buddy?"

- "We will be right back for you."
- No, we won't.

Hey, and don't even get me
started on the Professor.

Hold on. Wait.

So we're supposed to believe
this dude can make anything

out of a palm tree and a coconut,

but he can't patch up a freakin' boat?

[LAUGHS] That's hilarious!

Oh, my God. I never
even thought of that.

Full disclosure, uh,

that's not the first
time I've done that bit.

It's in my act.

Act?

Are you a stand-up?

Yes. Yes, I am.

You know the Beacon Comedy Club?

Yes, I know the Beacon.

I run an open mike on Mondays.

You should come by.

- I will come by.
- I'll put you on the list.

Oh! I love being on the list.

- CLAIRE: Evan?
- Who doesn't love the list?

Oop. Here comes the wife.

- Zip up your jerky.
- Zip up your jerky?

I really hope you guys
are talking about snacks.

- Ah.
- See?

This one.

You're a comedian too?

No. [LAUGHS] God, no.

One in a couple is more than enough.

No, I'm a professor.

Can you patch a boat?

Whoa. You, uh, done
your whole act for him?

No! N... Okay, maybe.

A tight five.

We're a comedy duo now.

Wow. [LAUGHS]

Where do you teach?

I work at MIT.

Oh, I think I've heard of that.

That's right.

The only dumb thing she ever
did was let me get her pregnant.

- Oh.
- Boop.

Boop. [LAUGHS]

MAGGIE: Hey.

She's starting up again.

- Ah.
- Oh.

Let's hope Cindee slathered on
more of that coconut lip gloss.

Cindee? Oh.

Oh, you mean Cinde-e, with two E's.

That's right. Sorry for the confusion.

- Don't mess that up.
- Yeah.

My bad.

Let's all go back in together as
a quad... quartet. Let's go in.

So, the thing is, my dad
can be... difficult...

at times.

Most times.

All of the time. [CHUCKLES]

Hey, I get it.

It's hard for someone who's used
to having their own independence

suddenly need someone
with them constantly.

That's why I like to think of
it more as a budding friendship.

Yes, I'll look after Walter,

but there's much that I
can learn from him as well.

Wow.

That's an amazing perspective.

Plus, you said he's a
Marine, just like my dad,

so I'm used to that type of personality.

I grew up with it.

It's the same way you have
an easier time navigating him

because you grew up
with it your whole life.

Yeah. It's pretty much
second nature at this point.

[SIGHS] You know what?

You are just... You are fantastic.

You really are.

Problem is, getting my dad on
board is gonna be kinda tricky.

I totally get it.

How about you take me by his
place so I can get to meet him?

And then if it seems like
it's a good fit, then...

maybe you guys can come up with
an excuse to get out of there,

give me some time alone with him,

give him a chance to
really get to know me.

Uh, that would be perfect.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, no. Wait. Wait. Wait.

I'm coaching the debate
team this afternoon.

Oh, I'll take you by.

He likes me better anyway.

It's not even close.

[LAUGHTER]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

- Aren't they great?
- Who?

What do you mean,
"who"? Evan and Claire.

Who are Evan and Claire?

Shh! Babe, they're right there.

You and Claire shared a moment of hatred

with people that use stinky lip gloss,

and my main man Ev is a stand-up comic.

Oh, God.

Is he one of those people
who's just always on?

No. Not at all.

In fact, it took me
a while to discover it.

Oh. That's why you've fallen
into your Seinfeld cadence.

I don't know what you're talking about.

I love these people.

[NORMAL VOICE] Ah, ah, ah.

N- o. No, no.
- What the hell?

You are cut off.

Next break, you're not peeing, okay?

You're gonna hang out with Evan
and Claire the MIT professor.

Wait. She's a professor?

I tried to tell you that.

The smartest, funniest baby in Boston

is just chillin' in that belly,
and during the next break,

I'm going to need you to bring it.

I will tell you when I'm gonna bring it.

Besides, you don't even
know that they're that great.

What else do you know about them?

I just told you so much.

Okay, well, I'm sorry if I don't
trust the immediate judgment

of the guy who, earlier
today, had us summering

with Tony and Carmela over there.

BRIE: Are you gonna be jealous

when you're not the only
baby in our household?

- Yep, that's fair.
- Mm-hmm.

What are you doing?

Taking notes.

No, you're not.

No, I'm not.

I am googling our new best friends

so that I can show you why
you should open your mind

to be... Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh.

Dr. Claire Fisher,

professor of behavioral analytics.

I don't know what that means,

but it sounds like it
involves overthinking things,

which means you're gonna love her.

Look at that professional head sh*t.

You fold your arms, Claire.

No need to analyze that. I like it.

- Stop.
- [LAUGHS, SMOOCHES]

You did pretty good.

Yeah. I did.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Hey, I texted Katherine
we're still at the vet.

She texted back "slob goal"?

Autocorrect.

She's texting under the table
so the judge can't see her.

"Slob goal" is "sounds good."

Hey, you guys, check it out.

I can eat chips all day
and not gain a pound.

Enjoy it while you can,
kid. Mind if we cut in?

I need to see how many
chips Sergeant has had

- since his last visit.
- Oh, sure.

If you want, you can hold the leash.

- Really?
- Sit.

Good boy, Sergeant.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

[WHISPERING] Did it die?

The bird is still hanging on,

but there's nothing else we can do.

At this point, the most humane
thing would be to euthanize it.

Thank you.

Um...

THEO: Do I press this?

Could we have a minute?

He's gonna want to say goodbye.

Of course. Just let me know
when you're ready, okay?

GRETA: Okay. Thank you.

Great.

It's my first morning
with just Theo and I,

and I have go break his heart?

I mean, how's that for
top-shelf parenting?

Hey.

Parenting isn't always
about being able to fix it.

It's about being there to
support him when you can't.

Let's tell him together.

Okay.

Is the bird okay?

Um...

Listen, T, the vet tried
everything they could,

but the bird isn't gonna make it.

The doctor said the best thing
that we could do for him now

is give him a drug to
help him go in peace.

No.

No. We can't do that!

There's nothing more
they can do for him.

The bird is suffering.

No, Dad. We can't give up!

Hey, T?

T.

If the bird's still alive,
they have to keep trying.

They've done everything they can.

Your dad's right. It's the only option.

No. We can't give up.

That's what Uncle Jon did.

Buddy, Uncle Jon did not give up.

But that's what you said.

What? No, I didn't.

Yeah, you did.

The night he d*ed,

I heard you and Uncle Rome
and Uncle Gary talking.

You were so mad at him.

You said, "How could he just give up?"

Listen, T.

When Uncle Jon d*ed,
you were very young,

and I don't think we did the best job

explaining to you what happened.

You are right. I did say that.

Because I was hurt,

and... I didn't fully understand
what was happening myself.

Now that you're older, I
think we should talk about it.

Uncle Jon had depression.

Like Uncle Rome?

Yes.

And part of the reason
Uncle Rome is doing so well

is because of what we
learned when we lost Jon.

Look, sometimes when you're depressed

and you don't get the help you need,

you can have some really bad thoughts.

You can be in so much
pain that even though

the pain is temporary, you feel
like it's gonna last forever.

Your brain tells you
it is never gonna end.

And I think that's what Uncle
Jon's brain was telling him.

And unfortunately, we didn't know,

so we couldn't help him realize
that those feelings would pass.

Even though he loved
us and we loved him...

I think all he could
feel was his suffering.

And so he ended his temporary
pain in a very permanent way.

And I'm just sorry

we haven't had this
conversation sooner, pal.

Me too.

The bird's not gonna get better, is he?

No, T, he's not.

And the... the pain the
bird's in from his injuries,

it's not a passing thing.

He's suffering.

I know it's really hard
to let him go, but it's...

It's the compassionate thing to do.

But I really think that if
you wanted to say goodbye

and tell the bird how
much he meant to you,

that'd be really nice.

Okay.

- THEO: Thanks, Greta.
- GRETA: Sure, pal.

I cannot believe how long
he's been carrying that.

I mean, I know the last
couple years have been tough,

and some of that has to
do with me and Katherine

and me relapsing and me
getting in my accident.

So basically me.

But even before that,

he had these night terrors,
and... he was just so anxious.

He still is.

This morning, he... He
wouldn't eat his breakfast

until he knew Katherine
got to work okay.

I think for a long
time now, he's felt like

he's had to take care of the people

who are supposed to
be taking care of him.

Well, hopefully that'll
turn around for him soon.

I think it already is...
especially now that he has you.

Oh. Uh, thank you.

Believe me, I plan on giving him

a whole host of things to worry about.

Okay. So one more slow,
deep breath through the nose.

And exhale through the mouth.

Excellent work.

Now that we're all relaxed,
let's have another potty break.

Okay.

So, Bloom, I need you
to play it cool, okay?

Smile a little bit, show some teeth,

maybe cr*ck a joke or two,
but remember he is a comedian,

so don't make it seem
like you're trying.

- You worry about you.
- You worry about you.

Oh.

Dude, I think I came up with another...

Another little something for
your "Gilligan's Island" bit.

Now, uh, the Professor,
he can do anything, right?

- Right.
- Can't patch a boat.

But he kept the batteries
in the radio going

for what, nine seasons?

You think... Do you think
you can maybe use that?

Yeah. I can workshop that.

I got other stuff. I
got other stuff, too.

We got a joke dude.

Sorry I didn't introduce myself earlier.

- I'm Maggie.
- Claire.

Nice to meet you.

When are you due?

Wow. I cannot believe
you would ask me that.

I'm not pregnant.

[LAUGHS] I'm just kidding.

If we weren't in a birthing
class, that would k*ll.

Yes.

No, this little one's
popping out in about a month.

I haven't been able to think about it

with all the prep I have to
do to go on maternity leave.

Oh, my God. Tell me about it.

You talking about being a mom
but also having to balance work?

Mom, work. Yeah? Same boat.

You should... You should discuss that.

Okay. I've got this, Jerry.

I thought his name was Gary.

Yeah. It should be.

- Babe, you still want those chips?
- Yeah.

Oh, unless they're salt and
vinegar, in which case...

I will tell them to go straight to hell.

Thank you.

Bloom, there are new
snacks to be wrangled,

so, uh, what should I say if, uh,

if they're Cool Ranch flavor?

Uh, you say, "Yes, please."

[LAUGHS]

Oh, wait, but don't do
the thing where you say

we're gonna split a bag and
then you end up eating all of it.

I swear, if I order nachos and
I don't get a separate plate,

my entire dinner is
salsa and sour cream.

It's a pleasure to meet you, sir.

You have a lovely home.

And I'm aware of all of its contents,

so don't even think
about taking anything.

That's Walter for
"Nice to meet you, too."

We won't stay too long.

I know you want to watch some golf.

I'm not watching anything.

Still can't figure out what's
wrong with that damn remote.

Oh. Yeah.

[CLICKS TONGUE] You know what?

These... These ones
can be pretty tricky.

But I'm sure you probably
already tried pressing

the power and menu button
at the same time to reset it.

What?

Oh, I just read somewhere that
by pressing those two buttons

at the same time, it reboots it.

But I'm sure you probably
already tried that.

I did.

But I'm gonna do it again.

So it's the menu button and the...

Uh, power.

- Power!
- Mm-hmm.

I know.

Oh!

Look at that. You fixed it.

With a little help from you, son.

"Son"?

Oh, man, they're doing one
of these gamer profiles.

I love these.

Well, sit down and watch
it with me, why don't you?

Don't mind if I do. [CHUCKLES]

You don't mind if I take
off my pants, do you?

As long as you don't
mind that I keep mine on.

[CHUCKLES] I do like
that Alex Norén fella.

- [CELLPHONE RINGS]
- [CHUCKLES] Bye.

Oh. Hey, Soph. What's going on?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Slow down.

I don't wanna jinx this,
but it sure seems like

Maggie and Claire are getting on
like two pregnant peas in a pod.

Oh, which is great,

'cause, bro, one of the reasons
I'm scared to have kids...

And this is gonna sound crazy, but...

Is it because you don't
want your kids to choose

what dumb dorks you
get to be friends with?

Yes! Oh, my...

Well, and, to be honest,

Claire's not the quickest
to warm up to people.

Are you kidding me?

[WHISPERING] Maggie hates everyone.

No, no. I love the stroller.

I just wish it came in a better color.

Oh, I know. But I do
like the hunter green.

Wait. It comes in hunter green?

Oh, uh, yeah.

What?

All right. So, I just registered for it.

- Oh, my gosh.
- Yeah.

Let me show you.

Uh... Uh, babe. Babe.

- Bloom.
- Hmm? Yeah. Hold on.

- I'm just gonna show Claire th...
- Maggie, j...

Is that me?

EVAN: What?

Why is my picture on here?

Is that you?

Oh. [CHUCKLES] Cute power suit.

Okay. This is... This is
a very silly confession,

and once I come out with
it, it's gonna be hilarious

and you can use it in one of your skits.

Remember when we were talking
about this one hating everybody?

- What?
- You know who you are.

- Okay.
- Well, I wanted to prove to her

how cool you both were.

So I did a little research,
and turns out,

you're even cooler than we thought,

and not just because you were named

Best New Face at the Montreal
Just for Laughs Comedy Festival,

even though that is what
the other tab told me.

[WHISPERING] You're making it creepier.

- I think you're right.
- Yeah.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

This seems like the type of problem

one of your listeners would
call into your show with.

"You're in the room with Dr. Bloom!"

[LAUGHTER]

- What?
- We're huge fans.

I recognized you from your
poster as soon as we saw you.

We just... We didn't
know how to tell you.

Yeah, it didn't occur
to us to just google you

and let you stumble
on the results, so...

Ha! That's funny. He's funny!

I've been saying that all morning!

This is crazy.

Obviously, we were... Oh,
we were meant to be friends.

So you two better get along.

- Work it out.
- GARY: Boop!

Work it out.

We should take a selfie,
uh, commemorating the moment

that we all decided to
be in each other's lives,

and our kids can look
back at it and they can...

They can love it just as much as we do.

Let's go! Let's do this!

Everybody, fold your arms like Claire.

Okay.

All right. It's a good pose.

It is. It is. It is.

Oh, sir, you are
the Ginger to my Mary Ann.

[SHUTTER CLICKS]

The problem with
merit-based organ donation

is who decides who's worthy?

I mean, the whole system is subjective

and therefore inherently flawed.

[KNUCKLES TAPPING]

- Okay. Okay.
- [WATCH BEEPS]

Brianna, you have one minute to rebut.

Okay.

No disrespect to the opposing team,

but that argument's the
most ridiculous thing

I've ever heard.

In the first place,
you're assuming that...

- [CELLPHONE BUZZING]
- Oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Ugh.

Just hold that thought,
and before you say,

"No phones in the classroom," Kevin,

it's my dad, and I'm the teacher,

and I probably should
have led with that.

Gimme... Just...

Hey, Pop, uh, how's it
going with you and Terrence?

WALTER: I hate that guy!

What? W-Wait.

I-Isn't he there with you right now?

Yeah, but he knows I hate him.

You know I hate you, right?

He knows.

Well, what... what happened?

Gina said you guys were
watching golf together.

We were, until someone started
talking about Patrick Reed

and how the ball he
picked up wasn't embedded,

even though me and all the
other officials ruled it was.

Okay. But, Pops, see, that's
how amazing Terrence is.

He understands what you just said.

Look. Look at the replay!

I looked at the replay!

I also saw it the first time.

Both times, embedded.

I don't want this man in my house.

Dad!

You know what? It's okay, Rome.

Don't worry about it.

I don't want to be here any
more than he wants me here.

Good luck finding somebody.

Oh. And it wasn't embedded!

Don't let the door hit you
in your ass on the way out!

I can't believe you got so
upset over a golf ball, Pop!

You think it's about a golf ball
because you're not hearing me.

I don't need a stranger in my house.

Well, I think you do.

Well, I don't want one.

And I don't want you
setting your house on fire.

[CHUCKLES]
Gina told you about that, huh?

Well, the real mess was the one she made

with the fire extinguisher.

Listen, Pop.

Tyrell is out of town for
the rest of the school year,

which means his room... is open.

What are you saying?

You still there?

Yeah. Yep.

I'm still here.

I think you should move in with us, Pop.

I don't want to do that.

And I don't want you to.

But I think it's for the best.

Don't you need to run it by Gina?

No, no. Actually, Gina's
the one who suggested it.

Three weeks ago.

First time we ever went to bed angry.

So, what do you say?

Well, if that's what you want.

[CHUCKLING] Oh, my God.

MAN: Boston General.

REGINA: Hi. I'm calling about a friend.

I think he was admitted two days ago.

Alex Joseph?

Give me a second to check.

Thank you.

Oh. Um, I need to transfer you.

Okay. Thanks.

Hi. You were calling about Mr. Joseph?

Yeah. Is he okay?

Are you family?

I'm a friend. Why?

I'm so sorry to have to tell you this,

but he passed away yesterday.

[SIREN WAILING]

I can't believe he's gone.

I just hate to think that he was alone.

I mean, how many other
people are dying like this?

And if we hadn't called,
would anyone even know?

Let me see.

[SNIFFLES]

Put your gloves on.

We're making sandwiches.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[LOCK CLICKS]

GRETA: Come on, T. Let's grab your bag.

Your dad's waiting.

[CHIRPING CONTINUES]

Do you hear that?

Greta, it's a nest!

Oh, wow.

Apparently he was a girl.

Oh, well, it's all fluid, dude.

Do you think they're gonna make it?

Oh, with our help, absolutely.

Maybe I... Maybe I
shouldn't go to my dad's.

No, you should go.

I'll be here.

Don't worry. We're
gonna take care of you.

Why don't we start...

by moving this nest
out of Scott's reach?

[CHUCKLES] Good call.

GARY: Check it out.

I put him in my phone
as "Dear Evan Handsome."

[LAUGHS]

They're great, right?
Admit it. They're great.

I invited them to our
home for dinner on Sunday.

Obviously, I think they are great.

Yeah. Well, you better
check that 'tude on Sunday.

Uh, excuse me, my new
friend Claire loves my 'tude.

Oh, remind me when they're over here

to ask Claire for her midwife's number.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Midwife?

Yeah. They're doing a home birth.

Home... Like...

What do you mean? Like, in their home?

Yes. Home birth means birth in a home.

We were just talking
about how great it would be

to give birth not surrounded
by the stress of a hospital,

and she told me their plan.

I thought it sounded pretty cool.

I think we should look into it.

Oh. First I need to pee, though.

Yeah. Home birth, uh... [CHUCKLES]

That sounds like one of Evan's bits.

Babe, I think it was a bit, you know?

Right?

I mean, even Gilligan would find
a way to get to the hospital.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

REGINA: Turkey and cheese?

Yeah. There's some fruit in there, too.

Thank you.

Do you want to go down that way

and I'll hand out the rest over here?

Mm-hmm.

Hey. Would you like one?

Hey.

Oh, thanks.

Debra passed away a couple weeks ago.

Oh, Dustin.

You're right. This has
been the worst year.

D-Dustin?