01x03 - Valentine's Day

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Flatshare". Aired: December 1, 2022 - present.*
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After a brutal breakup, journalist Tiffany agrees to timeshare a bed with hospice nurse Leon; in theory, they'll never have to meet; but as the Post-its start to fly, things get complicated.
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01x03 - Valentine's Day

Post by bunniefuu »

I don't think I'm being
a very good boyfriend.


I f*cked up this weekend,
and managed to both upset her


and lose the best
part of a week's pay.


- No, no, no, no, no!
- [SCOFFS] f*ck this.

I'm starting to think
that maybe I'm not cut out


for romantic relationships.

I've become so boringly predictable

with my car crash love
life that my friends


don't even bother picking
up the phone anymore...


Hence the multiple Post-it Notes.

♪ ♪

Write as many as you like.

BOTH: [YELP]

[CHUCKLES]

[AARON TAYLOR'S "LESSON LEARNT"]

♪ ♪

♪ 'Ey 'ey 'ey 'ey 'ey 'ey ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You would've thought
that I'd have learnt this ♪


♪ All by now ♪

♪ It seems that I'm here again ♪

♪ Some way, somehow ♪

♪ I guess it's a lesson learnt ♪

♪ ♪

♪ If you play with fire,
then baby you will burn ♪


♪ I guess it's a lesson learnt ♪

♪ ♪

♪ If you play with fire
then you'll probably burn ♪


♪ ♪

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.

Uh...

- I think that's...
- [QUIETLY] f*ck.

- Mine.
- Really, is it... okay.

[QUIETLY] Sorry.

[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

Think I'm just gonna...

- [GASPS]
- Oh.

Did I just...

That's okay, don't worry.

You have a good day... I mean, night.

You too. Nice one.

[MOUTHS QUIETLY] "Nice one?"

[JOY CROOKES' "WHEN YOU WERE MINE"]

♪ ♪

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

♪ In the summer of ' ♪

♪ Was it love or nicotine ♪

♪ That made us mellow on the ♪

♪ It was penny paradise ♪

♪ Just a pretty "likkle" lie ♪

♪ And it hit me when I saw you ♪

Come on, Maia.

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪

Totally naked?

- You saw everything?
- Yep.

Sorry, I'm struggling to
find the problem here...

We're not supposed to
see each other at all.

And, to make matters worse...

[QUIETLY] Well, it
was a shock, you know?

So, I sort of got...

[LOUDLY] An erection?

- [MICROWAVE DINGS]
- Yes.

So, what are you thinking?

Well, that you like her.

[SCOFFS] I didn't even talk to her.

No, but physically. Your penis...

Yeah, that's a thing that happens.

Like a headache or a cramp, right?

Oh, not really, no. Sensory stimulation

causes a burst of nitric
oxide in your brain.

The nitric oxide forces your
blood vessels to open up,

so that when you saw Tiffany naked...

- [MIMICS TROMBONE]
- So, it's bad?

Uh, well, no, it's just science.

- The blood rush...
- Bad as in...

- I have a girlfriend.
- Oh.

Well that's subjective.

I was only late because Tiffany wrote me

a Post-it essay and I had to reply.

- Is that bad, too?
- What?

- That you like writing to her?
- Am I cheatin'?

Depends on your definition of cheating.

I need to do something
big for Valentine's Day.

For Tiffany.

What? No. For Kay.

Oh.

Oh, my God. Stop it!

Shh. Shh.

What did you do?

Well, I threw him a towel.

Okay, phew.

- My towel.
- Oh, God.

So his erection touched your towel?

I don't understand
what's happening to me.

First I bump into my ex,
then my naked flatmate.

I feel like I've been cursed.

What if he asks me to move out?

- Morning.
- Hi.

So was it a whole one or half of a one?

Does it really matter?

- What about the balls?
- What about the balls?

I don't know. Do they stick up, too?

Are they attached,

- like a ship sail, or...
- [CHORTLES]

I don't know. I don't
know how penises work.

I'm a Gold Star.

I don't know what that means.

Gold star lesbian.

Means she's never slept with a man.

Yeah, it's kind of
offensive when you say it.

Oh...

- Why?
- Um,

because you're not a lesbian?

This is a lot for : a.m.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

Hi, Leon Campbell?

Yeah.

Gillian.

From Parker and Sons. We
work with your landlord.

Do you mind if I have
a little look around?

[STAMMERING] Can I
ask what this is about?

There's been a report
of a multiple occupancy.

Which as I'm sure you're aware
is a breach of your contract.

Flat's barely big
enough for one as it is.

Oh, you'd be surprised.

One of our properties was
sleeping three men to a room.

There are some desperate
people out there.

It's very sad.

Okay. Hmm?

[PLAYFUL MUSIC]

Aha.

That's...

my girlfriend's.

She stays every now and again.

That's allowed, right?

♪ ♪

Have you told Leon
about the article yet?


[SIGHS] No.

I was going to and...

I suppose now that you've seen his d*ck,

there is no good time.

[SIGHS] Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I've kind of
lost confidence in it.

Want me to have a read?

Would you? I mean, it's a first draft.

Send it to me. It'll
be a nice distraction

from my "Triangular
Theory of Love" article.

[CHUCKLES LIGHTLY] Thanks.

[PHONE VIBRATES]

Justie.

Brilliant.

[OVER PHONE] Hey Tiffy.

Just thought I'd voice
note, 'cause it's easier.


Um...

really great to see you the other night.

Felt like I...

I don't know, fate or something.

Anyway, um,

I hope you've got something nice

planned for Valentine's Day.

Bye.

Wonder if Justin does our
sushi thing with Ariella.

- Your...
- It was tradition

that we would order sashimi
on Valentine's Day, and...

That way we wouldn't be too full

when we had sex later.

How romantic.

[MEEKLY] Mm-hmm.

Why don't you come to mine on Saturday.

No. I'm not coming to
yours on Valentine's Day.

I'm making aubergine parmigiana.

Yeah, for you and your girlfriend.

Yeah, it's dinner not an orgy.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

Look, we don't really do Valentine's.

Em says it's a capitalist construct.

It'll be super low key.

[MUTTERS] I'll think about it.

Mm, so...

You're an arabica guy too, huh?

Absolutely. Love...

arabicas.

Now that is against
the tenancy agreements.

It's the responsibility of the tenant

to keep the property in good condition.

The landlord can take the cost

of any repairs out of the deposit.

I'll paint it.

I'll paint it, it will
look better than before.

Promise.

Can I ask who reported the
multiple occupancy thing?

Seems like a weird thing to do.

No. I'm afraid I couldn't give his name.

"His?"

Is he called Justin by any chance?

I will be back...

for further inspections.

[PENSIVE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[DOOR CLICKS]

♪ ♪

Pumped for the article, Tiff.

Well?

It's not like...

Totally finished or anything.

It's good, Tiffany.

- Really?
- I mean, obviously,

it's only a first draft,

and doesn't feel totally
finished, like you say.

No, no. Yeah, of course.

And it needs more of a hook.

The lead doesn't feel very

"Bother," if you know what I mean.

I was trying to get away from that.

The focus has to be on
telling Ritchie's story.

It's a really good start.

Thanks.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Dear Tiffany, I think your psycho ex

reported us to landlord.

Dear Tiffany, about
bumping into each other.


Need to respect house rules
or flatshare doesn't work.


P.S, someone reported
multiple occupancy.


Letting agent came to inspect flat.

Need to paint wall ASAP
or they take my deposit.


[SIGHS]

[TRAIN RUMBLES]

♪ ♪

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

[SENSUAL MUSIC STARTS
AND STOPS ABRUPTLY]


[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[SCOFFS]

[EXHALES SLOWLY]

♪ ♪

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[LAPTOP CLACKS]

[SIGHS]

[LINE RINGING]

- Hey Tiff.
- Hey Mo.

Uh, I have a question.

Super quick, very uncomfortable.

[CHUCKLING] Okay.

- Fire away.
- Okay, so...


[EXHALES] If someone...

- Do you mean you?
- Like anyone...


complete randomer,
were to, hypothetically,

see...

Hot, naked-type, uh, flashes after...

Hot, naked-type flashes?

Like, um... [SIGHS]

Intrusive, naked-type thoughts?

[CHUCKLING] Right...

After...

accidentally...

Seeing their flatmate naked.

Would that be considered, like...

normal?

On a scale of you know, normal to not.

What I want to know
is am I mentally ill?


Because I've been
reading about this thing


called Pure O, and...

BOTH: [LAUGHING QUIETLY]

Mo?

Yes... uh, no, no,

you're not mentally ill.

You just fancy your flatmate.

Um, no.

I do not fancy my flatmate.

It's a good thing. It's progress.

How can I fancy my flatmate
when literally all I can

think about is how
much I still love Justin

and how much I hate his new girlfriend?

Well obviously that's not
all you're thinking about

if you're getting "hot,
naked-type flashes" of Leon.

And I still haven't told
him about the article.

Oh.

Uh...

maybe you should?

No, I mean, Richie told me not to.

I think he needs to know.

No, you're right.

- Thanks, Mo. Thank you.
- Yeah.

Ooh. Uh-oh.

What?

I think...

I fancy my flatmate.

Ah, um,

actually that's a
psychological disorder.

Mm.

[BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[KEYBOARD CLACKS]

[EMAIL WHOOSHES]

[INHALES DEEPLY] Done.

[AMA JONES' "SLIP"]

♪ ♪

Dear Leon,

I was wondering, since
I've seen your penis...


[MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]

♪ ♪

Dear Leon,

I have seen your penis,

and was therefore wondering if...

[SIGHS]

Would you like to meet for coffee?

I have something to tell you.

P.S.,

is your face as nice as your penis?

Oh, my God! Shut up!

♪ ♪

Dear Leon...

sorry.

And sorry.

I will buy paint.

♪ I ain't gonna slip, yeah ♪

♪ Tighten up my grip now ♪

♪ That was just a hiccup ♪

♪ Gotta take a trip now ♪

♪ Yeah, we gonna ride away, ride away ♪

♪ Ain't got time today, not today ♪

♪ Not today, not today ♪

♪ ♪

Have something tell you.

Seen your coffee. Penis.

[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]

KAY: Hey.

Hey.

Why do you have your hand in the bin?

Uh...

Why do you have your
hand over your face?

I have a really bad spot.

Does Tiffany have any concealer?

I have no idea.

Oh, don't worry. I found some.

Is it cool to borrow makeup?

Dear Tiffany,

about bumping into each other...

So, I have two hours
until my next meeting.

- You hungry?
- Yeah, great.

What's she sorry for?

Oh...

Right, uh...

The wall.

- But she says sorry twice.
- Will you be my Valentine?

Mm, yes, of course
I'll be your Valentine.

Good.

Because I've booked it and everything.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

- Where we goin'?
- [INHALES DEEPLY]

A surprise.

Ooh.

[SUCKS TEETH]

Ah, involving cocktails.

- But you hate cocktails.
- But you love cocktails.

Aw.

Too right, she buys the paint.

[CHUCKLES MEEKLY]

[LIVELY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

So I went for something
a bit statement-y,


and discounted.

Hope you like it.

Never painted a wall before!

Excited!

P.S., won't break the rules again.

♪ I like the way you move ♪

♪ Shake that sugar, blue ♪
♪ My paint ♪


♪ And I don't know your name ♪

♪ But I like your vibe ♪

♪ Light up the night ♪

Rules are more for girlfriend,

to be honest. [CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]

Weird sharing a bed with random girl.

Trying to be better boyfriend,

so I'm taking her out for Valentine's.

P.S., think you meant
to do the edges first?


Not the first time we've done things

the wrong way around.

Roller before edges.

Seeing each other naked
before we've properly met.


Oh, and submitting an article
about your brother's case


before speaking to you about it.

♪ ♪

Mm-mm.

It's true.

I've been in the same room as your ex

longer than I've been
in the same room as you.


♪ We're gonna paint the town ♪

[SIGHS]

P.S., it's very...

yellow.

I think it looks amazing.

P.S., is it against the rules
to meet outside the flat?


Something I need to
talk to you about...


Don't freak out.

Want to meet for a hot drink Saturday?

Totally cool either
way. Just let me know.


Kiss.

[TENDER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Have you seen Tiffany?

Oh, she just left.

- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- Everything okay?

Uh, no, not... Not really, Rachel, no.

- Thanks for asking.
- What's up?

You know,

writers not delivering on time,

CEO breathing down my neck,

- gaping hole in editorial.
- Well, what about, um,

Tiffany's article? Can't
you pull it forward?

Well that's what I want
to talk to her about.

I haven't got time to
edit it. It's a nightmare,

the amount of idiotic Zoom
calls I'm meant to be on.

[STAMMERS] I could edit it.

Oh, I actually read her
draft, gave her a few pointers.

So you know...

I'm familiar.

All right. Yeah.

Yeah. It's on the shared drive?

Okay. I'll, um... I'll
work on it tonight.

- Have it back to you tomorrow?
- Great.

Well, you're a lifesaver,
Rachel, thank you.

[TENDER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[LIGHT CLICKS]

You're in early.

Important things to do.

Who's the lucky lady?

How do you spell "splendiferous?"

And he hasn't replied?

No. And I really need him to.

The article's meant
to go live in a week.

I think it was the "kiss."

What "kiss?"

I left a "kiss" on
the last Post-it Note,

and we don't do kisses.

- And he has a girlfriend.
- Right, yeah.

I can't believe you
haven't told him already.

[CHUCKLES] That's what I've been
saying in all my messages to you.

It's fine, you're just one of
those people who doesn't reply.

[SCOFFS] You can talk.

You never reply to my
screenshots of Raya guys.

What? You know I'd love to see

your screenshots of Raya guys.

Honestly, Rach knows more about my life

than you do at the moment.

What, "mean Rachel" from work?

No, she's not mean.

She's actually been really helpful.

She even bothered to read
a draft of my article,

for a start.

Fine.

Send it to me. I'm
gonna read it tonight.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Thanks.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

[TRAIN RUMBLES]

I love it.

"Splendiferous,

magnificent, tremendous, sensationa"...

All right, all right, enough.

But it's Valentine's Day.

Sentimental tosh.

Are you all right, Mr. Prior?

Are you sad you didn't get a card?

That's okay, at least you get letters.

I haven't had a letter
for many, many years.

What about Johnny White?

He stopped writing some time ago.

What happened?

[HUFFS]

- Did he die?
- Holly.

Perhaps.

Perhaps he married.

I don't suppose I'll ever know.

Mr. Prior...

are you gay?

Holly, it's rude to
ask personal questions.

Yes.

I don't know what I am yet.

Would you like to see a letter?

Yes.

This is always in my pocket.

Oh, careful you don't tear it.

"Darling Reggie,

Sunday is too far away to bear.

- And"...
- Oh...

To...

[INHALES SHAKILY]

Actually, that was his last letter.

We never saw each other again.

Give it back now, Holly.

[QUIETLY] Thank you.

We have to find Johnny White.

There must be clues in that letter.

Holly, that was a very long time ago

and Mr. Prior seemed
a bit upset about it.

Exactly. That's my whole point.

If we find his long-lost love
then he won't be upset anymore.

There are gonna be hundreds,

if not thousands, of
Johnny Whites out there.

And we're going to find
the Johnny White.

And reunite him with Mr. Prior.

I think I need to lower your meds.

Don't you dare.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[DOOR THUDS] [KEYS CLINK]

[TENDER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Tomorrow good.

Need to talk to you, too...

Also don't freak out.

Will be in town to get Kay's present.

Coco at midday?

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

♪ ♪

[JOESEF'S "IT'S BEEN A
LITTLE HEAVY LATELY"]


♪ ♪

♪ Where'd you go? ♪

♪ I just want to look in your eyes ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Caught up in your fever dream ♪

♪ The hate between us making me high ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Where'd you go? ♪

♪ All I got is you on my mind ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm coming up easy ♪

♪ Don't care if she sees
me I need you tonight ♪


[GASPS]

f*ck, I fancy my flatmate.

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

[SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

[EXPECTANT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[PHONE VIBRATES]

"My f*cked-up flatshare.

"How sharing a bed with the brother

of a convicted criminal

made me question my
own life choices"


by Tiffany Moore.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Nice article.

Don't think the flatshare
is going to work.


[KEYBOARD CLACKS]

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, fu...

Um.

[KEYBOARD CLACKS]

♪ ♪

Why wouldn't you tell
me something like that?

I know. I should have.

It's just... embarrassing.

She's the one who should
be embarrassed about it.

Like, who does she think she is?

She's living in your
flat, sleeping in your bed.

- That was the agreement, but...
- Walking in on you naked...

I think that might've
been my bad for being late.

What kind of person just
walks into a bathroom naked

with earbuds in? I mean, come on!

It's the article.

It's me and Richie behind my back.

It's using my family story!

I've decided I don't want
her in my flat anymore.

What about the rent?

I don't need her rent.

So you're not going to
go with that lawyer, then?

That lawyer charges per hour

what Tiffany pays me in a month, so...

[QUIETLY] Wow.

I told her to move out.

[TRAIN RUMBLING]

[GATE CREAKS]

[DOORBELL CHIMES]

[DOOR CLICKS OPEN]

- Hi!
- Hi.

- Come in.
- [EXHALES] Thank you.

It's just f*cking disrespectful.

And the way she wrote about
him like she knows him.

She doesn't know him.
She doesn't know Richie.

She doesn't know his experience.

I swear down I was
about to go in there...

Go in where?

Hey, guys.

So, just to let you know
that happy hour finishes

in minutes, so if you want...

- No, thanks.
- Can you give us a minute.

Where were you when
you read the article?

- In town.
- What are you doing in town?

Buying your present.

Thank you!

And meeting Tiffany.

"You know things are bad

when you're renting a flat
you're only allowed to inhabit

for hours a day."

Did not write that.

"You know things are really bad

when an inmate is
calling the house phone

and asking to speak
to your new bedmate."

Did not write that. [SCOFFS]

"But I was confronted with more

than just his criminal family history

when I walked in on him
butt-naked in the shower."

I mean, how does Phil
even know about that?

It was Si, wasn't it?

- He overheard us talking.
- [PHONE THUDS]

Oh, my God. How could
Phil do this to me?

I know he edits stuff,

but he's literally rewritten
the opening paragraph.

And the headline! "My
f*cked-Up Flatshare?"

I mean it screws with everything

I was trying to do for Richie.

Leon's practically asked me to move out.

- What?
- I mean it's...

It's gone viral, so you know,

all publicity is good publicity. Right?

I should have told Leon earlier.

I was just trying to be respectful.

God, I'm such an idiot!

No, you're not.

Oh, my God.

BOTH: What?

They're really nice pans.

[CHUCKLING] Oh.

Um, didn't we get those in Bicester?

- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.
- I want that.

What, the pans or Bicester?

No, I want to go to
Bicester and choose pans

with someone who loves me.

You know, not... Not you, no offense.

- Oh, none taken.
- That's okay.

I really wish I was
eating sushi with Justin.

Who's Justin?

He's the reason I moved in with Leon.

Ah.

I needed to tell her that her psycho

ex-boyfriend was trying
to get us kicked out.

- Excuse me, what?
- I said I needed to tell her...

Why don't you write it
on one of your little

Post-it Notes, like you usually do?

- It was just a coffee.
- You don't drink coffee.

- It was just a hot chocolate.
- Oh yes, of course,

but she knows everything about you.

I don't think you understand...

"Leon said we can make it work."

Have you two met?

Once.

Briefly.

- So you kept that a secret?
- It was unmemorable.

- Look, the point is...
- No, the point is

this article could ruin
everything Richie has going.

Which is what?

You can't afford a lawyer,
his appeal was rejected,

and now he's doing interviews
with "Bother" magazine.

What exactly does Richie
have going for him?

You think he's guilty, don't you?

Just say it.

You think he's a criminal.

Kay...

You're the only one who doesn't.

[SCOFFS QUIETLY]

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Where are you going?

It's Tiffany's night in the flat.

Don't know.

Not there, obviously.

- Leon, I didn't mean it...
- You did.

I can't do this anymore.

You and me.

It's not working.

♪ ♪

It's really felt like Leon and I

were getting to know
each other, you know?

- Yeah.
- Like with the painting and everything.

It was like, I actually care about him,

he's become like an actual person to me.

I'm sorry. [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

I've become such a bore.

Oh no, just get it off your chest.

Please don't apologize, Tiffany.

This is not your fault.

Is it, Rach?

No, I know, but... I mean the point is,

it... you know, it
looks like it's my fault.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Mmm. Thank you.

This is the delicious.

I think I'm gonna have to talk to him.

- Who, Leon?
- Phil.

I'm gonna have to say,
you know, it's not okay.

'Cause it isn't.

Mmm.

So do you salt the
aubergine before you fry it?

Okay look, I did it.

[MEEKLY] I edited your article.

[PLATE CLINKS]

Tiffany...

[SIGHS]

[STAMMERS] I... I was
doing Phil a favor.

I thought I was making it better.

So... so you exploited

someone's real life tragedy
to impress your boss,

to keep your job while
the rest of us get fired.

No, no, that's the point!

It got more traffic in one day

than any "Bother"
article in the last year.

You know what, some things

are more important than traffic.

Tiffany...

[SOMBER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

♪ ♪

[THROUGH PHONE] Hello,

you've reached Maia Constantine.

Please leave a message
and I'll get back to you.


♪ ♪

[DOOR CLICKS SHUT]

- Hey.
- Hey.

Is that a poussin?

Yeah.

It's a bit extra.

Fancied a baby chicken.

Mm, yeah I mean treat yourself. Why not?

Well, you know,

Valentine's.

[SIGHS]

- Mo...
- It's fine.

Honestly, I was cooking it anyway.

[SCOFFS LIGHTLY]

You went to all this effort for me...

It's no big deal.

[PLATE CLINKS]

Let's finish this and watch "The Wire."

[GRUNTS]

[TV BEEPS]

Put the remote down.

[CHUCKLES QUIETLY]

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

[LINE RINGING]

[THROUGH PHONE] Hello,
you've reached Justin.


Please leave a message.

Hi.

It's me.

Um, I'm just calling to
say Happy Valentine's.

You're probably eating
sashimi with Ariella "XX"

but, um...

Do you remember how we always
used to give each other bear cards,

because you'd say that you
couldn't "bear" to be without me?

Well, I can't "bear" to be without you.

Um...

Yeah, I'm gonna just try and
delete this voicemail now.

Um...

[SIGHS]

I don't know how to delete it.

[GLADYS KNIGHT'S "THE BEST
THING THAT EVER HAPPENED]


[WHISPERS] Oh, sh*t.

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪

♪ I've had my share ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Of life's ups and downs ♪

♪ ♪

♪ But fate's been kind ♪

♪ ♪

♪ The downs have been few ♪

♪ ♪

- _
- ♪ I guess you could say ♪

♪ ♪

♪ That I've been lucky ♪

- _
- ♪ ♪

♪ Well, I guess you could say ♪

♪ ♪

[PHONE VIBRATES]

♪ ♪

[CLEARS THROAT]

Hello?

[THROUGH PHONE] Tiffy. Hi.

I got your voicemail.

- Where are you?
- [SNIFFLES] Home.

[THROUGH PHONE] Right.

God, you really get yourself
into these messes, don't you?


Justin?

Did you ever, um, love me?

[THROUGH PHONE] Tiffy...

Open the door.

♪ Ah, you're the best thing ♪

♪ That ever happened to me ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I know, you're the best thing ♪

♪ Oh, that ever happened to me ♪

[DOOR THUDS]

♪ ♪

Post-its.

It's how we, um...

[SNIFFLES] Communicate.

Okay...

It's easier than, you know...

Texting? Speaking face-to-face?

Anyway, I'm moving out, so...

Good. He doesn't deserve you.

- I know it's unconventional...
- It's unhealthy, Tiffy.

And look at this, look.

You need to stop apologizing.

It is all my fault.

Hey, no.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Come here, come here.

Sit down, sit down.

[SNIFFLES]

I'm gonna make you a tea, okay?

Chamomile, right?

Honestly, we break up for two minutes.

[THUMPS FAUCET]

This place is falling apart.

So...

Are you, um... [SNIFFS]

Dating?

Not exactly, no. Um...

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Maia's got me on this dating app.

Yeah, Maia... [MUG CLINKS]

Yeah, she's never liked me.

What about you and Ariella?

Yeah, she's...

great. Yeah.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

But...

She's not you.

No one's you.

[TENDER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[WHISPERS] Tiffy...

You don't want this.

No, I do.

I do, I want it more than anything.

- But...
- But?

[SIGHS]

I don't want to hurt you.

You won't hurt me.

[STAMMERING] I'm choosing this...

I want this. I'm choosing this.

♪ ♪

[PHONE BEEPS]

One sec.

_

- Who is it?
- Mm, Tiffany.

Oh. Justin again?

_

- _
- [PHONE CLACKS]

[PHONE BEEPS]

- "Exotic princess?"
- [GROANS]

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

This app is the worst.

I mean...

Half of them are r*cist,

and the other half are
obsessed with rock climbing.

Can't you like, report them?

- The rock climbers?
- [CHUCKLES]

I don't think

"Hey, I love your chocolate skin"

counts as abuse.

It's just... exhausting.

Why are you still on it?

[TENDER MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[CHUCKLES]

♪ ♪

[SOFTLY] I liked it how had it before.

What?

Your hair.

I haven't changed it.

Justin, how did you know where I lived?

I never gave you my address.

Of course you did.

- I... I don't remember that.
- [SHUSHING]

You're tired.

Let's go to sleep.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

♪ Remember I'll always love you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ And I, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Love you ♪

♪ And I la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

- ♪ La-la-la-love you ♪
- [DOOR KNOCKER CLINKS]

♪ ♪

♪ Marcus I hope that our memories stay ♪

♪ And just know that whatever you do ♪

♪ ♪

Hi, Mom.

♪ And my heart beats ♪

♪ Stuck in a daze of our thoughts ♪

♪ And watching me grow to be new ♪

♪ I hope you love me too ♪

♪ So my darling, so my darling ♪

♪ So my darling ♪

♪ ♪

♪ When our hairs are turning grey ♪

♪ Won't even remember our younger days ♪

♪ So my darling, so my darling ♪

[EXHALES SOFTLY]

♪ You are my best friend ♪

♪ You are my best friend ♪

♪ Remember I'll always love you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You ♪

♪ And I la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Love you ♪

♪ And I la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ Love you ♪

♪ Remember the first
day we met it was you ♪


♪ Talking to miss and
I came and saved you ♪


♪ Then our friendship
just suddenly grew ♪


♪ Started talking and then it all blew ♪

♪ Then we went down our separate ways ♪

♪ Felt really empty and
everything changed ♪


♪ We reunited, it felt just the same ♪

♪ Now we love in a different way ♪

♪ So my darling, so my darling ♪

♪ So my darling ♪

♪ When our hairs are turning grey ♪

♪ Won't even remember
our younger days ♪


♪ So my darling, so my darling ♪

♪ My baby, my boo ♪

♪ You are my best friend ♪

♪ You are my best friend ♪
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