06x23 - The Gleeless Club

[bunniefuu]

But, Steph, what...

What if I really, really,
really, really want it?

Aw, Michael.

No.

What's... what's going on?

We're designing our dream house.

We're... we're trying to
decide what we would put

in our house to... To
end all houses and...

And Steph won't let
me have a pool room.

I don't want a pool room.

I want a cosmetics room.

Well, in that case,
why don't you, uh...

Why don't you just
have both rooms?

d*ck, whose house is this?

I refuse to have a
pool room in my house

unless there's a pool in it.

But, Steph...

And, Michael, how can
this be a dream house

if it has stuff
in it I don't like?

That would make it
a bad dream house.

d*ck, guess what was
posted down at Peterson's?

Uh, sale prices on
flu and cold remedies.

Oh, those are
always posted, d*ck.

So we can't accept that answer.

There was a
notice that this town

is gonna form a glee club.

Hot dog.

There hasn't been this
much excitement since...

Well, since the last
time we had a glee club.

There was one before?

You bet.

We were in two county
fairs before we disbanded

in a rift over whether to sway

during "Swing
Low, Sweet Chariot."

But nothing like that
will happen this time,

because the new leader
is Hazel Ferneyhough.

She was a den mother for
years. She'll run a tight ship.

But does she know anything
about music, George?

Oh, yeah.

She was choir director

at the biggest Lutheran
church in Tyville.

And you know how
those Lutherans can sing.

She doesn't have perfect
pitch, but she can recognize it.

d*ck, I think this
sounds like a lot of fun.

I do too. You should try out.

And you'll try out too?

No.

I'd think about it
if I were you, d*ck.

There's nothing like gathering
with your fellow townsmen

to sing songs of inspiration.

Well, I'd better go practice

my "Three Blind
Mice" for the audition.

Come on, honey. Let's join.

Honey, I don't wanna
join the glee club.

But you love to sing.

And we've been saying we
wanna do something together

outside the inn.

Joanna, I... I just...

I... I don't feel comfortable
with my voice, okay?

But you have a fine voice.

How do you know?

You sing on car
trips all the time.

Honey, that... that...
That's in a sedan.

All... all right, if
you must know,

I... I had some unpleasant
experiences with these...

These clubs.

I mean, they...

They're not the bastions of glee

that their name would
lead you to believe.

What are you talking about?

When... when I was 11, I
joined our school glee club.

And in one session,

without any instructions,
mind you, our...

Our teacher separated
us into voice categories.

Alto, soprano, contralto,

and she put me in a
category all by myself.

The monotones.

Well, d*ck, that was
very cruel of that teacher.

Well, unfortunately,

I was bragging about
it until I looked it up.

Honey...

Joanna, I don't
wanna relive that.

You don't sing monotone.

And besides, this is
just some townspeople

getting together to have fun.

Come on.

Trust me.

O... okay, but if I don't get in

or if I'm humiliated in any way,

I... I can k*ll you.

So... how... how
do you think it went?

Oh, I think you did fine.

"America the Beautiful"
was a nice choice.

I just... I just wish I
hadn't forgotten the words.

You covered very
nicely with the humming.

- Joanna, you were wonderful.
- Oh.

I didn't know you
sing light opera.

When you were performing,

I thought I was on
the H.M.S. Pinafore.

Oh. Thanks, George.

I enjoyed your
"Three Blind Mice" too.

Oh, sure. Everyone
enjoys a classic.

Oh, hi, d*ck. You know,
uh, next time you might...

Might wanna carry
the words up with you.

Joanna, what a lovely audition.

Thank you, Chester.

George, solid as always.

Oh, thanks.

d*ck.

Well, congratulate me.

I was just measured for my robe.

We... we were all measured.

Oh. So I shouldn't take that
as a sign that I'm a shoe-in?

No.

sh**t. Now I wish I hadn't
already called the wife

and told her,

"Uncork that bottle
of sparkling cider."

We were saving it
in case anything good

ever happened to us.

Mrs. Loudon,

just thought I'd say nice tune.

Oh, yeah. Loudon.

Yeah.

It's "For purple
mountain's majesty."

"Above the fruited plain."

I forgot, okay?

Suppose you forgot the tune too?

You were fine.

Okay, everyone,

I have the list of
glee club members

- if anyone's interested.
- Oh yeah.

Harley Estin, you're in.

Hot dog!

I can't wait to tell the wife to
break out the juice glasses!

Officer Shifflett, you're in.

Thank you, ma'am.

The g*n goes inside the robe.

I can live with that.

Chester Wanamaker, you're in.

Thank you.

- George Utley, you're in.
- Ah!

Oh boy! I promise
I'll do my best.

Good boy.

d*ck Loudon.

d*ck...

No.

Uh, you're... you're in.

- What?
- Thank God.

Very melodic,
Mr. Loudon. Very melodic.

Uh... uh, Mrs. Ferneyhough!

Oh, Mrs. Ferneyhough,

you forgot to
check the list for me.

Mm, no I didn't, dear.

I didn't have to.

You didn't make it.

You want... You want
some more punch?

Boy...

I... I guess I didn't know
how high I'd let my hopes get.

I was just assuming I'd get in.

You must be relieved.

What... what do you mean?

I mean, you never really
wanted to be in the club,

and since we
were just doing this

to have something
we could do together,

now there's no reason
for you to be part of it.

Jo... uh, Joanna, I...

You know, I... I don't
think it's, you know...

It's fair to... To
quit this soon.

You're gonna stay in a
glee club that rejected me?

Well, um,

honey, it... you know,
it's for the town. They...

They said they could
use a... A melodic singer.

Well, fine.

But, you... uh, you know,

look at... look at the,
uh... the bright side.

I... I... I don't
have to k*ll ya.

Well,

if the house is four stories,

there has to be an elevator.

I... I agree, Steph,

I... I just don't think it
should be made of glass.

Why on earth not?

Well, I... I just don't think
the inside of an elevator is...

Is a place where I can
always be counted on

to look my best.

From first to penthouse,

I'd... I'd like the option to
slouch and not be seen.

I don't think I know you.

But, Steph...

Joanna,

I... I think you're
being unreasonable

expecting me to
quit the glee club

because you didn't get in.

I... I mean, would you
have quit if I didn't get in?

If you hadn't gotten in,

it would've been because

you forgot the words
and hummed off key.

I didn't get in because
Mrs. Ferneyhough hates me.

You s... you said I was fine.

I lied.

Joanna, I... I think you're
jumping to conclusions as...

As... as to why
you didn't get in.

I mean, Mrs. Ferneyhough
has... Has taught Lutherans.

I... I mean, somebody with...
With that kind of experience

wouldn't... wouldn't
do a thing like that

on... on... on a whim.

I... I... I think you
should talk to her.

Well, yeah, maybe you're right.

I mean, why would Mrs.
Ferneyhough hate me?

I've never done anything to her.

Exactly.

Although, I did pass
her in the grocery store

when I had a lot on my
mind and forgot to speak.

She would want revenge for that.

And her son's birthday
was in the paper last week,

and I didn't even send a card.

She doesn't hate you.

I mean, talk to her
and find out why

she... she... she
seems to hate you.

Okay. Okay, I will.

After your rehearsal Thursday.

Good.

And what if I don't
get any satisfaction?

Honey, I firmly believe
if Hazel Ferneyhough,

-a... a former den
mother, -Yeah.

Is... is an honest and...
And rational woman.

But if we find that she
wouldn't let you join for some...

For some petty
reason, I... I will resign.

- Promise?
- Promise.

Okay.

Hey, I didn't really
sing off-key, did I?

Way down Down by the riverside

Oh, very nice.

Now, let's look at this
next piece of music.

d*ck, you did such
a nice job last time.

Would you like to
hand these out too?

sh**t. I was just
about to raise my hand.

Sure.

Just try to take a job
away from the teacher's pet.

d*ck, I want you to know,

I've been listening to you

and you have a beautiful E flat.

R... really?

Mm, very full-bodied.

"Very full-bodied."

Quiet!

Looks like someone...

I am not the teacher's pet.

All right now.

Let's all stand up correctly.

Harley, straighten that back.

Officer Shifflett, chest out.

d*ck,

perfect.

Everyone look at d*ck.

Oh. Oh, I'm sorry.

I... I thought you
were finished.

Oh, my.

Nine o'clock already.

Well, that's all for tonight.

Nice finial
consonants, everyone.

Uh, Mrs... Mrs. Ferneyhough?

Could I speak to
you for a second?

Why, of course.

Uh, I was thinking
the other night and...

I realized that I
owe you an apology.

I passed you in the store

and was so preoccupied
that I didn't speak.

Oh, honey, don't worry about it.

These things
happen all the time.

So you weren't bothered by that?

Heavens, no.

Oh.

And... and I'm sorry I never
sent your son a birthday card.

Well, I did think
that was a little rude.

You did?

Yes, but then when I
thought about it a minute,

I realized he probably
never sent you one either.

Now, if you'll excuse me...

Oh, Mrs. Ferneyhough,

I'm curious as to why

I didn't get in
to the glee club.

Was it my singing?

Oh, my, no. You
have a lovely voice.

Then, what was it?

Your height.

I beg your pardon?

Your height.

We didn't have a match for you.

You see, this whole
choir was selected

so that when lined up correctly,

they form a perfect pyramid.

And you feel this
is very important?

Oh, my, yes.

The way food looks on a plate
is 75 percent of how it tastes.

My theory is the
way a choir looks

is 75 percent of how it sounds.

So you see, if I
were to let you in,

we'd sound... lopsided.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have some organ
stops to adjust.

Honey, did you...

Did you straighten
everything out?

Oh, yes.

I didn't get in
because of my height.

Apparently, I'd mess
up the... pyramid.

How's that for a silly reason?

Well, to... to
tell the truth, uh,

I mean, you know, we...

We do look pretty
sharp, you know, all...

all... all lined up together.

You're not gonna quit, are you?

Joanna, I... I... I just
don't think you're...

You know, you're
thinking this through.

And you truly don't think

size is a petty reason
for keeping me out?

I... I really
don't. If... if I did,

I wouldn't be staying.

Congratulations
on your solo, d*ck.

Yeah, way to go.

Hi, Jo.

Reading again?

I like to read.

Well, you two
are all dressed up.

Are you going to the glee
club preview concert tonight?

Of course.

I mean, it is an event.

It's a pathetic excuse
for an event, but...

it does qualify.

Steph and I try to attend
anything in this town

that you need tickets for.

Unless it involves
winning a ham.

You know, this is the
first time in over a week

you two haven't been
planning your dream house.

That's because we settled it.

Really?

Mm-hm.

We've decided to build
two separate houses

on the same 100-acre grounds.

Divided only by a holly maze.

Boxwood maze.

Uh, but sugar lips, holly
is much more colorful.

But boxwood is the
traditional maze foliage.

Okay, boxwood.

Right. See you, Joanna.

Oh, don't pout.

We can always put
holly around the fountain.

What fountain?

Hi.

Hi.

I think it's real
nice of you to...

To attend the preview
concert tonight.

I'm going for George.

My applause will
be very selective.

Look, uh, honey, if somebody
besmirched your name or...

Or lied about you, I
mean, I would refuse to...

To associate with
that person, but,

I mean, not getting
into a glee club is...

Is hardly a call to... To
defend your honor or...

Or... or give up my solo.

So we're where we always were.

Poles apart.

Oh, I... you know,
I'd feel a lot better if...

If you would wish
me luck tonight.

d*ck,

break a leg.

Thanks.

In fact, break both of them.

Uh, George, would...
Would you, uh...

Would you practice
my... My solo with me?

Sure, d*ck.

-Down by the old mill
stream -Mill stream

-Where I first met you -Met you

You're gonna knock
their socks off, d*ck.

Well, I'm... I'm pretty excited.

You know, I've never
had a solo before.

Uh, technically,
it's an echo, d*ck.

Boy, there's nothing like a robe

to make you feel like
a choir member, huh?

Nervous about your echo, d*ck?

Well, may... maybe a little.

Well, I've sung
dozens in my time,

and I've got a little
tip, if you're interested.

Sure.

Never drink milk.

All right. Gather
round, everyone.

Now, this is a preview concert

designed so we can get used
to singing in front of the public.

Now, let's take our places.

And remember,

no talking, no gum
chewing, and no milk.

d*ck, you won't
be singing tonight.

You... you... you
mean my solo is out?

I mean you're out.

Your match, Mrs.
Eades, broke her hip.

She's down for
the season. Sorry.

But... but, I... I can
go on without her.

And mess up my pyramid?

The audience is
getting restless.

But, I... can't... Can't
you find anyone to...

To take her place?

The only person who would
qualify would be Joanna.

On a box.

Now, I have the box.

And... And I... And
I can get Joanna.

Are you sure?

Sure. I... I've been a... A
good and faithful husband

for 17 years.

I mean, she... she
does owe me something.

Ex... excuse me. Sorry.

Excuse me.

Lost?

Uh, Jo... Joanna, um,

how... how... how would you
like to... to be in the glee club?

What are you talking about?

Well, ther... there's an
opening so, you know, I...

I... I thought of you.

And just, come with me,
your... your robe awaits.

Not so fast.

I heard about Mrs. Eade's hip.

Oh.

This is her granddaughter, Suzy.

Hi.

Nice... nice to meet you.

She's doing fine.

Good.

Come on, Joanna.

This... I mean, this solves
all... All our problems.

You get to sing,
I... I get to sing.

Not all our problems, d*ck.

You broke a promise to me.

What... what promise?

You promised to stand
by her and resign the choir,

and you didn't.

No. No, no. I... I made...

I made a conditional promise.

I... I promised that
if... If I thought that

Mrs. Ferneyhough's
reasons were silly,

that... that I'd resign.

But at... at the time,
I... I didn't think they...

Why am I telling you?

I'm Suzy's husband, Huck.

You didn't think that
being the wrong height

was silly?

Have... have you
talked to these people?

I needed to vent a little.

Well, now... now I realize

that Mrs. Ferneyhough's
height regulations

were... were pretty, uh, petty.

Now that they affect you.

People grow and... and learn.

O... okay, Joanna,
I... I... I was wrong.

Let's... let's forgive
and... And forget.

Let's... let's...
Let's move forward.

Let's... let's sing.

No.

d*ck, we can't wait much longer.

Jo... Joanna, I... I... I can't let
you pass up this opportunity.

Now... now you can be
as wrong as... as I was or...

Or... you can... You
can rise above it.

I'll be as wrong as you were.

Joanna.

Come on, Loudon.

Leave her alone if
she doesn't wanna sing.

Look, could you
stay out of this?

I... I doubt if she
told you everything.

Yes, I did.

Did... did you...
You tell him about...

About the solo?

Oh, I heard it was
more of an echo.

d*ck, my mind is made up.

O... Okay, honey.

I'll just take off my robe,

try to... try to find a seat.

Probably, uh...

Probably somewhere,
you know, back.

I won't... I won't
bother anybody with...

With my... my sniffling.

Boy, you are a cold
woman, Joanna.

But... But I... I guess I've
been pretty insensitive too.

And I... I'm really
sorry that I was so...

So selfish. I'm...
I'm... I'm garbage.

What did he say?

I'm garbage.

Oh, all right, I'll sing.
You pathetic'd me into it.

You... you... you mean it?

Yes.

Wait a minute.

We're not the same size.
How can I be your match?

Well, there's a... there's
a little matter of a box.

But... but, honey, please,
please don't back down now.

All right. I'll sing on a box.

You are the best.

But, d*ck,

that solo of yours?

Yeah.

Now it's a duet.

Meow.