06x24 - Courtin' Disaster

[bunniefuu]

d*ck?

Honey,

I just met the most
perfect, wonderful woman

at the antiques shop,

and I can't wait
for you to meet her.

Well, honey, I'm, you know...

I'm pretty satisfied
with you, but let's hear it.

Her name is Irma Brown,
she runs the antique shop,

and I think she'd
be great for George.

Honey, couldn't you
have just come back

with a rocking chair?

Come on, d*ck.

I just thought I'd
invite Irma over tonight

and let George meet her.

Honey, why do all women

love to get involved
in matchmaking?

I think it's a real bad idea.

I mean, you're
responsible for the way

the relationship turns out.

And... and if this thing blows
up in George's face, then...

Then we've gotta put up
with his disappointment.

Yeah, but what if it goes
great and they really hit it off?

Then, I've gotta put
up with your gloating.

Jo... Joanna, stay
out of it. George is fine.

He's happy with
his life the way it is.

Well, I'm ready for
another big Saturday night.

See?

I'm gonna re-grout the
bathroom in Room Six.

Oh, fix him up.

George, there's a
woman I'd like you to meet.

Her name is Irma Brown,

and she runs an
antique shop in Tyville.

- Tyville?
- Uh... huh.

That's eight miles away.

So?

I don't know, Joanna.

Those long-distance
relationships

are just trouble.

Now, George, I think
she'd be perfect for you.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

Does she have blue eyes?

No.

Is she tall?

Well, no.

Does she have long hair?

Not really, uh...

Gee, Joanna, what
made you think of me?

George, just let me call her
up and invite her over tonight.

Well...

does she like
butterscotch pudding?

Just give her a sh*t, George.

All right, all
right. I'll see her.

Great.

I hope I did the
right thing, d*ck.

I was really looking
forward to that re-grouting.

Hi. I'm Jim Ramming.
I'm here to check in.

Do you, uh... do you
have a reservation?

Uh, no, but I don't think
that should be a problem.

Well, you're in luck.

We... we have a cancellation.

I thought there might be.

Uh,

I'll put you in Room Five.

Now you're sure that's
the best room you have?

You, uh, wouldn't be
holding back a better one?

Say, the Hamilton Room, hm?

No, it's... that's the
only room available.

Sure it is.

Look... look... look, you...

You... you don't have to
do that here at the Stratford.

Oh, I... I understand.

I'm terribly sorry.
Terribly sorry.

Please, uh, forgive me.

Let me help you.

Oh, well, thank you.

That's terrific. Great job.

Ahoy, Popeye, Olive.

Is my Swee'Pea around?

Come on, Michael.

We have just enough time to
catch the eight o'clock show.

We're off.

Uh, hold on, Stephanie.

We have a new
guest in Room Five,

a Mr. Ramming.

Did you bring him his towels?

Oh, Joanna, couldn't
he drip dry just this once?

Stephanie.

Great. Terry-fuzz.

Don't worry, cupcake.

I'll help you tote
him his towels.

Let's hurry.

Why bother going to the movies

if your grand
entrance is in the dark?

Well? How do I look?

Oh, George, you look nice.
Irma's going to be impressed.

And just remember, George,

you know, all blind
dates don't work out. So...

if this one doesn't, you
know, don't be too upset.

d*ck, you could
show a little support.

No, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry,
George. Have a terrific time tonight.

And remember, I... I didn't
have a thing to do with this.

I never know what to
wear on these things.

I mean, I only have
so many clothes.

And if I put on my best
stuff for the first date,

she'll just be disappointed
on the second.

- Irma, hi.
- Hello.

It's good to see you.

Irma, this is my husband, d*ck.

How do you do?

And this is George Utley.

Uh, hi.

Hi.

Normally, I'd never do this,
but Joanna was very persistent.

Well, normally, I'd never agree.

Can I get anybody
something to drink?

Your mouth getting dry too?

d*ck, I could use a
hand with the drinks.

Hmm. Are you sure?

You've done such
a good job so far.

So,

Joanna tells me that you
grew up here at the inn

and that you love baseball

and that you're the
best handyman around.

Gee, she didn't give
me half as much to go on.

Well, there's not
that much to tell.

I'm an antique dealer.

Actually, the family's been

in the furniture
business for years.

My granddad sold 'em
new, I sell 'em used.

I love antiques.

That's good to hear,
'cause sometimes I...

I never know what's
creaking, me or my inventory.

Aw.

George, have you ever
been to an estate auction?

There's one tonight in Tyville.

All the way over...?
It sounds like fun.

You know, for a blind date,

you're much more
handsome than I expected.

And for a girl without blue
eyes or long hair, you're okay too.

Oh, you're, uh...
you're leaving.

Oh, yes. It's back to Tyville.

Well, I'm sorry this...
This didn't work out.

Oh, no, d*ck. I
think Irma's great.

We're going to a big
estate auction there.

Well, that's... that's nice too.

Oh, why can't we
have more guests...?

Why can't we have more
guests like Mr. Ramming?

I just wish we hadn't
run out of towels.

George, I'm so happy
you had fun at the auction.

It was fun.

I'm just glad I sat on my hands.

Or who knows what
else I would've bought.

Well, at least you got stuck
with a famous memento.

The nutcracker

from Franklin Delano
Roosevelt's very own kitchen.

Yeah, they told me it
was one of his favorites.

They say he kept it
jammed under his wheelchair

to keep it from rolling.

Thanks.

This place has the
best water in town.

It's the ice.

You know, I'm having
a real good time tonight.

Me too, George.

But then, it's hard to miss
when you have good company,

good ice.

Oh, uh, let me give you a tip.

Uh, be careful of the à la mode.

The ice cream in here is
so hard it squashes the pie.

Thanks, but I think I
see what I want already.

Butterscotch pudding.

Wow.

I didn't think this date
could get any better.

You know, tomorrow
night, farmer Mahoney

is throwing his
annual barn dance.

It's a lot of fun.

Bring Your Own Bale.

That does sound like fun.

It can get pretty wild.

Last year it started at 9

and ran straight
through milking.

So shall we make it a date?

You're on.

So, you're seein' someone else.

I think he means you.

Cal.

Figures.

I come in for puddin',

I find you sippin'
water with another guy.

Cal, we agreed not to
see each other anymore.

Well, that didn't mean

the minute my back was turned

you had to go take up
with a "Dapper Dan".

Please.

I guess goin' out
with a tree surgeon

wasn't good enough for ya.

You had to find a pretty
boy in a sports jacket.

What do you, anyway?

I'm the handyman
at the Stratford Inn.

Oh, a handyman.

Mr. Hotsy Totsy.

Now just hold on a minute there.

Yeah, that figures.

Napkin in the lap
and everything.

Well, you listen to me
and you listen good,

Mr. Park Avenue,

I see you with
my girl Irma again,

I'm gonna tattoo your face.

Suddenly I'm not in the
mood for butterscotch pudding.

I'm so embarrassed.

Maybe you should take me home

and forget about
tomorrow's date.

No. I like you.

And no bully is gonna keep
us from seeing each other.

And darn it, we're going
to have that pudding!

I'll pick you up
tomorrow at nine.

Good morning, George.

Good morning.

Okay, tell us all about
last night with Irma.

Well, we went out to
an auction... Uh-huh.

And got something
to eat afterwards.

I almost got b*at up,

we made another date for
tonight and then I came home.

George, you almost got b*at up?

Gee, d*ck, you would have
to harp on the one bad thing.

Pass the cream.

George, what happened?

Irma's old boyfriend, Cal,
showed up at the diner.

And he threatened you?

Actually, it sounded
more like a promise.

He said if I saw Irma
again, he'd tattoo my face.

Was Irma serious with this guy?

She said they only
went out for a little while.

She finally stopped dating
him when he slugged an usher.

He b*at somebody
up at the movies?

At church.

Hey, there, hi there, ho there!

Hi, Michael.

Ooh, stop-over in Sullen
City. What's all the hush fuss?

I fixed George
up on a blind date

with somebody who has a
very jealous ex-boyfriend.

That's easy, George. Drop her!

I can't do that.

Oh, I get it.

Hooked yourself a looker.

Looks have
nothing to do with it.

Get real, d*ck.

He's gonna get
his head bashed in

by some bozo Bluto
over a bow-wow?

George, maybe you can
sic this guy on Michael.

Well, I hope I don't
have to fight him,

but I'm still going
out with Irma tonight.

George, you... you can't
get in a fight over a girl.

This isn't the 5th grade.

I wish it were.

I was taller than
everybody else.

George, the... the... the
point is, that fighting never...

Never solved anything.

I mean, it... it's... it's
pointless and barbaric.

And... and no way for
two mature grown men to...

To... to deal with
a... A situation.

Yeah, tell that to Cal,

but first cut out some
of those big words.

d*ck, I don't think we
have to worry about George.

He's always got that hammer.

Besides, we've
got TV to transmit.

But first a morning
dose of fresh squeeze

from my citrus sweet!

Ooh!

Ah, thanks for
getting that door, pal.

Mr. Ramming, I don't
want your money.

You know, I... I kinda
helped with that door thing.

You know, I'd, uh...

I'd really appreciate a
nice table this morning.

You know what I mean?

Certainly.

We have a very nice
table right over here.

Of course, there's an
even nicer table right there.

Ah, yes!

What would you
like this morning?

Pancakes, eggs, or cereal?

Well, I think I'm in the
mood for something

a little more New
Englandish. Um...

Why don't you see if you
have a lobster back there?

Oh, Mr. Ramming,

I really don't think we have
any... I'll see what I can do.

Stephanie,

you're taking advantage
of Mr. Ramming.

Oh, come on, Joanna.
He's begging for it.

Go back there and
give him back his money.

Here you go, Mr. Ramming.

You know, the
proper way to do this

is just leave it
under the plate.

Yes, and thank you for
that... That bit of advice.

So there you are.

You in the shiny overalls.

Uh-oh.

I called Irma this morning
to ask her out for tonight.

She told me she was busy.

Well, it didn't take
me long to figure out

she was going out with
Mr. Fancy Pants here.

So I take a little
pride in how I dress.

Now, now, now, George.

From what poor sap
did you steal this one?

Joanna and her
husband run the inn.

Your boss's wife?

That's it. Come on!

Outside!

- Uh...
- Oh, wait a minute.

Just a minute here.

I will not have
any fighting here.

All right.

Vickers Park, tonight,
nine o'clock sharp.

I'm not going to be there, Cal,

because I have a
date at nine, with Irma.

Okay,

eight o'clock.

And you better be there.

George, you're not
gonna go through with this?

Joanna, I'm not
gonna be intimidated.

Besides, I couldn't back down

in front of the whole
breakfast crowd.

Oh, d*ck.

George just took
off for Vickers Park

to fight Irma's old boyfriend.

What?

He came here and
challenged George.

Did George at least
take his hammer?

d*ck.

All right, Joanna,
I'm gonna go there

and put a diplomatic
end to this thing.

Oh, I don't know, d*ck.

This Cal is pretty unreasonable.

Joanna, relax. I
can handle this.

I've had a lot of people
on... On Vermont Today

with opposing views.

I've done the
show for four years.

No one has been hurt
and no one has been k*lled.

d*ck, Cal is a little
more bloodthirsty

than The League of Women Voters.

Joanna, calm down.

Are you calm?

I... I guess so.

See how good I am?

Mrs. Loudon, glad I caught you.

My room is nice, but I
just saw a little bigger one,

and I was wondering
if I could switch.

Mr. Ramming, you
don't have to do that.

If the room is available,
I will be glad to...

I don't think availability's
going to be a problem.

What room did you have in mind?

The blue one around the corner

with the big, comfortable bed
and spacious walk-in closet.

That's my room.

Oh, I understand.
So I guess it's...

very inconvenient.

Oh, well.

Mr. Ramming, uh...

I was told the room
could be made available.

Well, who told you that? I...

Stephanie!

Oh, come on, Joanna.

Where's your sense of adventure?

You and d*ck could
pack up a few items

and just take off for Room Six.

Think of it as a vacation.

Absolutely not.

Sorry, Mr. Ramming.

Oh, George, are you okay?

Uh, yeah. I didn't even
make it to the park.

Oh, good.

You've come to your senses?

Uh, no. I've gotta
get my tire iron.

George!

- I got a flat tire.
- Oh.

And I must've forgotten to
put the jack back in the truck

after I took off the snow tires.

Serves me right for being
in such a rush for spring.

Well, d*ck just left
to break up the fight.

Didn't he pass you?

No. Darn it.

I guess I'd better
jog over there

and give d*ck
something to break up.

George, take my car.

If you really insist
on fighting this guy,

I don't want you
to show up winded.

Thanks.

Is that guy really
gonna fight somebody?

I'm afraid so.

Twenty bucks to tell me
where Vickers Park is.

H... Hi.

You, uh...

you wouldn't...

You wouldn't be looking for...

For... for George
Utley, would ya?

What's it to you?

I'm... I'm... I'm
d*ck Loudon. Um...

Um... George... George
works for me. I'm...

Sort of, uh... sort of, you
know, look... looking for him too.

Ah, you found out
about your wife, huh?

Well, you're gonna
have to stand in line,

'cause I got first
cr*ck at that gigolo.

George, uh...
George isn't a gigolo.

Hey, man, open your eyes.

All right, listen, you
do what you want,

but I warned Utley
what I'd do to him

if I caught him
with my Irma again.

Look, look, why don't...
Why don't we, uh...

take a deep breath
and, um, just kind of,

collect our thoughts and, uh...

And just, uh, you know,

discuss this thing
like the, uh... like the...

The two... two adults
that... That we are.

Come on, come on, come on.

Oh, I get it.

Pretty boy sends
his snotty rich boss

to beg for his hide.

Uh, Cal,

I mean, don't you...
Don't you feel silly,

you know,

calling people names?

I mean, it... you know,

it... it really makes
you seem small.

In... in... in the... in
the abstract, of course.

Now I know why Utley isn't here.

He's a dirty lousy coward.

Cal,

you're... you're not even
trying to discuss this thing

like the two grown-up
men that we are.

Not only is he the biggest
chicken in the world,

but he sends a
little pasty-faced

Lord Fauntleroy in his place.

Cal,

you got five seconds

to get your hand off my swing.

Oh, d*ck.

How'd it go?

A black eye, d*ck?

You... you should
see the other guy.

Oh.

Yeah, I didn't mean
to hit Cal so hard,

but when he hauled
off and socked d*ck...

Sucker punched.

Well, Joanna, I lost my head.

George, fighting
like schoolboys.

You're right.

I almost feel like
grounding myself.

But when that
guy hit my friend...

Sucker punched!

Anyway, I feel awful.
You were right, d*ck.

Fighting is a silly way
to solve a problem.

It's barbaric, it's
pointless, and it's no way

- for two mature men...
- Oh, shut up, George.

Well, I can't remember
when I've had a nicer vacation.

I'd stay another week, but,
uh, this place costs a mint.

Still, I just have to thank you.

And you, uh... and, uh, you.

Mist... Mister Ramming, we, uh...
We appreciate your generosity,

but all these tips
aren't going to get you

better treatment
here at the Stratford.

Gee, I always... always
thought the only way

to get better
service was to buy it.

You don't have to do that.

Most people would
be glad to help.

Gee, I'm really touched.

I... I don't know
what to say, uh...

I... I gotta give you something!

Don't!

- Uh, Mister? You order a cab?
- Yeah.

Well, thanks again.
For everything.

Buh-bye.

I wonder if any of that sunk in.

Gee, thanks, mister!

Meow.