01x28 - The Fatal Fare

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

DARKSEID: At last, the glorious invasion of Earth is upon us.

Desaad, prepare the greatest Boom Tube in the history of warfare.

(WHIRRING)

Inform me when the conquest is done.

HAWKMAN: Our informants were right.

Darkseid is attacking Earth.

- We'll never catch up.

- We'll catch up.

Those ships are going nowhere.



(ALL SCREAM)



(GRUNTS)



(SCREAMS)

This Kryptonite ray should take the fight out of you.

Huh? Where's the Boom Tube?

- He's done something!

-

(ELECTRICTY CRACKLES)



(WHIRRING)



- Where'd they go?

- Not Earth.

Superman redirected the Tube.

They could be anywhere.

Hey, space cruisers.

Power ring run down in the middle of nowhere? Need a ride home from your latest battle,

- bounty hunt or bachelor party?

-

(DEVICE BEEPING)

Hi! I'm Roxy Rocket, former Earth daredevil turned interplanetary entrepreneur.

Why pay outrageous space cabbie rates when my cosmic charter service can whisk you across the galaxy for a fraction of the cost? It'll take more than some gal with a stolen warp engine to cut into this space cabbie's business.

What can compare to the cozy comfort of a 9

-Planet Taxi cab?

(SPRING TWANGS)

So, the seat's a little broken in.

It's like flying the family couch.

Ow!

(DEVICE DINGS)

A new customer! Eat your heart out, Roxy Rocket.



- Welcome, Mr.

Dark "Seed"?

- Darkseid.

Oh, of course.

Yikes, my bad.



(VEHICLE RUMBLES)

Where to, your eminence

-ness? The third moon of Graxos IV.

Mr.

D, there's nothing on that mud ball except a bad smell, mind you.

I dislike having my requests challenged.

Drive.

No, sir.

Yes, sir! SPACE CABBIE: Third moon of Graxos IV, right away.

9

-Planet Taxi accepts cash, check, or universal debit.

This will suffice.

A platinum Omega?

(WHISTLING)

Right, sir, I can't change this.

Keep it.

Don't wait.

Yes, sir!

-

(BEEPS)



- Uh

-oh.

Big guy forgot his receipt.

Even cosmic big

-sh*ts need their business write

-offs.

Mr.

D? Mr.

D? That's a lot of battleships.

Mr.

D?

(SUPERMAN SCREAMS)



(GROANS)

Observe, great Darkseid, how completely helpless the Kryptonian is.

What about our Boom Tubes? What has he done to them? Somehow he placed a virus within his Mother Box that has infected our entire network.

That's why you couldn't use a Boom Tube to get here.

We've tried to delete it, but it keeps coming back.

Only he knows how to break the code.

I suppose he's not talking? You suppose right, madman.



(SCREAMS)



(METAL CLANKING)

My Lord, not to question you, but you did come in secret?

(PANTING)

Mmm

-hmm.



(PANTING HEAVILY)

Oh, mama, this is big.

I better call the Justice League but But first I'd better put some distance between me and those creeps.

I said don't wait.

No.

I was just You defied me.

Uh, got it.

No defying.

I will overlook it, as my associate, Kanto, needs a ride home.



(STAMMERS)

Yes, sir! SPACE CABBIE: That Mr.

D, is some swell guy, huh? Naive mortal.

Darkseid is all.

Yeah.

And you do what for him, again? Tidy up loose ends and execute my master's wishes.

Yikes.

Okay.

So, Apokolips, I'll have you there yesterday.

No hurry.

In fact, I've been meaning to make a visit to the acid lakes of Schlough.

Let's stop there first.

Whoa! The acid lakes? Isn't that where all the space pirates go to drop their victims?

(CHUCKLING)

Indeed.

Oh, so that's why the Green Lantern Corps had the planet cordoned off.

I don't care to alert the Green Lanterns and distract them from their noble duties, of course.

Mmm, maybe now they'll shut down a certainly deadly no

-name jungle planet a couple parsecs over.

Yeah, carnivorous plants there give out a goo so corrosive, it would dissolve this cabin in seconds.

No trace.

You've piqued my curiosity.

I'd like a look at the place.

Oh, you don't want to go there.

It's remote, it's dangerous.

It's worth an Omega.

Yep, you're the boss.

Here we are.

No

-name jungle planet of doom.



-

(g*n COCKS)



- Argh! Walk! Me? But Those k*ller plants! Exactly.

You've seen too much.



(SCREAMS)

Oh, that is impressive.



(GRUNTING)



(SIGHS)

You really cut it close, bud.

Please, never say "cut" to a plant.

The ever

-pungent Swamp Thing.

Of course!

- I'm on

- Earth.

I believe you know my associates? Smart move leaving your radio on.

We followed your signal perfectly.

Can you take us to Superman? Yeah, but we got to step on it.

Pile in.

I'll catch up after I drop Kanto off at Belle Reve Prison.



(VEHICLE RUMBLES)

Oh, you're coming too? Why not? I even brought my own seat belt.



(GROANING)

It's your last chance, Kryptonian.

Give up the code for your life.

There's a third choice, Darkseid.

You're not going to like it.

Huh? You forgot your receipt.

You!

(g*ns f*ring)



(GRUNTS)



(GROANS)

You're all dried up, creature.

And there isn't a drop of water on this planet to save you.

Yes.

But I hear your warships carry tanks of it.



-

(GLASS CRACKS)



-

(WATER GURGLING)

Oh, yeah.

There it is.



(GROWLS)



(GRUNTS)

Hang on, Superman.

My handy

-dandy Jack will get you out of there.



(BEEPING)



(ROARING)



(GRUNTS)

Is that your best sh*t, Darkseid? I'm not even up to full strength.



(GRUNTS)



-

(GRUNTS)



-

(GROANS)

Want to know how we did it? It wasn't a virus.

It was something even trickier.

You can come out now.

I thought you'd never call.

I was getting claustrophobic in there.

What did I miss? Master! The Boom Tube generator is active.

It is, indeed.

And with this portable Mother Box

(BEEPS)

I can send you away, Darkseid.



(GRUNTS)



(GROWLING)



(CHUCKLING)

Nice.

Where did you send him? To the acid lake planet, Schlough.

I still never gave him his receipt.

We've got all the prisoners aboard.

Too bad Darkseid couldn't join them.

Cabbie! I really want to thank you for the help you gave us.

You sure we can't give you a lift? No.

Jack's got this.

He's a one

-bot body shop.

You guys can take off.

I'll be fine.



- What's the verdict, Jack?

-

(BEEPS)

Oh, great! Now how are we going to get off this rock?

(BEEPING)

No way.

I'll walk home first! Roxy Rocket at your service.

Hop on and hold tight.

Oh, if the other cabbies hear about this, I'll never live it down.

Make some room back there.

I got another fare to pick up on the acid lake planet, Schlough.

Some guy named Darkseed? Dark Darkseid? Whoa!