01x26 - All Aboard the Space Train

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

- Hanging in there, Bats?

- Very funny, Cyborg.

What's the status of the rescue operation? We still have a few more stragglers to scoop up.

Whoever h*jacked that space train ejected the entire crew.

Uh.

Uh.

I am going inside.

(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Let's see who's driving this thing.

(THROWING KNIVES WHOOSHING)

(g*ns f*ring)

Ah!

(CRASHING)

Kanjar Ro.

I should have known it was you.

The Justice League should stop sticking its righteous nose in everyone's business.

You are transporting stolen items that belong in the Watchtower vault.

That makes it our business.

(SWOOSHES)

You can't hide in here forever.



-

(CRASHING)



- Ah! Thanks for dropping by, Batman.

Let me show you the door.



(GROANS)

Batman to Cyborg.

Got room for one more? How far ahead are they? Too far.

Unless you figured out how to travel faster than light.

Maybe there's someone near the train who could help.



(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

I think I found someone, and this guy knows how to get around.

Ah.

A hoagie, a quiet astropod and me.

The perfect combination.

BATMAN: Batman to Space Cabbie, come in.

Can't a cabby eat his lunch in peace? The Justice League needs your help.

Yeah, you fellows need a ride? Um, Wonder Woman won't be with you, would she? We need you to stop a h*jacked space train in your sector.

You know, normally I would be jumping right on it but I got this hot pastrami here and Look, pal, we'll quadruple your fare.

Well, why didn't you say so in the first place?

(SPACECRAFT WHOOSHING)

Okay, I am closing in.

You have to find a way onto that train.

You got to be kidding.

Cabbie, it's your duty to There's a 20% tip in it.

SPACE CABBIE:

(GASPS)

20% I'm in.

Okay, Jack, you're up.



(BEEPS)

Get me as close to that train as you can.



(VEHICLE WHIRRS)

But we're not close enough.



(SCREAMS)

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.



(SCREAMS)



(GRUNTS)

Huh.

Haven't hopped a train since cabbie school.



(VEHICLE WHIRRS)



(GRUNTS)



(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Eh! Kanjar Ro!

(STAMMERS)

You didn't say it was Kanjar Ro.

I might be crazy enough to jump on a moving space train, but I ain't dumb enough to go against that guy.

Cabbie, there's something in the cargo that might help you.

Great, now you want me to go through people's luggage? Just open container number 722 and you will find what you need.



(INHALES DEEPLY)



(CRASHING)

This popsicle is supposed to help me take down the bad guy? That popsicle is Jonah Hex, and he is one of the most dangerous men in the universe.

But first, you'll need to thaw him out.



(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)



(EXPLODES)



(CRACKLING)

What the dead bird, dust devil is going on around here? Whoa, ease up, Tex.

This ain't Albuquerque.

SPACE CABBIE: Yeah, well, this may come as a shock to you, but at this very moment, you are in outer space.

That so? And what are these? Those are wearable force field generators.

So, you Earth folks can breathe out in the vacuum of space.

Whatever a vacuum is.

Those are magnetic space

-walking boots.

I could've used them an hour ago.

These are Oh! I know what these are.

Now, I reckon you are going to spill the beans on why I was in a block of ice.



(STAMMERS)

I think Mr.

Hex has a question.

Hex, my name is Batman.

I am with the Justice League.

Don't be alarmed.

We found you frozen when we were flying Uh, riding over the Rockies.

We dug you out and brought you to our Justice League meetin' house.

That's how you ended up in the space train.

Yeah.

I was rustling up a pair of flannel

-mouthed horse thieves during a snowstorm when I fell into a crevasse.

Memories all mussed up after that.

Well, Mr.

Hex, all you need to know for now is that we are currently stuck on a train that's been taken over by a very bad man.



(TRAIN CHUGGING)

Looks like outlaws don't get any prettier out here.

Intruders!

(THUDDING)

These are some darn good sh**ting irons.

Careful, if you break a window, we'll be sucked out into space.

Now that there's a useful piece of information.



(f*ring CONTINUES)

Ah.

Oh.

Do something.

Quick.



(f*ring)



(GRUNTS)

Now, let's stop this speedin' space rattler.

Once and for all.

Oh, man.

It's a force field.

We can't get through these doors to get to the engine.

We have to find another way.



(FOOTSTEPS THUDDING ON METAL)



(ELECTRONIC BEEPING)

Kanjar Ro.

He's got to be here.

Maybe you need spectacles, boy.

'Cause I don't see no scallywags.



(LASER WHOOSHING)

Watch out, Hex.

You ruined my favorite cloaking device.



(w*apon f*ring)



(CRASHING)



(w*apon SURGING)

KANJAR RO: Reach for the sky.

If ugly was a superpower, I'd be in trouble.

I don't see the ladies knocking down your door.

Do you have any last words before I send you to that big rodeo in the sky, cowboy? I sure do.

Hold on!

(ENGINE SCREECHING)

Kanjar Ro is down.

I repeat, Kanjar Ro is down.

Good work, dudes.

Now just land that train and we can all call it a day.

This will be a piece of cake.



(ALARM BEEPING)

That star's gravity is pulling us off course.

How do you stop this bucket of bolts?

(KNUCKLES CRACKING)

Leave the driving to me.



(GRUNTS)



(TRAIN CHUGGING)



(TRAIN CHUGGING)



(BOTH GRUNTING)



(LAUGHING)

We did it.



-

(LAUGHING)



-

(TRAIN HORN BLARING)

You hear that, lizard lips? It's the end of the line for you.

BATMAN: Thanks for all your help, Cabbie.

Oh, you're welcome.

But I can't take all the credit.

JONAH HEX: Hiya!

(GALLOPING)



(NEIGHING)

You know we can't bring that back with us.

You don't have to, masked man.

Got some grub from the train.

Thought I'd stay a piece.

We got several ways to get you back to your own time.

Sure you don't want to go home? That there's the prettiest sunset I ever saw.

Reckon I am home.

Anyway, adios.

(WHINNYING)