05x17 - Cleaning Out My Closet

[bunniefuu]

Now that I'm nearing the
end of my freshman year,

I can't help but look back
at how much I've grown.

When I started, I was basically
a legacy at Zoey University.

But now I feel like this school is mine.

I mean, look at all the friendships

I've made, the things I've accomplished,

the stories I will
never tell my children.

- Oh!
- No, thank you.

It hasn't all been easy.

There's been some stressful times,

but I've got a handle on it.

And, hey, what doesn't
k*ll you makes you stronger.

And I've come up with a great idea

to celebrate the year that was.

Yo, yo, yo, What is going on, g*ng?

You know, we're coming to
the end of our semester,

and I just want to do
something to commemorate

the crew that we've become.

You want us to get matching
track jackets, don't you?

No, no, this is not my
matching track jacket idea.

Although I still think
that would be dope AF.

I've come up with something else.

Everybody clear your
schedules for the day

because I've used all
my Stevens and Lido

connections to get us...

[IMITATES DRUM ROLL]

- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]
- ... eight tickets to Disneyland.

- Oh, my God. What?
- I know.

Now, we don't have the
Park-Hopper, but that is okay.

- [CELLPHONES CHIMING]
- We will just visit

Disney's California
Adventure another time.

This is amazing!

- [CHIMING CONTINUES]
- I know.

I made the magic happen
for the most magical people

at the happiest place on Earth.

KIELA: Zoey Johnson with the hookup.

I'm sorry. What?

- [CHIMING CONTINUES]
- Zoey who?

No, Zoey did not do this.

I cannot imagine Zoey
taking the initiative

to do something nice
for me and my friends.

Junior, she invited us to
a secret show for the rapper

Ms. It at Bar None.

Oh, we'll be at Disneyland.

Shame you guys are going to
have to miss that concert.

Uh...

♪

Yeah, I didn't believe it either.

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'mma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Hit it like , , ♪

♪ Ain't nobody do it like me ♪

ZOEY: This is insane.

Ms. It secret show, the
hottest female artist

in the rap game, is performing at a bar

with one working toilet.

I am so impressed.

DOUG: Ah, thank you.

You know, I really
feel like this is really

how I'm going to turn
a corner in my career.

Today, I'm promoting the Ms. It show,

and tomorrow, maybe the, uh,

Doug Edwards Hall at the Grammy Museum.

I like that.

- Okay.
- AARON: I'm proud of you, man.

I know you've worked hard.

I know it's been tough, but
look how far you've come.

Yeah, I feel like I'm
two steps away from

taking my Cash App tag
out of my Instagram bio.

Feels good. But you guys enjoy this.

I'm about to go swap
out these urinal cakes.

See you guys.

All right.

You know, I remember when
he used to look up to the guy

who used to swap out the urinal cakes.

And now it's...

He really has come a long way.

Yeah.

Oh. Makes you emotional.

♪ Going up, never coming down ♪

Yo, yo, what's going on, everybody?

Who's ready for Ms. It?

[CHEERING]

JUNIOR: So, this is
definitely not Disneyland.

But even I have to admit,

this looks like it'll be a fun night.

Wow! Thank you so much for helping me

secure the spots for the group.

After all of this, I feel like
they owe me annual passes as thanks.

You are so obsessed with Disneyland.

I know, but now is not the time.

Let's make ourselves wide, all right?

Back up, y'all.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Why are we in the nosebleeds?

I thought it was more
important for us to be together

as opposed to close to the stage.

Now, we're near an exit. You
never know what can happen.

I don't really care where we stand.

- Just can't leave I'm here.
- Oh, my God.

That is the biggest picture of Ms. It.

- Wow.
- Yes.

That's a bigger
surprise than finding out

Lauryn was into Metallica.

Hey, I make no apologies for going hard.

- ZOEY: Hey, friends!
- Hey.

What are you doing in the nosebleeds?

There's still space in the VIP section.

Oh, there's a VIP section?

Yeah, I created it, duh.

We don't need to go that far, though.

- We're cool.
- For real?

It's right there.

Like, you could walk there by accident

looking for the bathroom. Come on.

Yeah, I don't know.

I mean, I feel we have
a good spot here. Right?

Yeah, me and Grace put in a
lot of work to finding these.

[BLEEP] that. Let's go to the front.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry. Excuse me, guys.

Yo, what do you think?

Does this say, uh,
"My guy Doug knows how

to treat an A+ talent"?

Yeah, man. No, this
is, uh, this is great.

You covered everything but the mildew.

Uh-huh.

That can't be cheap, huh?

Right. It is not.

And you can afford pre-cut
imported tropical fruits.

Those aren't even in season.

Mm-hmm.

So let me get this straight.

A struggling event
planner... that'd be you...

can come up with the bread
to deck out this entire

green room but not to
chip in on my spare room

that you just so happen to stay in.

Bro, I asked you for
your help, not an audit.

These are all business
investments. Okay?

- [CELLPHONE CHIMES]
- Business investments?

I got to take this.
This is, uh, the stretch

Hummer driver confirming
the address for Ms. It.

Stretch Hummer?

Yo.

You're where?

Is that my foot bath?

ZOEY: And then I just
told Amanda Gorman,

"I'd love to dress you for the Met,"

and I'm so glad we did.

How are you pulling this off?

Everything is confidence.

Actually, remind me to
tell you about the time

- that Aaron and I stayed in a presidential suite.
- JUNIOR: Look at her.

Now it is just the Zoey Show.

I've kind of always lived in her shadow.

I can see that. She's talented,
funny, beautiful, successful.

Um...

You're some of those things, too.

Thank you.

Look, she's just fulfilling
the older sibling prophecy.

It's natural.

I would say it's upbringing.

Older siblings are like born leaders.

They're pretty much the third parent

- without the back problem.
- I know, I know.

And it might have been
cool in high school

when I needed a ride,

but I just feel like I've outgrown that.

These things are what they are.

Just don't let it stress you out.

♪

So what kind of a stage
delay are we looking at?

Erykah Badu or Lauryn Hill?

Ms. It takes the stage
when she is ready.

Can't rush greatness.

Okay, so ballpark, Missy Elliott.

Okay, well, I hope she
plays "Throw It Back"

because that's my favorite
song on TikTok right now.

Okay, Top Fifty, but real fans know that

"Hit This" is Ms. It's best record.

ZAARA: Wait, isn't she
only famous because she was

on that reality show and
then there was a viral meme?

She is famous because
of her undeniable talent.

She writes her own bars,

and she is reinventing
the life performance.

Well, I saw her feature
on Ed Sheeran's mixtape,

and I... I thought that was pretty good.

No, no. Ed was featured
on Ms. It's mixtape.

And "pretty good"?

Okay, I'm going to get a drink

while you all fix your Ms. Ittitude.

As usual, Annika was right.

I'm sure Zoey isn't trying
to crowd in on my thing.

I shouldn't let it stress me out.

[LAUGHTER]

This is too beautiful!

My sister finally meeting my brothers.

Yeah, they were actually
just telling me...

Oh, just alluding to some
of your pledge hijinks.

Off the record, though, 'cause
legally, we don't pledge.

We just "offer opportunities
for advancement."

- [LAUGHTER]
- My bad, my bad.

We could just say that
the General chose us.

I'm sorry, the General?

- Yeah, that's my, uh, frat name.
- Him?

- That's me.
- Okay.

It's kind of like how
you wanted us to call you

Gwizzledore during your D&D phase.

Bro, you played D&D?

Well, I actually did
as a kid, too, though.

Okay, sure.

But did you skip your prom for a quest?

[LAUGHTER]

Well, it was a... a campaign.

It was the only night my
guild was strong enough to b*at

Whiticus The Destroyer.

[LAUGHTER]

You know what? Laugh if what you want,

but he actually influenced me to
add capes to my fall collection.

Oh, whoa, whoa.

Did you just say you wore capes?

Unironically?

Like, you went into your closet

and said, "It's cape night"?

[LAUGHTER]

Okay, guys, the General helped
me move product that season,

so I have nothing but respect.

Okay. Gwizzledore.

[LAUGHTER]

Oh, no, no, not again.

Why can't Zoey stop embarrassing me?

Oh, my heart is racing.

Not another panic att*ck.

I've got to get out of here.

I think I'm going to go
see if Doug needs something.

- Gwizzledore!
- We were just playing, man!

Yo, you got to go slice some dragon!

[HEART b*ating]

Hey, Junior. Oh. Oh, my God.

Uh...

Hey. Hey. Are you okay?

Yeah?

I'm here with you.

You got this.

How long have you been dealing
with these panic att*cks?

I don't know. Not long.

Have you done anything about them?

Have you talked to anyone?

- I mean.
- Okay. Come on.

A panic att*ck is your body telling you

that something's wrong and
you need to talk to somebody

about what just happened.

Just trust me.

I've... I've been through
this, and anxiety is no joke.

I've got it covered.

Okay, I know you think
you have it covered,

but listen to me.

I-I've been where you are.

And when I first dealt with anxiety,

I was so overwhelmed

and I literally dropped out of school.

But I got to a place
where I felt in control

because I didn't try and do it alone.

Listen, I know we have this whole thing

where I'm the little brother
who still plays Pokémon

as an adult and you're
the cool older sister

who needs to look out for me.

But you don't need to do that anymore.

Oh.

You don't need to look out for me.

I got it.

Okay.

I'm just... I'm going to go.

[DOOR HANDLE RATTLES]

Luckily, I'm not claustrophobic.

Oh, I love that one. We look so cute.

- No!
- ZEKE: Sorry, babe.

I got to free up at least
two gigabytes of space.

She's going to do to songs

with at least two new
drops, which means I could be

the first one with that video footage.

This could be the start
of my YouTube channel.

Look, we're all excited
to see her, okay?

But you're taking it
to a whole new level.

Yeah, I didn't realize you were the

"I make my own YouTube
edits" kind of fan.

ZEKE: Are you kidding?

I'm a "give up my spot
on the football team

and then blow my savings account
to buy tickets to follow her

across the country" kind of fan.

So you would rather be known as Mr. It

than be the MVP of the Super Bowl?

One of those lasts a day.
The other last a lifetime.

Wow.

You better not ever.

That's a lot.

DOUG: Yo, how do you not
know where your artist is?

That's your only job.

You don't have her chipped or something?

How is that insulting?

Bro, what are you doing?

- Oh, me?
- Yeah.

I'm just eating your
half of the water bill.

What?

I will be made whole, Douglas.

This next plate will put a nice dent

in which you owe me for electricity.

Okay?

Bro, I don't know if you high or...

or drunk or both, but
you can't be doing this.

Ms. It is about to pull up now.

What I mean is how do you have all this

money for Ms. It, right?

But pretty sure I caught
you wearing my favorite shirt

when you couldn't afford laundry.

This is a very big night for me.

I don't know if you noticed,

so I'm going to need you
to address your problem.

The problem is you're
staying in my spare room.

Right?

You're eating my Cocoa Puffs.

You're touching my thermostat.

Nobody likes it on . Okay?

A house should be warm,
cozy, like a home, right?

You're doing all this
without paying rent.

So if we don't figure out
some sort of payment situation,

I'm going to have to kick you out.

That's good, because I'm moving out.

Okay, fine.

Good.

I was eating that.

[PLATE CLATTERS]

How is there no reception?

Bar None? More like Bar No Bars.

You proud of yourself?

- Yeah.
- You're taller.

Why don't you go see
what you can get us?

Oh, so I have to follow
orders now, I guess.

Oh, my God. Okay.

You seem to think that
being the oldest is easy,

but you always have to
watch what you're doing

because you're setting an example.

And you know what?

You're the test subject for your parents

to work out all their bad ideas on, so.

Do you know how hard it is
to grow up in your shadow?

Even going to Cal U
wasn't going to a reputable

liberal arts college with great weather.

It was following in Zoey's footsteps.

I even have to dress a
particular way because of you.

Like I want to wear
Givenchy to a bar concert.

That's not Givenchy.

Thank you, Zoey. Really appreciate that.

I needed that, actually.

You know what? I'm so sorry.

You're so right.

You don't need my help or my advice

because you have it all figured out.

Except for the fact that
you're emotionally fighting

for your life in the closet of a bar.

Bro, are you going to get help or not?

Are you?

If not, I'm bringing
our parents into this.

You wouldn't.

Oh, I would.

[SCOFFS]

I am.

I'm composing a text, and
as soon as we get out there,

I'm hitting send.

Zoey.

Are you going to listen to me?

No.

Okay.

You know what? Mom's a doctor.

She'll be able to help
you with the treatment plan

and get the right referrals.

Really...

[GASPS]

I can't believe I just did that.

I can't believe he just did that.

I just got that phone.

I thought it was the waterproof version.

[SIGHS] I'm sorry, I just...

Sometimes I feel like
we're competing for space.

I'm not trying to compete with you.

Bro, I know you said
that you're different

and that you don't need
me to look out for you,

but I'm different, too.

You know, when I first got
to Cal U, I failed so hard.

Like, I abandoned my friend
at the first party we went to.

Who does that?

And I was hooked on Adderall.

Oh, wow. I was just such a mess.

But I'm not that selfish and
competitive person anymore.

I'm someone who's really
excited to hook your friends up

with this whole secret show
and someone who's willing

to share their experience with anxiety

to help somebody I really care about,

someone who's excited to
be a better big sister.

So just like you've
changed, I have, too.

I know.

You finally used BOGO
for you and a friend.

Mm-hmm.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

It's just not easy always feeling

like you're growing
up in someone's shadow.

Sometimes I just wish I could be me,

have something of my own.

What are you talking about?

You are the most you
person I have ever met.

I mean this so seriously,

Like, you have this awkward confidence

that has to be seen to be believed.

And, I mean, you're
funny, and you're kind.

You know, the best part
of being your big sister

is that it's just so easy to say

I'm proud of you because I really am.

I feel like I've always known that,

but that's the first time
I've ever heard you say it.

Well, I'm never saying it
again, so don't get used to it.

- [BOTH LAUGH]
- I'm kidding.

I'm really proud of you.

I'm proud of you, too.

Thanks.

Hey, could you, uh, hit me
with the info for the doctor

that you used to help
you get through this?

- Are you for real?
- Yes.

Ah! Thank you, Junior.

- Okay. You don't have to dance. That's a lot.
- [LAUGHS]

You know what? I've had a thought.

- What?
- Junior... it's not it.

It's not entirely
appropriate for somebody

who's carving out their space
in the world like you are.

Yeah, maybe I have outgrown it.

Maybe you have, Dre.

- Ooh!
- Ooh!

Ick.

How about we try Andre?

Yeah, I like that.

Okay, Andre.

Okay, Andre! Oh, I like that.

All right.

So sorry. I should have knocked.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, God!

- Eww!
- No, it's not like that.

Oh, no, that's my brother.

- That's my brother.
- Gross!

Still no sign of Ms. It, huh?

Bro, they've been telling me minutes

for the past minutes.

Shocking from the artist
whose hit single is

"Bitch, I'm Not Coming." Right?

I mean, I was going to go
off on your little stunt,

but I guess it doesn't matter now.

It had nothing to do with
the sushi or the money, Doug.

- Okay?
- Yeah.

It had a little something
to do with the money,

but I just feel like you're
putting all this effort

into this rapper you didn't even know

and kind of taking me for granted.

Oh, well, bro, I did not mean

for you to feel underappreciated.

And to be honest, I wouldn't
be where I'm at right now

if it wasn't for your help.

So thank you.

Well, thanks.

I think it's time for me to call it.

- Yikes.
- Yeah.

I just... I didn't see this
being the outcome, you know?

Yeah, it... it kind of
seems like the whole point

of a concert promoter is to
actually deliver a concert.

But, hey, at least you
know for next time, right?

Oh, and for next time,
can you please remind me

to get a binding agreement and not a DM?

Yeah, I will... I will
make sure you do that.

Oh, one more favor.

Can you order me a stiff drink?

I'm going to need it.

Mnh-mnh.

[CROWD CHANTING "MS. IT! MS. IT!]

Hey, guys, I have some bad news.

Ms. It's not going to make it tonight.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

Sometimes the night doesn't
go the way you hoped.

Supposed to be right here, right here.

I know.

But if it makes you feel any better,

we can watch her YouTube
videos on the Uber home.

Yeah.

And we'll even let you rewind

to as many little bits as you want.

She didn't even get to see
my specially made T-shirt.

- We know, buddy.
- We know.

And you need friends
that are like family

to look out for you.

And the lucky ones have family

that's actually family
to have your back.

Hey, where y'all been at?

Mm, on another quest, huh, Junior?

[LAUGHTER]

Uh, actually, it's a campaign.

And I think I want to go by Andre now.

- Andre?
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Okay, Andre.

Andre.

I like... I like Andre.

I... I like that.

I... I love that for you.

My sister and I have been stuck playing

one version of our relationship.

ZOEY: But just like Junior
leveled up to Andre...

JUNIOR: We're leveling
up to friends and equals.

ZOEY: Whatever jealousies and ideas

we were working with before...

JUNIOR: We're leaving behind for
a new, more exciting chapter.

ZOEY: Basically, we're
rewriting the narrative.

♪ Can you feel the love? ♪

Sorry, I forgot to close a tab.

Can you help me out with that?

- WOMAN: Sure.
- MS. IT: Excuse me.

I was looking for Doug.

I don't know his last name.

Probably a Black guy.

He said there'd be a sushi boat?

I don't know, but I was
supposed to perform tonight.

[GASPS] Oh, my God, you're Ms. It.

Yeah. Sorry.

I got caught up at Disneyland.

You can really spend a whole day there.

My boyfriend is literally
your biggest fan.

- He's not going to believe this.
- Really?

We should take a picture for him then.

He would never forgive me for this.

We never met.

You were never here.