02x05 - Slick

[bunniefuu]

Tookie bah waba!

Hao!

Iki bah bah.

Ha ha ha.

♪ I Laila 'o kaua'i la ♪

♪ no malihini ohana ♪

♪ welcome, cousins,
a-come on by ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ I Laila 'o kaua'i la ♪

♪ no malihini ohana ♪

♪ welcome, cousins,
a-come on by ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ iki tookie nee hi! ♪

♪ Iki tookie nee hi! ♪

♪ Aka tiki bah bah ♪

♪ aka tiki bah bah ♪

♪ gabba ika tasoopa? ♪

♪ Gabba ika tasoopa? ♪

Ooocha! Chi-ka!

♪ Miki miki coconut ♪

♪ I Laila 'o kaua'i la ♪

♪ no malihini ohana ♪

♪ welcome, cousins,
a-come on by ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

♪ aloha, e komo mai ♪

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Good hula class,
keiki. But before you go,

it's time to start
thinking about ideas

for our annual fund raiser.

I have one!

Ok. What does this island need

more than anything?

Less weirdos?

Vampires!

People love vampires.

And they pay good
money for them to come

to their luaus, weddings,
and office parties.

So we put on fangs,

and people pay us a
dollar to chase them.

How about this?

A book sale.

We all write a
superscary vampire book,

and we each sell
one million copies.

Ew! Girls, what smells?

Oh. It's lilo's ideas.

Ha ha! Ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Uhhh!

Aah! Ohh! Aah!

Does anyone else have an idea?

But I didn't get to the part

where we all star
in the movie version.

How about selling candy bars?

Yeah! Yeah!

That's a great idea. Good idea!

Vampire candy bars?

Here's a chart
with everyone on it.

Every time you sell
a box of candy bars,

I'll fill in the thermometer.

Whoever sells the
most wins this...

A year's supply of
shave ice from looki's.

A year's supply?!
A year's supply?!

Wow! Wow!

I love looki's shave ice!
I love looki's shave ice!

I'm gonna win! I'm gonna win!

How... by scaring people?

Stitch and I are gonna sell

more candy bars
than you or anybody!

No way. My mom
sells real estate.

So I'm a natural-born
salesperson.

Well, my sister says I
don't know when to quit.

I'm going to win!
I'm going to win!

Oooh!

Ooohh!

Yum.

I don't know how
you can sleep at night

knowing that in the morning

you will pulverize the
flesh of a living thing

and drink the fluids.

It's just pineapple juice.

Oh, and I suppose when
you squeeze an orange,

that's... Just orange juice.

I just have to b*at myrtle.

Lilo, we do fund raisers
to help the community.

That's the rewarding part.

No. The rewarding part is
conquering your enemies

until they beg you
to be their friend.

You make raising
funds sound very evil.

I must contribute.

All this selling objects
for money is fascinating.

On my planet, there's
no such thing as money.

Wow, that sounds
great. How does it work?

Oh, it doesn't. That's
why folks on my planet

generally don't wear
pants. No money.

Spuh-ka.

Glug glug glug glug.

Rrhh!

Needs more toast.

Come on, stitch. We've
got candy bars to sell.

He juiced the toaster again.

Nah. Chocolate
gives me the burps.

Aaahh!

Grrr! Rahrr! Grrr!

Amas ta'ya!

Unhh! Uhhhh-yah!

Raahh! Raahh! Raahh!

Uh, sorry. Now, if you were
selling vampire novels...

Aooorrr!

You don't want to buy a
candy bar from a looser,

and I don't blame you.

Tsk tsk, little lady.

Never walk away from a customer.

Be proud of your product.

It's just candy bars.

"Just candy bars"?

Was the Louisiana
purchase just Louisiana?

Look, I usually only
do this for friends,

but you, my friend,
need some pointers.

Your cost? Just one dime
for every dollar you sell. Deal?

Who are you?

My card.

"Evil genius
experiment number .

Salesman."

Arrhh. Oh! Cousin!

Yes, sir, one of jumba's best.

He always hated the business end

of the evil genius gig.
So he designed me...

Programmed to sell
anything to anyone.

A piece of code he
obviously left out of you, pal.

Wow! Hee hee hee!

You gotta learn your ps:

Product, pitch,
persistence, and payment.

Memorize it, exercise it. Huh?

Ooh! A customer.

The little lady, blue
dog, and myself

have a supply of
exquisite $ . candy bars

that shall melt in mere hours.

If you could take
them home for us,

I would ask only $ . each.

I'm practically
givin' them to you.

Wow! He's slick!

Yeah. Sliff.

I thought I told you yesterday.
Chocolate gives me the burps.

Do you drink yesterday's milk?

Use yesterday's toothpaste?

These are the chocolates
of tomorrow, madam.

Don't turn your
back on tomorrow.

Well, I... Guess if
you put it that way...

Cool!

You will not only get
the miracle sponges

and the cordless baseball cap,

but free with your order...

Chocolate bars!

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

The halikaiia ulu
is a dream factory

for tomorrow's hula stars.

If that's not worth $ . ,

I'm in the wrong business.

Don't crush a
little girl's dreams.

Baaho.

Hmm...

Say, jumba, you
know, I'd like to sell

some of this equipment for you.

Yeah, I'm betting you would.

I built him to sell experiments.

Instead, he sells laboratory.

Slick helped me sell
whole boxes this morning.

Be careful.

Once starts selling,

he does not start stopping.

Once sold jumba's wife

for guilder credits.

That is evil!

But smart. She was only worth .

More candy bars!

You're doing great, lilo.

What can I say?

I'm a natural-born salesperson.

Agata!

Uh dah ka pa turtel.

Stitch, I'm really
going to win this time!

Hey, slick, come
on. Le... slick?

Uh-oh.

Slick?!

It's been, like, hours now.

Hey... those look like
nani's date night earrings.

And... isn't that
pleakley's robe?

And that's jumba's thing that
nani won't let him use in the house!

Where are we going
to find batteries for this?

Uhh! Ohh!

Scrump?!

What is slick doing?!

Selling everything in our house?

Lilo... why do I just know

you had something
to do with this?

Get up! Is this
what I pay you for?!

What do I pay you for?

Get up, get up, get up!

I told you, I have a cold.

Eeehhh... Eeehhh... Ah-choo!

I cannot pay you many
hundreds of my valuable dollars

to lay around like
a lounging lounger!

Wow! What a fever!

Hey, hammy, we're gonna
need some tartar sauce.

Fish stick here is burnin' up.

Unacceptable!

If you do not send me
one experiment today,

I will come to harangue you

every hour on the
hour until you do!

, see if you can find

any of your trog
brethren. Ohhh...

Oh, and... Can you make
me a chicken soup sandwich?

The furniture! My cds!

The painting auntie
penny made of uncle okey!

It didn't look like him at all.

Lilo!

I could've done better
with macaroni and glue.

It's not funny!

I'm being honest.

I warned you. can
sell anything to anybody.

I'm speechless! I mean,
I wish I was speechless

because I just don't
know what to say.

And I'm still talking! Ohhhh!

Don't be such a
gloomy Gus, nani.

He made us all this money!

It was fascinating.

I even took notes
of each item sold

to whom and for how
much. A porcelain dish...

Oh! Grandma's dish?

A collection of seashells...

My seashells!

A photograph of an
odd-looking girl in braces...

My eighth grade picture!

Baki tucka!

We can get our stuff back.

I think the only thing he didn't
sell was my Marie antoinette wig.

No, he sold that, too.

But... you can have back.

Is making shoulders
look too big.

If the king of Sweden
himself had asked me

to find a new home for
his personal snorkel mask,

I would not stand here today

and waste your precious time.

You have my card.

Normally at this point, we
put you in a capture container.

But since you've sold all
the caption containers...

For a fair price, milady.

Pleakley is going to watch you

till we can buy
back all our stuff.

Don't worry. He won't
sell anything on my watch.

Of course, there's...
Nothing left to sell.

I thank you very much.

Uhh!

Ohh!

Ohhh... uhh... uh...

Uh... wh... whoa!

Well, if it isn't the
little redheaded girl

we love to dislike intensely.

Lilo's not in. You'll have to
be mean to someone else.

Hello, weird-lo's weird aunt.

I wanted to talk to him.

Oh, I don't think so. Bye, now.

Now, now. Never
turn away a customer.

I need you to help
me sell candy bars.

And I need you
to stay right here!

And... and... I
need it very badly!

Ah. Demand for me is high.

That makes what we
salesmen call a seller's market.

Only thing is, the
supply of me is low,

and I Cain't satisfy
you both, so...

What is my first bid on this
fine salesman's services?

Do I hear $ . ?
$ . , $ . , $ . ...

$ . .

I hear $ . . Do
I hear ? $ . ?

$ . for this fine
salesman's services. $ . .

Fine! I'll give you $ . !

$ . . Lookin' for . Ah, $ . .

Wait. What about my $ . ?

$ . !

$ . . Do I hear ?

$ . goin' once... Twice...

Wait. You can't keep
changing the price like that.

Sold to the little
redhead for $ . .

Pflbtt!

Wait! Are all sales final?

I want to speak to
customers service!

You're being very understanding.

Right. Gulp!

Very, very understanding.

Ok. I've got the trophy, and
you've got everything else. Right?

Unhh! Bakh ta bah!

There. Everything back
in its one true place.

Boy, you are amazing...

Amazing, amazing. Heh heh.

Well, better leave now.

Better run along.

Salesmen never sleep, you know.

Hey... Where is slick?

Uh... slick who? Where'd he go?

Oh, you mean the little monster.

He, uh... Ran away!

I mean... To get some exercise.

I mean... Oh, I'm
not fooling anyone.

He did his auction thingy,
and now he's with myrtle.

Myrtle?!

Oh, no!

Look how far ahead myrtle got!

Hello, weird-lo.

I believe you already
know my new partner.

Cousin! Grrr!

You stole slick!

I bought him fair and square.

I got a receipt.

Let's go, partner.

See ya, cuz.

Hey!

Hey!

He's not here!

We're here because
of the terrible bees.

I said he's not
here, so go away!

Where'd he go? It's our
turn to steal him back again!

I sold him... To
a weird little guy

who looks like a Teddy bear...

But smells like Bologna.

!

Darn sure!

Ah, yes. When the
big guy wakes up,

he's gonna be real
happy to meet you.

Nice place you
got here. Real nice.

Ahh, I'm not crazy about my
roommate, but, hey, it's free.

Sandwich?

Get up!

Get up, you
sickness-faking faker!

Get up!!

: . Time for
another haranguing.

Don't you plasma-blast at me,

you oversize
excuse for a not so...

Ohhh... will this
cold never end?

Hey, gee, you're up!

Listen, I got good news and bad.

Unless you've brought me an
experiment I can send hamsterviel...

Not brought. Bought.

That's the good news. But then I got
playing cards, and I fell asleep, and...

Where is he? He's
in the galley. But...

Uh, pardon me.

Could you help move this?

Aah. A much better view.

Why, yes, that really opens
up the spa... wait a minute!

What is this? Who are you?

I'm the new owner
of this beautiful house.

What are you, the
handyman? What?

Pool cleaner? No!

Cable guy. !

Yeah. You see,
this experiment I got

is really good at selling stuff.

And he sold my ship?!

Yeah. Remember I
mentioned some bad news?

Do not fret, sir. For
you, I got a real deal

on a sunny cottage
overlookin' the ocean...

I've got a better deal.

I set you up in a
nice, tidy cage...

No charge.

Now, you just wait a minute.

I have a contract.

Get out! Ahh...

Shower's too big, anyway.

Turn it around, boys. We're
movin' back to the old place.

Mughuta!

Put him down, gantu.

The trog and the little girl...

Cleverly disguised as movers!

Arrooww!

Arrooww! Unhh!

Just... give it to me!

I'm not feeling well.

It's been real,
and it's been fun.

But it ain't been real fun.

Slick! Wait!

This will teach you to mess
with me when I'm not feeling well.

Ah, blitsnak. Yeah. One second.

Ohhh... No batteries.

What happened to my batteries?!

double as.

Advanced alien technology.
Lifetime guarantee.

Come on, stitch! The
fund-raising drive is almost over!

But... cousin.

We'll have to find
him later. Hurry!

Little girl says you
are fund-raising.

I wish to contribute
item of value.

Highly unstable
gelatinized rocket fuel.

Sell this instead of chocolate.

Is making millions.

Um... thank you.

It looks good enough to eat.

But take it from me... uh-uh.

Am I too late? I
need more boxes

to sell, please.

But, lilo, the contest is over.

Ohh! Over?

Did... did I win?

I don't think so.

This is the money I got from
that little sandwich-eating guy.

You mean when you sold slick!

I sold the mostest... Which
means I win and you don't.

So, do I get the
grand prize now,

or is there an awards banquet?

I am thinking no banquets.

What is that? A gerbil?

It's hamsters!

What?!

I'm having bad news for you,

unpleasant redheaded girl.

These are hamsterviel dollars.

May become valuable if and
when hamsterviel escapes prison

and dominates universe, but
for now, heh! Is good for nothing.

Ta-ta!

If we don't count
myrtle's gerbil money,

then the contest is a tie.

Hey... looks like someone
didn't sell their whole box.

We each take one.

First sale wins.

On the count of .

... ... !

Sell!

Let me in! Buy my candy!

How's a gift for
your wife sound?

So! You thought
you could get away.

One moment. Ah-choo!

Uhh! Use a tissue!

Guess who always keeps
spare batteries on hand.

Put him down, you
big, germy dummy!

Or what?

Or I'll... Poke you
with my candy bar!

A lot!

Did you... Is that...

Where did you find that?

Is that a solid bar of
purified choculum candizite?

Uh, it's just a chocolate bar.

It is! I'd recognize
the smell anywhere!

Choculum candizite is
the most concentrated

health nutrient in
the known galaxy.

Boy, am I craving
something sweet.

A customer! He's mine.

I saw him first!

Wait. I must have your
choculum candizite.

Just one lick could
cure my cold for a year.

Stitch! Give it back!

Laga... for cousin.

I'll make a trade.
We'll call it even.

Deal.

Hmm.

Thanks for helping us
raise so much money, lilo.

You really helped the community.

Maybe you'll win
the contest next year.

It's ok myrtle won.

It's for a good cause.
But from now on,

I don't think we'll
need to sell candy bars.

But we have to do
something for a fund raiser.

This is slick.

He's really good
at sellin' stuff.

Maybe you could let him raise
money for you from now on.

You'd still get to sell stuff.

It'd just be for charity
instead of profit.

That's cool. Right?

Hey, when your
customers are your friends,

then everyone profits.

You sure you want
another one, myrtle?

Yes!

But you've had already.

I won a year's supply. No limit.

I'm gonna eat more shave
ice than anybody ever,

even if it makes
me... Ohhh... sick.

You kids know your friend
is a little too competitive.

Right?

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!