(theme song playing)
Elaine, Elaine, I don't think
we should be doing this.
Oh, no. Come on, Alex.
This may be our only chance
to meet Craig Eagen.
You said
you loved his paintings.
You said you wanted
to meet him.
I know. I said that before.
You told me
he was a total recluse.
Oh, those are just stories.
I'm sure they're exaggerated.
CRAIG:
Whoever you are, go away!
That was fun.
Thank you very much.
Let's go.
No, come on.
Uh, Mr. Eagen, it's Elaine Nardo
and Alex Reiger.
I'm from the Hazeltine Gallery.
I brought the painting
for you to authenticate.
CRAIG:
Oh, yeah, well, just
leave it there in the hallway
and pick it up
tomorrow, okay?
Um, Mr. Eagen, we really need
to know this right away.
Uh, do you think you could just
open the door
a cr*ck and take a look?
CRAIG:
Oh. No, I-I couldn't
do that at all, no.
I have a... an extremely
vicious dog in here.
(growling, barking,
glass clinking)
(fabric tearing)
Go to your place!
(dog whimpering)
Let's forget it.
No, no, no. Come on,
we've come this far.
Uh, Mr. Eagen, I-I realize
that you're a very
private person,
but this'll only take a minute.
Mr. Eagen, we're big fans
of yours.
(loud clattering)
(footsteps running)
Hello?
ELAINE:
Where is he?
Hello?
Maybe that's him.
Where's your dog?
Uh... I have a, uh,
confession to make.
ALEX:
Well, what's that?
(growling and barking)
Craig, go to your spot.
(whimpering)
I see.
So, is that the, uh,
the painting?
Uh, yes, it is.
(clears throat)
Yeah, that's, that's mine,
that's mine.
Say, you know why
I recognize this apartment?
You've painted
this whole apartment
in bits and pieces.
I-I recognize
this chair.
I saw the paint...
Oh.
You painted this
table. I, um...
Oh, hey, listen,
I'm sorry.
I, uh... I guess
I'm making you feel
uncomfortable, huh?
Oh, no. No.
No, not at all.
Oh, well, I think
we'd better go.
Come on, Elaine.
Here you are.
Thank you very much.
You know, I can't tell you
what a pleasure it is
to meet you.
I... I think you're a genius.
Ah. Oh. Oh.
Anyway, you know, I, uh...
Frankly, I don't... I don't have
a lot of visitors, you know,
and, uh, I know
I should probably
offer you some coffee, and...
Oh, that'd be nice.
CRAIG:
But I... No,
unfortunately, I've just...
I just don't have
any coffee, you know.
Oh. Okay.
Elaine, let's go.
Stay where you are.
You know,
how would you like
to go out for some coffee?
Oh, yeah, that sounds great.
Well...
I'd love it.
Okay, great.
I'll put the water on,
and you go down
and get the coffee, okay?
Oh, I thought you were
inviting us out for coffee.
Out? No, no, no.
Well, I-I guess I-I should...
I should... I should tell you
that, uh, I'm, uh...
I'm agoraphobic.
Oh. I don't know
what that means.
I do.
Yes, Alex?
ALEX:
Ah.
It means you're
afraid of heights.
No, no, that's acrophobia.
I have that a little bit, too,
but not-not quite as severe
as agoraphobia.
Agoraphobia means-- especially
in my particular case--
it means I have total terror
of leaving my studio.
I thought that
was Anglophobia.
No, no, no.
That's fear
of England.
Yeah.
Yeah, I have... I have...
I have sort of just a whisper
of that myself, but...
not as severe
as the other stuff.
I mean, for instance,
the name Alistair Cooke
gives me the shivers.
So, wait. If you're afraid
to leave your studio,
what do you do when you go out?
I just don't go out.
What is it that you're afraid
will happen if you go out there?
Oh, it's... That's...
It's so difficult to explain.
It would take a very long time.
Well, try.
Elaine, Elaine.
Hey, uh, you'd probably
be happier
if we left you alone,
wouldn't you?
Yeah, I would.
Yeah. Thanks for understanding.
Okay. Come on, Elaine.
I'm not leaving.
Elaine, the man
wants you to leave.
He wants help. Look at him.
Elaine. Elaine, now look,
this is out of your league.
That man is damn near psychotic.
Uh, no offense.
None taken.
Look, Elaine,
I'm gonna leave.
Okay, go.
It was nice to
meet you, Mr. Eagen.
Oh. Oh, it was very nice
meeting you, Mr. Reiger.
I'm going.
Fine.
(door closes)
Um, I'm sorry about that. Um...
Do you want me to leave?
I... I don't know.
See, I didn't mean
to intrude on you.
I... Oh, I'm sorry.
No. That's okay.
I'm, I'm not genophobic.
That means
you have no fear of touching?
No, it means
I have no fear of sex.
As long as it's right here,
right now, pronto, see?
Oh.
I'm just kidding.
See...
I just can't believe
that somebody
like you can't just, you know,
walk through that door,
and-and-and take a drive or...
God, go to a museum.
No, there's nothing...
There's nothing depressing
about it at all.
No?
No, I have
a wonderful life here.
I have everything I want.
I got practically two
of everything I want, actually.
You got a real ark, huh?
Okay.
That's nice. I like that.
Have you always been like this?
No?
No, uh-uh, no.
As a kid, I was afraid of
all the sort of normal things.
You know?
I'm still
listening.
Like, I was afraid of the dark,
and lightning...
How about the hallway?
And loud noises
and fish.
But I don't know.
As I got older, I started
getting more afraid
of more things.
Let me help you.
Many have tried.
(laughs)
Come on, just
the hallway?
Just one step?
I'm right here.
We did it!
Oh.
I don't believe it!
I don't believe it!
You did it, Craig.
I'm gonna do it
again, all right?
Okay.
All right, I'm gonna do it
again. All right, all right.
I'm gonna do it
myself, all right?
Fine.
You don't mind?
No offense.
No.
(laughs)
I did it again!
I did it again!
Oh, Craig,
that's wonderful!
I'm gonna do it with my eyes
closed now, all right?
Oh, okay.
Okay, now watch.
Is this the door?
God. Okay.
Ah. How do you like that?
I loved it.
All right.
Now one for the tango.
Yeah, I'm really
cooking now.
Oh, God, I can't wait
till I tell Alex.
Oh, Alex,
I got to talk to you.
Well, if it isn't Nurse Ratched.
What are you doing here?
Who's watching
little cuckoo's nest?
(laughing):
Oh, you.
Listen, I got to tell you
what's going on.
I mean...
(gasps)
I used to be
hard of hearing,
but now that you touched
me, I can hear again.
She's doing it
again, folks.
I love my cage.
I think of it as a window
on the world.
Come here, Jeff.
There seems to be another
interesting tale unfolding.
Alex walks away
from Elaine.
Elaine follows.
Could there
be a problem?
Alex, I am making amazing
progress with Craig.
Yes, and he's making
amazing progress with you.
Now you're both nuts.
Why?
Why?
Yeah.
Why don't you get this man
to a qualified doctor?
That's why.
Okay.
Yeah, there must be some doctor
who specializes in...
(sputtering)
Sorry for interrupting.
She turns.
Louie!
He walks to his
mailbox now.
Oh.
Mm-hmm.
On command?
Would you listen?
And we had lunch
on the fire escape.
Mm-hmm.
And he went inside
of an elevator.
Wow.
It is so thrilling
to see him
actually considering
coming out into the world.
And I figured
out how to do it.
See, he has agreed
to get into my cab,
and so I thought that
I would bring him here.
Oh, Elaine, for
crying out loud.
No! Alex,
it's perfect.
I told him
all about the guys,
and the guys know all about him,
and it's like
he knows them already,
so no one will seem strange
to him.
Just my luck.
Nothing to
throw away.
Elaine, for some strange
reason-- I don't know why--
I don't think
that's a great idea.
Besides, if you
make a mistake,
you're never going
to forgive yourself.
You may do irreparable damage
to that man.
You don't fool around
with this stuff
unless you're trained. Period.
Oh, Alex, don't you think I know
what you're talking about?
And if you keep this up,
I'm going to start listening,
because I'm scared, too.
But please don't take this
away from me.
I feel so worthwhile.
Please don't undermine
my confidences.
Elaine...
Besides which,
how do you think
they cure people
of their phobias, huh?
By carefully exposing them
to the thing
that they're afraid of
until their fear is gone.
And that's exactly
what I'm doing.
With love and care
and understanding.
Nardo, help me.
I got a phobia
about getting naked.
Louie, you'd better
behave yourself
when Craig comes in here.
Ooh, I love you!
I'm bringing him tomorrow.
Reiger, you still here?
Yeah.
What's the matter?
I don't know,
I just think that, uh,
Elaine's making a mistake
bringing him here.
You mad at her?
No, I'm scared, Louie.
Whew.
Hey, Reiger,
(blowing, spitting)
See this bottle?
Yeah?
This is an expensive
vintage wine that I got
from one of my
first fares in 1957.
And I've been waiting
for the right occasion
to open it up.
This sure ain't it.
I wouldn't break out a bottle
of Yoo-hoo for this one.
But let's talk.
I don't want to talk,
I don't want to talk.
No, no, listen, I,
I know what's wrong.
You went against
your better judgment
and you trusted Elaine.
We've all trusted skirts.
We've all paid.
The man who gave me
this bottle of wine...
Listen to me, this'll,
this'll get your
mind off it.
The man who gave me
this bottle of wine
was a man that women loved.
His name was Errol Flynn.
Errol Flynn.
Interested, huh?
All right.
I'm a rookie cab
driver, right?
Errol Flynn
gets into my cab
with two beautiful women.
Better than beautiful women.
Cheap women.
He's sitting back there with
an arm around each of them.
Right?
Now, I got this problem
because in those days,
our rearview mirrors
are only so big.
My luck, I could only see him.
But he was smiling, Reiger.
Smiling from ear to ear.
Ooh!
The old swashbuckler
was never happier.
(smarmy laughter)
All right.
You should have
seen these, Reiger.
I can still smell
their perfume.
It was...
Thick, you know?
All right, he says to me,
"Take me to the
Hotel Pierre, kid."
So, I take him.
We get there and he is
totally passed out cold.
Can't feel a thing.
There's no doorman around.
So, what could I do?
Me and the two babes rolled him.
He had $184,
a pirate Kn*fe
and this bottle of wine.
I was so thrilled, I was a kid.
All the dames wanted
was the Kn*fe and the wine.
So, I took the $184.
Then they put the Kn*fe
to my throat
and sold me the bottle
of wine for $184.
So, you see?
Errol trusted women and lost.
I trusted women and lost.
What chance does
an anteater like you have?
Thank you, Louie.
ELAINE:
Now, don't worry.
They might not even notice you.
Hey, everyone,
we have a visitor.
Guys, I want you
to meet Craig Eagen.
Craig, I want you
to meet the guys.
(thud, lock clicks)
Um, he locked the door.
ALEX:
Mm-hmm.
It's okay.
I, I don't know,
I really think I've done
all I can for right now, okay?
Oh, sure.
This is major.
Craig, it's really okay.
Great.
You know, why, why don't we
just rest for a minute, okay?
Great, all right, okay.
JIM:
Psst.
Psst, psst.
Psst.
What?
Should we all rest
or just him?
That's...
Reverend Jim, yeah.
Right.
Hey, uh, would you
like to meet him?
I don't know.
Jim, why don't you get
in the back seat with Craig
and, uh, talk to him a minute,
'cause it, it would be so nice
if he'd come out
for just a little while.
Sure.
Ahem!
Uh, I think I'll
lock my door, too.
Take me to Yankee Stadium.
(laughing)
Uh...
(clearing throat)
Now that we're close,
why don't you join me
in the great outdoors?
I'd really like to very much,
but I'm, I feel kind of numb.
And I don't think I can
move right now, okay?
Listen, Craig...
not only do I understand
how you feel,
but I used to pay
hard-earned money
to get to feel the way you feel.
Excuse me.
I couldn't do anything
for him, but I love him.
Let me talk to him.
(knocks on door)
How you doing?
(muttering)
I'm Tony.
You know what I do
when I feel wired?
I play handball.
You hit the ball
against the wall, right?
(bangs door)
Bam! It comes back at you.
You hit it against
the wall again.
(bangs door)
Bam! It comes back at you again!
And you hit it against
the wall again!
Don't hit it again.
Please!
Bam! It comes back
to you again.
You do that until your hand
is like a raw cutlet.
You do that long enough,
you're too exhausted
to feel bad.
Could I talk to the guy
who's on dr*gs again?
Hey, look,
you know what I think?
I say, you pull up your socks,
and the two of us
get out of this cab
together right now.
What do you say?
I swear, I'd really like to,
I would, I'd like to
but that would mean I'd
have to pry my fingers loose
from this seat, and I don't
think that's possible right now.
Ah, look, hang in there, baby.
Hey, nobody thinks
you're a bad guy.
Thanks a lot.
Next time I'll give jump rope.
Hey, uh,
we're just gonna
sit here, you know?
Hey, you want a cigar?
No, no, thanks, no.
You know, uh,
I do some stage work.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, yeah.
I didn't know that.
I didn't know that,
that's great.
Yeah, I did eight things
professionally.
And I got scared every time
I went out there.
But...
You got to go out there
if you want to play that part.
D-Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You're making a comparison
between my problem
and being an actor on the stage.
Yeah, that's right, I mean,
but I got scared;
I mean, I used to shake.
But something always
used to happen.
I'd remember Peter O'Toole,
he said
he said, "If they think they can
do it better than me,
then why aren't they up here
doing it themselves?"
Yeah.
And that always gave me
the inspiration to go on.
That's great. He said that?
Yeah.
But what if,
what if Lawrence Olivier
and Marlon Brando
and Vanessa Redgrave
were sitting out there?
I never thought of that.
And then, and then,
and then what if
Ralph Richardson
and Paul Scofield
and John Gielgud
happened to be sitting
right next to them?
All of them?
As a matter of fact,
what if, what if
it was an actors benefit
and every great actor
in the whole world was sitting
out there, then what do you do?
I don't deserve
to be in the theater.
Bob...
Alex, I stink.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know, we'll talk
about that later.
Come on.
Yeah, all right.
Uh, just, uh, let me
talk to him, all right?
It's about time, Alex.
Now we'll finally
get him out of the cab.
Listen, Craig...
I think we'd better
take you home.
All right?
Elaine, I think you'd
better drive him home.
Yeah, I think that's
a very good idea.
Okay, look, Craig
don't feel bad about it.
I don't, I don't.
It's only your first day.
You were so wonderful.
Okay, Elaine why don't
you take him home.
It's really no
problem at all.
Whoa!
Craig, are you okay?
I don't know.
Can you take a step?
How's that?
Another one.
Okay.
Come to me.
I feel kind of stupid.
(gently):
Come on, come on.
Very good.
(sighs)
Oh, it's okay,
it's okay.
It's okay,
it's okay.
Really,
just relax.
(imitating horn playing
"Stormy Weather")
¶
LOUIE:
Wheeler, 681.
(instrumental "Stormy Weather"
resumes)
Banta, 324.
¶
Iggy, 111.
¶
Reiger, 816.
(instrumental "Stormy Weather"
continues throughout)
¶
(theme song playing)
WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!
(man grumbling)
04x08 - Fledgling
Watch/Buy Amazon Merchandise
This Emmy-winning sitcom follows the lives of a group of cabbies in New York.
This Emmy-winning sitcom follows the lives of a group of cabbies in New York.