02x23 - Comfort and Joy

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Justice League". Aired: November 17, 2001 – May 29, 2004.*
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Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, The Flash and other superheroes join forces to battle crime and otherworldly threats, keeping a watchful eye on Earth from their orbiting space station.
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02x23 - Comfort and Joy

Post by bunniefuu »

[Thinking] I'm receiving
your directions

And relaying them
to my teammates.

Please be assured
that we are doing

Everything within our power

To save your world.

[Speaking alien language]

You gave us the knowledge

To construct the
gravitation device

And trusted the
league to be your hands.

We will not fail you.

Status report, flash.

Just keep beaming those
instructions into my head, j'onn.

I should have this baby up
and running right about...

Now!

[Speaking excitedly
in alien language]

The ice planet's
orbit is stabilizing.

These two worlds
will never collide now.

The normitians are sending us

Their expressions of
relief and gratitude.

Nice way to kick off
a christmas break.

I second that.

G.l.?

You guys go ahead.

I'll catch up with you later.

I'll hitch a ride back with g.l.

How about you, big
guy? Any holiday plans?

I'm afraid this season
has no meaning for me.

Whoa. Frosty.

We'll have to do
something about that.

G.l.: Ya-hoo!

You fly through
space all the time,

But sliding down a snowy hill
makes you shriek like a child?

Each winter, my grandmother
would take me sledding in the park.

It was the best
part of christmas.

With all respect to
your grandmother,

I don't see what's so
special about the snow.

That's clever.

How about this?

It's a snow angel. See my wings?

Right.

Hey! What was that for?

It's supposed to be fun.

Ok.

Let's have fun.

Whoa!

Lady, you are asking for it.

Bring it on, snowman!

Woman: he'll be
here any minute, kids.

That jolly man in the red suit

Is coming to pay
his christmas visit.

Ho ho ho!

All right! Yay!

You're the coolest!

Merry christmas, guys!

Have you been good this year?

Yes! Yes! Yes!

You can bet they've been good

When it means seeing
their favorite hero.

Don't forget the
present he brings.

Yeah! Yeah!

You really don't
have to do that.

Come on. It's tradition.

What's it going to
be this year, guys?

A video game? Sports equipment?

Well, there is something.

Name it.

It's on! It's on!

It's on! It's on! All right!

T.v.: It's d.j. Rubber duckie!

♪ I'm the rubber duckie
with all the fly moves ♪

♪ Rockin' at his house ♪

♪ With my tight grooves ♪

♪ Go, rubber, go, rubber ♪

♪ Go, rubber duckie ♪

[Farting noises]

Flash: ha ha ha!

That actually is pretty cool.

Ok.

D.j. Rubber duckie it is.

Uh, you may not want to
get their hopes up too high.

Every store's been
sold out for weeks.

Please. I made gorilla
grodd cry uncle.

I'm sure rubber duckie
will be no problem.

All right! Yay!

[Cheering]

J'onn: this is a bad idea.

Superman: no way was I
going to leave you alone

In the watchtower
on christmas eve.

Besides, batman practically
begged for monitor duty.

You'll love it. Trust me.

Clark!

Hi, ma. Pa.

Merry christmas.

Have you been eating, dear?

You look thin.

Oh, ma.

Good to have you
home again, son.

It's good to be back.
And I brought a friend.

Hello, mr. And mrs. Kent.

I hope I'm not intruding.

Super...

Uh, clark was most insistent
I join you for the holiday.

My name is j'onn.

I'm a martian.

Oh, we're no strangers
to aliens in this house.

You just make yourself at home.

That reminds me. Where's cara?

Skiing with barbara. She'll
be home for new year's.

As long as she's not here,
you can have her room.

Superman: you should be
nice and cozy here, j'onn.

Nice and cozy?

How odd to hear
you speak that way.

I've never seen this
side of you, clark.

That's why I like coming
home for the holidays.

I can just relax and be myself.

Pa kent: ok, everybody! I'm
turning on the christmas tree!

Pa, that's my job!

[Meowing]

Kitty.

[Hisses]

[Snarls]

Hah!

Hah!

Aah!

Oh!

Oof!

[Rumbling]

Aah!

Uh-oh.

Unh! Ah!

Ok, ok! I give!

Unh!

Feeling more festive?

I don't know.

I still don't get this whole
obsession with the holidays.

Although...

Back on thanagar,
we would celebrate

After a successful battle.

I may never get home,
but I have found one planet

Where the people celebrated

The same way.

Oh, yeah? Whereabouts?

You wouldn't like it.

I have a day off

And a fully charged power ring.

Try me.

Omega quadrant.
Third moon of gaultos.

[Shouting] open up the door!

My husband ordered the
rubber duckie a month ago!

Whoa.

Hey, flash, flash,
you're just in time.

That creep's hoarding
d.j. Rubber duckies.

Go smack him up.

Honest, people, we're
completely sold out!

Come back after the holidays!

This could take a little
longer than I thought.

I take it back.

Grodd was never
this much trouble.

[Jolly old saint
nicholas playing]

That's it! I'll go
right to the source.

This is our very
last rubber duckie,

But since it is for
the great hero flash,

We are happy to give it
with our compliments.

I can't thank you
enough, mr. Hama.

It'll mean so much to the kids.

[Speaking japanese]

You, too.

[Laughter]

This little guy was
crazy for christmas.

We used to wrap his
presents in lead foil

So he couldn't peek.

You mean, santawrapped them.

Oh, of course, dear.

Ma kent: now, j'onn,

Clark tells us you're
on your own this year.

We don't allow anyone
to visit for the holidays

Without taking a
present home with them.

But I brought no gift for you.

Nonsense. Your company
is the only present we need.

Our group at the
community center

Always knits a few extra gifts.

It's lovely.

I wasn't sure about the size.

I can grow into it.

You said this is where
you go to relax?

No, I said this is where
I go to celebrate!

[Chattering in alien language]

[Loud music playing]

Hi, guys!

[Cheering]

Man: oh, yeah!
Here she is! Ha ha!

Wow.

You think you know someone.

Hey! How's it going?

Long time no see.

Looking good, zil.

Up high!

Yo, fazz. Is the
plurb in this dive

Still as bad as I remember?

See for yourself, wings.

[Belch]

Ahh!

Now, that's good plurb.

Try this. It's great.

Pbbbt!

[Coughing]

Delicious.

[Sigh]

Just one more thing would
make this evening perfect.

[Roar]

[Growling]

What?

[Cracks knuckles]

[Roaring]

[All shouting]

Hah!

[expl*si*n]

Wow. Someone sure did
a number on this place.

Ultra-humanite: actually,
I hadn't even started.

[Cocks g*n]

Do you believe

The horrendous amount
of public funding spent

On this so-called art?!

It's garbage,

An affront to any
decent human aesthetic!

Ok.

I'll just take you
back to prison,

Where you won't have to look at
the ugly old sculptures anymore.

Aah!

Well, this looks to be a
joyous yuletide after all.

Flash: missed.

[Click]

What?

Should have asked
santa for extra batteries.

[Grunting]

Unh!

No!

Unh!

[Ultra-humanite groaning]

What a shame. I broke your toy.

It was a present for some
kids who really wanted it.

A paltry bit of plastic
and crude electronics.

They'd have been
better off with a book.

I suggest voltaire.

Don't you remember
what it's like

To have your heart
set on something

And that awful feeling
when you didn't get it?

Yes. And I usually have you and
your teammates to blame for that.

I was talking about christmas.

Oh, that garish, hollow charade.

Forced jollity on every lip,

Insincere goodwill
in every heart.

Tidings of comfort
and joy indeed.

For a creep that claims to
personify human advancement,

I'd think you'd know what it
means to pass along goodwill,

Especially to kids
who need some.

I'd like to think they'd grow up to
pass that goodwill onto others.

A not unworthy aspiration.

[Click]

You can go ahead and use
that thing, for all I care.

I couldn't feel any worse.

As you wish.

Unh!

[Groaning]

You'll be happy to know, flash,

That your words,
jejune though they were,

Did not fall on deaf ears.

I appreciate the
sentiment behind them

And therefore call a truce

In honor of the season.

Seriously?

You'll have the toy to
give to your young friends.

I'm improving it, too.

It's not going to
blow up or anything?

Flash, it is christmas.

Ok. But why did you hit me?

You hit me first.

Hand me that
screwdriver, will you?

Lead.

Woman: and I got
ricky a skateboard,

And for mom, I made her a shawl.

Man: oh, they're
going to love it.

Thanks for doing the shopping.

Sure.

Merry christmas!

[Girl sighs]

Girl, thinking: dumb old tommy.

There is too a santa claus.

I know he's real.

He has to be.

Just you wait.

He'll eat the
cookies I left out,

Like he does every year.

[Thud] [gasp]

[Footsteps]

J'onn: mmm.

♪ It came upon a
midnight clear ♪

♪ That glorious song of old ♪

♪ From angels bending
near the earth ♪

♪ To touch their harps of gold ♪

♪ Peace on earth,
goodwill to men ♪

♪ From heaven's
all gracious king ♪

♪ The world in
solemn stillness lay ♪

♪ To hear the angels sing ♪

[All shouting]

This is insane!

Yeah! Isn't it great?

Much better than
a snowball fight.

[Sarcastically] oh, much.

Aah! Unh!

You ok?

Don't let your guard down!

[Roaring]

Oh! Oof!

Ultra-humanite: I won't wear it.

Flash: oh, come on.
I'm wearing the beard.

You don't want to
scare the kids, do you?

The indignity.

Hey, kids! Santa flash is back!

Yeah! Flash! All right!

Yeah! Yay!

Along with my special helper,

Freaky the snowman!

Just give them the
toy and take me to jail.

You sure it won't, you know...

[Imitates expl*si*n]

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Ultra-humanite's
voice: hello, children.

Come close, and
I'll tell you a story.

Is that d.j. Rubber duckie?

He sounds weird.

Little clara had just received

A beautiful toy nutcracker
from her godfather,

The mysterious
herr drosselmeyer...

Well? An improvement,
wouldn't you say?

I kind of liked it when
he made the poopy noise.

That night, as clara slept
beneath the christmas tree,

Her beloved toy
came alive to lead her...

But this is good, too.

Haven't I seen enough
of you for one night?

I wanted to say thanks.

You really helped me out.

I did it for the children.

I welcome any opportunity to
bring culture to the uncorrupted.

Sure. But I thought you might
like some holiday cheer yourself.

An aluminum christmas tree?

I know. It's kind
of cheesy, but...

No, no. We had one
just like it when I was...

It's very nice.

The guard will show you out.

Merry christmas, john.

[J'onn singing in
martian language]

And he said he
didn't bring a gift.
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