01x38 - Bad Stitch

[bunniefuu]

Tookie bah waba!

Hao!

Iki bah bah.

Ha ha ha.

♪ I Laila 'o kaua'i la ♪

♪ no malihini ohana ♪

♪ welcome, cousins,
a-come on by ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ I Laila 'o kaua'i la ♪

♪ no malihini ohana ♪

♪ welcome, cousins,
a-come on by ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ iki tookie nee hi! ♪

♪ Iki tookie nee hi! ♪

♪ Aka tiki bah bah ♪

♪ aka tiki bah bah ♪

♪ gabba ika tasoopa? ♪

♪ Gabba ika tasoopa? ♪

Ooocha! Chi-ka!

♪ Miki miki coconut ♪

♪ I Laila 'o kaua'i la ♪

♪ no malihini ohana ♪

♪ welcome, cousins,
a-come on by ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

All prisoners, lights out!

Cell check .

Hamsterwheel present.

Confirmed.

Ha! I am never to be secured.

Ak lak na gaga.

Dr. Hamsterwheel,

detention code override
sequence activated.

Hamsterviel!viel, you,
oh, so silly computer voice.

Contact gantu.

- We're losing power!
- We're losing power!

Eee-ohh!

Another hit!

Force shields down.

Reroute all power
to aft weapons.

Gantu!

D-d-Dr. Hamsterviel.

I was, uh, just practicing
my tactical maneuvers.

I do not care about
your plastic amusements.

It is your failures

at capturing my experiments

that sickens me to the bone!

Sir, it's not my fault.

It's that abomination

and the young female earth form.

Silence!

You are good for nothing

but the pathetic excuses.

That is why I am giving your job

to someone infinitely
more competent.

More competent? But I...

Have failed me, gantu!

As of this moment,
you are fired!

But... you can't fire me.

Ouch. Hurts to be you.

Listen, a word of advice.

Before you go
looking for a new job,

put on some pants.

Ahh.

Lilo!

Uh-oh. Nanisaurus Rex

is on the rampage again.

Look at these bills!

bucks to fix the
window stitch broke.

for a new door
for the refrigerator.

for Mr. Kuakeeni's
broken gas grill?!

It was an emergency
gas grilling situation,

and we caught the experiment.

That's great, honey. But
it's not gonna pay these bills,

and that means no
hula lessons this month.

But I need my hula lessons

for self-esteem,
personal growth,

and development.

See? I... oh, no!
He even broke...

My hula trophy.

Bleech.

Ohh. Ahh.

Ok.

That does it!

I have had it up to here

with the little
blue wrecking ball.

Here.

"The shining path of puppyhood:

"Turning your bad dog good

with the ancient
wisdom of the east."

Dog training?

It's a new approach

using some old techniques.

Huh?

Agachooka! Uhh!

Ugh! Ahh.

The book says,

"when the shining
path of goodness

"eludes your puppy,

"spray him with the water bottle

of karmic cleansing."

Good luck.

Stitch,

you need to play
like a good doggy

for a little while,
just so nani can see

that you know how to be good.

Humph!

This is really important.

Will you do it for me?

Because I love you.

Ok, ok.

Stitch good, very good.

Uhh!

"Your puppy must
learn to walk gently

on the path of goodness"

this is rice paper,

the most delicate
paper in the world.

All you have to
do is walk across it

without tearing it.

Eh.

Ohh.

Uhh!

Wabachooka wabachaka!

Aah!

Ohh.

"The path of goodness
has twists and turns.

But your puppy must persevere."

Find your way out of the maze.

But don't lose your cool.

Choocha!

Sipata!

Stitch is having a hard time

finding the delicate lotus

of his doggy nature.

He just likes
breaking stuff... Ahh...

Expensive stuff.

Do not to be worrying.

When my invention is complete,

ohana will be
swimming in moneys.

We can pay for any destruction

can be making.

And when my moneymaking
project is finished,

we won't need your invention.

Let me see!

Oh, no.

No one looks until
the official unveiling.

But believe me, it's stunning,

a surefire
moneymaking juggernaut

that will have our ohana

positively swimming in cash,

enjoying a lifestyle
of leisure, luxury,

and... don't I look
terrific in this beret?

Yeah, you kinda do.

Must admit, it's very fetching.

Now, Mr. Gantu,

what skills can
you bring to a job?

Well, I am qualified in
different weapons categories,

licensed to pilot
nebula-class warships,

including ones with the new
quantum displacement drives.

Ok.

Can you type?

Oh, blitsnak.

And now,

the moment we've
all been waiting for.

The moneymaking
miracle of the ages!

Ta-da!

Lemonade!

That's it?

That's your big idea?

A lemonade stand?

Lemonade stands appear
in all your earth cartoons

and every situation
comedy ever written.

It's brilliant!

Cliché, but brilliant.

So what do you think?

Lilo?

Here's your subwich
island special.

Avast. Speak it proper, says I.

What?

Ok, dude, you're supposed
to talk like a pirate.

It's part of the job.

Ahh.

Aye, aye, captain breadbeard.

Ahoy, Matey.

Sandwich, ho.

Thar be a special
with extra "chedd-argh."

Ecch! You call this a sandwich?

This isn't a meal.
This is a mistake.

Captain, keelhaul this lubber.

Argh! Ye customer's
always right.

Time for thee to walk the plank

into the briny deep
of unemployment.

Oh, blitsnak.

No matter what I do,

stitch keeps breaking things.

Sometimes people cannot change,

and is even more difficult

for formerly evil
genetic experiment.

If he doesn't change,

nani says we can't
afford to keep him.

Do you need money?

Do you have firsthand
experience with extraterrestrials?

Eh! Eh!

Then contact professor
Gunther freem.

He'll pay cash on the dollar

for proof of aliens
from outer space.

Meega alien.

Don't delay. Get
your cash today.

Offer not valid
in some galaxies.

"Freem" is "meerf"
spelled backwards.

Hmm... yeah!

Ok, stitch, practice time.

Stitch?

Stitch?

Stitch, where are you?

I can't find stitch anywhere.

is probably taking nap

or hiding from little
girl's spray bottle

and sulking like baby.

Oh, no.

I've squirted him out

of the only ohana
he's ever known.

Pleakley, have you seen stitch?

Nope. But I've seen
lots of paying customers.

Earth people offer the most
fascinating types of currency, too.

I've made marbles, a coconut,

one hubcap, some movie stubs,

an oyster shell,
and a used tiki torch.

He has never been
good with moneys.

But not to worry.

Money is coming.

I'm not worried about the money.

I'm worried about stitch.

Yes, yes. I'm a busy man.

Meega alien.

Ha! You're no alien.

You're some sort
of mutant koala.

Outstanding!

Eega me naguala?

You'll get your money soon.

I just need to run a few tests

to make certain
you're a genuine alien.

First, we'll see if
you're bulletproof.

Outstanding!

Now let's see if you can think

like a supercomputer.

Ta-ka!

Fantastic!

But can you lift objects
, times your weight?

And now, the final test.

Your original purpose

was to destroy cities, no?

Lakatookie!

Ohh.

Well, getting you to
change your behavior

will be harder than I expected.

Takaba?

Takata? Gaba.

Tubata!

Magata!

Uhh!

I am well aware
of your strength...

.

Gaba?

Once I restore

your original
destructive programming,

all will fear the name of...

Dr. Jacques Van hamsterviel!

Ha ha ha!

Uhh! Hairball!

At last, evil genius
project is ready.

I call it "the instant
moneys-maker machine."

It makes money?

Yeah! All the moneys
you could be wanting.

No more trouble with the bills.

Cool.

But I wish your machine

could tell me why stitch left

or where he is.

Are you a space alien?

Do you need money?

Then come see
professor Gunther freem.

Professor freem offers big bucks

for tiny aliens.

Don't delay. Bring in
your little green man today.

That's where stitch must be!

I know scientists.

They like taking things apart,

especially genius experiments.

What?!

We've got to save stitch

before he gets taken apart!

Come on, pleakley!

We are rescuing .

But I just made a fresh batch.

It'll keep!

Ok, but it's gonna
cut into my profits.

Money doesn't just
make itself, you know.

I hope you are comfortable, .

Uhh!

I have invented a way

to reverse the polarity

in your little meaty meat brain.

In a matter of moments,

your original destructive
programming will return.

With you at my side,

I will gather up your cousins

and then wreak
havoc on the galaxy

with my army of
nasty naughtiness!

Oh, it's times like this

when I feel inches tall!

And how are we feeling now?

Meega nala weesta!

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha! I knew you
could not remain

a goody four-paws forever.

Ohh! What is distracting
me with a distraction?

Hello. I'm here about
the ad for aliens.

I'm an alien.

You're a fired alien,

that's what you are.

Fired? Wh... how would you...

Dr. Hamsterviel!

You're supposed to be in prison.

-day furlough.

Just enough time

to hire a new assistant!

Ha ha ha!

The abomination!

Yes.

With 's destructive
programming in place,

he will help me capture
the other experiments!

You will not!

Good-bye.

But... give me that! I recycle!

Are you ready to
be a very bad boy?

Uhh!

Ha ha ha!

Let's get naughty!

Ha ha!

Ohh! More interruptions!

Right when I was
having a naughty moment.

Ohh!

Yes, what is it? I'm a bus...

Oh, I mean, hello,
welcomed guests.

I think you have my dog.

I want him back!

Oh, why, of course.

Come right in.

I'm sure he can't
wait to see you.

Some days, it
just pays to be evil.

Ha ha ha.

Well, now, my dear.

You say that I have your dog.

In fact, I believe

he's waiting for you.

Stitch!

I was so worried about you!

Huh?

Even though you break things,

I know you're still good.

Please come home.

One moment. Eh, eh, please.

Evil genius needs to
be checking the puppy

to make sure he's
still in one piece.

Uh-oh. This not looking good.

No. Stitch would never hurt us.

News flash

for the little Hawaiian girl:

You're wrong!

That's exactly what
is programmed for:

Destruction.

Hey, wait a minute!

You called him ?

How could you possibly
know that unless...

You're no kindly scientist!

You are... yes, it is I...

Aah! Oh, why won't this open?

Uh, excuse me for a moment.

Uhh! Uhh!

Ohh! Never mind.

Aha!

Yes, it is I, Jacques
Van hamsterviel!

The most evil
rodent in the galaxy...

Is living in that man's ear!

Aah! Run for your lives!

Ear gerbil!

That's hamster! Hamster!

Stop him!

I do not think
wants us to be leaving.

Ahh.

Unemployment is thirsty work.

Good thing I found this
unmanned citric extraction depot.

What in the great
galaxy is this?

Earth currency!

My troubles are over!

You see that I have restored

's original
destructive programming.

No! Stitch knows
not to be destructive.

He's good.

Oh, you are so wrong,

like a wrong thing
that is mistaken.

will destroy
whatever I tell him to.

, destroy them!

Ohh. Eh!

Ha ha ha!

We're gonna be smashed!

Run! Uhh!

Ohh.

No, stitch.

You know how to behave.

Huh?

I know you don't
want to hurt us,

just like I don't
want to hurt you.

I know that you're good.

Now show everyone else.

Will you do it for me?

Because I love you.

What are you waiting for?

Smash them! Smash them!

Aah!

Stitch good?

Very good.

Even without the water bottle

of karmic cleansing.

Oh, I think I bit
both my tongues.

This is unacceptable!

No one outsmarts

the great Dr. Jacques
Van hamsterviel!

Today is the day for your smarts

to being outed.

Heh heh heh heh!

So you think.

But I will be having
the last of the laughs.

Ey meeta nada crista!

Aah! No!

Back, you rabid hedgehog!

Back, I say!

Bad mousey.

Dr. Hamsterviel,

I've got a few things
to get off my chest.

With this machine,

I'll have all the
cash I'll need,

so you can't kick
me around anymore.

Can too, you swollen sea slug.

I am hiring you back.

Ha! As if I would even... you!

Hey, that is my
ingenious money machine.

Quick! Over here,
if you want a job.

I will double
your pay... Triple!

Stitch, this is one time

it's ok for you
to be destructive.

Eeh.

Hatcha booga!

I'll take the job.

Hey. Hey!

What's going on?

I am thinking we should
proceed quickly and orderly

to nearest exit.

You have not seen the last

of Jacques Van hamsterv...

Ah, drat! These hairballs!

Pujaja.

You fixed it!

I think it looks
better this way.

Lilo, I'm home!

Stitch fixed my hula trophy,

and this time,
he used real glue.

Why, thank you, stitch.

Looks like that
zen of dog training

really paid off.

Not really.

He found the path of goodness

all by himself.

What happened?!

Um, the path kind of went

through the living room.

He had a little trouble
finding the glue.