07x10 - George and the Old Maid

[bunniefuu]

- Stephanie, what are you doing?

- I'm dusting magazines, Joanna.

- Well, maybe when
you're done here,

y-you'll want to
dust the want ads.

- Hi-ho, Stratfordites.

What's upper, Cuppers?

- d*ck won't let me read.

He's squelching my
thirst for knowledge.

- For shame, d*ck.

There's so much to be
learned from Victoria Principal.

- Are you here for
breakfast again?

- No time.

I've got to shuffle
off to the shoe shop.

We're setting up for our
"Buy a Thong for a Song" sale.

- Oh, Michael, I packed
you a special lunch,

but don't think
they'll all be as fancy.

- Yummers, Steph.

A cheese sandwich
and a box of raisins.

- I unwrapped the
cheese and everything.

- Well, that'll certainly cut
down on your flossing time.

- You know, when I...

when I first got
bumped from the station

and found myself floundering
at the Circus of Shoes,

I thought for sure I'd
get the cupcake kissoff.

- That's where the
smart money was.

- Instead I got a kind word
and a shoulder pad to cry on.

She's been just
the support system

this occupational outcast needs.

- Get going, Michael, or
you'll blow this job, too.

- Righty-o.

- Hello.

Can I... help you?

- No, thank you.

- Uh, feel free to... to
wander around aimlessly.

- This place could
use a good cleaning.

- What do you want from her?

The poor thing
had to pack a lunch!

- Before you go, would you
mind telling us who you were?

- I'm Madelyn Stone.

I used to live here in the '60s.

I worked for Mr. McMahon.

- Who's this McMahon man, ma'am?

- He, uh, he owned
the Stratford back then.

He had to sell it after
the... The archery mishap.

- Oh, how he loved his
high-powered crossbow.

Oh, how he loved
his tequila sh**t.

- What exactly did you
do here... besides criticize?

- I was the maid!

Oh, the hours and
hours I spent dusting.

Apparently I'm irreplaceable.

- Michael, say something!

- Oh, okay. Nice pumps.

Thanks for the
cheddar, chiquita. Ciao.

- I'm Joanna Loudon,
this is my husband d*ck,

and this is our maid,
Stephanie Vanderkellen.

- Why, where's your uniform?

- Pardon me, Hazel.

We've come a long way, baby.

- Since, uh, since you were
here at the Stratford 25 years ago,

you must remember our
handyman, George Utley.

- Oh, then he's still here!

I'll never forget those
big bushy sideburns.

And the way his overalls

used to cling to
that lean physique.

- That's... that's
George all right.

- Madelyn?

- Hello, Brick.

- Brick?

- Is it really you?

- I've come back, Brick,
with my answer... and it's yes.

- Wow! Did you hear
that? She said yes!

Oh, happy day!

- What was the... question?

- On this very
spot 25 years ago,

this strapping young buck

dropped to one
knee and proposed.

- It... it took you a quarter of a
century to come up with yes?

- Well, I didn't want
to rush into anything.

After all, what does a young
girl of 32 know about marriage?

- George, how come you
never told us about this before?

- I didn't want to jinx it.

- Sorry I'm late. I overslept.

- That's okay, Stephanie.

- It was Michael's fault.

Last night, he rented
att*ck of the Puppet People

and afterwards, he
was too terrified to sleep.

- I'm... I'm the same way
with Benjie, the Hunted.

- He was so jittery,

I had to go over there
to calm him down.

He swore he heard Shari Lewis
and Lamb Chop in his closet.

- Here you go.

Just like I used to make
every day for Mr. McMahon.

- Madelyn, you don't
have to cook for us.

You're a guest.

- Oh, force of habit.

- Mmmm, did this every day, huh?

- Well, uh, thanks for taking
over on such short notice,

but I'm sure the
kitchen's a mess.

So I'll go clean up while you
rest your old retired bones.

- That's not necessary.
I clean as I go.

Well, good.

That leaves me more
time to polish the silver

which next to scraping the
oven is my favorite thing to do.

Mine, too.

Let's go put some elbow
grease into that silver.

- Whee!

Uh, Joanna, where's
the silver polish?

- Ask Madelyn.

She was probably
the last one to use it.

- 'Morning, d*ck, Joanna.

- Hi, George.
- Wow!

Madelyn made her pancakes!

This sure brings me back.

I could almost see Mr. McMahon
himself looking up at me

from under this very table.

- I can uh, I can sprawl out
on the floor if you want, George.

- No, it wouldn't be the same.

Besides, you only put
syrup on your pancakes.

- What... what did
Mr. McMahon put on his?

- Anything that caught fire.

Ah, those were the days.

Madelyn was the most
beautiful girl in the county,

and I was her lean,
mean, fixin' machine.

- I'm surprised you
ever got any work done.

- Well, Mr. McMahon had a rule

about his employees
fraternizing.

So at night we'd sneak
out, hop in the old pickup

and drive over to that
lake by Johnnycake Ridge.

- Ooooh, I heard that
was quite the hot spot

for young lovers.

- Oh, yeah. Didn't we know it.

We'd sit in the truck and
watch 'em neck for hours.

Then we'd go home.

- Sounds like you were
crazy about each other.

- George, Madelyn
doesn't really expect you

to marry her, does she?

- Of course she does.

She's been saving
herself for me.

I just hope I have the stamina
to survive the unleashing of

25 years of pent-up fantasies.

- George, do... do me a favor.

When... when you
do your unleashing...

Wi-will you make
sure the radio is on?

- George, you know you asked
for her hand a long time ago.

You don't have to
go through with this.

- Well, how would it
look if I backed out now?

- You know, George, I-I think
there's a statute of limitations

on marriage proposals.

- Well, maybe
you're right, d*ck.

You know, you're a lot easier
to talk to than Mr. McMahon...

and you don't keep
breaking into choruses of

"Show Me the Way to Go Home."

Oh, Brick.

You haven't forgotten how
to show a girl a good time.

- Ah, it's nice when there's
no line at the batting cage.

- You're such a
sentimental old fool,

taking me up to
Johnnycake Ridge.

When did it become the
Johnnycake Cinema 20?

- About a year after the
Johnnycake Mall went in.

- You know, this
is not the first time

I've been to your room.

- It's not?

- I put you to bed the night
Mr. McMahon made you eat

all those rum balls.

- I had to.

The safety was
off on his crossbow.

- For 25 years, I've wondered
what might have happened

if I'd stayed.

- Not much probably.
I was pretty stewed.

- You're not stewed
tonight... Brick.

- I have a... I have a
confession to make.

- What is it?

- When you left the
Stratford, I waited for you,

but after about eight years,
I started to have my doubts.

- What are you trying to say?

- You wouldn't be the first
to help buckle my overalls

in the morning.

- You... have a girlfriend?

- Oh, no.

No, it's just that I haven't
been completely faithful.

- Oh, is that all?

Well, if it makes
you feel any better,

I... dated a few men.

I even married.

- What?

- His name was Ed, but it
was a fleeting relationship.

It only lasted 14 years.

- So I gather you buckled
his overalls a few times.

- He didn't wear overalls.

- Oh, thank God!

- But Ed was nothing
like you, George.

You're gentle and loving.

More like Roy.

- Roy?

- My second husband.

- How many husbands were there?

- Just the two...

but I needed those
marriages to grow

and now that I have,

I know that you've always
been the only man for me.

- What happened to that
innocent maid I used to know?

- She wasn't ready,

but believe me,
through both marriages

and a couple of meaningless
six-to-eight-months stands,

all I thought about was you.

- You could have phoned!

- George, can't we
let go of the past?

I mean, does it really matter
that I have seven grandchildren?

- You're a grandmother?

- And I think you'll make
a wonderful grandfather.

- Gee, I don't know,
Maddy. This is a lot to take in.

- Well... if you want to
call it off, I'll understand.

- Oh, no, I just need a
little time to sort things out.

Starting tomorrow.

- Greetings, magna cum Loudons.

- Hi, Michael.

- Red Rover, Red Rover.
Let Steffie come over.

- Hi, Michael.

You'll have to unwrap
the cheese yourself.

The old maid's trying to cook
and clean her way into my job.

- No comprendo, Steffo.

Why would she want to
stage a major kitchen coup?

- I don't know, but I'm scared.

She's been kissing up to
d*ck and Joanna like crazy.

- Well, she can pucker
until she's tuckered,

but you'll never be kicked out

of the cockles of
their corazones.

- Oh, Michael. I thought
I heard you out here.

Last night I packed you
a nice homemade lunch.

Cold pasta salad in
a zippy pesto sauce,

chilled tomatoes and snap
peas in a dilled vinaigrette

and flaky crescent rolls.

Oh, and a box of raisins.

- Hmpf, that's original.

- Wowsers! You
did this all for me?

Uh, thanks.

I'm, uh, I'm more of a
processed cheese man myself.

- It'll be in the fridge if
you change your mind.

Well, I've got work to do.

- Not as much as I've got.

Bye, Michael.

- Well, as we blandly
say in the shoe business,

have a nice day.

- You seem pretty
chipper, George.

- We don't need any
locker room cracks, d*ck.

Just because I'm chipper
doesn't mean anything unusual

went on in my room last night.

- No. I just meant that
you seem... hap-happy.

- Stop grilling me!

I'm over 21, you know.

- George, you're over 51.

- You wouldn't know
it from last night.

- Pancakes, fresh
off the griddle.

- I made some, too.

- Well, they... They
both look... delicious,

but since... since
Madelyn's are closer...

- Can I get anyone anything

before I run upstairs
and vacuum?

Juice? More coffee?

Another cigarette?

- Madelyn, why don't
you sit down and join us.

Stephanie can do the upstairs.

- Joanna, I love this!

It brings back so
many fond memories.

- Dibs on the vacuum!

- Excuse me, I have to see this.

- What about... What
about breakfast?

- I can always eat!

- Well, I'd better
keep these warm.

I'm, uh, pretty good at
keeping things warm.

- d*ck, now that
the girls are gone...

I've got this problem.

- Think about baseball, George.

- Okay.

Anyway, last
night I told Madelyn

I needed time to think and
then a funny thing happened.

- Was that during
A Taste of Honey

or Wichita Lineman?

- I don't remember.

d*ck, she told me
she had two husbands.

She said they
were both mistakes,

and all the while, she
was only thinking of me.

What should I do, d*ck?

Should I still marry her?

- Well, uh, George, you
obviously get along, and...

and you both like
to, uh... uh... to...

to listen to the same music.

I don't know.

You know, you're not
getting any younger, George.

Maybe it's time you started
thinking about settling down.

- Fonzie never settled down.

- George, Fonzie was
only in his late 40s.

- 'Afternoon, Madelyn.

- Brick!

- These are for you.

- Oh!
- They're flowers.

- Thank you!

Oh!

Isn't that the suit
you used to wear

to watch Bishop Fulton Sheen?

- Yeah. It's also
the suit I wore

when I popped the
question 25 years ago.

- Oh, Brick.

- Madelyn, back then,

we were just a couple
of crazy, mixed-up kids.

Now, maybe we can do this right.

- Oh!

Oh! I can't believe
this is happening.

I can feel my heart pounding!

- I may only be a
simple handyman,

but I know with you by my side,

I'll be a simple
handyman with a wife.

Will you marry me?

- Oh, Brick.

That was beautiful.

I think I'm going to cry.

- Help me up.

- You're taking my breath away.

I don't know what to say except,

I'll need some time
to think about it.

- What?

- Seeing you again has
brought back so many emotions.

The lust,

the passion, the
doubts, the fears.

I... I don't know if
I can answer this

with a simple yes or no.

- Well, why the hell not?

- This decision is too
important to rush into.

- Well, this is getting silly.

- Please understand.

I don't want you to end up
being another Ed or Roy or Phil.

- Who's Phil?

- Well, annulments aren't
even worth talking about.

George, what we
have is so special.

That's why when I marry
you, it's going to be for keeps.

- Well, uh, how much time
do you think you'll need?

- Well, not as much as before.

A week.

Ten years tops.

- Will you be marrying anyone
else while you're thinking?

Who can predict these things?

- Then this is goodbye again?

- George, spending this
precious time with you

has been just about
the most wonderful thing

to happen to me
in a long, long time.

And last night... well,

whenever I hear "Blame
It On the Bossa Nova,"

no matter who I'm with...

I'll think of you.

- So, you, uh, you took
Madelyn to the station.

- Yeah, we missed her
train by a few minutes,

but there was another
one along pretty quick.

- George, I'm sorry about
the way things turned out.

- Well, it was my own
fault for driving too slow.

- No, George.
George, not the train.

You know, that... that
Madelyn... turned you down.

- Well, she didn't exactly
turn me down, d*ck.

She just needs a week to
10 years to mull things over.

There's a big difference.

- I-I suppose.

- Until then, I've got
the best of both worlds.

I'll always know there's
someone out there thinking of me,

and at the same time,

I don't have to curb my
wild bachelor lifestyle.

- Some men aren't meant
to be tamed, George.

- Ah, the Stratford innkeep
with his Stratford upkeep.

- Hi, Michael.

- Here's your lunch, Michael.

Rock Cornish game
hen, radicchio salad

with sundried tomatoes, a
selection of imported cheeses

and a box of raisins.

- Thanks, Steph.
I really don't...

- No time to talk.

I'm waxing behind
the refrigerator.

- Well, I better
go tell Stephanie

that Madelyn is gone.

- Meow.