04x10 - The Eternal Reckoning

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Paradise PD". Aired: August 31, 2018 – December 16, 2022.
This animated series geared toward adults follows a police department that doesn't do a great job of protecting the backwater, small town where it is located.
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04x10 - The Eternal Reckoning

Post by bunniefuu »

Well, Kevin. It looks like you were right

about Charles Lovely being evil.

What? Mr. Lovely probably

just wanted to give us all a skyline view

to raise property values.

Ignore your mother. She goes

into denial any time she f*ck up.

Remember when she ran over your puppy?

He was a r*pist.

Randall! Tell us you got a plan

to save our skinny white asses!

Actually, I think Kevin

should take the lead on this one.

- Really?

- Yes.

I'm sorry I've been hard on you

all these years, son.

I was too focused on turning you

into the man I wanted you to be

to appreciate the whiny assh*le

you are. I'm proud of you.

Thanks, Dad.

We're gonna trust him?!

But I'm too young to die!

I didn't even finish my f*ck

-it list.

Give me that.

A one

-armed ventriloquist.

A fully plucked albatross.

Hordak from the She

-Ra cartoon.

Huh. So far, same as mine.

Hey. Why are all our names on the list?

Why is mine crossed out?

You, uh, promise

you're a woman over there?

I swear on my testicles.

Good enough for me.

Hopson's right. With Kevin in charge,

we're probably all gonna die today.

Well, I'm just bummed about all the things

that Junior will never get to experience.

Well, let's give him

all the best experiences of life

all in one day!

Yeah! That's a great idea!

What's the first thing we should show him?

I got an idea.

No, Hopson!

Damn stick in the muds.

We have to get everyone off the city.

But I've gotta bust

the resistance out first.

Norf says they're being held

in the Lovely Fulfillment Center.

Norf looks like the man for the job

if that job is hosting

an unpopular podcast

about att*ck on Titan manga.

I better tag along

in case you need some backup, big bro.

Great. Everyone else, try to figure out

a way to make the city heavier

to push it back down to Earth.

Ugh, too bad we only have one Dusty.

Man, I can't believe I just said that.

Your wish is my command, Chief.

Ain't nothing heavier

than a Marlow family reunion.

I'm working on a Evite.

You really think

your family will come to a reunion

in a city that's hovering at 38,000 feet?

I think they will.

"All

-you

-care

-to

-eat

homemade mac and cheese."

Send!

Whoo! Get ready to meet my cousins

from around the world!

Well, there's ♪

W

-Wait a minute.

All of your cousins are also named Dusty?

No. I just never bothered

to learn their names.

My name is Randy.

Shut up, Cockeyed Dusty!

Now, Robby, don't forget

you got that dentist appointment today.

Yeah, I was thinking

about cancelling that shit.

Why?

Because the damn city is floating

in the sky, and we all about to die.

You always got some excuse

for not going to the dentist, Robby.

Last time, you said

the town was a giant pizza.

It was! Our chair's a big

-ass pepperoni!

I know our papasan's from Papa John's,

but you are not missing

that appointment, mister.

Your mouth is a mess.

I mean, half your teeth are white LEGOs.

You're just jealous 'cause I can do this.

You can spit out a helicopter?

I didn't just spit out a helicopter!

I spit out

the entire Strawberry Action Squad.

Strawberry Action Squad! ♪

Strawberry Action Squad Playset!

Do not use as teeth.

Parachute pants, prenatal vitamins,

prisoners, pregnancy p*rn.

Clappers, at least

let me fold you up, baby.

No. Leave me crumpled

-up

in the corner where I belong.

This is what I deserve

for getting Norf k*lled.

Emotional pain

hurts worse than anything.

Except stuffing croutons

up your d*ck hole.

Why are you here?

Did Lovely find out that you're a rat?!

No, I live here.

Why would you work for that evil bastard?

I needed a job, and it was less toxic

than working for Ellen.

Ah!

Hey, friendlies. Lay off my prison wife.

Who, me?

Yeah, you got

the softest hands in here, baby.

Get over here and brush my hair.

Yes, dear.

Jerry, how's the escape plan going?

Great. Now, put yourself back together

and go find the key.

I never said I could do that.

I know it's a little tight in here,

but we gonna have a great family reunion.

There's plenty of food for all of us.

As long as we all equally

share this cup of Kraft Easy Mac.

Ohhh!

Who ate my damn finger?!

My name is Randy.

Stop it, Old

-Timey Saloon

-Fight Dusty!

I'm about sick of my GD family!

Yeah! The Dusty family reunion is working!

The city has dropped 10,000 feet.

But if we're gonna get back

to Earth, we need more Dustys.

Well, there are more Dustys,

but we never invite them

to the family reunions,

'cause they a bit much.

But I suppose I could summon

the Forbidden Dustys.

What the hell are you doing here?

You don't belong here, Live Action Dusty.

Kiss my ass, ya fartknocker.

Junior, Daddy's got some bad news.

Did you steal my piggy bank again

to buy cocaine?

No. I mean, yeah.

But the good news is that doesn't matter,

because the bad news

is that we're all gonna die today.

f*ck yeah!

I love the way I talk when I'm on blow.

Don't worry. You're still gonna

experience life to the fullest.

First, I'm gonna teach you

to play the piccolo.

Even if we don't have time

for anything else

what a way to go, huh?

Really? That's what you think our son

should experience on his last day?

Oh, do you have any better ideas?

Big Butter!

This is Big Butter.

Yeah, I

-I

-I got that.

b*llet, our son

is not gonna sleep with a hooker.

Fine. It's my last day too.

If you don't mind,

I am going to go churn that butter.

Big Butter!

Save that pillow talk, baby.

Treat me like a piece of dry toast.

Congrats on your new career

as a Lovely Corp warehouse worker.

Where you'll get to work

in a 102

-degree warehouse,

walk 80 miles a day,

and take bimonthly bathroom breaks.

Don't worry.

You'll be issued a Lovely Corp Diaper.

It even comes with an assh*le spike,

in case you get

the nasty temptation to sit down.

This is a pretty sweet job.

I used to work for Amazon.

Please see the monitor for information

on the Warehouse Worker Union.

Hey. I think we should start a union.

There they are!

Hey, Kevin! Get us out!

You'll need a key or some

Uh I think this is a dog's cage.

There's not even a lock.

I told you someone else

should've tried to open it!

Norf! You're alive!

f*ck you, Norf. I wasn't sad.

Well, I hear

it's your first time at the dentist.

Don't be nervous.

Hop on the chair and get ready.

First, we'll

What are you doing?

Just saving you the trouble.

It's gonna be real hard

to get my pants off once you gas me.

Sir, I

-I

-I don't do that.

Man, if you ain't gonna

feed my d*ck croutons,

what kinda dentist are you?

Son, bird

-watching

is relaxing and educational.

Do you see that band

-tailed pigeon?

Oh, it's got something on his leg.

Is that a Polaroid?

Oh!

Look away, Junior.

Junior?

Okay, kid. Take a look here.

This is grain alcohol.

This is weed. This is Molly.

Just say no to these p*ssy dr*gs.

You're skipping these

and going straight to heroin.

Remember that first time

you tried ice cream?

You were like,

"This is the greatest thing ever!"

Well, you're about

to feel real stupid right now.

b*llet! What the hell are you doing?!

I don't know.

Trying to give the kid a great last day?

Psh. You should be happy.

Heroin's the only thing that could

make him enjoy f*cking bird

-watching.



- How dare you say that!



- I guess we're gonna yell over each other!

Oh, I'll k*ll a f*ck

for saying that about bird

-watching!

Stop it!

The only thing I wanna do on my last day

is spend it with my dads,

doing my favorite thing.

You're right, Junior. This is nice.

Yes. It is.

Big Butter!

Yeah. Uh, Big Butter and I got married.

I decided it's my last day

on Earth, so

I did some of your heroin,

and here we are.

Here come them Forbidden Dustys!

I know I wasn't supposed to slap

both of them, but I can't help it.

My pimp hand is too g*dd*mn strong!

Almost there.

One more small

-to

-medium

-sized Dusty

should do it.

Well, there's only one more Dusty,

and he's a little on the big side.

Meet Big Chungus Dusty.

g*dd*mn! Why is he so big?

That's how big Dustys grow

in the wild, silly.

What the f*ck?!

All right, Genius Dusty.

Can you figure out a way

to get us back to Earth?

According to mine calculations,

if we all don't eat

for the next 37 minutes

I got a better idea.

Thank you, 300 Dusty.

Actually, I'm Gerard Butler.

Things have gone south, mate.

Vroom

-vroom!

Mmm. What do we have here?

In another life, I'd be swinging

on that King Kong's ding

-dong.

Charles! Those idiots

have grounded the city.

We have to act now,

or the target could escape.

There is no escape.

Sorry about those holes in your tongue.

I've switched to my new Lovely Drill.

Should be much safer.

This is why

I don't like the g*dd*mn dentist.

You simpletons paid

to bring my products into your homes.

They were so affordable, so convenient.

Like lambs to the slaughter.

Meh. Still as stupid than a giant pizza.

See? Huh?

What'd I tell you about these things?

Still think he's not evil, Karen?

What? Products att*ck people all the time.

It's true. An eggbeater went

up my ass three times this week.

He works the breakfast shift at Denny's.

But you are in luck.

I only want Kevin Crawford.

No one else has to die.

Hey, a pretty sweet deal,

I'd say. But why Kevin?

Obviously,

I'm a romantic rival for his wife.

He sees me as a sexual thr*at.

Well, take me!

Leave everyone else out of it!

Not you, AFKAK. I said Kevin Crawford.

Hey! I just realized

there's something creepy about this doll.

Stop! That's the son I do love!

Wait. I love both sons now. Weird.

He is mine now.

Also, small change of plans.

You do have to die.

I was born for this day.

This is for all dogs everywhere.

Whoo. I'm glad

I ain't got none of them products.

Don't you have a Lovely Corp Pacemaker?

Thanks for saving me, Fitz.

Saving hell. It's a six

-slice toaster!

I'm taking this shit home!

I'll fight you, but only because

I'm looking forward to the make

-up snacks.

Great. Now I look bald!

Fight, Norf! Fight!

But you said I'm not on the team.

Since when do you listen to laundry?

But I'm scared.

Oh, I know you are.

'Cause my neck's covered in your piss!

That's right, Jerry! Now's our chance

to k*ll all the Isotoner gloves!

They will mock us no more!

Good job taking out

those products, Camaro Bob.

Don't thank me. I'm just drunk.

Thank God

there weren't schoolkids this time, baby.

It's cooking my head!

Huh?!

Whoa. All these products

are powered by Vlad.

Hey, Vlad. I need you to stop

these smart products, or we're all d*ad.

Okay, but you have to let Vlad

borrow your body, and you go see Bleemo.

To get the horse teeth?

No. Bleemo turn you into a centaur.

Wow! Metal shoes

and a horse cock? Yes, please!

Deal. Setting all Lovely products'

warranty expiration to one minute ago.

f*cking ow!

Time to finish you off, vacuum.

You're a girl vacuum?

Hey, f*ck it. We're all gonna die.

Now, Delbert,

I tried to go to the dentist,

but he drilled holes in my tongue,

and then the drill came to life

and k*lled the g*dd*mn dentist.

Sounds like more excuses to me, Robby.

So you ain't never

gonna get your teeth fixed?

Oh, I did. I went to Bleemo.

He gave you horse teeth?

That ain't all.

It's no use.

Cal Fullerton broke off the handles.

He does have strong hands.

He made my tallywacker

look like a used

-up tube of, uh

What's that dental pudding you Yanks use?

Mouth custard?

Ah, that's it. Mouth custard.

Look! Our clones are still inside!

There's a neural chair that could transfer

our consciousness into those clones.

But the g*dd*mn chair's inside too!

Actually, I ordered eight total

to see which color went with the room.

Go take them down, Alpha Kevin.

Will do.

To the chairs!

Yeah!

Yeah,

we're going to Brickleberry!

Yeah! We're in.

Wait. What the hell?

Aw, our bodies got all mixed up.

Well, oh boy.

Look what you're packing, Fitz.

Stop looking at my d*ck, Hopson.

I can jump!

For the first time

in my life, I can jump!

I'm a jumper, Mama!

The doctors said

it was physically impossible!

My heart hurts,

my pulse is racing,

and my saliva, ugh, it tastes

like the floor of a Cinnabon.

Ugh.

My skin feels like wet tissue paper.

Hey! Whoever's in my body,

get your hands off my tits!

It's definitely

not Kevin, Mom.

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

We need to jump back

into the t*nk and get unscrambled

before Hopson makes me blow myself.

Almost there.

Just a little closer.

Everybody normal?

I'm pretty sure Kevin's not.

You're going to need my help

to get to the roof.

Look for a device

in the center of the lobby.

It's a metal box

that can transport you upwards.

An elevator?

Uh, you Americans and your silly words.

In England, we call it up

-down

dinga

-ding ding

-dong up

-down room.

Now, I left exact copies

of your clothes in that closet

to make things easier for the animators.

Now, make sure you only h*t "roof access."

Lovely Corp has some pretty weird stuff

on the lower floors.

Christmas tree!

Dusty, no g*dd*mn it!

What do you think's gonna be

on the other side that's so scary?

Close door! Close door! h*t "close door"!

I'm hitting it! This button's a lie!

And only 95 more floors to go.

Ooh. Well, this is weird.

Why is the damn door still open?!

Oh, uh Sorry.

What? I like fantasy.

What the

I'm you, 20 minutes from now.

It does not go well.

Well, tell us what happens.

You hate spoilers, Dusty.

Oh, you don't know me, b*tch.

Give me my brother back, you assh*le!

Why do you cling to this dying world?

You are all doomed.

I have seen the future, and it is

Ah, just get to the point!

Yeah. You're giving me a hard

-off.

Yuck.

Ever since I first set eyes on this child

and learned of his immortality,

I knew that he was what I was seeking.

Soon, when the planets align,

I shall consume

the Crawford child's essence

to gain immortality.

Like hell you are!

It is so important to marry well.

Stay back!

You made me bite my tongue, you b*tch!

Gina, you can't let him do this.

Stay out of it, Kevin!

You're gonna ruin everything!

The Eternal Reckoning shall begin!

See? It's shit like this

why I don't like capitalism.

Yes. Yes.

Freeze, you creepy f*ck,

or I'm putting one between your eyes!

Gina! You're undercover?

Yeah, and you almost

blew it for me a dozen times.

I don't get it. Did you join the FBI

or something after you ran off?

FBI? That's p*ssy shit.

I joined the Strawberry Action Squad.

Strawberry Action Squad ♪

Fighting bad guys and crushing puss ♪

Strawberry Action Squad ♪

We've got Strawberry Marlow ♪

Lieutenant Friskers ♪

Johnny Pecs ♪

Lenny the Laser Lizard ♪

The leprechaun made of rocks ♪

Kung fu kangaroo

Charles Bronson's ghost ♪

A robot, a giant talking squid ♪

And Wilbur the Karate Wizard ♪

Strawberry Action Squad ♪

No! Not my higher hair!

It's time to feel the wrath of My Pillow.

Holy shit! This pillow is made of cr*ck!

Eat blarney stone, you fecking prick.

You wanna know

why they call me Johnny Pecs?

Because of your pecs?

Uh

-huh.

Ha ha. I wanna fight

the old man in the bathrobe.

Actually, I'm a karate wizard.

Wow. Alpha Kevin.

Yeah. That's what they call me now.

No, we don't!

Kevin, I'm sorry

I couldn't tell you about my mission,

but I never stopped loving you.

Mmm.



- You feel better than Mom's tits.



- What?

We've been surveilling this creepy

sumbitch Charles Lovely for years.

Thanks to our new member,

we got him red

-damn

-handed.

But how did Gina end up

in the Strawberry Action Squad?

After I lost control at our wedding,

I just wanted to get

as far away as possible.

Siberia.

For fun,

sometimes I like to enter myself

in Siberian bare

-knuckle death matches.

Lo and behold, my opponent

was your little blonde firecracker

with the crazy eyes.

I never fought anyone

with such brute strength,

and she'd never fought anyone trained

in the art of Brazilian slap

-fighting.

The fight ended in a draw.



- Diddy!



- Not now, boy.

I taught Gina how to control

and channel her aggression through

Diddy, look!

No! Baby Kevin!

No!

Why didn't you say something, fat boy?

You know how I am when I get to talking.

Randall! What are we gonna do?!

Pump up the jam, pump it up

While your feet are stompin' ♪

And the jam is pumpin'

Look it here, the crowd is jumpin' ♪

Pump it up a little more

Get the party going on the dance floor ♪

See, 'cause that's where the party's at

And you'll find out if you're too bad ♪

Ugh. k*ll me.

Wait a minute. Why would

a series finale have a cliffhanger?

'Cause we didn't know

this was a series finale when we made it.

Oh yeah.

I guess we can wrap this up

on Farzar then?

Yeah, I guess so.

- Bye, everybody.

- Bye.

I guess we're d*ad now. Bye.

Damn, that's dark, Robby.
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