Narrator: Coming up, why is murr getting jiggy with it?
[ chuckling ]
a-all right.
[ laughter ]
What's got sal taking the fall?
[ laughter ]
And which losing joker Will have to tread lightly in tonight's punishment?
[ laughter ]
Sal: Prepare for something amazing.
[ horn honks ]
Q: Hey, mustache, what's up?
[ laughter ]
Murr: I want my mommy!
[ laughter ]
Sal: I will never forgive you! Joe: Larry!
[ laughter ]
Kids can get away with anything.
Today, we're trying to see if we can, too.
We'll be paired up with a kid Who's wearing an earpiece here in the park.
After that poor child does what we tell him to, We have to try and get away with the same exact thing.
And if wecan'tdo the same exact thing, we lose.
Good question
-- whose kids are these? We don't know.
Don't ask, don't tell.
[ laughs ]
Murr: Okay, mikayla, remember, you can hear us, but sal can't.
How old are you? Boom.
I knew it.
Hey, mikayla, lick your palm.
Just a couple of buddies hanging out today.
[ laughing ]
don't do
-- what you do
-- Now touch sal's arm.
No, don't touch me.
[ laughter ]
No, no, no-no-no.
Your fingernails are all dirty And you've been touching all the gates and everything.
We're just making this little girl terrorize sal.
Excuse me.
Do you know the area? Mikayla, wipe your nose on this woman's shirt.
Oh, don't do that.
[ laughter ]
Murr: All right, now sal has to do it.
[ laughter ]
Okay, we're right here.
And then Look at him try.
Look at him.
[ laughter ]
[ laughter and applause ]
Oh! Mikayla, slap that map right out of her hand.
Broadway.
[ laughter ]
Broadway.
Is here, so we're definitely right down here by the
[ laughter ]
Over there.
Whoops.
[ laughter ]
mikayla, grab the map.
You're so helpful.
Thank you.
Oh, mikayla.
O-o-o-o-okay.
[ laughs ]
All right.
[ laughter ]
Okay, I hope you find your place.
Thank you so much.
[ bell dings, laughter ]
Whatever they tell you to do, you do to that person, okay? Okay.
Excuse me, miss.
What do you think is better for a little kid Joe: Okay, liv, start irish step dancing.
Going to the statue of liberty Or the empire state building? I don't know what's better for her, you know?
[ laughter ]
You think that's better for a little kid? Stop dancing, and just lay down on the floor.
[ laughter ]
But imagine if you're at the top of the empire state building, Right, and you're just looking up at the whole sky.
[ laughter ]
You don't go to the top? Come on, uncle james.
Come on, uncle james.
Let's go make it rain on cinnamon down at the club.
Let's make it go rain on cinnamon at the club.
[ laughter ]
I told her that if we make it to new york, I'll take her to the nicest nudie bar.
You can only drink if you're over 21, But they allow any age in.
No, I'm serious.
I have identification I have identification That says I'm 21.
That says I'm 21.
Oh.
Uncle james bought it for me Uncle james bought it for me Q: On canal street.
On canal street.
Yes.
[ laughter ]
She's a smart one.
Thanks for the help, hottie patottie.
Thanks for the help, hottie patottie.
Oh.
[ laughter ]
Thank you for the help, hottie patottie.
[ chuckles nervously ]
[ laughter ]
Folks, do you know how we get to central park? Have you seen any hair? Have you seen any hair? We're looking for my uncle's hair.
We're looking for my uncle's hair.
[ laughs ]
ForMy hair.
I lost it about 10 years ago.
[ laughter ]
Now hug the dude.
[ laughter ]
[ laughter ]
Oh, my god.
Say, "this bald ass
[bleep]
" This bald ass
[bleep]
[ laughter ]
She just called me a bald ass
[bleep]
Start doing your irish step dance.
What a
--
[ laughter ]
Look at murray!
[ coughing ]
[ laughing ]
he's trying to
-- he's throwing up!
[ retching ]
[ coughing ]
You just spit in my face
-- in my eyeballs!
[ laughs ]
It was not even a
[retches]
.
It wasn't even a dot.
It was a long
[retches]
.
Joe: Can you guys get it together?
[ retching ]
All right.
All right.
[ bell dings, laughter ]
[ retches ]
Liv, look up at joe and say, "hey, joe" Hey, joe "How much longer do you have to live?" How much longer do you have to live? I'm hoping to get through this turn, sweetheart.
[ laughter ]
Aww, that's a puppy.
She loves dogs.
What kind of puppy is that? It's a vizsla.
Oh, look, it's a vizsla.
Liv, say, "I bet you that would taste delicious.
" I bet it tastes delicious.
[ laughter ]
Yeah, I bet it tastes delicious.
[ laughs ]
Did you come from the ferry? No.
Oh, you
-- you didn't.
Do you want to have a sleepover? Do you want to have a sleepover?
[ lullabye playing ]
Yeah, we can have a sleepover.
[ laughter ]
Oh, you have a place
-- place to stay already? Yeah.
Okay, well, we could've done a sleepover, But if you got a place to stay All right, guys.
[ laughter ]
Allie, can you do a cartwheel, honey? Uh-huh.
Q: Okay.
I want you to do as many cartwheels as you can right now.
Well, there's that.
[ laughter and applause ]
Look at her.
She keeps going.
How many could you do? Joe's gonna join.
Look out.
I don't want you to get hurt.
[ giggling ]
Murr:
[ laughs ]
bravo! This is gross.
[ laughter ]
Allie, do you see this girl That's reading on the steps behind you? Go over and take her book.
She was taking
-- she was taking that.
Right? Is that what you're doing? Mm-hmm.
Allie, throw the book.
[ laughter ]
Joe, your turn.
[ laughter ]
yeah.
Just hand it back to you.
There you go.
No, that's good.
[ laughter ]
No, joe couldn't do it.
Come on.
That's not nice, what you do to people.
[ buzzer, laughter ]
Come on.
Let's do it.
What are they gonna have you do? I'll do it.
Allie, as somebody walks by, just go over and push them a little bit.
[ laughing ]
what are you doing? Don't.
Get back here.
[ laughter ]
I'm sorry.
She
-- she's like that.
But don't
-- don't mess with my niece.
[ laughter and applause ]
Uh, excuse me, do you know anything about this building? Is it good for kids? Allie, touch her hair and say, "I like this.
" I like this.
Uh, I don't like my hair.
I prefer yours.
Oh, I like it, too.
I think it's so nice.
What are you talking about? No way.
No.
Murr: Oh, he got it! Wow! Allie say, "quick question.
" Quick question.
"are you single" Are you single?
[ laughing ]
yes? "And ready to mingle?" Are you ready to mingle?
[ laughter ]
She's from France.
But you are single? Yes.
And you are ready to mingle?
[ laughs ]
okay.
[ laughter and applause ]
Allie, go over and grab the stroller.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[ laughter ]
Allie, say, "aww, you kept it?" Aww, you kept it?
[ laughs ]
Now q's got to say it.
Look at q! God bless.
God bless.
[ laughter ]
Q is not doing anything! You haven't done anything! Excellent.
Excellent.
Ahh!
[ laughing ]
oh, my god.
[ laughter, buzzer ]
Narrator: Joe and q failed this paternity test, So they'll be babysitting each other on the loser board.
Today we're at the supermarket going head-to-head, Playing a game we call "catch and release.
" Now, the first guy will have to go out And secretly clip this dog leash onto an unsuspecting customer.
And your opponent will have to unclip the leash And try again and so on.
If at any point you get caught both clipping or unclipping, Then you suck.
And if you suck, you lose.
Joe, come back! Joe: Whoa! Sal, just a quick question.
Who do you think people like more
-- you or murray? Oh, is that a joke, or No, it's a serious question.
[ laughs ]
Well, I mean, I think everyone would say themselves, But I would say definitely hands down me 100%.
[ both laugh ]
What's the group consist of? Sal's family? No, it's your family.
[ both laugh ]
Okay, here we go, boys.
Sal's up.
Whoever sal clips it to, murr's got to unclip.
Here we go.
Here we go.
[bell dings]
Got it.
We're in.
Good.
Now it's murr's turn.
Now it's murr's turn.
Oh, oh, oh! Murr! Ooh.
Got away clean, murray.
So now it's murr's turn to clip.
Oh, oh, oh.
You almost got caught.
[bell dings]
We're in.
[ both laugh ]
Oop! Nope! Murr, you're caught.
You're caught, buddy.
[ both laugh ]
[bell dings]
Sorry.
[ both laugh ]
[bell dings]
Murr, you got to win this one or you're done.
Here we go.
Here we go.
[bell dings]
q: We have contact.
It's clipped.
We have contact.
We have clip.
The handoff.
Oh! Sal: I got my dog
-- sorry, my dog's right here.
[ both laugh ]
Come on, buddy.
He thought there was a dog.
Come on, buddy.
What is he doing? He's a pomeranian mix.
Clydesdale,
[clicks tongue]
come here, buddy.
[ both laugh ]
He totally bought the dog story.
Sal, you're safe.
Oh, murr.
A-a-all right.
[bell dings]
Oh.
Oh, murr, you got caught! Murray, you're caught!
[bell dings]
Murray, you're done.
You're done, murr.
You're out.
[ laughs ]
He's so unlikable.
Yeah.
[ both laugh ]
Sal's moving on.
Sal: Q and joe are up right now.
Not a good move putting joe near the pastries.
[ laughs ]
What
-- what are we doing here? Are we playing something? Murr: Q is up first.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Q's in.
Oh, he's going for the hood.
[bell dings]
q has contact.
There's a full extension.
Oh! Wow! Wow! Nicely done, joe.
Wow! Oh! Oh! You caught me.
[ laughs ]
So now it's joe's turn.
[bell dings]
Ah, joe has Contact.
Got him.
We got it.
Got no clue.
He's got no clue.
Q very, very reserved.
Nicely done.
Q is reapproaching the same guy! Oh! Oh!
[ exaggerated yawn ]
[ laughs ]
He doesn't know! He knows.
He does not know.
He just thinks q's doing something.
[ exaggerated yawn ]
Did you know this was attached to you?
[ both laugh ]
So that means I won.
He lost.
Thanks, bud.
Try the chicken parmesan.
It's to k*ll for.
Isn't it, "to die for"? Somebody's got to die is what I'm saying.
[ both laugh ]
[bell dings]
Murr: All right, whoever wins this one moves on to the finals.
Q's up.
[bell dings]
oh! Oh! Hurry up.
Oh! Pulling it and doesn't know! Oh! Oh, now you
-- now you realized it.
[ both laugh ]
[bell dings]
he's caught.
She's just trying to shop.
What's wrong with you?!
[ laughs ]
Murr: Oh, my god.
Narrator: And q moves on.
All right, here we go
-- the championship round.
Sudden death.
Joe: It all comes down to this, Sal vs.
Q, in the ultimate battle of "catch and release.
"
[ laughs ]
What if we hook someone like this? That doesn't look smart to me.
[ laughter ]
You're right.
Probably not the smartest move.
Oh, here we go.
Here we go.
[bell dings]
Wow.
Well-played, gentlemen.
This is a nail-biter.
Ye
-- oh! Wow.
Wow.
This is a burner.
Oh, my god! This is a I don't know what's happening.
Stop, joe!
[ laughing ]
put the doughnuts down! What are you doing? Yeah, there you go.
There you go.
Sal is just walking him at this point.
He's walking away.
He's got a leash on.
[ laughter ]
He got ya! You're caught.
[ both laugh ]
Sudden death.
Sal loses.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[ bell dings, laughter ]
Narrator: Murr, sal, and joe couldn't reel in a win, Which makes joe tonight's big loser.
Joe lost, so today we're here at the complex nyc.
All you're gonna do, buddy, Is go up to people who are working out And just stare at them.
Just stare.
That's it.
Stare at them.
Until it becomes so uncomfortable That we all can't take it.
Probably not gonna know anybody, right, buddy?
[ laughter ]
Joe, the machine to your right
-- how do you use it?
[ laughter ]
I always akin this to like when a vampire walks into a church.
[ eerie music plays ]
[ laughter ]
Just surrounded by the enemy.
Everybody's in a zone.
They're taking their fitness seriously.
The last thing they need Is you coming with those baby-blue eyes.
[ laughter ]
See this guy putting the weights on? Sit on the bench in front of him but facing him, Sit on the bench in front of him but facing him And just watch him work out, buddy.
Sal: This is weird.
This is weird!
[ laughter ]
Let's see disgust behind your stare.
[ laughter ]
Let's see surprise.
[ laughter ]
[ laughter ]
Joe, you want to walk right up to the treadmill And stare at that guy? No.
Well, you know, you don't really get to say, joe.
It's a punishment.
That's enough feedback from you, thank you.
[ laughs ]
Murr: Joe, jog in place staring at him.
Not on a treadmill.
[ chuckles ]
And now slowly turn and stare at him.
[ laughs ]
All right, break away.
Break away.
We're gonna have you walk away.
All right, we're gonna send you back.
[ sighs ]
[bleep]
you guys.
Joe, go right up to the treadmill and stare at that guy.
[ treadmill beeping ]
[ laughter ]
Here it is.
[ laughs ]
Joe, creep a little closer to him.
Get closer.
Get closer.
[ wheezing ]
Lean in.
Lean in.
Oh, my god.
[ laughter ]
Seeing you work out.
[ laughter ]
All right, break away.
Murr: Look at this.
[ laughter and applause ]
This is tense, man.
Joey, you've been out there a little bit.
You feeling a little peckish? Yeah, I'm hungry.
[ chuckles ]
Look on the top of that garbage can over there, buddy.
We left a little something for you.
What's that? A ham and swiss? Yeah.
[ chuckles ]
All right, now just stare at people and eat.
[ chuckles ]
Yeah, let's turn this up a notch.
Stop.
About-face.
[ laughs ]
[ laughing ]
oh, my god.
It is so weird.
Joe, you want to get on the treadmill next to him? But don't jog.
Don't turn it on.
Don't turn it on.
Just stare at him.
[ laughter ]
They're looking away.
Joey, this punishment is not ending Until I hear an "f" b*mb hurled in your direction, pal.
So keep going.
[ laughs ]
No one's confronting him.
He's winning.
Using this? Don't answer him.
Are you using this machine?
[ laughs ]
Are you using the machine? Murr: Here we go.
Own the look, joey.
Own it.
He's now trying to decide what to do.
Do we have a problem? Joe: Hmm? Do we have a problem? Huh? No.
So
[bleep]
back up off the machine.
I'm about to use it.
Back up off the machine.
Can I spot ya? I don't need a spot.
No spot? Joe, go back six inches and still stand there.
[ laughter ]
Count him out.
Count him out.
[ laughter ]
2, 3 All right, let's hear it for joe's first day in the gym.
[ laughter ]
8, 9, 10.
05x04 - Stare Master
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.
This hidden-camera series follows three lifelong friends -- Brian "Q" Quinn, James "Murr" Murray and Sal Vulcano -- who take dares to an outrageous level.