03x16 - Satan's Witches

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Starsky & Hutch". Aired: April 30, 1975 –; May 15, 1979.*
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Streetwise Detective David Starsky partners up with a more intellectual partner, Kenneth 'Hutch' Hutchinson, to protect citizens and patrol the streets of Bay City.
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03x16 - Satan's Witches

Post by bunniefuu »

[♪♪♪]

HUTCH: Hey, what
a terrific guy Dobey is


to give us his cabin
for four days, huh?


STARSKY: Yeah, terrific.

Four days of itching
and scratching


and the fleas and the
bears and the woods.


[WHISTLES]

Are you sure you
know where we are?

Yeah.

The cabin's gotta be down there.

Yeah.

It's beautiful, isn't it?

Just beautiful!

Hey, man.

I know it's down here.

Ah, here we are! Here
we are, here we are.

What are you doing?
That's a dead end.

I can see that.

Well, then, what
did you turn for?

Do you really know where we are?

I mean, maybe we're
lost or something.

How do you know we're not lost?

Man, this is some vacation.

HUTCH: I know where we are!

What if something
were to happen to us?

What if we get bit by an
animal or a horse or a cow

and we need medical
supplies? Hey, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.
Just wait a minute!

You know something? What?

Your chances of
survival up here are good.

And they're getting... Worse!

Ooh.

How can somebody ruin
a perfectly beautiful place?

Hey, it was your idea to
come up here, you know.

I mean, look, what if you
wanna go see a movie

or wanna go have a hamburger
or a Coca-Cola or something, huh?

What?

Look at this, huh? Look at this!

What do you call that?

STARSKY: What is that?

HUTCH: It's a cabin!

Look at the lake!

Huh? Here we are.

And none too soon.

[GROANS]

[SNIFFS]

[GROANS]

Just look at this!

[MUMBLING] Look at it.
The middle of the world.

Nowhere.

Not even a soul in sight.

Not a solitary soul in
sight. How about that?

Just a lot of trees and
water and water and trees

and trees and water...

A lot of water, lot
of trees. More trees.

Not even a hamburger stand.

Lot of water. Not even
a hamburger stand!

I already said that.

What? Nothing.

Hey, look, why don't we
unpack and get some food?

Where?

Well, Dobey says there's a nice

friendly little
town nearby here.

Really? Oh, that
should make you happy.

Oh. Well, look, why
don't we unpack after?

Huh?

Ah! You're going in there?

Watch out for the, uh, cobwebs.

Uh, look, I think I'll unpack.

Okay, that's a good idea. Yeah.

What are they doing here?

That cabin was
supposed to be empty.

Yes, I know.

They assured us it would be.

You'll have to find
out who they are.

We've gone too far to let
anyone stop the ritual now.

[STARSKY SCREAMS]

You scared me.

That wasn't very funny.

[LAUGHS]

Give me something to carry.

See the spider?

What spider?

Oh, yeah. It's big.

Afternoon!

The captain said this
was a friendly town?

HUTCH: Those
were his exact words.

Well, the captain's always
had a great sense of humor.

Yeah.

Afternoon! HUTCH: Hi there!

That does it.

You get the food,
I'll gas this thing up.

Okay.

Hi. Fill it up with
regular, please.

You do have gas, don't you?

We're all out of regular.

Oh, well, that's all
right. I can handle that.

How about premium?

You asking me or telling me?

Well, that depends
on how you take it.

Dad, please.

No trouble, okay?

Okay.

Get his gas.

He didn't mean any harm.

That's okay.

I get off on hostility.

There. I guess
that about does it.

Oh, would you get me one
of those fishhook removers

up there on the wall?

Sure. Thank you.

Here you go.

Thank you.

So have you been
in this area long?

All my life. Born and raised.

You run this place
by yourself, huh?

My husband helps
out when he can.

He's the sheriff.

Oh?

Well, you got
quite a supply here.

You headed up to the
mountains to do some hunting?

No, no, my friend and I

are gonna do a little
fishing up at the lake.

Pine Lake?

Yeah. Yeah, we
drove up this afternoon.

We're staying at
the Dobey place.

Something wrong?

No, nothing.

STARSKY: Let's go!

Hey! Hmm?

Watch the door! Oh! Sorry.

Did you get enough?

Black... Black-eyed peas?

MAN: Hold it!

Understand you boys took
over a cabin at Pine Lake.

Oh, yeah. The Dobey cabin.

We rented it for the weekend.

Got any proof of that?

We got the key.

That ought to be proof enough.

Yeah, well, a month ago

he told me that cabin was
gonna be empty for the season.

Oh, well, you see, sheriff,

it was a last-minute brainstorm.

My partner here's got
a thing for pine trees.

SHERIFF: Had a lot of
break-ins around here.

I need more proof than a key.

Well, why don't you call Dobey?

That's a good idea.

That's exactly
what I'm gonna do.

I'm holding you
both till I find out.

Holding us?

You gotta be kidding.

Watch your lip, boy.

No way, and I ain't your boy.

You call Dobey
and clear us, fine.

But you don't have
anything to hold us on.

The law says you've gotta
have something to hold us on.

Right now you've got nothing.

What are you, some
kind of back-room lawyer?

Well, as a matter of fact, we're
a couple of front-room cops.

HUTCH: Hutchinson and Starsky.

HUTCH: Now, look, we got
a four-day vacation up here

and all we ask
is to be left alone.

See any problem in that?

Hey, how's the fishing?

Get outta here!

You gonna tell him
those two are cops?

You think I got any choice?

No television, no radio...

Did you hurt yourself?

There's no fire!

The town is about as
friendly as the Bay of Pigs.

Oh, come on, Starsky.
Don't let it get to you.

We're on vacation!

You keep reminding me of that.

Here. I want you
to taste something.

Well, what's this?
Now we got a blackout?

Shh! What?

Stand very still. Don't panic.

The lights are out.

I could tell that.

Where's the light switch?

[SOFT HOOTING NOISE]

What's that?

It's over by the stove.

What's over by the stove?

The circuit breaker.

[SOFT HOOTING NOISE]

Starsky, don't panic!

I'm not panicking! I'm just
looking for the light switch.

[PANS CLATTER]

[HOOTS SOFTLY]

I happen to be a
virgin in these woods.

Aw...

It's not funny.

[LAUGHS]

You're the one that
dragged us up here.

How do you explain
all those people, huh?

All those people
today. Wait a second.

What happened to
that small-town charm,

that sense of
hospitality of America?

Listen to me.

A person in a small
town who sees a stranger

is gonna get suspicious.

Suspicious? I call
that downright hostility.

What are we gonna
have for dinner?

Mmm, wait till you taste this.

What?

Bear meat, acorns
and dried roots.

It's one of my favorites
and you're gonna...

love it.

You're either putting me on

or you don't want me
for a friend anymore.

[HORN BLARES IN DISTANCE]

Now, what's that,
huh? A lovesick moose?

Not at this time of year.

Where you going?

Out.

Oh, well, wait a second!

Wait!

Okay. Be careful. Yeah.

It's dark out.

[HORN BLARES]

Come on, nature
lover, what is that?

I don't know.

Listen!

For what?

I don't hear a thing now.

That's what I'm talking about.

All of a sudden,
there's nothing.

There's no birds,

no crickets,

no frogs.

Right.

Nothing.

Hutch?

Hutch! Hutch!

Hey.

It's never this quiet.

Really?

Really.

Hutch, let's go back
in the cabin now.

Hey, look at that!

Over there.

What is that?

Well, it's like I was saying.

It's probably some college
kids up here on a bash.

That's all.

Yeah, sure.

Well, let's go back
in the cabin, huh?

I could probably go
for some bear meat.

Let's go.

Bear meat's burning.

I'm coming.

College kids!

[BOTH LAUGHING AWKWARDLY]

HUTCH: Right, huh?

MAN: Hail, Satan!

PEOPLE [CHANTING]: Hail, Satan!

Dominus Satanas,
Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan!

Dominus Satanas,
Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan!

Dominus Satanas,
Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan!

Dominus Satanas,
Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan! Dominus Satanas...

Their names are
Starsky and Hutchinson.

They're staying
in the Dobey cabin.

By Satan's will,

we shall be rid of them.

Hail, Satan!

Hail, Satan! Hail, Satan!

Hail, Satan!

Dominus Satanas,
Dominus Satanas.


MAN: Hail, Satan!

Hail, Satan! Hail, Satan!

HUTCH: Time to rise and shine!

[WHISTLES]

♪ The fish are jumping ♪

♪ Cotton is high ♪♪

[MUMBLING] Happy hunting.

Huh?

Happy hunting!

Whoa!

I think it better that
we meet our new...

neighbor in normal clothes.

Blood?

Hi, you fellas.

Uh... I'm your new neighbor.

Me and my buddy just moved
into the cabin across the street...

er, the lake over there.

The sign says clearly,
"No trespassing."

Oh, yeah, I saw that.

It's just that you don't see

a guy running around the
woods in a red robe very often.

We have no interest
in why you're here.

Only that you leave now.

Hey, look, I was just curious.

I said, now...

while you can still walk.

Oh, come on!

MAN: There will be no fighting!

You are not welcome here.

Well, that's pretty
obvious, mister.

I just stopped by to say hello.

As long as I'm here,
you might as well tell me

what this blood on
the ground is doing.

I know nothing of any blood.

My group and I are here for
a brief period of meditation,

a religious retreat which
requires complete privacy.

Must be a wonderful religion.

These your altar boys?

I am not a man of patience, sir.

You are to leave
these premises at once

and you are not to return!

All right, I'm leaving. But you
can count on me coming back.

And before that happens,

we will visit them.

Hutch?

HUTCH: Starsky?

Starsk, what are you
doing down there?

It's time to get up!

Hey, wait till you meet
our new neighbors.

Look at that.

What the heck is that?
That's what I'd like to know.

It's some kind of a symbol,

like you'd find in a voodoo shop

or a wall of a fraternity house.

Looks like some
prankster paid us a visit.

Some gag.

They drew it in blood.

Remember that fire we saw
across the lake last night?

Yeah.

Well, there's, um...

a religious group
living over there.

I saw some blood over there too.

Fresh air, blue skies.

This is some weird
place you brought us to.

I'm beginning to
think so myself.

Could we please get out of here?

Would you please let me go?

WOMAN: Hi!

Hi!

Hi! Hi!

Hi there! Hi!

Um...

Well, hi again!

Hi again!

This your cabin?

Oh, uh, yeah. For
the next few days.

Oh!

Uh... my name is Ken Hutchinson.

Oh!

And that, uh, funny red
blur that just ran in there

in the red underwear
is Dave Starsky.

Julie Martin, and this
is my sister, Tricia.

Tricia. Hi. Tricia.

Nice to meet you.

Um, before we go any further,

I really have to use
your comfort station.

Well, one for all, all for one.

I'll be right back, guys.

Right!

You don't mind, do you? Hmm?

Ah, she wants to use
the comfort station.

Oh, not at all.
Please, go right ahead.

Don't mind the
mural. It's, uh, folk art.

Uh...

hi there. My name's Dav...

I already did that.

Nice place you got here.

Yes, it is, isn't it? Yeah.

You into camping?

Into camping?

I spend more time in
the woods than Bigfoot.

HUTCH: Don't let him kid you.

The closest thing he gets to
the woods is face down on a bar.

Oh, you guys are funny.

Yeah, well, stick around.
We're a laugh a minute.

We'd love to but we
have to get pushing along.

Oh, no buts, no buts!

Look, we have a boat.
We could take a boat ride.

We could go
swimming in the lake.

We could... Have
a little dinner.

Have dinner! My friend
here cooks up a storm.

Rainbow trout almondine.

And if the fish aren't biting...

we can always pick up
a couple of steaks, huh?

Sounds like a great idea.

Right. It's all settled.

We have to catch up
with our hiking club,

let them know where we are.

How long will that take?

Well... two, maybe three hours.

You a fast hiker?

Depends on what
we're hiking for.

Oh! Oh!

Oh, here we are!

Well, that didn't take long.

I work real fast.

Oh, good, good.

Come on, Trish. We gotta go.

Okay. Hurry back.

STARSKY: Bye-bye. Thanks, bye.

STARSKY: You're welcome.

So that's what camping
was all about, huh?

How about the city?

What's the city?

Right.

Well, if we're gonna
have a fish dinner,

we better get moving now.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, you get the boat,
I'll get a six-pack of beer.

No, why don't you get the
beer and I'll get the boat.

The beer. The boat.

Right.

[TAIL RATTLING]

[TAIL RATTLING]

Hey, Starsk, let's go!

HUTCH [SHOUTING]: Let's go!

Oh, boy.

Hey, what's going on?

Come on, Starsk,
how long does it take

to put on a pair of britches?

Uh, don't move!

Don't move.

[MUTTERING] I don't know.

STARSKY: Get it out of here!

Ugh!

What happened?

A snake.

I know a snake!
Where did it come from?

The refrigerator.

Snakes don't come
from refrigerators.

This one did.

How can...? You
can't tell me that...

The girls.

What the hell's going on here?

I don't know,

but somebody wants us out
of here bad enough to k*ll us.

STARSKY: Oh, terrific.
Now the town's deserted.

It's locked.

There's a complaint
out on you two.

HUTCH: Well, we've got a
couple of complaints of our own.

Yours is gonna have to wait.

That area across the
lake is private property

and them people don't
want you trespassing.

We don't like it either.

Especially when they leave

weird drawings on
our front door in blood.

What do you mean blood?

Red stuff, it comes
out of your veins.

Especially if
somebody uses a Kn*fe.

Sam Taylor's goat.

They found its carcass
on Bleeker Road

early this morning.

Stay out of this, Hank.

All right, I'll look into it.

While you're at it, look into

why someone left a
rattlesnake in our cabin.

The lake area's
swarming with rattlers.

Well, this one didn't
swarm into our refrigerator.

Someone planted it
there. Got proof of that?

Visit "Mad Merlin" and
his boys across the lake

and come up with proof.

SHERIFF: All right, now, look.
I know you're holding badges.

But that don't mean
squat around here.

Now, you stay away

from that area across the lake
and leave them people alone!

We're asking for your
help. And I'm giving it to you!

Leave them alone! I'll show
you how I run things around here.

Are you threatening us?

You're damn right I am!

Oh, stop it!

In God's holy name, stop it.

Joe, fighting with these two
isn't going to solve anything.

Haven't we got enough
hanging over our heads?

Please. Please. Do as he says.

Stay away from them. You
don't know what's happening here.

No, we don't, lady.

But I'll tell you this.

We came up here to vacation,

and it's been a twilight
zone from the word go.

And we think it's
time to find out why.

You ain't giving me no
choice. You're both under arrest.

You've got to be kidding!

SHERIFF: Hold it!

Make one more step,
you're gonna be sorry.

You know, you're
just setting yourself up

for a lot of trouble.

I'll take that chance.
We got a call to make.

You got nothing.
Not till morning.

So get in there.

You know, sheriff,

you better have a good
lawyer or one swift set of feet.

Because when we get out of
here, we're gonna pay you a visit.

After tomorrow morning, I
don't give a damn what you do.

[DOOR CLOSES]

The great outdoors!

Fresh air, peace and quiet.

We would've been
better off in Death Valley.

It is time to prepare
for the final sacrifice.

RODELL: And now,
through the rites of blood

and the fires of the underworld,

you shall be forever
wed to Satan.

Got you boys some food.

Sorry we had to do this to you.

STARSKY: Save your tears for
the sheriff. He's gonna need them.

You don't understand.

STARSKY: What's to understand?

Joe Tyce is a good man.

HUTCH: Well, if you're
coming around here

looking for a
collection for him,

you came to the wrong place.

I'm gonna tell you something.

He had to lock you up.

You got him boxed in.

They're holding his daughter.

STARSKY: You mean
those people across the lake?

Rodell and his bunch...

came up the lake a few days ago.

Rodell, is he the leader? Yeah.

Lizzie Tyce is years old.

And Rodell grabbed
her two days ago.

He's laid down rules.

Nobody's to go near
him or his people,

nobody's to mention
them to any strangers.

We're supposed
to do what he says.

If we do, when he leaves,
then he'll give Lizzie back to us.

If we don't do what he
says, they're gonna k*ll her.

That's what he said.

And you're not doing
anything about it?

We can't do anything about it!

You want to risk her life?

This is a small town, mister.
Lizzie Tyce is one of our own.

Elm Ridge, Ohio.

What about it?

It's a small resort town.

A group of Satanists took
this young girl as a hostage

to keep the town quiet.

Three days later when
they disappeared...

they found the girl's body.

My God.

When did Rodell
say he's leaving town?

Tomorrow morning.

Something about a...
final ceremony tonight.

That girl's not gonna
make it through the night!

Let us out of here.

They said they'd k*ll
her if anybody interfered.

Well, she's gonna be dead
unless somebody does.

And it's gonna be
on your back, Ward.

Open the door, Ward.

Now!

WARD: I hope you
know what you're doing.

STARSKY: How far down the
mountain is that highway patrol?

HUTCH: Too far.

STARSKY: Does Dobey
have any g*ns at his place?

HUTCH: He doesn't hunt.

STARSKY: So, what's our plan?

HUTCH: We got none.

STARSKY: That's good.

STARSKY: k*ll the
lights. We're getting close.

Watch out for that tree.

HUTCH: What tree?

[THUMP]

Holy catfish.

There's that dead silence again.

[WHISPERING] Hey!

[CROWD CHANTING] Hail,
Satan. Dominus Satanas.


Dominus Satanas.

Hail, Satan. Dominus
Satanas. Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan. Dominus
Satanas. Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan.

Dominus Satanas.
Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan. Dominus
Satanas. Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan. Dominus Satanas.

Dominus Satanas.

Hail, Satan. Dominus
Satanas. Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan. Dominus
Satanas. Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan. Dominus Satanas...

RODELL: On this, the last night

of the Black Mass of Lucifer,
we vow to offer our souls...

STARSKY: Just a couple of
all-American campfire girls.

Yep.

RODELL: Follow me,

disciples of Asmodeus,

as we offer a welcome to our
master, the Prince of Darkness.

Dominus Satanas.

ALL: Hail, Satan.

Last night, O Master, we
sacrificed the animal to you.

We used its blood

to ward off your enemies.

Tonight, the last
night of Lucifer,

at your hour, the
hour of midnight,

we will offer you...

the ultimate sacrifice!

The girl.

The house.

WOMEN: Asmodeus Satanas.

HUTCH: Okay. You distract him.

Huh?

Get him out of position

and lead him into the woods.

To the woods? Yeah.

Why don't you?

Because I'm going
to save the girl.

Oh? Yeah.

Well, why don't I?

Because I thought of it first.

[THUMP]

Will you hurry up?

Are you trying to
scare me to death?

I gotta save the girl.

By having some spaced-out freak

chase me through
the woods at night.

Starsky. What?

Company.

STARSKY: Hi. Ohhh!

Oh!

STARSKY: Hutch, come
here! Come here, quick!

Hutch! Ugh!

Well, I hope he isn't
one of the little ones.

Watch the moose. Right.

Whistle if anybody comes.

Oh. Arggh.

Oh, here they come.

Uh...

Hutch, they're coming!

This way. Huh?

This way. Okay.

RODELL: Find them!

Look to the road.

They've taken the girl.

Go to their cabin.

The cabin. Cabin.

Come on, come on.

Just a little bit more.
No, I can't make it!

Yes, you can. Come on! Come on!

Come on!

STARSKY: Help me, come on.

It's okay. Come on.

STARSKY: Get to a phone.

Whoa. It's okay.
It's okay. It's all right.

Operator, operator,
get me the...

Get me the... Op...

Operator?

Line's gone dead.

She can't go much farther
in the shape she's in.

Somebody has to go for help.

[SMASH] Arggh!

HUTCH: I think
it's too late for that.

LIZZIE: What are they doing?

HUTCH: They're all out there.

STARSKY: Well,
from the looks of it,

they're gonna hold that final
ceremony this side of the lake.

HUTCH: Starsky,
you got any ideas?

STARSKY [PANTING]: Uh...

Blind man's bluff.

I'll get the circuit breaker.

And give me the flashlight.

You okay? Huh? Huh?

Come on, come on.

Now, you're gonna
be the lighting director.

Do the light switches.
Now just stand here, huh?

It is time for the
ceremony to begin.

Hail, Satan!

ALL: Hail, Satan. Dominus
Satanas. Dominus Satanas.


Hail, Satan. Dominus Satanas...

[THUD]

MAN: Ugh!

Tennis, anyone?

Hell of a party, isn't it?

Cha-cha or tango?

Telephone!

Hee-hee-hee!

[CRASH]

STARSKY: Hit the lights, Lizzie.

Not bad, huh? I'd say so.

You were terrific, Lizzie.

Come on, Lizzie.

We gotta get you
out of here right away.

Starsky? What?

[STARSKY GASPS]

Come on, we gotta get going.

ALL: Hail, Satan.

Dominus Satanas.
Dominus Satanas.


Are you ready? Let's go.

You cannot evade us.

Take them.

[SIRENS WAILING]

Daddy!

Liz!

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]:
Attention all units...

It's all right, baby.

It's okay. Everything's
going to be okay now.

POLICEMAN: Come on along.

POLICEMAN : Move, move.

POLICEMAN: Come
on, you too. Move along.

I don't know how
to ever thank you.

Don't bother.

I'd probably only be rude.

I'm sorry I had to give
you such a hard time.

It's okay.

POLICEMAN: Come
on, you too. Come on.

POLICEMAN :
Come on, get in the car.

Let me ask you something.

What?

Do you suppose this has
ever happened to John Denver?

Starsky, look, I can
have the car packed

and we can get out of
here by nightfall, huh?

What's this? Nature
boy pining for the city?

I don't believe it.

After those weirdos last
night, my vacation is ruined.

Shh. What?

Fish.

The only thing that's
ruining your vacation

are these happy, fat trout.

Oh, come on!

Only thing you
caught was an allergy.

That has nothing to do with it.

I don't care if you caught
, of those suckers.

It was all beginner's luck.

I just wanna get outta here!

Scared of the woods?

All I had last night were bad
dreams because of those weirdos.

All I did was dream
of beauties of nature.

I wanna split!

And I wanna stay.

Look, I have discovered

a whole new dimension
to my life out here.

Really, it's like
the primal essence.

Suddenly I... feel liberated.

Don't push it!

No, I feel alive and
woodsy, you know?

One with nature.

Yeah, a little
rocks. A little rocks.

A little wildflowers.
Wildflowers.

Chipmunks, a little beavers.
Chipmunks, beavers.

[GROWL]

What was that?

I don't know.

There have been some
sightings of grizzlies around here.

You mean bears? Oh, yeah.

Say, uh...

what kind of trout do
you like with your wine?

Beg your pardon?

I mean wine with your trout.

Oh. A little Chablis.

Oh.

Well, let's get rolling, then.

I got some of that back home.

[BEAR GROWLS]

In the city.

Come on, guys.
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