03x04 - m*rder Ward

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

[SIREN WAILING]

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

Delivering one genuine
bull-goose loony.

Sign here, please.

Is this the transfer
from County General?

Yes, ma'am. Name of Skyler.

[HUMMING TUNE]

[HUMMING BECOMES
"SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW"]

Say, beautiful. How do
you like my new moustache?

It's very nice, Mr. Skyler.

Good.

You can have it.

I gotta run. Whoo!

NURSE: Restrain
him, restrain him!

[STARSKY CHUCKLES]

Whoo!

There's a wild man on the loose!

[SHRIEKS]

Whoa!

[HOWLING]

[HUTCH GRUNTS]

STARSKY: I've taken
worse hits in the Little League.

HUTCH: Speak for yourself.

HUTCH: Somebody get him off me!

Get the wheelchair.

How did you like that
fake, hmm? Pretty good!

Ooh!

Sit down.

Why did you do that?

To keep him quiet.

I'd really rather stand.

Was that really necessary?

Will you sit down,
Mr. Skyler, please?

Mr. Hansen,

how much experience have
you had in mental institutions?

Well, actually, I've, uh...

been here one week.

One week.

Yeah.

My, we have a lot
to learn, don't we?

Mr. Switek, would you
take the new patient

to his ward, please?

HUTCH: Uh, I'd be very happy

to take him up there.

Well, I have to go
up there anyway.

As you like.

Mr. Hansen.

Oh. Thank you.

Sure you can handle
it by yourself, Hansen?

Oh, better than you'll
ever know, Hot Lips.

I'll manage.

Ah! Here we are. Mm-hm.

This is your room.

Hungry.

HUTCH: And this is the rec room.

I know you'll have many,
many, many happy hours in here.

Hey.

What?

Who's the guy with the hat?

Where?

Behind us.

Oh.

Um, his name is Freddie Lyle.

He's into detective stories.

Thinks he's Sam Spade.

Why is he staring at me?

I don't know. Maybe
you're paranoid.

Or maybe he thinks
you're his next case.

Freddie.

Look, wait a second.

STARSKY: Isn't that Jane Hutton?

Our crusading girl reporter?

[CLEARS THROAT]

Did you talk to her yet?

No.

She doesn't even
know we're in here.

Boy, she's some case.

Anybody else would
have to be committed

to come to a place like this.

Boy, we sure got
some job on our hands.

Shh!

Hmm?

Now, would you get me
out of these bracelets?

Yeah, sure. Come on.

[GROANS]

Not only do we have to
find some homicidal nut

in a place that
specializes in them,

but we got to make sure that
Jane doesn't get to him first.

Boy, I can hardly
keep my eyes open.

So. What do you got?

Oh, not much.

Officially, the hospital lists

two of the deaths as
su1c1de by hanging,

two of the deaths
as respiratory failure.

Respiratory failure?

Yeah, you know, accidental
overdose, uh, suffocation,

that sort of thing.

Well, I don't know about this.

I mean, I once saw
on the late show

a movie about an insane asylum

and this guy that
went undercover.

Yeah?

He never came out.

What happened?

He went bananas.

Oh, Starsky,

that's just in the movies.

That's not gonna happen to you.

You wait. You're
going to be surprised.

Most of the people in
this place are quite normal.

Don't do that.

Okay, Mac.

The dope on the Sternwood case.

You gonna shake,
or I gotta rattle?

Normal, huh?

Nix on the small talk, Ferrino.

I'm packing a gat big
enough to stop a rhino.

"Gat"? Yeah.

A rod.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Cheese it! The cops.

ORDERLY: Come on,
Freddie. Back to your room.

Mum's the word, hey, Mac?

[TUTS]

Welcome to Cabrillo State.

[STARSKY SNORES LIGHTLY]

Hi there.

[SIGHS]

[POURS LIQUID]

[DOOR OPENS]

[SIGHS]

You know, this place is starting
to look like a precinct station.

What are you guys doing here?

Well, you see, Starsky won

this weekend for two
at his favorite asylum.

Oh, that is very funny.

Besides which,

this place is developing a
startlingly high fatality rate.

We thought we'd check it out.

While keeping your eye
on the girl reporter, hmm?

That's part of it.

As Dobey said to the Chief,

it would be kind of
bad press, wouldn't it,

to find you stuffed
in a broom closet.

Well, this may come as a jolt

to your sense of
manliness, Hutchinson,

but this girl doesn't
need any help.

Look, Jane, Starsky and I are
cops. We are not newspapermen.

We are not looking for a story.

Hopefully we can
even help you get one.

I'm sorry.

But to tell you the truth,

when I saw your faces out there,

it was the first time in a
week I hadn't been scared.

What time is it?

It's, uh, :, Howard.

I'm late! I'm late!

What's he late for?

He's always saying that.

That cat's nuttier
than a pecan pie.

Oh, I wouldn't say that
if I were you, Jackson.

You could be one of us someday.

Uh... this way, this way.

This way.

JACKSON: Hey, fellas.

I'd like for you all
to meet Rudy here.

He just came in this morning.

You already met Freddie, right?

I ain't never seen the
mug before in my life.

Uh, well, ahem!

That's Weeze.

JACKSON: Victor.

And the big fella's Bo.

[JACKSON CHUCKLES]

What do you say, fellas?

I m*rder that I most adore.

Laughing, I am indeed of those

Condemned forever without repose

To laugh

But who can smile no more.

Victor, he gets a little
morbid from time to time.

He's a poet.

[DRAGS CHAIR]

Sit down.

Oh! Thanks.

[BO LAUGHING WHEEZILY]

[CHUCKLES]

Bo's a practical joker.

Oh.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, uh...

I like practical jokers.

Wanna play some five-card stud?

Um... sure.

Uh, you deal and
I'll be right back.

I bet you really enjoyed that.

I don't believe I know you.

Skyler's the name. Rudy Skyler.

Oh.

Do you know why I'm here?

Well, I can just imagine.

Sex maniac.

Oh! How fascinating.

Don't let me catch
you in any dark corners.

SWITEK: Skyler.

Get back over to your own side.

Oh, I love it when
you get so angry.

I'm starting to feel
like a lousy pincushion.

Well, I warned you about Switek.

Even when he's following
standard medical procedure,

he can get back at you.

You mean every time a
patient causes a little trouble,

the standard operating
procedure is to sh**t him up?

HUTCH: What else can they do?

Every medical
facility in this state

is chronically understaffed.

[GROANS]

What was that?

Oh, it's gotta be :.
They turn the lights out then.

Oh, terrific.

Look, I just talked to Jane.

If she's right, Switek is more
than just a lousy male nurse.

You think he's
involved in the killings?

Well, he's involved
in something.

Just what it is
she doesn't know.

I'm going to have Dobey
do a complete rundown.

Hey. Yeah?

I got a feeling this is
gonna be a long weekend.

Don't go too far.

I'll be here.

[CHARLIE CHUCKLING]

Good night, Starsky.

So long, Hutch.

[LAUGHING]

HUTCH: How are you getting
on with your new friends?

STARSKY: Okay.

They're starting to open up.

I'm learning some pretty
juicy gossip about you guys.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

So far nothing about
any murders, though.

Hey! What?

There.

Psst!

Oh, yeah. Huh.

Hiya, Freddie.

I told you, no names, Mac.

You see a couple of mugs
in a robin's-egg-blue T-bird?

Not recently.

Racketeers. Oh.

Been tailing me all afternoon.

I'll see you, Freddie.

I told you, no names!

Mum's the word.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Come in.

[DOOR OPENS]

Doctor, I have the files here

that you requested
from Miss Bycroft.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, Hansen.

Yes, sir?

Come here a moment. I
want to show you something.

Do you notice anything different
about any of these fellows?

Uh, no. No, they look
pretty much the same to me.

Of course they do.

Just yesterday, one of
them was quite different.

Oh, really? Which one?

Uh, this one over here.

The little one
there on the wheel.

Uh-huh.

Had some sort of
organic disorder.

Up until yesterday,
you couldn't put him

with the rest of the
mice or he'd k*ll them.

Oh, yes. We studied that
syndrome at med school.

It's called the Van
Kleef experiments.

Van Kleef was a very
gifted man for his time.

Well, doctor, what, um...
What caused the change?

It's a new drug I've developed.

Oh, really?

Yeah, let me show you.

It's a belladonna derivative.

Except it's long-term

and works in conjunction
with the adrenal gland.

Oh, I see.

So the more violent
the mouse becomes,

the more effect the drug has.

Precisely. Right.

It completely
incapacitates the subject,

a sort of built-in
behavior control.

Have you, uh...

tested any of the,
uh... inmates yet?

Well, I must admit
I've been tempted

with some of our more
severe discipline problems.

[CHUCKLES]

But of course it
would be totally illegal.

Oh, right.

And here we are at mid-stretch

with Bo's Folly and
Electroshock and Dr. Jekyll

and Miss Bycroft's
Bug and the Cabrillo Kid.

Ladies and gentlemen,
there is excitement here,

plenty of excitement,
as these bugs...

[RINGS]

Third-floor station. Bycroft.

Yes, this is she.

I'll be right there.

[ALL CHEERING]

The crowd here at
Cabrillo is going bananas!

[PATIENTS CHEERING]

[SWITEK DIALING PHONE]

Yeah, this is Switek.

Look, I don't have
enough on hand right now.

No, you don't have
to go elsewhere.

I'll get the rest.

Look, you let me
worry about how.

[PATIENTS CHEERING]

What is the meaning of this?

The first one across the
finish line wins a case of beer.

WEEZE: Skyler calls it

the First Annual Cabrillo
Cockroach Derby.

And you, Howard. You
should be ashamed of yourself.

B-but R-R-Rudy said I
c-could keep the time.

Howard, you're doing terrific.
You just keep it right up.

Mr. Skyler!

Not now, sweetheart. We
got a lot of beer riding on this.

And now they're
moving for the finish,

and it's Dr. Jekyll,
Electroshock...

k*lled him.

She k*lled the Cabrillo Kid.

You m*rder*d the Cabrillo Kid.

It's Electroshock!

Hey, Skyler, I'm a winner!

Terrific.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Come in.

Evening, doctor.

Have you got my medicine for me?

Well?

I'm afraid this just
won't be enough, doctor.

Now, we had an agreement.

Agreements change.

Why don't we just
double the amount?

I'm afraid that's
out of the question.

You know, doc...

if these files got out
on your latest research,

you could be put away
for a very long time.

I'm afraid you have me in
a rather awkward position.

Yeah, I guess I do.

Oh, Switek.

Before you leave, I want you
to go in and check on Skyler.

What for? He's all right.

Now, that's an order.

How is he?

He's out like a light.

Well?

God, that cockroach race

really had them from
all over the building, huh?

Yeah, I just hope your
little diversion works.

What did you get?

Well, our friend Mr. Switek

seems to be in
the drug business.

In fact, he's been
ripping off vials of these.

Lithium carbonate.

Yeah.

They get plenty on
the street for this.

Yeah. I'm not sure how
it ties in with anything.

My shift is about up now.

I'm gonna go see if Dobey's come
up with anything on Switek yet.

We'll pick this
up in the morning.

Okay.

You know, you wouldn't
make a half-bad cop.

Oh, thanks.

But you let me know before you
try and pin any badges on, okay?

[CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES]

We thought you were the enemy.

Did you find out
anything about Switek?

Well, he's got a
record all right.

Yeah? Back in New York.

Three priors for
dealing and trafficking.

He got off on all three of them,

so it didn't show up
on his records out here

when he applied for a job.

Uh-huh.

Oh! A guy like that
working in a hospital?

Was working in a
hospital. He took a hike.

Where did he go?

He didn't show up at
his apartment last night.

The place is vacated.
Clothes, furniture, everything.

He didn't come to
work this morning.

Dobey put out an APB on him.

I don't know, Starsk,

there's something a lot
bigger here than just Switek.

It sure sounds that way.

Well, I'd better be going.

They're gonna miss me
in my encounter group.

Yeah, I got to run too.

Oh... a couple of
detective books for you.

The Big Sleep and
The Long Goodbye.

I'll raise you .

You gonna come clean, Weezel,
or you gotta be laundered?

Huh?

Unless you got strange
taste in underwear,

I'd say that's royalty
up your sleeve.

Hey, fellas...

Hey...

Hey, I wasn't gonna use it.

[GANGSTER ACCENT] Yeah,
and it don't never snow in Buffalo.

Last time I saw that
in a game I was in,

Carmen "The Nose" Pirelli...

found him doing the
cast-iron crawl off the Lido Pier.

You know, there's
something about you, Mac.

My nose tells me, "Freddie,
will get you , he's a peeper."

A what?

A gumshoe, a shamus.

Private eye.

Oh.

You know how I can tell?

How?

Because I'm one myself.

Oh.

As a matter of fact,

I'm in here on a case right now.

No kidding?

How long you been on it?

Three years.

Ah.

Say, uh...

I was figuring...

as long as we're
in the same biz,

maybe we could
form a partnership.

Say...

that's jake with me.

You know, the mug I'm
interested in is this Switek.

Switek?

Yeah.

Oh, you're good.

You're very good.

You know, he's more than
just the goon you think he is.

Yeah?

Mr. Switek is a squeezer.

A squeezer?

Oh.

You mean blackmail?

You better believe
it, sweetheart.

But, uh, who's he
got the goods on?

I don't know.

But it's got to be
somebody important.

Yeah. Yeah.

Someone who could pay him
off in dr*gs and not get caught.

Oh, let me tell you,

there's a lot of suspicious
stuff going on with this Switek.

What else?

Well, aside from being
shady to begin with,

I ain't seen him
around all day today.

So? Maybe it's his day off.

If it's his day off,

what's his car doing
outside in the lot?

It is?

Blue Chrysler.

Been out there all day.

Blue Chrysler?

[MUTTERING]

[SCREAMS]

Switek came in here last
night to check on Skyler.

It must've happened then.

BYCROFT: I never thought
Skyler capable of anything like this.

Well, I'll have to have

a private session
with him tomorrow.

How do you feel?

Like an inmate
in a state hospital.

Look, I'm getting off duty
in about a half an hour.

I'm gonna call Dobey and
pull the plug on this whole case.

No, not yet.

Starsky, Matwick is taking
you in for therapy tomorrow.

What time tomorrow? Midnight.

Then we have until then
before we call Dobey in.

The word I got on Switek is that
he was blackmailing someone.

That's probably where
he got all the dr*gs.

Do you have any idea who?

No, I don't, but whoever it was

is probably doing something
a lot worse than stealing dr*gs.

Switek must have had
something on him, some evidence.

And whoever's got
that is gone by now.

You sure?

Jane.

The night that she saw
Switek with the dr*gs

in Bycroft's office,

she also saw some papers there.

You think you can get them?

Oh, come on.

Not until tomorrow afternoon.

Well, they'll suspect me
if I hung around after duty.

Then it'll have to be Jane.

I don't like it.

It's dangerous for her
and it's dangerous for you.

And whoever it is gets
those papers before we do,

we're gonna leave all these
people alone in this place.

I know a little bit of
what that feels like now.

Look, it... It took
us all this time

to get this
investigation started.

Do you think if we pull out now

we're ever gonna get
approval for another one?

What am I gonna do with you?

I'll get a hold of Jane.

And you be careful.

[RINGS]

Third-floor station. Jackson.

Jackson, we need
you in receiving.

Yes, but I'm the only
one on duty here.

I'm telling you
it's an emergency.

We need you in receiving now!

Okay, I'll be right there.

[DOOR SHUTS]

[GASPS]

How's Jane?

Is she gonna be all right?

I don't know. She's
still in a coma.

Some kind of
barbiturate poisoning.

Damn it, Starsk, if I ever find
out who's behind this thing...

I think Jane already did.

Are we clear?

Who the hell knows?

Pull over, will you? I've
got an itch on my right leg.

Where is it?

On the inner side.

Oh, what's this?

Jane dropped those off in
Freddie's room last night.

He brought them
to me this morning.

Dr. Matwick was indicted
in New York years ago

for negligent homicide.

It seems that he was
using mental patients

as guinea pigs in his
behavioral control experiments.

Two of them d*ed.

And he got off?

It was a federal program,
so it got hushed up.

Psychochemical experiments, huh?

Mm-hm.

He's probably using

that atropine compound
he was telling me about.

The symptoms would
still be the same.

You know, those two suicides
might've just been a cover-up.

Yeah.

Who'd bother to do an autopsy
on a hanging around here?

Not to mention

a couple of illegal
psychosurgeries to boot.

Scares you to think how many
minds this man has worked over.

We need more,
Starsk, a lot more.

We still don't know
what happened to Switek.

If we don't get any
more backup information,

these files aren't going
to hold up in court.

It looks like we're just gonna
have to get to Matwick's files.

It's got to be soon.

He's got you on his
operating schedule for tonight.

Swell. I can hardly wait.

Charles, what
makes you so certain

that those two are policemen?

Certain?

I got five years from
those lousy pigs!

I mean, you might say...

they've laid heavy on my mind.

Why is it they haven't
recognized you?

Well...

when they busted me,

I had this really trashy
long hair and a beard.

Looked like a freaking prophet.

I see.

And besides which,

I've been staying kind of
out of view lately, you dig?

Well, thank you for
your concern, Charles.

That'll be all.

The hell it will.

Hey! I've seen too much
around here, Doc, baby.

Now, you give me satisfaction.

Yes?

So be it.

You go to your room,
Charles, until I call for you.

[DOOR OPENS IN DISTANCE]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Well, Rudolph, here you are.

How did you get in?

I flew in.

Just like Peter Pan.

Not quite convincing,
Mr. Starsky.

[SIGHS]

Well, my mother told me I'd
never make it in the theater.

Get down.

Come on, get down!

Onto the operating table.

Come on, do as I say!

Easy.

I'd hate to have to use this.

Yeah, you usually prefer a
syringe for your dirty work.

My conscience is
quite clear, Mr. Starsky.

The work I've been doing
here is of utmost importance.

A few lives is a rather
small price to pay.

Tell that to the dead men.

Criminal psychotics,
all of them.

They were quite
invaluable to my research.

Their lives were the only
contribution to this world.

And what about
that girl in the coma?

What about Jane Hutton?

She part of your research too?

No.

She was a reporter,
I discovered.

She would've caused
all sorts of trouble.

Get down.

Come on, get down, get down.

On your stomach!

How humiliating.

All right.

Hands back here. Come on!

Come on!

I'll be sending Miss Bycroft in
here with some medicine for you.

Hansen.

Doctor.

Working rather late
tonight, aren't you?

Well, I was, uh...

I was just finishing
up some reports.

That's all right, Hansen.

You may sign out now.

Oh, uh, thank you.

Uh, would you, er...?

Oh, no. No, thank you.

Well, I'll save it for tomorrow.

Goodnight, doctor.

Goodnight.

Goodnight, doctor.

[GROANS]

Hutch!

I'm in here!

Hutch!

Hutch!

[BREATHING RAGGEDLY]

It's gone too far.

Too far.

You're beautiful.

[STARSKY YELLING]

Hutch, are you okay?

Huh?

Are you okay?

[MUMBLING] I can't
make it. I can't make it.

Yes, you can. Hold on, come on.

Come on, buddy. Come on.

[GRUNTS]

Hold on!

Come on.

Hutch? Come on.

Matwick.

It's okay.

Matwick.

[MUMBLING] Get him.

Okay, okay, okay.

First I got to take
care of this guy.

Huh? Come on. Come on.

Matwick!

[FIRES sh*t]

Matwick!

[FIRES sh*t]

Right there!

It's okay.

I didn't think...

you could handle
it all by yourself.

Oh, boy.

PATIENTS: ♪ Happy
birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, somebody ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

I never thought we'd
see you guys again.

I knew the mugs would come back.

All right, whose
birthday is it? Hmm?

Come on!

We know it's one of you.

A little birdie told us.

Huh?

It is somebody's
birthday, isn't it?

STARSKY: Oh, come on, now.

You mean to say that we went out

and we bought a
triple-decker devil's food cake,

a case of soda,

and three dozen
woofers and tweeters,

and no one's having a birthday?

Oh.

I just... I just remembered.

It's my birthday!

[CHEERING]

Oh, good!

That'd make the third
birthday you had this year.

Sit down, dummy. Oh, shut up.

Oh. This is terrible.

It's awful.

Wait a second.

I got it.

I got it.

You know whose
birthday it is today?

Mr. Babe Ruth's!

Babe Ruth. He's got to be .

[CHEERING]

ALL: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Babe ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪♪

Light the candles, Bo.