01x05 - Do You Believe in Ghosts ... Yes!

[bunniefuu]

You gotta know
when to leave the game.

Jerry rice with the 'niners?
Greatest receiver ever.

With the raiders?
Serviceable.

By the end...

The man
was a seahawk.

It's an athlete's job
to believe he can go on,

but it's our job,
as fans, to say,

"thanks for the memories.
You make us sad now.

Please go away."

Don't stay
past your expiration date.

This won't k*ll me.

Don't eat that.

Janie?

Hey, honey.

Hey...
Dead. Wife. Dear.

Okay, listen,
we got to talk about something.

No, thank you.
All right, then.

- It's okay.
- It is? Great!

I'm kind of
freaking out.

What's happening?
Bye-bye.

Yeah,
I'm still here.

My God!

And the rule of the hospital
is all of our scrubs

are supposed to be
the same color.

So, Dr. Anwar comes in
with his light blue scrubs,

like he's Anthony Edwards,
or something...

Excuse me.

I know I'm not
supposed to interrupt,

but I saw a ghost.

In my kitchen.
It was Janie.

It was the most intense
experience of my life,

so I'm crazy, right?
I've gone crazy.

Anyway,
Anwar struts in

like he's God's gift
to orthopedic surgery...

Yolanda, no, no.

No, no, no.
You're not crazy.

It's actually
very normal.

A lot of people see
and even speak to

a manifestation
of a departed loved one.

It's your imagination.

It's a coping fantasy.

Patricia
came to me.

She told me
to go to the window.

There was a hummingbird
against a bright, blue sky.

It was her way
of telling me

that I was missing beauty
that was all around me.

So what did Janie
say to you?

I don't know,
I was a little freaked out.

She was a spectre.
A spectre, I say.

Okay, if it happens again,
maybe you should be

a little bit more open
to the experience.

I spent a half an hour
talking to my grandmother once.

It was
really spooky.

I can only imagine
what it would've been like

if she was dead.

When I came in here today,
I thought

I was the craziest person
on the planet.

Thank you.

- Put your hand back on my shoulder.
- No.

Hey, we couldn't get
Peyton Manning

for tomorrow's show, so we're
gonna go with Colt McCoy, okay?

Yeah, any NFL player with
a fake-sounding name will do.

Hey, man,
what's happening in here?

Where are all the pictures
of you and Ashley?

I...

You think because Janie d*ed,
I can't handle

looking at pictures
of you and your girlfriend.

Dude,
it's not like that.

Come on, man, the three of us
used to hang out all the time.

Now, you don't even
talk about her around me

because
I'm so fragile?

Well,
that ends right now.

Ashley. Ryan. Friday night.
You, me, and Steven.

What's that?

You guys broke up?

Ashley and I broke up.

Well, I don't think
the fact that you never liked me

is really relevant right now,
but now that we're doing this,

you have ne...

What? No, let me
say something mean.

You have...
Ashley?

Never cared for her.

Dumped me a month ago.

Are you okay?
Why didn't you tell me?

Why didn't I tell you?
You got major league problems.

My stuff's double "A"
at best.

I mean, maybe called up
to triple "A" mid-season.

Who's that guy Philly
kept sending up and down?

Metaphor's
not worth it.

Yeah.

Is there anything
I can do for you, buddy?

I'm starting
to get lonely.

I mean, I thought
it might be good

to just jump right back in,
but it's no fun to go out alone.

Okay, I'm gonna be
your wingman.

Like old times.
We're doing this.

Really?
You sure you're in a place

to help me
hit on women?

Maybe!

Okay,
we're here.

What's
the emergency?

I was walking in the area.
I see Lauren.

I know she's protective
of her privacy,

so I follow
at a comfortable distance.

15 feet?

No, I'm some amateur.

Anyway, so she goes up
to the valet podium,

puts on a red vest,
and I realize

she's working here
as a cashier.

That is
the Lauren emergency?

Sonia,
I was in court!

I half-assed
jury selection.

I let someone in who believes
the Earth is only 500 years old.

There she is.

Um, okay,
that will be $8, please.

- $8?
- Yes.

- With validation?
- I... yeah. I'm sorry, sir.

She looks so sad!

Couldn't have been
more than 20 minutes.

I'ml'm...
I'm sure, and I...

Is he sassing
my group leader?

- Are you sassing my group leader?
- Sonia, no, no, no.

She's looking this way!

This mission's
been compromised! Wheels up!

Let's go! Go, go, go!
Okay, okay!

- Go! Go!
- Okay, okay.

Sorry.

All right,
you're back.

Love of my life,
you are welcome in this home.

Mine ears, they are open.

Bestoweth upon me your wisdom.

You gotta
go shopping.

Say again?

Go buy some food.

That's it?
You've traversed the cosmos,

broken every known rule
of the universe

to tell me
to go shopping?

Anne's wife
brought hummingbirds.

That is not
all you came here to say.

I don't know,
we'll see.

Are you
gonna be coy now?

Just what the world needs,
a coy ghost.

Shop, cook,
and then we'll talk.

You always look so much better
in my shirts than I do.

Yeah, well, you know,
boobs improve everything, so...

Now, that is
the kind of ghost wisdom

I wanted you
to bestoweth upon me earlier.

Get it together,
man!

Excuse me, sir.

I'm contemplating
a milk purchase.

How much do you think
I would need?

Perhaps I should tell you
a little bit about myself.

I, eat cereal
three times a week.

I take my coffee black,
so don't factor that in.

I like pancakes.
Do I need milk for that?

That stare,
are you doing milk math,

or just sizing me up
as an idiot?

Excuse me.

That guy can shop.

♪ I do the fireball

♪ that's how
I k*ll 'em all ♪

Thank you.

♪ I do the creepy crawl

Everything you gave him,
please.

♪ Crazy legs
like daddy long ♪

♪ because I keep on,
keep on movin' ♪

♪ don't stop,
there's nothing to it ♪

♪ I keep on,
keep on movin' ♪

♪ don't stop

I eat this now.

♪ There's nothing to it

♪ I do the Frankenstein

♪ that's why
you look so fine ♪

♪ I do the Spanish fly

♪ that's how
I make you mine ♪

♪ let's go!

Paper or plastic?

How are we playing this,
chief?

I am sad sometimes,
***.

I used to cook big meal
for all of my boys,

but now that they sent back
to my country, no more.

Let's talk about your boys
being taken...

Excuse me, Lauren,
I don't think we fully explored

the cooking aspect
of this yet.

Fausta,
were you a good cook?

Your boys, were they...
Grande?

Muy grandes,
and fat, round, happy,

always
bellies full.

Filled with what
primarily?

Did they feast exclusively
on Mexican, or...?

No,
Ryanking.

I cook everything.
Mexican, French, Italian.

Really?
'Cause I have just come into

a boatload
of confusing ingredients.

Okay, Fausta, I'm sensing that
you're attaching nourishment

with validation
that you're a good mother.

She said
"validation."

Like
parking validation.

Psst!

Stop it.
Like where she works.

Stop it!

No,
no more secrets.

We know you're a valet.
We have to talk about this.

How do you guys know this?

Sonia followed you.

I'm sorry, you're
in charge of my mental health,

and you're also
a valet parker?

I'm a parking services
manager.

Right,
but they still make you

wear one of those vests,
though, don't they?

Okay, this is just
a temporary situation.

Here's the deal,

I love what I do in
this group so much

that I want to dedicate
my life to it,

so I'm studying
for my master's.

These masters, they force you
to study and also to park cars?

Keep going,
I'll explain.

Look,
between school and you guys,

I just need a job
that has flexible hours,

so can we please
talk about something else?

I have some great activities
planned.

Fill yourself
with a sense of wonder.

I wonder why you couldn't
get a better job.

If you must know,

I'm taking my test for my
real estate license next week,

and I have a really good feeling
about it this time.

Well, um,
"this time?"

Yeah, I failed three times.
No big deal.

Everybody up.

You can't pass
a real estate exam?

You're not qualified
to take 4% for doing nothing?

Yes,
Mr. "K."

Does this mean
that you're stupid?

Hey, no.
She's not stupid.

I mean, look how much
she's helped all of us.

You're not stupid,
are you?

No, I'm in great in here,
because I trust you guys, okay?

I just have really, really,
really bad test anxiety.

Okay? The room spins
and the clock ticks,

and I hear my inner voice
telling me I'm not good enough.

We can help.
I'll quiz you.

I can make flash cards,
and we can study,

and eat ice cream,
and talk about boys.

Just the two of us.

No, thank you,
but no.

Now, can we please just
get back to doing

the good work
that we do here?

Let's just dig deep
within ourselves, and...

And... time.

No.
What are you doing here?

I own this hotel.

Not really. Wouldn't it
be cool, though, if I did?

I could jump on the beds
whenever I wanted to.

Yeah, Ryan, I...

I'm just a little worried,
so I figured I'd check on you.

I know you have a thing
about boundaries with the group,

but I figured,
since I was the special one...

You're not
the special one.

I'm a special one.

What can I do
to help?

Nothing.
It's very kind of you,

but I really don't want you
to worry about me, okay?

You! Didn't I tell you
to have my car washed?

See, this is why
I don't tip.

Hey! This vested lady
is a saint,

so if you come around here
and yell at her again,

you're not
gonna have to deal with her,

you're gonna have to
deal with me,

and I got
a lot of friends.

Eight of them
are crazy

and one of them's
back from the dead.

Yeah, go.
Scoot!

Scoot faster.

Great pick-up dog,
right?

Got him from
my downstairs neighbor.

The one
with the ear discs?

No, the one
with the neck tattoo.

You've got to move out
of that building, man.

Yeah.

Okay, okay, okay.
Here come some women now.

- Sure you're ready to do this?
- Wouldn't be here if I wasn't.

Hello, ladies.

I'm Ryan, and this is
special agent Steven Utah,

- with the A*F.
- Hi.

And this is Peaches.

Either
he really likes you,

or you've been handling
class four expl*sives.

Wait,
is that a wedding ring?

Yeah,
it's not what you think.

I'm not a married guy,
I'm just a widower

who's talking to women
far too early.

But back to you.

You think it's weird
that I'm still wearing the ring?

It feels like I'd be
letting go of something,

but part of me
isn't ready to.

Not fruitful.

You know what?
We don't hike.

His name is Steven,
but he's not an A*F agent.

This isn't even
our dog.

We're just
a couple of regular guys who...

Have an incredibly popular
radio show.

Really?
You guys have a show?

Only every day.

People always say Mindy and I
should have our own show,

because we say
the most outrageous things.

Like, we were just talking
about our favorite

frozen yogurt flavor and
Becca goes, "blue."

That is outrageous.

I know.

You guys should come down
to the radio station.

We'll put you
on the air.

- Okay.
- Really? Sure...

- Great.
- Okay.

So why don't you guys
give us your numbers,

and we'll finish
our last hike ever,

and see you
tomorrow night.

Get in.

You promised
you wouldn't be menacing.

Who is gonna get in a van
with someone like you?

No one.

Guys,
what is going on?

We're helping you,
Lauren.

Yeah, we care about you,
Lauren.

- Grab her!
- No, stop!

Everyone,
stop being weird in my van!

Look, you say helping
other people can be therapeutic.

Maybe helping you
could help with our healing.

Owen.

Okay, yeah, sometimes I listen
when you say things.

Let's not make a thing of it.
Just get in.

All right.

♪ Fausta cooked
this meal for me ♪

♪ I didn't have to do anything

♪ we have
a bit of a language barrier ♪

♪ and I took advantage
of the situat... ♪

What you got there?

Can we talk about
how you arrive here?

How about
a little warning?

Maybe you could ring a bell
or something?

I said
you had to cook.

Would you stop
pushing me?

Why?

Because I'm not the one
who didn't do

what they were
supposed to do here.

We had a deal.

We were gonna be together
till we were 90.

You'd be spry
and into gardening,

I would have great,
old-guy hair like Robert Wagner.

And when it was time to cook
you would do everything,

and I would stand next to you
and said funny things

about my day
that would made you laugh.

Why are you here?

It's not about shopping
and cooking.

Tell me
why you're here.

Nope.

Well, then can you,
perhaps, un-die?

I cannot.

All right, well,
then we're done.

Thank you for ruining my dinner.
Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to go up to my bedroom
and slowly starve to death.

I'll see you
in 18 days.

This I don't miss.

Come on.

What exactly are you
guys gonna teach me?

I already know all the answers.

I just can't handle
the pressure.

We can train you,
like the m*llitary did me.

If you simulate
a stressful situation,

you gradually
become desensitized. Watch.

Somebody
punch me in the...

Wasn't gonna say,
"face."

Impressive right hook, though.

- I'm in agony.
- Thanks.

So we are gonna simulate
test conditions.

Okay,
the room starts to spin.

The clock
starts to tick.

Tick, tock, tick, tock,
tick, tock...

The annoying girl
finishes first.

It's me.

You hear
your inner voice.

You're a failure.
You're a failure!

Put on the costume!
You will dance for me!

Yeah,
it doesn't make much sense,

but she was really insistent
about what she wanted to yell.

Tick, tock, tick, tock...

Final question:

"What is the meaning
of a quiet title action?"

You are weak.
You're all alone.

You never got to
go to summer camp

'cause you had to visit your
angry grandparents in Tokyo!

This is so easy.

I got this one, and I got
that one, and I am so pretty.

A quiet title action
is when you purchase property

through
a dummy transaction!

How did I do?

You got
a perfect score.

Yeah!

You did it, sweetie!
100!

Yes!

No, I know
I didn't do that well.

What did I
really get?

65.

But you passed.

No, no, no, hold...

Tell me the truth.

30.

- Really?
- 25.

God. I'm going to be

wearing that vest
for the rest of my life!

It was a 22.

Look at you.
You're so proud of yourself.

I am pretty proud
of myself.

Do you want me to fix you
a plate? Do you eat?

No, no.
I'm dead.

Right.

I'll sit with you,
though.

Okay.

If I start
taking care of myself,

then I'm really admitting
that you're never coming back,

but I have to
move on.

That's why you're here,
isn't it?

Look at him.
He cooks,

he understands
messages from the beyond.

He is
quite a fella.

Janie, I've missed you
so much.

I really wanted to see
that Robert Wagner hair.

Yeah.

I've still got a lot
to learn, you know.

You paid all the bills,
I don't know how to do laundry,

folding
is confusing and hard,

and how did you make our bed
look like that every morning?

Were you in the army?
How did you do that?

I'll be back.

Good.

What's
the iTunes password?

I keep forgetting
to ask her!

It's so cool
that you guys get to work here.

Well, don't tell me,
I'm just a lowly producer,

tell Steven,
he's the on-air talent.

He is so secure
in his celebrity

that he allows them
to hang a giant picture of me

up on the walls. Not a lot of
stars would do that.

No.

Not a lot of stars
would do that.

I'm the star.
I am the star.

- That's cute.
- That's really nice.

Okay, you two,
I'm gonna flick this switch,

and then you'll be
on the air,

talking
to millions of Americans.

Ready?
Three, two, one.

- We're on? Okay.
- Okay.

- They're not on the air, right?
- Of course not.

What's
that switch do?

It tells a bunch of people
that I'm hungry.

Should we open up their mics
and hear what they're saying?

Okay.

He's half-chow, they told me
the other half is pug,

but you know what I really think
the other half is?

Person,
because he's so smart.

And that's
enough of that.

This is fun!

Yeah,
I'm having fun too, buddy.

You know what would make it
even better?

If I got
out of here?

I was actually thinking,
if they got out of here.

Last few days
have been great.

You gave Ashley a hard time,
we went on that hike,

we haven't done
this kind of thing in a while.

Yeah, I got the new madden,
a bottle of scotch,

and, oddly, an entire turkey
back at my house.

Perfect.
What do we tell the girls?

We could tell them
we're about to get drunk,

eat an entire turkey,
and play videogames.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

It's going well.

There's something magic
about a great team.

Jordan needed Pippen.
Never won without him.

Lebron never won
before Dwyane Wade.

Some people got game
they didn't even know they had

before the right person
came along

and made them step it up
and just be better.

Sure, you can be like kobe,
send away Shaq and Phil Jackson,

think you can
do it yourself,

but don't be a hero.

Take the help.

When I say,
"begin,"

you'll have two hours
to complete the exam.

Excuse me, nerd?
Can I cheat off you?

I'm sorry.
Never mind. I'm sorry.

Okay, guys, come on.

Let's go.

Why don't you sit
right over there?

- Hi. Sorry.
- Pardon me, I'm here.

- I need this desk.
- I hope you don't mind.

- Sorry.
- There's on back there.

What are you guys
doing here?

You're great
with us around you.

Be great.

Okay, everyone.
You can begin.

So, I had kind of
an interesting week.

Not that kind
of a circle.

The parsley in
before I saute it.

Yes, exactly.

I passed!

And I got a job!

And they gave me
my own real estate jacket!

How totally
unflattering.

I know!

You guys, thank you so much.
I got a 92.

Good job, boss.

Did we all score 100?

We're real estate agents!