06x20 - Draw Partner

[bunniefuu]

George?

You're in Room 4, to the left.

Well!

Honey, I have incredible news.

d*ck, guess what that is.

Off the top of my head,
I'm guessing a woman.

Honey, I just got
off the phone with...

d*ck, that's our 4998th
guest to check in.

Honey, don't you
think we're pushing

the occupancy limit a little?

Two more check-ins,
and it'll be our 5000th guest

since we bought the Stratford.

- Really?
- Yeah.

5000?

Let's see, there was the
Johnsons, the Lusterkaufs...

Yep, 5000.

Well, this is a big occasion.
We should have a celebration.

That'd be neat!

We could have a big cake.

Yeah, and confetti.

Maybe a little gift.

And confetti!

And a plaque.

- And confet...
- All right, George!

Come on, d*ck.

How many times do I get to
say "Confetti!" in this place?

I mean, this is really exciting.

So, d*ck, tell us your news.

Oh, I just got off the
phone with my publisher,

and guess who's coming
here to illustrate my new book?

Who?

Corinne Denby.

Oh. That's nice.

Well, you know, it
would've been exciting

if I... I didn't have to follow
that 5000th guest thing.

Don't worry, d*ck.

I'll get enough
confetti for both.

Honey... honey, you
remember Corinne Denby.

She... she's the best
illustrator in the business.

I mean, imagine her and me
working... working together.

It... It's like a... a veritable
who's who of... of... how to.

Yes, I remember
who she is, d*ck.

You always go on and on
about how talented she is.

Like she was God's
gift to captions.

Like some sort of Joan of Art.

And whenever I talk about
her, you always get that face.

Like that one now.

Actually, d*ck, I'm really glad.

You're finally
getting the chance

to work alone in a room

with an incredibly dynamic
woman you find totally fascinating.

Really, I'm happy.

I guess she's going
off to beam in private.

Joanna, I think I
got enough confetti.

George, don't you
think that's a little much?

I mean, you... you
dump that on someone,

you're liable to
snap their spine.

It was a bargain, d*ck.

Five dollars for the whole bag.

Boy, that is cheap.

Yeah, I hope
they're not irregulars.

Oh, wait a minute.

That stuff isn't trained to
go back in the bag, is it?

No.

Well, then, I think
we should go with

the standard confetti rule:

You throw it, you clean it up.

Hey, now there's just
two more check-ins

before the 5000th guest.

So what's our signal gonna be?

How about, uh, "Hey,
everybody, it's the 5000th guest!"

Might work.

All right. I'm here.

Hi, you... you must be
Corinne. I'm... I'm d*ck Loudon.

Hi.

My, this is very charming.

It's very quaint.

You do have indoor plumbing?

Yes. And this is
my wife, Joanna.

And... and our handyman, George.

Nice to meet you, Corinne,
or should I say, 4999.

What?

You just missed
being our 5000th guest

to stay here at the Stratford.

And... and having
about a ton of confetti

dumped on you.

Well,

always a bridesmaid,
never a bride.

This, uh... this is... is great.

I'm a... I'm a huge,
huge fan of yours.

I... I love the...
I love The, uh...

The Illustrated History
of... Of Car Interiors.

I mean, your drawing
of the '65 Mustang

was... was so lifelike

that when I... I finally
saw the real thing,

that... that third
dimension ruined it for me.

Uh-huh.

The publisher, uh, sent me
some of your Mr. Fixit books.

Yeah. And... and?

I didn't bother to read 'em yet.

Ah.

Uh, George?

You're gonna be in Room
2, upstairs to the right.

Thank you.

I... I guess after
that long trip,

you'll wanna go
up to your room and

"draw" a bath?

You'll have to use that,

in the book after this one.

Here's the proud
innkeeper and innkeepess.

Michael, what are
you doing here?

d*ck, this 5000th guest thing
is a major event in this town.

It's not like we're blessed
with random killings

to fill the news every night.

And I'll be covering it
from the first Roman candle

till you've ta-ra'd
your last boom-de-ay.

Michael, there is no
band and no boom-de-ay.

Oh, really, d*ck? How're
you gonna celebrate?

Give the guy a noogie?

We have confetti.

Wow. Down, you goosebumps?

So, uh, wherefore art five-thou?

There's a guy
coming up the walk,

and he's got 5000th
guest written all over him!

Okay, this is it!

Everybody get ready! Here we go!

Oh!

Please, God of Ratings,
let him be good-looking.

George, if he's not, hide
him in a flurry of confetti.

Right, Michael.

Hey, everybody,
it's the 5000th guest!

Whee.

Here... here... here you go.

Tell us what you're feeling.

I was wondering how to
get to Red Meadow Lane.

What?

You're not here to check in?

No.

Red Meadow Lane
is two miles down,

past the fire station.

Ah. Thank you.

Give... give me the gift back.

Why?

Because that's for
our 5000th guest,

which we thought you were.

Well, am I any special number

of people who come by
and ask for directions?

No.

Well, now next time

I'm not gonna have
any enthusiasm.

Oh, that could've been me.

Good, uh... Good
morning, Corinne.

- Good morning.
- Oh, so you're Corinne.

Hi. I'm Michael Harris.

d*ck says you're
about the greatest thing

to come into his life
in a long, long time.

Oh. Sorry, JoJo.

I'll... I'll just be outside

getting some establishing sh*ts.

Well, I'm, uh... I'm ready
to get started if... if you are.

I just want to tell you
again how excited I am

about our... our collaboration.

Oh, yeah, me too.

My accountant said that
this could be just the thing

to pay off my back taxes.

Well, let me show you
the room where you'll be

paying them off in.

I... I had George move
your, uh, drawing board.

But you... you can put it
any... Anywhere you want.

What? It's a shelf.

And it's... and
it's... It's great.

I... I... I think I've come up
with, uh, the perfect title for...

For... for this book.

Another one?

"Let's Build...

a Media Room."

Let's do better.

You've sh*t down
every title I... I pitched.

Well, solely
because I'm sh**ting

for something
a little different.

Something good.

I don't think your
shelf is so great.

Oh, come on.

You'd feel a lot worse if I said

I liked your
stuff, and I didn't.

Try me.

Oh, could you please put...
Uh, the tapping. Please.

What?

Well, you know, it's
funny, but any other time

I really enjoy listening

to an annoying,
relentless noise.

Okay, how... how 'bout this one?

"Today's Storage Closet...

is Tomorrow's Media Room."

It's okay.

Yeah, it is pretty
good, isn't it?

Oh, great.

Now let's waste
some time gloating.

What... what...
What are you doing?

I'm signalling my
compatriots in a waiting sub.

Look, this... this
room is kinda small,

and I think that the
smoke will... will irritate me.

So?

So don't do it.

But I'll get cranky.

I'm afraid that foursome
has already teed off.

Okay, Steph.

Now, cute.

Cuter.

Cutest.

Oh, that's incredible, Steph!

I know. Even I'm
amazed at my range.

What are you doing?

It's a video vignette
of my muffin in motion.

So future generations
will know there was a time

when people actually
looked this good.

Hey, JoJo, why don't
you get into the sh*t?

Michael!

For contrast, cuppers!

You know, they say the
camera puts 10 pounds on you.

Cut!

But, Steph!

Well, Michael, you put
10 pounds on a petite,

and she looks like someone

who should wear one of
those bathing suits with a skirt.

George, where have you been?

Mr. Shepard should be
checking in any minute.

Oh, Stephanie used
a vacuum cleaner

to pick up the confetti.

I've been trying to
pick out the confetti

from the plain garbage.

I think I'll ask d*ck if he
could help me with this.

Oh, he's busy, George.

He's in there with
the greatest person

to come into his
life in a long time.

Get out of my office!

Gladly.

And take your filthy
cigarettes with you!

And you can tap your
pencil straight to Hell!

I can't work with that woman!

Has the... has the she... demon
come down for breakfast yet?

No, and you don't
have to put on that

"I hate her" act anymore.

Honey, this isn't an act.

I despise her.

I mean, she criticizes
everything I write.

She's driving me nuts.

Well, something about
Miss Denby must inspire you,

'cause this is some
of your best work.

Okay. Okay, what...

What we wrote
was... Was really good,

but I... I keep thinking about
all the pretty good things

I could've written

in the... in the five years
she's taken off my life.

Besides, I discovered
I have a hidden talent.

What are these?

Those are illustrations
for the book.

Of what?

Of a media room.

You see... you
see the build-ins?

d*ck, do shelves have cheeks?

Good morning, guys.

Hey, these are great.

Thank you, George.

Sure.

Did the kid who's staying
in Room 3 do them?

Okay, so I need her.

I knew it.

What?

I knew you couldn't stay
away from her for long.

d*ck, is this is supposed to
be an elephant in a hamper?

It's work in progress, George.

Isn't very far along, is it?

Can I have breakfast...

or are you planning to
throw me out hungry?

Would you like some coffee?

Sure.

No cream, no sugar, no poison.

Look,

we acted pretty rotten and...
And edgy in that room yesterday.

Especially you.

But, uh, I... I've been
looking over the...

The work we've done and...

Well, we did some
pretty damned good work.

Especially me.

So I... I think we should
go back there and...

Try to be tolerant of
each other's habits,

and I think we can finish this

and have something we're...

both gonna be proud of.

Well, I guess we could
give it another sh*t.

I mean, I've already
spent the advance.

So let's go in
there and be nice.

So I can get the
hell out of here.

Great.

The kid in Room 3?

Yeah. Yeah, he's...
He's pretty good.

Yeah.

George, you've been
up here the whole time?

Not the whole time, Joanna.

I went to the dining room

and swiped a piece of the cake.

I just couldn't take it anymore.

That's okay, George.

Well, here's a stupid
question. Did I miss anything?

We're still stuck at 4999.

Maybe I should change this
5000th customer coverage

into a report on the sorry state
of a country inn on the outs.

Has the Stratford become
a deathbed and breakfast?

Oh, by the way, JoJo,

George took a piece of cake.

I already told her.

Hey! There's two people
coming up the walk,

- with luggage!
- Oh!

Okay, let's get this 5000th
guest thing over with,

but after this, no
more counting.

- Hey...
- Let's keep driving.

Honey, this looks
like a nice place.

Let's check in.

We promise we'll make
your stay a special one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sign in.

If we keep going, we can
get to Aunt Lydia's by five.

You know how you feel about her.

Yeah. The sooner we get
there the sooner we can leave.

Besides, this place
is falling apart.

The paint is peeling.

Yeah.

Maybe we should've told 'em
they were the 5000th guest.

It would've been
a hollow victory.

Uh, could... uh, could...
could I... could I get you...

Get you a... a... cup of coffee?

Oh, that's very kind of you,

but I'd be more than
happy to get it for myself.

Pl... Please... please,
it... It would be...

It would be my pleasure.

Okay.

You... you know, I... I don't...

I don't think your drawing table

was de... was
designed for... For this.

Uh... why... why
don't... why don't I...?

I'll just... I'll just
hold it for you.

Oh, no. No, that's
okay. I'll manage.

You're incredible.

Oh, this is great
coffee. It's great.

You drink it great.

I know!

Oh! I'm sorry.

No, no, no. That's okay.

What... what... What
do you think of this?

"Store your tapes
an adequate distance

from your speaker magnets..."

Uh-huh?

Or...

when you go to use a tape,

you may draw...

a blank."

Oh, that's brilliant,
tremendous.

I mean, I've gotta
hand it to you,

that tapping really paid off.

You know, I think the whole

smoking part of these
things is overrated.

Oh, why don't you...

Why don't you go ahead
and light one up? Uh, here.

Huh?

A... allow me.

Y... you know, that... uh,
that diagram is... is a classic.

I'm... I'm gonna...
I'm gonna change...

Change my sentence
to... To describe that hinge.

Mmm, no, no, no, no.

Don't you touch
that genius sentence.

It's very easy for me
to erase this hinge.

But it's... it's... It's
a brilliant hinge.

I mean, it... it... it... it
jumps off the page at you.

I... I mean, I can...
I can almost hear it,

uh, squeaking.

Oh, it's not
annoying you, is it?

No! No, no.

Please, let me...

Let me change my sentence.

Okay, great.

You know,

C... Corinne, I... I... I
have to hand it you...

- Huh?
- I mean, you... you've been so...

So sweet and...
and... And terrific

I mean, just, you know...
Just look at... look at all...

All the work we've done.

You know, ev...
everything is... It's so...

Is... Is it just me or
is all this stuff blech?

Well,

as long as we're
being honest, and let's,

I mean, this drawing
wouldn't even get me

into a matchbook art school.

Yeah, this getting along
stuff is making me bad.

It's also making me sick.

Yeah, it's just...

It's just not clicking the...
The... the way it used to.

So take that pile of pages,

and whip it into something

that I can read
without retching!

I will, as soon as you
take that filthy cigarette

out of my face!

Now we're cookin'.

I'm outta this hell palace.

Good. You're already
pre-checked out,

so you don't have
to break your stride.

Fine!

Chimney!

Tapper!

I'm beginning to think
you really don't like her.

Well, at least the book is
finished and she's gone.

d*ck. d*ck, uh...

The cab driver told me that
the airport was fogged in.

I can't leave!

Then...

you have... you have
to check in again.

Yeah.

Pinch me.

It's the 5000th guest!

So it is.

Meow.