( theme music playing )
Excuse me.
I'm here to see Mr. Mackenzie
about the secretarial position.
Yes, ma'am.
If you'll just
wait over here with
the other contestants
we'll get to you
as soon as we can.
Thank you.
Oh, uh... by the way,
I hope you get the job.
You're my favorite.
( chuckles ):
Oh...
Oh...
Yes, ma'am.
You must be here
for the secretarial position.
If you'll just come over here.
And by the way...
I hope you get the job.
You're my favorite.
And I'm not just saying that
because you've got
great bagonzas.
I can't believe the way Louie
is kissing up to these women
just because one of them
is going to be
the boss's secretary.
ALEX:
Oh...
Bad news, Louie.
What?
I got robbed.
Huh?
Tony, you okay, man?
Nah, it was nothing.
I'm fine, really.
How much did they get?
Close to everything--
100 bucks.
Nice going, dough-brain.
You just blew
your biggest booking night
in six months.
Here, fill out this report
and give it back to me, momo.
What are you getting so mad
at me for?
The guy could have blown
my brains out.
So could a good sneeze.
Come on, hey, what happened?
What happened?
What's the matter?
Was it a big guy?
Were you scared?
Nah, it was nothing.
He was a kid.
He couldn't have been
20 years old.
Yeah, was he armed?
He put his hand
in his pocket,
pointed it at me.
It could have been
a g*n. I don't know.
What was his name?
He didn't say.
Sounds like a pro.
Well, uh, did he
say anything at all?
Yeah, he said,
"Give me your money
or I'll k*ll you."
You mean he gave you an out?
WOMAN:
Excuse me.
I was just instructed
to tell you, you can all leave.
The position has been filled.
You're the boss's new secretary?
See that, everybody?
My favorite got it.
All right, all right, all right,
you heard the lady.
b*at it, rejects.
Come on, come on,
get out of here.
This ain't no coffee klatsch.
Come on, hyah! Hyah!
WOMAN:
Yackavay.
Yackavay?
Yackavay?
ELAINE:
She spoke
Latka's language.
LATKA:
Excuse me.
( speaking native language )
( speaking
same language )
Isn't this great,
Latka?
A girl from back home.
I know. Goody-goody.
( speaking native language )
...Latka Gravas.
( speaking native language )
( speaking native language )
Hi.
Hi.
What did she say, Latka?
She say her name
is Simka Dahblitz.
Not the Simka Dahblitz.
No, certainly not.
No, sir, no.
Hey, you speak English?
English, yes.
Hey, terrific!
How long have you been
in this country?
Oh, thank you.
Don't mention it.
Latka, ask her
if she still needs a job.
Doing what, Louie?
I think I might be able
to find something around here
that would interest her.
You like to go
with boss man
make big,
shiny new quarter?
There's no romance left.
Uh, Simka,
would you like
to sit down?
ALEX:
Yeah, sit down, please.
Thank you.
What brought you to our country?
Simka?
( speaking native language )
...America.
( speaking native language )
Oh, I see.
She say the reason
she come to America
is to-to, because, oh...
in my country
the mountain people
are all moving into the villages
and there is
much hatred.
Why?
Because no one likes
the mountain people.
Why?
Because
they are mountain people.
Hey, have you heard this one?
Eh, how many
mountain people
do it take to milk the goat?
( speaking native language )
Well?
I'm sure I don't know.
Five-- one to hold the beeshees
and four to raise the goat
up and down.
Hold the beeshees.
You like, Simka?
Oh, yes,
that was very funny.
Well, Simka, I am going
to show you America.
Oh, goody-goody.
Come, I will teach you
how to speak English,
so you can speak good
like me.
And we will see everything
and do everything, okay?
So, don't go away and
I will be right back.
I just going to get my coat.
Don't go away now.
Simka, you and Latka
are getting along so well.
I think he likes you.
Is very bad.
Oh, no, no, no--
like is good.
No, you do not understand.
I am a mountain person.
Oh, yeah?
Did you hear the one
about how many mountain
people it takes...
Jim!
I think
she's heard it.
But I thought
you said you left your country
because... to get away
from the mountain people.
No, I left my country because
to get away from
the flatlanders who hate us.
Please, please...
don't tell Latka.
( all consent softly )
LATKA:
Okay!
As they say in America,
we're ready when you are.
Bye-bye.
Hey, Latka.
Bye.
Latka, where you going
to take her?
Oh, I am going to show her
all the sights
of New York City.
I'm going to show her
the lights of Broadway
and the Statue of Liberty
and the apartment
of a lonely, lonely man.
Here we go.
Thanks.
Thanks, Tom.
Hey, there you are.
Guys, how you doing?
Hey, Tom, another glass.
One more glass.
Have a seat.
How did your dinner with Latka
and Simka go last night?
Oh, it was terrific.
Yeah?
They're such a cute
little couple.
A "cute little couple"?
ELAINE:
Yeah.
You think they'd like to be
called "a cute little couple"?
Latka told me
to call them that.
He said that if they
ever get married,
he's going to put that
on their mailbox.
You know, I've never
seen Latka so happy.
He runs around the garage
singing, laughing
slapping people
on the back...
Pinching people
on the rear end.
ALEX:
Oh.
Takes me by surprise
every time he does it.
Oh? I'm starting
to get used to it.
I'm starting to look forward
to it.
ELAINE:
Oh!
Hey, Tony,
want to go in the back
and play some air hockey?
Something I said?
What is it?
Hey, uh, can I play?
Hey, Jim, it's
a game for two guys.
You know that.
Okay, I'll, uh...
I'll just watch.
It makes me nervous
when you watch, you know?
Okay, I'll close my eyes.
It throws my game off, like,
even if you're
in the same room... you know.
Okay, uh... I'll just stay here.
Fine.
Just as long as I'm included.
Yo!
Oh, hi,
Simka, Latka.
Sit down.
Hey, how are you two
getting along, huh?
Very good.
Aren't we
a cute couple?
As bugs' ears,
yes, you are.
Oh, we had such
A-one day today.
Oh, Latka showed me
many things
I never in my life
think I see.
Yeah? Well,
where have you been?
Well, we went
to the Automat,
we went to the subway,
and we went to car wash.
The usual tourist traps,
I see.
Oh, and also we went to see
a musical show called Grease.
Oh, how did you like it?
I was disappointed.
Well, he thought it was
going to be about mechanics.
Would you like
a refreshment?
Oh, yes, I like a mushi
please.
Isn't this something?
Here you come all the way
to this country
and then you have a relationship
with somebody from back home.
I know. It's very nice,
but I am... I am afraid
that it all must end
when the truth comes out.
You mean Latka still
doesn't know that you're a...
A mountain.
ALEX:
Yeah, a mountain?
No, but I think I must tell him
very soon.
Yeah, the longer you wait,
the worse it can get.
Oh, yeah.
I know what you mean.
You're saying
that if she doesn't tell him
she's a mountain person
and he finds out
she's a mountain person,
he's going to be upset.
Not only because
she's a mountain person,
but because she didn't tell him
she's a mountain person.
I have my moments.
Although it does cost me.
I think I'll go home
and sleep for a while.
So long, Jim.
Good-bye.
Simka, trust Latka.
Okay, here you go.
Is mushi.
Well, what have you all
been talking about?
Not me, I hope.
Latka,
I have something
to tell you,
which I don't know
how I'm going to be telling you.
Ya?
Is it that you love me?
No.
You know
those mountain people jokes
you have been telling?
Yeah.
Well, I am
a mountain person!
And this is
for my mother!
And this is
for my father!
This is for
my grandfather!
I hope you have a small family.
And this is for stepping
on my heart
and telling me
you do not like me anymore
because I am
a mountain person.
I did not say I don't like you.
You are ashamed
to be with me now.
That is not true.
Then look at me,
Latka,
and tell me nothing
has changed.
Nothing has changed.
Look at me, Latka.
It's hard... it's hard
to do this when
you keep moving.
So long, Latka.
Wait, wait, don't go.
Louie?
Huh?
I want to go home.
Can I please go home?
I have... I'm not
feeling too well.
What's the matter?
I have the blues.
It don't work that way, Latka.
There's only three reasons
to leave work early.
Loss of limb,
excessive bleeding,
and heart att*ck.
And heart att*ck is
a judgment call I make.
Alex...
Elaine,
I have a problem.
Oh! Well.
Can I please
talk to you?
Sit down.
You've come
to the right people.
Now, you just
sit down.
Is this where you...
Is this where you
want me to sit?
Yeah.
Uh... it's about Simka.
Oh.
Ever since we broke up,
I am feel terrible.
I cannot eat
I cannot sleep...
Well, Latka, why don't you
just go to Simka
and ask her to forgive you?
I mean, you still like her,
don't you?
Of course,
but, you see, in my country,
there is nothing worse
a person can do
than to date a mountain girl.
My mother would rather
that I date a pig
than a mountain girl.
It would have been better if
a pig would have
walked into garage
and said, "Hello, Latka."
Then I could at least
call up my family and say,
"Hello, yes, I am dating a pig."
They would not have been
crazy about it,
but at least, they would have
welcomed it into the family,
after a while, especially
after we had children.
Um...
Alex, um...
Huh?
Do you want to say
anything to him?
Say anything?
You want me to...
you want me tell the guy
how to live his life?
Please, Alex.
I knew that this
was gonna happen.
Look, Latka, why don't you
just stop a minute
and think about Simka, hmm?
Think about the week
you just spent with her.
Think about the places
that you went to.
Think about
the way she laughs.
Think about her, uh...
Think about the way
her hand feels in yours.
Think about her...
the way her hair smells.
The nape of her neck.
Think about how she looks
at you when you hold her.
How her eyelash
tickles your cheek.
Think about all that.
If you can think
about all that
and still not
get off your yaktabe
and go over there
and give her a big make-up kiss
then I wish you'd
tell me right now,
because I'm beginning to think
that I'm going to do it. Ha-ha!
All right.
You're right, Alex.
I'm going to tell her.
Louie.
Louie.
What?
Louie, I need some time off.
What for?
'Cause I'm in love.
Latka, if I left
the garage
every time my spokes
needed greasing,
I'd never get any work done.
Now, get back to your cab.
Louie, damn it,
now listen to me!
This is the last time
you're going to do
anything like that.
Wait, wait.
Alex, Alex, no yelling
and screaming and fighting.
I mean, let a lady
handle this.
( clears throat )
Louie, um, if you don't let
Latka off this afternoon,
I'm going to report you
to the board of labor relations,
and I'm going to tell
them every rotten thing
that you've ever done
in this garage.
Ha!
You report me to the board
of labor relations,
and I'll fire you.
You fire me,
and I'll report you
to the union.
You report me
to the union,
and I'll see to it
that you get a rotten cab
out of this garage every night.
You give me a rotten cab
out of the garage every night,
and I'll report you
to the hack bureau.
You report me
to the hack bureau,
and I'll kick you
in the shin.
You kick me
in the shin,
and I'll kick you
where you live.
( grumbling )
( Louie growling ):
Get out of here, Latka.
Hello, Latka.
Simka,
where have you been?
I thought maybe
you change your mind
about meeting me.
No, I'm late because
I have a job now.
Oh, a job.
Sit down.
So, what do you do?
I am working
at the race track.
They have a rake
which goes around
and cleans up after
the horses,
and they need people
to sit on it to make it heavy.
I am the one
in the middle.
I told you that America
was the land of opportunity.
It's good to see you
again, Latka.
It's good
to see you, too.
I have good news
for you.
I have decided that I love you
and I don't care
that you are mountain.
I am willing to disgrace myself
to be with you.
I called my family
and told them I am dating
a mountain girl.
My mother, she disowned me.
My grandpa put a curse on me.
My brother said he never want
to see me again,
and my crazy uncle Dahbi
gave me his blessings.
So I am all yours.
You mountain people
sure have a strange way
of expressing great joy.
I am sorry, Latka,
but we cannot be dating again.
No, no, you don't understand.
I just said it's all right.
No, no, you do
not understand.
We cannot see
each other again.
Well, sure, maybe not
out in the street
in broad daylight, but...
No, Latka.
Why not?
Because of your feelings,
I will always be
mountain to you.
I will get over that.
And because
you will never believe
I am as good as you.
You are in the ballpark.
And because, by now,
I have found somebody else.
In fact,
he is meeting me here tonight.
Does he know about you?
Yes, he does,
and you know what?
He doesn't care.
MAN:
Simka.
Oh, John.
Oh, Latka Gravas,
this is John Hannen.
Pleased to meet you.
John is the man
I was telling you about.
This is the fellow
you are dating?
SIMKA:
That's right.
He sure is gorgeous.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You two met on the rake?
No, I'm a surgeon.
Oh, a surgeon.
It's no good.
He is never home.
You always want
to be with him.
He won't be there
for you.
I only work
two days a week.
It's no good.
He's always home,
always getting underfoot,
always in the way when you're
cleaning house. No priva...
JOHN:
I have a housekeeper,
and I spend most of my day
during the week sailing.
Do you have a sister?
Are you ready to go?
In a sec.
Well...
I'm very sorry, Latka.
So am I.
Bye.
Bye-bye.
Wait,
wait, Simka.
Wait. Can I talk to you
just for a minute?
Just for a minute.
I just want
to tell you something.
I... I hope that
you are very happy,
and I have learned my lesson.
I think you are
a wonderful girl,
and I am proud
to be the man
whose life
you have totally wrecked.
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
I've got to close
her up, Latka,
but you can stay
and have a drink if you like.
Thank you.
Hey, Tommy.
Yeah?
Could... could you
please play the song
that me and Simka
used to love together?
Yeah, which one was that one?
A-7.
( "Summer Nights" playing )
* Summer lovin'
had me a blast *
* Summer lovin'
happened so fast *
* I met a girl...
Tommy...
Yeah, Latka?
You want to hear a joke?
Sure, go ahead.
How does a mountain...
how does
a mountain girl make love?
I don't know.
Like an angel.
* Tell me more, tell me more
* Did you get very far?
* Tell me more, tell me more
* Like does he have a car?
* Dop, de-dop, de-dop,
de-do-do-de-dop *
* She swam by me,
she got a cramp *
* He ran by me,
got myself damp *
* I saved her life,
she nearly drowned *
* He showed off,
splashing around... *
( theme music playing )
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
( Walters mutters )
02x17 - Guess Who's Coming for Brefnish
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This Emmy-winning sitcom follows the lives of a group of cabbies in New York.
This Emmy-winning sitcom follows the lives of a group of cabbies in New York.