05x17 - Unfriendly Persuasion

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Stephanie.

How's everything?

Okay. Ew! Ew! Ew!

What is it?

I got lemon wax on my hand.

Got it.

You emulsify and moisturize

and then something like
this happens.

I think we caught it in time.

And how am I going
to finish this

if I have to work with a can
that has a rogue spray?

George?

Coming.

Stand back.

Thanks, George.

You're welcome.

You know, that stuff's smell
kinda reminds me

of this lye soap my
mother used to make.

She always added lemon to
take away the odor.

When that stuff started boiling,

it smelled like...

Well, you know how feet get
on a hot summer day

after you...

walked a couple of miles,

and you're wearing the socks
from the day before.

George...

You remember how we decided
it would be okay

for you to tell me
childhood memories

unless they were about
something awful

like lye or unwashed feet?

Oh, yeah.

Hi, fair maid, handyguy.

Michael!

Ah. I met a civil
servant outside,

so I come bearing mail.

For George, an envelope
full of coupons

and a letter from people who
will give you a toaster

if you buy land.

And for my little shopper,
the latest

Bergdorf Goodman catalogue.

[ Gasps ] Oh, Michael!

Oh, I love that "kiss the
messenger" rule.

What say we go out to
lunch and celebrate?

I'd love to.

Stephanie, did you remember to
ask Michael to bring me

one of his ties?

Oh, George...

I forgot. Sorry.

George, thanks to the
gods of taste,

all my ties clash with plaid.

Well, I don't wanna wear
it with plaid,

I wanna wear it with a suit.

Tonight's the big dance
at the town hall

and Ida Powell, the bank teller,

is gonna be there, and I think
she's got a crush on me.

How come, George?

Well, last week, I got stuck
in line at the bank

behind Mr. Stebbins.

The blind man.

Yeah. And you know how
slow he can be.

Well, Ida opened her
window just for me.

And she was on her lunch break.

I know because I could see her
bitten baloney sandwich

next to a pile of s. Anyway,
she...

George wants to
impress her tonight.

Can we go now?

Stephanie's gonna help me
put together a look.

Steph, how giving of you.

I know. He sorta begged.

Oh, I can't wait for tonight.

I'm going right now to lay
out my best clothes.

Stephanie, we're gonna
knock Ida for a loop.

See you later this afternoon.

Oh, Joanna, Michael's taking me
out for my lunch break,

so please say, "Okay," okay?

Fine.

[ Chuckles ]

Try to have her back
before dark.

It's easier to see dust when
there's still some light.

Oh, here's your daily missives.

Mostly bills and a postcard
from d*ck's mom.

Michael, I'm feeling faint.

Oh, gotta run. Low blood
sugar calls. Ciao.

Well, your mother's chicken
scratches reach new lows.

"Came here to St. Petersburg
with my woman's club.

It's hot. My roommate
doesn't bathe.

Never been so miserable.

Wish you were here. Love, Mom."

Clear as a bell.

You oughta have your
eyes checked.

Or get a secret decoder ring.

You know, I can't
remember the last time

either one of us went to
the eye doctor.

I should make an appointment.

Oh, that's okay, honey. If
you wanna go, fine.

But I'm very busy. I really
don't have the time.

Honey, this is the kind of thing
you have to make time for.

d*ck, I do not have
an eye problem,

and I will not be forced to go
to an eye appointment

because you have a mother
who scribbles!

No, that was an overreaction.

Oh, honey, I wanna talk to you
about this eye situation.

d*ck.

Honey, when we get older,

sometimes things aren't
as sharp as--

as when we were kids.

Like your mother's handwriting?

And, uh, sometimes we resist
sharpening up those things,

because we're, well, just
a little vain.

d*ck...

But-- but remember,

glasses, uh, don't mean that,
uh--

that you're gonna look
less attractive.

In-- in fact, in some cases,
they make you look...

...cuter.

d*ck, trust me.

The fact that I don't wanna go
to the eye doctor

has nothing to do with vanity.

That would be silly.

Well, then, why won't you go?

Because I'm terrified of them.

[ Laughs ]

Come on, honey.

[ Laughs ]

You're-- you're serious.

Since-- since when?

Since one of those g*ons first
shone that pen light

in my eye.

Hon-- honey, why are
you afraid of--

of going to the eye doctor?

Are-- are you worried
that the-- the--

the big E is gonna
come after you?

[ Laughs ]

As a matter of fact,

I'm not too fond of that E or
any of the other letters.

Honey, be-- be reasonable.

An ophthalmologist is
one of the truly

in-- innocuous doctors you-- you
can go to these days.

I mean, there's--
there's no sh*t.

There's-- there's--
there's no nudity.

It's-- it's-- it's a
day at the beach.

Oh, yeah?

What about the pressure they put
you under when they say,

"Which is better?

This one?

Or this one?"

d*ck, they're both the same!

Honey, I could understand if
you told me the--

the idea of-- of having your--

your teeth grinded by
a metal drill,

uh, was making you nervous.

I mean, then I would say,
"I understand."

But when you tell me that
reading a line of letters

with one eye

is your greatest nightmare,

then, I say we'd better get
you in a program.

d*ck, I am not going back
to one of those

optical houses of horror,
and that's final.

Have you seen Stephanie?

She's supposed to
help me pick out

what to wear tonight,

and it's getting late

so I thought I'd bring my
stuff over here

since she hates going into
my room anyway.

She says the stove scares her.

See? People fear many things.

She isn't here, George.

She-- she, uh, called, and she's
taking the rest of the day off.

She did?

Yeah. It was kinda hard to
understand with--

with all her squealing, but it
was something about...

Paris fashions and...

Michael's extended credit limit.

Oh.

Well, I can help you pick out
something, George.

No, that's okay.

I think I'll just go be mad.

Well, that's Stephanie.

Yeah.

Inconsiderate, childish,
irresponsible,

and yet not afraid of a
mere eye doctor.

Honey.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, this was a first step.

I don't think I've actually ever
seen a credit card

start to melt from use.

God, we know how to have fun.

[ Chuckles ]

Good night, Steph.

Stephanie.

Good grief, George.

I have breakables in here.

I need to talk to you.

Okay, but better make it brief.

You know I need my beauty sleep.

Well, I don't actually need it,

but I like to go
through the motions.

You didn't help me pick out my
clothes for the dance.

Oh, George, I forgot.

Michael and I ran into quality
wools at bargain prices.

Did you get Joanna to help you?

No, I was way too upset.

George, we are still talking
about a dance, right?

With a woman named Ida?

Yes, and it was important to me,
and you forgot.

You're always forgetting me.

If I ask you for a
second cup of coffee

or to pick me up
something at the store,

you forget.

I think someone is a little
tired and a little grumpy.

Stephanie, I've thought about
this all evening,

and believe me, it's as hard
for me as the time

I had to kick Jimmy Bibb
out of my yard

for hogging the ball,

but I've decided... [ Sighs ]

I can't be your friend anymore.

What exactly does that mean,

you won't be my friend anymore?

Well, it doesn't mean I won't
still be nice to you

or help you dig your car
out of the snow,

or run an errand for you if
you need me to,

because... I'd do those
things for anybody,

friend or not.

So basically, things
will be the same?

No, they won't.

From now on, when I do
something for you,

it will be not as a friend.

But you will still do them?

As an acquaintance.

Okay, George.

If this is how you want things.

I think it's best.

Good night, Stephanie.

Good night, George.

Sorry I can't throw in a
"sweet dreams".

That's all right.

Okay.

Don't let the bedbugs bite.

But that's the best I can do.

Uh, morning is fine.

In fact, if I can bring her in
while she's still asleep...

I-- I didn't think so. I-- I'll
see you Wednesday.

Oh, honey, I found you
an eye doctor.

Don't start.

Now-- now, I couldn't find
one who specifically

catered to cowards,

but I did find one who didn't
laugh when I told him.

I'm not going.

Hon-- honey, you have to have
your eyes checked.

No, I don't.

My eyes are fine, so drop it.

Joanna, I don't do this often,
but I'm putting my foot down.

You, young lady, are going
to the eye doctor.

Didn't work.

I know it didn't.

That's why I don't do it often.

Oh, d*ck, where's that
wobbly table leg?

Oh, uh, this one, George.

[ Sighs ]

Four legs started out fine.

What makes one go haywire?

Peer pressure?

How are you, George?

Uh, fine.

Are you fixing that table?

Yep.

George, wouldn't you like to
tell me about one

of your childhood memories?

Not really.

All right, George.

I thought about this
clothing problem

we had last night,

and...

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

There.

You always say you're sorry,
Stephanie,

but you never act any
differently.

I really think it's better that
you and I not be friends.

All right. Fine.

Be that way.

Lord knows I tried.

And your eyes will get so bad,
you won't be able to drive.

And you'll have to get me to
read to you and--

and you always hate
my inflections.

Oh!

And-- and you'll begin to
squint more and more

until you finally
walk into a wall

and break your nose.

All right! I'll go!

-Good. -On one condition.

What?

I want you to finally model
that Valentine's Day

underwear I got for you.

Uh-huh.

O-- okay. Okay, but after this,
the word "selfless"

better pop up a lot
in my eulogy.

[ Whimpers ] Ow.

Great news, Steph.

Your favorite fashion mag has
just hit the stands.

Do you wanna take a break
and play critique?

What's wrong?

I got spray wax on my hand.

Poor Steph.

Do-- Do you wanna go bathe?

No. [ Sniffs ]

I'm okay.

Well, th-- this'll make
you feel better.

Here. You go first.

I'll open at random, and you
spot the fashion faux pas.

[ Chuckles ]

Michael, I don't feel
like playing this.

But, Steph, critique is
your favorite.

And just look at the choice
of accessories.

[ Giggles ]

Nitpick away, sweetie.

Her earrings are too
large for her head.

I'm just not enjoying this.

Steph, I know you,

and this is more than just a
reaction to a cleaning agent.

I-- is it, uh...?

Is it me, cupcake? Level with
me. Is it, uh...?

Is it a breath problem again?

No.

[ Sigh of relief ]

I think it's George.

George is having an
effect on your life?

Kind of.

A few days ago, he told me that
we couldn't be friends anymore.

And even though I begged
him to forgive me,

he said he still can't
be my friend.

What a mean thing to say. I can
see why you're so upset.

You can?

Well, of course.

I mean, when I'm not around,
George is sort of on call.

I mean... who'll do
stuff for you?

He'll still do stuff.

But-- but less stuff.

No, all the stuff I need.

But not when you need it.

Uh-huh.

Help me out here, Steph.
Where's the problem?

[ Sighs ]

I don't know.

It doesn't make sense, but...

I still feel blue.

Stephanie, you know what I do

when I don't
understand an emotion?

I suppress and deny it.

Michael, I think I'll
just go upstairs

and pout in a hot tub.

Well, it's a good first step.

So, how was the eye doctor?

Horrible.

Oh?

I went through all this
misery and anxiety

to discover that my
eyes are / ,

just like I said they were.

Yeah, but doesn't it make
you feel better

to see it written on a chart
by a professional?

Excuse me, George. I have
to go upstairs

to our bedroom and find a...
little something for d*ck.

Well, at least your
appointment was okay.

Are you kidding, George?

Af-- after all of Joanna's
horror stories,

who could relax?

I mean, when-- when he
came after me

with that pen light,

I was afraid he was gonna
accidentally...

poke my eye out.

Then I-- then I had
to read that--

that eye chart.

And that...

the big E does kinda loom.

d*ck, please.

You're ruining my
favorite doctor.

Oh, d*ck.

[ Clears throat ]

Well, at least I'm
not forcing you

into silly underwear, George.

And don't think I don't
appreciate it.

Morning, George.

Good morning.

You looked very cute last night.

So-- so-- so you said.

And I don't think "selfless"
is the only word

that will show up at
your eulogy.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

Maybe the little red
hearts are me?

[ Giggles ]

[ Clears throat ]

Good-- good card
game last night.

[ Clears throat ]

Right.

Thanks.

Thanks.

-Thanks. -Oh, just stop it!

Stop it! Stop it!

What was that?

I guess I was a little
rough on her.

d*ck: Stephanie.

What-- what's going on?

You saw the way
George treated me.

Yeah, and if he doesn't stop
this polite business,

he's out on his ear.

He said, "Thanks."

But he didn't say, "Yum",
like he always does.

And that's not the only thing.

He doesn't go on and on
about his childhood.

But-- but you hate that.

Yes, but he doesn't
do it anymore.

Do-- do me a favor and try
and make sense.

It's all George's fault.

He told me that he and I
couldn't be friends

anymore and...

for some reason it bothers me.

Well, of course it bothers you.

But he'll still do
favors for me.

Stephanie, there's a--

there's a big difference between

acting like a friend and...

and actually being a friend.

Wh-- when you're
someone's friend,

you know that they have a place
in their heart for you,

and-- and when-- when they stop

being your friend, it-- it's--

it's like, um, like, um--

Like you've been asked to
leave your sorority.

Ex-- ex-- exactly.

And even if they-- they still
let you attend meetings...

d*ck, not after you've
been blackballed.

Oh.

Well, e-- even if they,
you know--

they still spoke to you--

But they wouldn't.

Pretend they would.

I mean, e-- even if
they let you do

s-- sorority things,

you-- you wouldn't feel...
like a sister.

But it's not fair.

When I was in Kappa Kappa Gamma,

I knew I was a sister.

I never knew George
was a friend.

I just thought of him as...

....George.

Sometimes you don't miss
something un--

until it's gone.

Well, isn't life a picnic?

I didn't miss having a friend,
until he stopped being a friend,

and now he refuses to
be a friend,

so I get to be
miserable forever.

Why is it always me?

You-- you could talk to George.

I tried that. I told
him I was sorry.

No, I'm just going to have to
mope and be unhappy,

and then one day I'll die.

Look...

Stephanie, I-- I don't do
this often, but...

I'm going to put my foot down.

You, young lady, are going
to talk to George.

I guess it couldn't hurt.

Batting .

[ Knock at the door ]

Come in.

Stephanie?

George, I want this not
being friends business

to stop.

We've been through that.

I get my feelings hurt less when
we're just two people

who work at the same inn.

I'm not buying that.

You did not get this reputation

for being nice by
being stubborn.

Now, stop teaching me
this stupid lesson

and tell me what I have to do.

Please.

Just say you're sorry.

I already did that. Days ago.

Do you mean we went
through this hell

just because you forgot?

I want you to say you're sorry
and really mean it.

Oh.

Sorry, sorry, so--

Sorry, sor--

I think maybe we're better
the way we are.

George, I can't go on like this.

You have to forgive me.

I'm new at being a friend.

Now, what can I do to show you?

I'm up here in your room.

Here... I'm next to your stove.

Oh, oh...

I'll touch denim if
you want me to.

Don't let me lose you.

Please, George.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[ Gasps ]

George! Ah!

I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!

Oh, Stephanie, thank you. I've
been so miserable.

You've been miserable, too?

You bet.

Then, I guess this not
being my friend

wasn't the best idea, huh,
George?

Yes, it was.

Now I know you really want
me as a friend.

And right now I feel
loads better

than when I let Jimmy Bibb
back into the yard.

-I remember... -George...

are you going to tell me
another childhood memory?

Yep.

Then, could we go somewhere
else to reminisce?

This stove really bothers me.

Meow.