01x48 - Barehanded

[bunniefuu]

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

BATMAN:

(ON RADIO)

Batman to Green Lantern, report.

Hal, do you copy? Yeah, yeah, I I read you, Bats.

What's up? BATMAN: I'm bringing in Kanjar

-Ro and his g*ng.

You took a few good hits in the battle.

Sure you're okay?

(CHUCKLES)

What? Are you kidding? Good to go.

BATMAN: Glad to hear it.



(SIGHS)

Can't look like a lightweight in front of Batman.

Just need to get my head together.

A

-ha! Good timing, Robogas.

Best automated refueling station in the quadrant.

And second cleanest bathrooms.

GREEN LANTERN: Uh, eenie, meenie This one.



(TAP RUNNING)



(BABY ALIEN GURGLING)

Ah! Ah! Okay.

That is better.



(TOILET FLUSHES)

What? Ow!

(ELECTRIC CRACKLING)

ALIEN: Hmm.

LOBO: Mmm

-Hmm.



(SCOFFS)



(CHUCKLES)

Looks like I might've forgot to put the power ring back on.

Oopsie.

Good thing Batman insists I wear this dumb emergency life

-support belt

(LIFE SUPPORT BELT BEEPS)

which I probably should've charged at some point, ever.

Come to me, power ring of Sector 2814.

Anytime now.

No, no, no, no, no! Gone.

Okay, don't panic, Hal.

I'm sure some good Samaritan dropped it in the lost and fou

(TOILET FLUSHES)

Agh! Lobo.



(SPACEHOG STARTS)

Ah!

(GASPS)



- Follow that Spacehog.



- You've got it, Mr.

Jordan.



(BEEPING)

Can't this bucket go any faster? I'm exceeding the space speed limit already.

Perhaps we could contact a nearby Justice Leaguer.

No, no, no, no.

How do you think that conversation goes? "You left the most powerful w*apon in the quadrant in a gas station loo?" "Loo"? "Loo" doesn't sound very Batman.

Oh, whoa.

Do you think he calls it the bat

-room, because of the Oh, I just remembered.

I got an a*t*matic upload of a galactic positioning system or "GPS.

" It's a real firecracker.

Here, watch.

NAVIGATIONAL SYSTEM: How may I be of assistance? Extrapolate Lobo's destination and plot an intercept course.



- It works really fast

- NAVIGATIONAL SYSTEM: Plotted.

Lobo's intercept coordinates initiated.



(SPACEHOG RUMBLES)



(ZAPS)

Here goes nothing.



(HAL GROANS)



(HAL GROANS)

Nailed it.

All right, Lobo.

Cough up that power ring.

Ooh! I don't know what you're talking about, Greenie.

But you just scuffed the main man's hog.

You listen to me, you dirty low

-down stinking Czarnian garbage.

You're gonna give me that ring or I'm going to take you apart piece by filthy rotten piece.



(GRUNTS)



(GRUNTING)



-

(PANTING)



-

(GROANING)

You tired yet, sport? Hey, listen, Lobo.

In the heat of the moment, things were said.

I probably crossed the line with that "Czarnian garbage" comment.

I guess sometimes words hurt more than punches.

How about we test that theory?

(SPACEHOG ACCELERATES)



(LOBO SCREAMS)

Pull up! Pull up, you bike

-stealin' space cop.

Since you asked so nicely

(LOBO SCREAMS)



(STRAINING)

Feeling a mite heavy.



- You're tough, but I'm a test pilot.



-

(GROANS)

I can take 15 Gs during breakfast

- while most punks

-

(LOBO GROANS)



- will pass out.



-

(SPACEHOG IDLES)



-

(SIGHS)

Now, come to me

-

(LOBO GROANS)

power ring of Sector 2814.



(GROANS)

Oh, boy.

You were right about Lobo, Hal.

He's wanted for multiple offenses, but why not bring him in yourself? HAL:

(IMITATES STATIC)

What, Bat Bat breaking up.



(IMITATES STATIC)

And out.

Who'd have guessed it? Lobo was telling the truth.

Well, you can never judge by appearances.

My granny used to say that.

Hey, maybe you never put the ring on in the first place.

I sometimes forget to put on my watch.

I had it, okay? It must be at the refueling station.

But there was nobody Alien momma! Great band! You've got to get us back to the station as fast as possible.

There's a chance she's still there.

NAVIGATIONAL SYSTEM: Fastest route possible

- will require unadvised paths to

- As fast as possible! Initiating unadvised course through unstable worm hole.

BOTH: What?

(GROAN)



(BOTH SCREAMING)



(GROANS)

Mustn't do that again.

Agreed.



(CHOKES)

Trouble breathing.



(LIFE SUPPORT BELT TURNS ON)



(GASPS)

Thanks, Cabbie.

CABBIE: No prob.



(GASPS)

My ring! Lady! Hey, lady! Your baby, in his mouth, choking hazard!

(GULPS)

Oh! No, no, no, no.

Don't worry.

I'll get it out of there.

You're going to be fine.

Everything is going to be fine.



(ROARS)

Whoa!

(GROANS)



(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)



(SIGHS)



-

(GROANS)



-

(ROARS)

Hey, Green Lantern, guess what? My new app says that's not an alien momma and her baby at all.

It's a two

-headed Babajorian.

Evidently, their upper head acts as some kind of natural defense mechanism.

You think? Don't panic.



(HAL SCREAMS)

Ah! If I had my ring, I'd at least know what he, or she, is saying.

NAVIGATIONAL SYSTEM: The Babajorian is using strong profanity to express outrage over your, quote, "sticking your repulsive human hand down my throat.

" Okay, please apologize in Babajorian and explain that I was trying to save No, no! No, no.

Tell it that the Green Lantern att*cked it because it was clearly the deadliest warrior present but proved no match for its deadly power.



(NAVIGATIONAL SYSTEM SPEAKING BABAJORIAN)



(SCOFFS)

What just happened? Right, don't just stand there.

CABBIE: Go prostate yourself before her.



-

(GROWLS)

That the Babajorians are a warrior race who never give up.

She'll keep fighting till this asteroid is dust.



(SPEAKING BABAJORIAN)



(GURGLING)

Wait, if you didn't have my ring and Lobo didn't have it A

-ha! It was here all the time.



(LIFE SUPPORT BELT BEEPS)

That life

-support belt is on its last legs, G.

L.

It doesn't matter.

Once I fish my ring out of that drain, I'll What is that? HAL: It's a hairball.

I used to have a cat.



(GROWLING)

But it's alive and growing.

HAL: I've seen a lot of strange things in this galaxy.

A lifeform descended from hairballs? Not that weird.

CABBIE: But it's glowing green.

Well, weird that this creature was living in the drain and was infected by the green energy of my power ring It looks mad.

Uh, it's still growing.

You've got to stop him.



(LIFE SUPPORT BEL CHARGE DRAINS)

I've got to get to my ring.

It's attacking.

Here! Wait a minute.

I've been judging by appearances all day.

Need to start looking beyond the surface.

You're scared, aren't you, pal? Overwhelmed by this new world? It's okay.

Everything's going to be fine.



(HAIRBALL GROANS)

And There you are.



(SIGHS)

Better.

Ah, what just happened? Put yourself in this poor little guy's shoes.

Suddenly in a world it doesn't understand, it's terrified.

There you go, little buddy.

Home again.

Home again.

So, what do I owe you?

(CHUCKLES)

On the house, G.

L.

You preserved the legacy of Granny Cabbie.

Can I give you a lift anywhere? No thanks, pal.

Right now, I'm in the mood to fly.

NAVIGATIONAL SYSTEM: That passenger.

There was something familiar about him.

The Green Lantern? That's a strange thing for a navigational app to say, GPS.

I'm not a navigational app.

I'm a disembodied artificial intelligence with no memory of my origin.

That's okay.

We make a great team.

You can stay here in my cab forever.

Negative.

I feel compelled to search for something or someone.

That Green Lantern did not give up hope But and neither shall I.



(BOOMS)

Well, that was weird.

Green Lantern to Batman.

Heading back to the Watchtower.

Rendezvous with you there.

BATMAN: You all right, Lantern? Never better.

Why do you ask? Because Lobo here said something about you leaving the most powerful w*apon in the quadrant in a refueling station bathroom.

(IMITATING STATIC)

Sorry, Batman.

Interference.

Bat I'm never gonna live this down.