05x21 - Tony's Baby

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Taxi". Aired: September 12, 1978 – June 15, 1983.*
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This Emmy-winning sitcom follows the lives of a group of cabbies in New York.
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05x21 - Tony's Baby

Post by bunniefuu »

(theme music playing)

Whoo! Hi!

Hoo! That was some run, huh?

I can't believe
we did eight miles.

Wow! You ran eight miles?

No, no, no, no,
I ran eight miles.

He drove alongside in his cab.

Well, the heater was stuck.

It was like an oven in there.

My body can't take
that kind of strain.

Hey, Banta, There's an article
in Boxing Monthly

about that fighter you're
fightin' on Tuesday night.

Oh, Gentry?
Oh, let me see, let me see.

Oh, no, no, uh,
let me, let me, uh...

let me, let me read you
a couple of choice passages.

"Gentry's left hand
is a bludgeon.

It has removed more teeth
than trench mouth."

Boy, the press loves him, huh?

Look at this guy.
He's 15 and 0.

He's ranked by the WBC.

This is my big chance.

You know, I could really make
a name for myself, Lou.

Yeah, "Gums Banta."

Tony, I have a question

about this guy
you're gonna fight.

Yeah, oh, yeah,
yeah, I know.

How'd I ever get a fight
with a major contender, huh?

Not how. Why?

I mean, look at the last guy
Gentry fought.

His face looks
like it's inside out.

Is that how
you wanna end up?

You mean, with a color photo
in Boxing Monthly?

You bet. Oh, boy!

Boy, it musta taken a lotta
stitches to close up that gap.

Jim, that's his mouth.

How 'bout gettin' outta
those nifty togs

and let's get some cabs
on the road here?

Yeah, well, I'm gonna take
a shower first.

Why?

Because I'm sweaty

and I'm smelly, that's why.

Well, so is Lupus.

You don't see him wasting
company time.

I'll see you guys at Mario's
after the shift.

Okay.

Oh, uh, I can't make it.

I got a date with Vicki.

Ooh, you guys
have been seeing

a lot of
each other, huh?

Yeah, well, you know,
she's real special, Elaine.

She's got this
knack, you know.

No matter where we are,
it could be the crummiest,

sleaziest joint,
she fits right in.

Come on. I wanna get some cabs
on the road.

Nardo, 218.

ELAINE:
I'll see you
guys later.

Iggy, 305

Lupus, 411

Uh, Lupus, here,
I bought you one of these,

uh, little pine trees
to put in your cab.

Go on! Go on!

Chehala, 710.

Uh, Grew, 814.

Hey, Vicki.

Hi, Tony.

What's the matter, huh?

You were supposed
to see me tonight.

You couldn't wait,
huh, huh?

(laughs)
Knock it off.

You're getting sweat
all over me.

You love it.
You love it.

Oh!

Listen, I just
stopped by

to tell you that, uh,
I'm not gonna be able

to make it later
and, uh, I gotta go now.

Wait, wait, wait a minute.

Where ya goin'?

I've got
a doctor's appointment.

Well, what's wrong?

Oh, I don't want
tell you here

in front
of all these people.

Well, uh, come here
someplace private.

Hop in.

Yeah, yeah.

So, uh, what's wrong?
You don't look sick.

Ha-ha!

I'm late.
Ah, so what?

Doctors keep you waiting in
their offices all the time.

No, no, I'm not late
for my appointment.

I'm late
for my monthly visit.

You're gonna go see
your mother first.

Oh, Vicki.

No, Tony,
I missed my period.

I think I might be pregnant.

How'd that happen?

I mean, you're
always so careful.

I mean, what about all those
precautions you take?

I don't take any precautions.

Well, where do you go when
you say you'll be right back?

I just go and put on
a little perfume.

Gee, I guess nothing's
foolproof, huh?

Look, Tony,
it's not for sure.

Oh, you mean, you've had
false alarms before, right?

No, but there's
always a first time.

Yeah. Well, you want me to go
to the doctor with ya?

No.
You've already done your part.

But I'll call you later
and let you know what happens.

Okay. Good luck.

I'm gonna need it.

Okay, baby.

Hey, Banta,
you look troubled.

You got a problem?

You ain't kidding, Louie.

Well, look, I'll tell ya
what always worked for me.

You hit the road.

You get out there
and ya drive

and you forget your problems,

and plus, you make
a little money.

I mean, it beats

sitting around here
moping, doesn't it?

I think you're right, Louie.

Yeah, I wanna drive, man.

Give me a cab.

Sorry, all out.

(Elaine laughing)

ELAINE:
Oh, Tony, hi. Hey.

ALEX:
Everything all right?

Don't talk to me.
I need to be alone.

You just want us
to ignore you?

Okay.

We'll just talk
among ourselves.

We'll pretend
you're not even here.

Okay, guys?
Sure.

Let's pretend
Tony's not even here.

Right, Jim.

This will be a blast.

I'm goin' first.

Has anyone ever noticed
how Tony eats?

He's got the table manners
of a Hun.

(snickers)

I mean, maybe I'm not
Mr. Etiquette,

but they should serve his food
in a trough.

Will you knock it off?

Where did that come from?

It came from me.
I'm right here.

You lose!

Okay, now let's pretend
that I'm not here.

You're not all here, Jim.

Wait, wait, wait.
Tony, this is ridiculous.

If you came here,
you obviously want

to talk to someone,

so would it help
to talk to Alex alone?

To me?

No, Elaine.

To Jim?

I'd rather talk
to this pretzel.

I know
what's bothering you.

You're worried
about the fight, right?

Tony, Tony,
you're in great shape.

You can't lose.

You're gonna take
this guy.

I don't think you have
a thing to worry about.

Alex, I'm not worried
about the fight.

Well, you better start.
That guy's a k*ller.

Come on.
Let's get out of here.

I'm gonna stick around.

I'm payin'
for the beer.

No, no, no, Jim,
come on.

You always pay.

I mean, just because
you have $3 million dollars

doesn't mean
you always have to pay.

No?

No, of course not.
Let Alex pay.

What?

Not a cent more.

ELAINE/JIM:
Hi, Vicki.

Hi, Vick.

Hi, Ton.

Hi, Vicki.
Oh, here, sit down.

Did you take
the test?

Mm-hmm.

What'd the doctor say?

I want a drink.

The guy sounds like a lush.

How's he keep his license?

Tony, I'm saying I want a drink.

Oh. hey, Tommy.
Yeah?

One beer, man.

So, what'd he say?

The doctor says
I'm pregnant.

Make that two beers,
huh, Tom?

Oh, well, uh, don't worry
about a thing, Vicki.

I mean, uh, I'm gonna do
the honorable thing.

I'm gonna marry ya.

I got a weekend
off coming up.

You can wear
my mom's wedding dress.

Tony, wait.

We can't wait, Vic.

I mean, I'll pick up

the marriage licenses
in the morning.

I think we need blood tests.

Tony, could you stop
for a minute?

I really don't think
it's that simple.

I know,
I know it isn't.

There's bridesmaids, best man,
the caterer, the music.

My cousin Vito
could play the organ.

Oh, but if we use him,
we gotta use his monkey.

Oh, come on, Tony!

Tony, you're being ridiculous!
Please!

Hey, Vicki, we gotta get
married, Vicki.

No, we don't have
to get married.

Yes, we do, Vicki!
We have to get married!

No, we don't have
to get married.

And we're not going to!

There's no way
I'm gonna marry
a jerk like you...

whether I'm carrying
your baby or not!

Hey, Vicki!

This thing that's
been bothering you,

you still don't
wanna talk about it?

No.

Come on, Tony,
whatever it is,

you've gotta get it
off your mind.

This is
your big chance, Tony.

I mean,
if you win this,

you could be on your way
to a ranking, right?
I guess.

I mean, you worked hard
to get here.

You wanna make all that
hard work pay off, right?

I suppose.

You wanna show people out there
what you can do.

You want people out there
to remember the night

when Tony Banta came from
nowhere and b*at Dean Gentry

and escalated himself
into the ranks

of the boxing immortals, right?

That would be nice.

Then you gotta think positive!

You gotta believe
you're gonna win!

Are you gonna win?!

What?

(faintly):
Maybe.

Louder!
I can't hear ya!

Maybe.

Maybe?

After all that, I think I can go
out and b*at the guy myself.

(knocking)
Come in.

Hi.

TONY:
Oh, hi, Elaine.

Tony, I just want you
to know that,

even though
I don't like boxing,

I really do hope
it goes as well
as can be expected

and that it's
not too terrible

and that you manage to do
whatever you need to do

to that poor man
before he does it to you.

Well, thanks, Elaine.

And, uh, if that was
a pep talk,

you did just as good
as Alex.

You know, I really
like your apartment.

It makes my place look
like a hole in the wall.

Well, we just came here
to wish you good luck.

See you out there.

Thanks.

Elegant, without
being pretentious.

That's high tech.

Oh, oh, Jim, hey, come on,

I'll show you the
rest of the place.

Okeydoke.

See ya.
Thanks.

ALEX:
Come on, Tony.

Tony, we got to shock
you out of this.

We got to get your
adrenaline going.

We've just got
to get it going.

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna slap your face.

Why?
I've seen that work.

I mean, it stimulates
you. It shocks you.

It gets you out
of the doldrums.

It's a... a stupid idea.

I don't know what
I'm talking about.

Maybe it's a good idea, Alex.

It's worth a sh*t.

What was that?

If you're gonna
slap me, slap me.

Okay.

(loud slap)

How's that?
Did it work?

No, and I think I got
a loose filling now over here.

Hey, Tony.

Louie, what're
you doing here?

I just came to check
and see how Banta's feeling.

Would you get out of here?

You just came to check and see
if your bet was still good.

Well, I admit I did
bet against Banta,

but that doesn't mean
I don't care about him.

Look, Tony,
I don't know exactly

what it is you're,
you're going through,

but I know that it's
eating you up inside.

Is there anything that I
or anybody else can do

to lift you out of this
depression before the fight?

No, Louie.

Well, I guess I'm gonna
go double my bet.

Is there a phone in here?

Louie, would you
get out of here.

No telephone?
Will you just get out
of here, please?

You got a dime?
No! Get out!

Oh, come on, Tony, Tony.

Now you've always been able to
confide in me and trust in me.

Please, open up.

Alex, it's too personal.

Hey, Tony, looking good.

Hey, Leo, what
do you say?

Hey, Alex, this
is Leo Goodman.

He's my new manager.

This is Alex Reiger.

He's gonna work
in our corner, Leo.

Welcome aboard.

Glad to have you
in the corner.

Gonna be a hell
of a fight tonight.

Uh, can I talk to
you for a moment?
What about?

I hope it's about sports.
I know all about boxing.

No, it's about Tony.

He's very depressed.

Tony, depressed?

No, he-he looks pensive.

That's what I like--
a pensive fighter.

It shows he's thinking.

Listen, listen, look, um,

there's, there's
a problem he's got

that's really eating him up

and I know that if I could
find out what it is,

I could really help him.

No, you know, I think that
you are overly concerned.

You see, judging by
the looks of him,

it could only be
one of two things.

Either he's got a girl
pregnant or he's got piles.

If he's got piles,
he would've told me.

Who's the girl? Vicki?

Yeah, Leo.

I'm glad we got
that out in the open.

Feel better now?

Come on, let's get out there
and really get going.

Hey, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.

You want to go through
with this fight tonight?

What kind of a
question is that?

All right, so he got
a girl pregnant. So what?

I mean, it's not as bad
as having his car repossessed.

Wait. That's a callous
attitude, don't you think?

Well, I know, but
he's like a son to me.

No, I mean, comparing it
to having his car repossessed?

Well, it's a
lousy comparison.

I'm the first one
to admit that.

So what'd you say it for?

Well, 'cause it just come
off the top of my head.

Here the boy's going out
for the most important
fight of his life.

What am I supposed to say?

You want me to say,
"With all the burdens

you got on your shoulders,
you'll be lucky to make it
through the first round?"

I mean, what kind
of a manager would I be

if I said something like
that in front of him.

You didn't hear
that, did you?

Yeah, I heard it.

Oh, so what. Come on.

No, wait a minute.

Tony, Tony, just
tell me something.

How-how is Vicki
taking this?

Oh, she's taking
it terrible, Alex.
She won't marry me.

She won't talk to me.
She won't discuss it.

She won't...
Look, hey, you
two, you two,

you know you can settle
this walking to the ring.

It's a 45 second walk.

Wait a minute now.

45 seconds-- we need
more time than that.

Well, you'll probably
have more time than that

because I usually get lost.

(bell ringing)

ANNOUNCER:
Introducing
in the black corner,

weighing in
at an even 165 pounds,

fighting out of Boston,

a former Golden Gloves
boxing champion,

tenth ranked middleweight
in the world

with 11 knockouts
in his 15 straight wins,

the pride of Massachusetts,

undefeated
Dean "Big Bang" Gentry!

(audience cheering)

And over here, Tony Banta!

(crowd cheering)

I insist that all my fighters
have short introductions.

Why?

'Cause I have to write them.

The referee now will
give instructions.

Gene Le Bell.

(audience cheering)

Gentlemen, let's have
a clean fight.

In the event of a knockdown,
go to a neutral corner.

I want you to shake hands
and good luck to both of you.

Alex, I don't care
about this fight.

I can't get Vicki
out of my mind.

I don't care
if I win or lose.

What do you mean, you don't
care if you win or lose?

You better care
if you win or lose!

There's nothing you can do
about Vicki right now.

The only thing you can do
is concentrate on boxing,

this fight, that's all.

This is the most important
fight of your life.

You know, I don't think I
could've said it as good myself.

And I'd like to add
one thing to it.

After 53 years
in the fight game,

I'm retiring after the fight
tonight is finished

and I would like
to go out with a winner.

Tony, it's up to you.

Oh, but, but, Leo,
I may not win.

Oh, well, I'm just blowing air.

Listen, I'll be managing
when I'm 100.

(bell ringing)

ALEX:
Listen, Leo,

I've known Tony a long time.

Despite whatever he says,

when he feels
that first punch,

he's gonna snap out of it.

Oh!

All right, come on!

Three, four, five...

I see what you mean.

He looks better already.

(crowd cheering)

(bell rings)

You keep walking into
his left hand out there.

It's the fourth round, Alex
and she's not even here yet.

Well, you said she wasn't
returning your phone calls.

Yeah, but at least I thought
she'd come to my fight.

After all, I am
the father of her child.

Tony, stop
torturing yourself.

I can't, Alex, I can't help it.

I keep wondering,
will I ever get married?

Will I ever see my kid?

Tony, look, she's not
coming to the fight.

So just put it out
of your mind.

Hey, are we still talking
about Vicki?

Yeah!
But she called.

Didn't I tell you?

She wanted you to get a ticket
for her for the fight tonight.

Leo!

You know I wanted
to talk to her!

How come you didn't tell me?

Well, I forgot.

How could you forget?
This was important.

How do you forget
something like that?

I was busy.

I was writing your introduction.

Hey, Leo, you know
what's wrong with you?

You're a crummy manager!

That's what's wrong with you!
(bell ringing)

(mumbling angrily)

LEO:
Save it for the fight, kid!

He's angry!

And he's angry 'cause

I didn't deliver
Vicki's message.

Hey, watch this.

Tony, Vicki called me 100 times
and I forgot to tell you!

Go, Tony!

(cheering)

(grunting)

(bell dings)

(bell ringing)

Tony, Tony, great fight.

Great fight!

I think you may have
beaten him on points.

You should have knocked him out

when you had him on the ropes
in the eighth.

Vicki.

How long you been here?

Since the start of the fight.

Well, how come
you didn't sit ringside?

Because it's hard watching
the guy you love

being force-fed
his own nose.

What was that word you used?

Nose.

That's the thing
in the middle of your face

he was trying to push
to the back of your head.

No, not nose, you said love.

If you love me,
why won't you marry me?

Because you didn't
ask me to marry you.

You told me we had to.

If you'd asked me,
I might have said yes.

All right, I'm asking.

Will you marry me?

That's supposed
to be a proposal?

In most countries, it is.

No, usually the guy
tells the girl he loves her.

Okay, fine, I love you.

You satisfied?

Yeah!

All I wanted was
a little tenderness.

All right, will you
marry me, yes or no?

Would you ask me to marry you
if I wasn't pregnant?

Yes.

Would you ask me to marry you

if you hadn't been hit
in the head for 10 rounds?

Ooh, what's that
supposed to mean?

You know what that means.
I'd like to hit you...

Ask her to marry you
and make it nice.

I already did.

Well, ask her again.

All right.

Would you marry me?

I have to think about it.

Well, I...
No, no, no!

(bell ringing)

ANNOUNCER:
Ladies and gentlemen,

we have a split decision!

Oh, come on, Vicki, marry me.

Judge Harold Lederman
at ringside scores it

97 to 95 in favor
of Dean Gentry.

Come on, Vicki, please?

Judge Eric Billson,
also at ringside,

sees it 95 to 93
in favor of Tony Banta.

(crowd cheering)

Please, please, please, please?

The deciding ballot cast
by referee Gene Le Bell,

he scores it 94 to 92

in favor of the winner...

Okay, I'll marry you.

Dean Gentry!

(cheering)

For a minute,
I thought Gentry won.

He did, but Tony's
a good loser.

Good? He's great!

(laughing)

Good night, fellas.
All right, Leo,
take it easy.

Hey, thanks a lot, Lee.
Good night, Leo.

Alex,

you think Vicki meant it
when she said she loves me?

Yeah, I think so, yes.

You think I meant it
when I said I love her?

Well, I thought so
at the time, yeah.

Yeah, so did I.

No, I mean, hey,
what difference does it make?

I mean, I got to marry her.

It's the honorable
thing to do.

I mean, who knows,
maybe I do love her.

Hey, Alex, how do you know?

How do you know
when the woman comes along

that you want to love
for the rest of your life?

Well, that's a question
for a wiser man than I.

Hmm, you're right.

I'll go see if I
can catch up to Leo.

Leo! Leo! Hey, Leo!

Leo!

(theme song playing)

WOMAN:
Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)
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