02x13 - Eclipsed

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Justice League". Aired: November 17, 2001 – May 29, 2004.*
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Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash and other superheroes join forces to battle crime and otherworldly threats, keeping a watchful eye on Earth from their orbiting space station.
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02x13 - Eclipsed

Post by bunniefuu »

Can anyone explain this to me?

That's fassan's vehicle,

But where's our
target, boys and girls?

So are you here for the
high risk or the low pay?

Actually I'm here to
keep the world safe

From warlords and
petty dictators like fassan.

"Cave"? Well, duh.

Not cave, cave. It's latin.

It means, "beware."

Signal our position.
And remember,

We want fassan alive
for trial, if possible.

Uh, sir?

You did say "alive
if possible," right?

This isn't fassan's
handiwork. Pull back.

Whoa, mama.

What is it, burns?

I think it's my kid's
college tuition fund, sarge.

Uh!

Death-mongers!

World-enders!

Uh!

Touch not the black heart!

Mophir preserves the world.

Uh!

Ahh...

What is he?

Local color?

Uhh...

Sarge, you ok?

Ah!

What?

Burns?

I'm... I'm fine.

How's the sarge?

He'll live, but we need
to get him back to base.

Or you could all die right here.

Burns, what are you doing?

Burns, don't!

Oh!

Whoa!

Crikey!

Not so fast, mirror master.

Uh!

Oh!

G'day, mate.

Flash! Catch!

Thanks, yo!

For fast energy, grab a
lightspeed booster bar,

With a big burst of
flavor in every bite!

Yeah!

See? This is what
these self-appointed

Guardians of humanity

Are really about.

Cashing in

On their image,

Shilling for whoever's
got the deepest pockets.

It's not enough that
they turn our kids

Into bullies and delinquents

With their arrogant

"Might makes right" policy,

Once again, the glorious
one tells it like it is.

Am I right, folks,
or am I right?

Darn straight!

How dare you open up the
league to this kind of criticism?!

Hey, I wasn't that bad.

Listen, we're a team.

How people see you
affects all of us.

Then a single guy like
you should be thanking me,

Because I've been finding
out the ladies love a celebrity.

You done with those?

What do you need that
much money for anyway?

Tell me you're not jealous.

Tell me you're not serious.

Why do you need a van?

Wait, don't answer that.

I don't want to know.

The flashmobile's
not just a van,

It's an expression
of my inner self.

Uh, that's not right.

Yeah, well, hotshot,

Next time you feel the need
to express your inner self,

Repress.

But that's not
even the best part.

Huh?

Check it out!

Hey, we should take a road trip!

What?

Think about it.

Two hard-traveling heroes
cruising the countryside,

Looking for america.

Yeah, I'll let you know
when my schedule frees up.

It's time we told these
supercilious sideshow swindlers

What we think of them!

You're no superheroes!

You're...

Superzeroes!

It's not my fault.

Of course not. You just
handed that jerk a w*apon.

You didn't tell him to fire it.

Aw, he's full of hot air.

Guys like that back down the
second you stand up to them.

I'll prove it.

Hold on!

Hey, glorious.

Oh, no.

You have something
to say about the league,

Say it to my face.

Ladies and gentlemen,

It seems we have an
unexpected guest.

Not that we should be surprised.

I mean, you're a superhero.

You don't have to
wait for an invitation.

You go where you want
when you want, right?

Yeah, but...

We're the good guys.

Of course you are!

And I'm sure you can
account for the fact

That since your so-called
justice league formed,

White collar crime
is up 3 percent!

White collar? That's
not really our...

Or maybe you'd care to
explain why, on your watch,

50 Percent of marriages
now end in divorce,

And the other 50
percent in death!

Uh!

I'm here because all
that stuff you said

About the league being in
this for money isn't right.

So you're saying that
unlike the rest of us,

Who work hard to
provide for our loved ones,

You do what you do for
less selfish reasons?

Exactly. Like green lantern
explained to me earlier...

Don't. Don't say it.

We're above all that.

You heard it, folks!

Straight from the source!

The just-us league says,
"we're better than you!"

Yeah! Wait, no!

We're out of time.

Tomorrow, more of the hard truth

You want to hear.

Hey, great show,
kid. Drop by anytime.

But I didn't...

You... I...

Nothing personal.
It's just show biz.

It's not like it's the
end of the world.

That's exactly what it is.

End of the world.

Mophir tells you, "don't touch!"

Do you listen to
mophir? Now world ends.

Not mophir's fault.

But mophir know how world works.

Mophir get blamed just the same.

Strange song. What is it?

Hey!

How many mammals will this k*ll?

Buddy, I need you
to put that back, ok?

What are you doing?

How many?

Depends. That thing
holds 7 rounds.

Not enough.

What's our deadliest w*apon?

What's with the stinking quiz?

A nuke, ok?!

Numbers. Give me numbers.

I don't know...
Thousands, maybe millions.

It's a start.

Today I have a report
from dr. Frederick,

The respected
child psychologist,

In which he states, and I quote:

"Some children who admire
these overpumped superheroes

"Do poorly in school,
quarrel with their siblings,

And refuse to eat
their vegetables."

I'd like to ask the
just-us league

How they respond
to these accusations.

But I can't!

Because they don't have
the nerve to show up here!

America, I ask you,

Why are they afraid of me?

What do they have to hide?

We demand the truth!

What a rude little man.

Someone needs to
put him in his place.

No. If we respond,

We'll just encourage him.

Role models? Look, I've seen
showgirls with more modesty

Than this so-called
wonder woman.

I will not tolerate this!

Princess, I don't like
godfrey any more than you do,

But in this country, the
man's entitled to his opinion,

However bone-headed it is.

Democracy in action.

Hey, didn't the
greeks invent that?

And what's wrong
with the way I dress?

Uh, you want to take that?

You are about to witness

The birth of a new
age in m*ssile defense.

Rather than trying to sh**t
down enemy missiles from space,

We believe that our
new afd anti-fusion device

Will enable us to completely
neutralize enemy warheads

At the point of detonation.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you the afd.

Nukes alive and in
position, general.

Good. Prepare to detonate.

Hold it, guy! Restricted area!

Oh!

General, we've got
a security breach.

He's heading for
one of the nukes.

Abort test.

Cut him off!

Don't move.

Being a superhero,
I'm always on the run,

And I can't afford to
slow down for anything,

Not even
gastrointestinal distress.

So when I need fast,
fast, fast relief

From the cramping,
burning, itching...

Oh, I can't say this!

What's the problem?

"Cramping, burning, itching"?

What pinhead
wrote this garbage?!

Your sponsors.

They can kiss my boots.

I'm not saying it!

You're his agent.
You deal with him.

Listen, bunkie, you know
you're my number one guy.

Talk to me. Artie bauman
is completely here for you.

You say the word, we walk.

Great. Let's go.

You can't. We already got paid,

And I spent my 60 percent.

Forget it.

No one's asking the other
guys to do this sort of thing.

That's because they don't have

What you have.

What, my speed? My charm?

They don't have
me as their agent.

So tell them to call me,

Especially that big
gal with the rope.

Now let's make some magic.

Rolling, people, this is a take.

And if it's not
too inconvenient,

This time with talent.

This bites!

Your commercial's stupid,

You're a no-talent hack,

And your donuts are stale!

I'm out of here
fast, fast, fast!

Ohh!

Ah!

Well, looks like that's a wrap.

You owe us, bunkie.

Full reimbursement
plus studio costs.

Expect to hear from our lawyers.

I can't afford another lawsuit.

Unless...

Connect me to godfrey studios.

Reverse the charges.

Tell us why you
wanted the nukes.

What nukes? Where's my unit?

Where's the sarge?

Listen, buddy, it'll go a
lot easier if you cooperate.

We called your co,
and he said your unit

Had been taken
out by enemy fire.

Turns out it was you.

Did fassan pay you to do this?

Do what?! I don't know
what you're talking about!

Don't worry, sir.
We'll get him to cr*ck.

Very good, lieutenant. Carry on.

Who's in here?

Oh, it's you, general.

Is everything all right, sir?

Yes, I found what I needed.

Would you mind locking up?

And this exclusive
behind-the-scenes footage

Reveals more shocking
behavior from these superzeroes.

This bites!

Your commercial's stupid,

You're a no-talent hack,

And your donuts are stale!

I'm out of here
fast, fast, fast!

Ohh!

Ah!

This just proves
what I've said all along:

Behind those masks,

They're menaces who
have far too much power.

Why, if they set
their minds to it,

The just-us league could
easily destroy the world!

Captain, how would one
find this just-us league?

Put on a gaudy costume and
thr*aten to hurt a lot of people?

Thank you, captain.

You've been a tremendous help.

Come on, artie, help me out.

Where did godfrey
get that footage?

How should I know?
A garage sale?

But it makes me
look like a total jerk.

Don't sweat it, kid,

There's no such
thing as bad publicity.

And speaking of publicity,

I could set you up
for the swimsuit issue,

Cover guaranteed.

You slimy little weasel.

Do you think I can
be bought and sold?

A tough negotiator. I like that!

It's the power plant.

This negotiation
is over, mr. Bauman.

If you change your
mind, babe, I'm in the book!

Do you see anything?

I saw that.

Mankind's time will
be forever eclipsed.

Tonight my people
will be avenged!

Where do these nuts come from?

What's going on? Is
this some kind of a drill?

Uh!

It's him.

He torched the sewers!

I was wondering
what that smell was.

It's no joke!

That's methane gas down there.

Ah!

Flash, we'll handle the fire.

Diana, you take mr. Moonface.

Right.

We need water here!

Fast!

I'm on it!

You can't escape.

Give yourself up.

Never! I know what you want.

But you can't have it!

Have what?

My precious diamond.

No! Stay back!

Its dark power can
destroy the world.

Not anymore.

Hey, princess, fire's out.

Need a hand in here?

No. He's finished.

Whoa!

That was a little harsh.

Are you feeling all right?

I'm fine.

But there's still so much to do.
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